6 year old son keeps getting kicked out of school

[kim75062]

Unfortunately there are no programs here for kids with the issues he has. They still are trying to use interventions with reasoning that would make sense for typical kids. We all know he is not a typical 1st grader. Why they insist these things will work is beyond me because in one breath they say "we don't know what to do, we've never dealt with anything like this before " and in the next breath its "this is how we handle this and we know it will work".

one example is - if he chooses to not finish his work for whatever reason, his hands hurt from writing etc. there plan is to THEN divide it up into small segments. (I guess doing that BEFORE the problem behavior happens is to much to ask for though it is in the plan we created 2 weeks ago) and if he still refuses to make him do it the next morning. BUT don't tell him its from the day before so he doesn't realize hes completing the work he refused to do. Present him a clean copy as if it is the work for that morning. Because if they don't make him finish it then its reinforcing the behavior of not wanting to do it. This is almost word for word on the plan I got from them yesterday. How is tricking him into doing work the following day going to re-enforce that he must complete his work if he doesn't even know hes doing yesterdays work? I told them in the meeting I was part of that if he refuses to do his work for whatever reason to send it home that same day and he will complete it at home to turn in the next day. that hasn't happened yet.

another example is if he gets angry and says " I'm mad!, I hate you! get away from me! or "I'm going to hit you"" there plan is to threaten him with restraint and threaten him with writing down a bad behavior mark. How about the fact that he actually said what he was feeling instead of kicking the teacher or running off? I do agree with the bad behavior mark because he is very worried about his "color" for the day. anyone that has kids that use those color charts in school knows its very serious business to these kids special needs or not. I'm not an expert but I don't think threatening a small child with violence is going to STOP violence. I have reread that plan probably 20 times trying to see if I was just reading it wrong and that's not what it says but it does. All I think of is these are probably the same people that believe that you can "spank" the ADHD out of kids still.

They also timed his cool down spot. He gets 6 minutes with a timer to "cool down". anymore then that would be reinforcing that he can go there to avoid doing his work. Really? Since when does anyone get to decide how long HIS anxiety is allowed to last? I'm sure the timer is a GREAT help with making his anxiety go away in the cool down spot to.

I did home school him the end of last year and have no problem doing it again. I may try to find some home school groups in the area to set up group activities and/or play dates for him though. I didnt look into it last year because it was a temp solution until the school figured out how they were going to be able to handle him over the summer. But they didn't work on anything until the first day back to school so it was a complete waste of 6 months anyway.

 

[kim75062]

Is a half-day or shorter day in school a possibility? I don't know if that is possible, but maybe starting with a shorter day, since he seems to want to go so badly, and maybe working up to eventually a full day?

I asked that last year and again this year at open house and was told no its against the school district attendance policy and they will not allow it.

 

[BusynMember]

Have you called and reported this your state Dept. Of Public Education, special Meeds Coorddinator? You should. They are over all the school districts and won't agree with this horrible way of dealing with your son.
Since they can investigate, and also this department determines which school districts get state money, the district will listen to them
We did this.

Just being angry or doing it yourself when the district won't cooperate is a common mistake and doesn't work. If they truly can't do better, they are obligated to pay for a school that is, as well as the transportstion. But you obviously won't get anywhere if you don't let the Head Honcho, your special needs advocate at the state level, know how they are not helping your son. Our school district treated both my kids like royalty after they realized I would stop at nothing to get my autistic son help. I won't quibble over your sons latest diagnosis, but I will emphasize that MY son never misbehaved in school, but he wasn't being taught in a way that maximized his learning until hub and I gave the district some tough love.

After that, both school districts realized they couldn't screw with us, were awesome acting to both kids who went to their schools, and my son got his FAPE. His good school experience lead to what a cool, functional young man he grew up to be. And happy.

He was diagnosed with ADHD and bipolar until age 11 when he got a comprehensive evaluation. He can make eye contact too, but he is still on the high end of the spectrum. All Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids have bad anxiety. It remains to be seen what your sons final diagnosis will be. But you need to make the school intervene with sons known behaviors or he won't learn and he will be given the wrong allusion that he is "bad."

That leaves you with very few options...some sort of homeschooling with a cirriculum or challenging your school district in ways Imentioned. If u keep it it as is, nothing will change for the better. They will do as they please and walk all over your sons rights. You have to be willing to go over the heads of the entire school district, because they will all stick together from superintrndant to officr staff. They are all a team. Yoi need somepne involved who idnt one of the disttoct.And for us THAT changed everything.

Homeschooling is easier if you are shy or afraid to go to the state drpt. Of education. Both work.

Good luck. Fight the good fight for your kid. He can't do it himself.

 

[kim75062]

I just emailed a Special Education lawyer asking for advice. I'm trying not to push the school and the district to much only because I want to believe that they really are working on solutions. After yesterday I doubt they are. It should not be this hard to get a child the help they need to succeed. And being his mom I think that I am to invested emotionally and not seeing everything clearly. Maybe I need an outside perspective. We will see if and when the lawyer calls me back.

 

[BusynMember]

I had no luck with lawyers. They did not want to get involved.plus they cost a fortune, I'm sure. Unless you hire them, you won't get much...free advice is rarely helpful. A lawyER would upset the school district too. So what? They sure aren't afraid of YOU? Why fear them? They are just people. YOU are Mom!!!


How long do you give these educators to help your son? If they wanted to, they would. You are supposed to be part of the IEP team but they are disregarding you. It won't change if you don't change it. Meanwhile your son is kicked out of school each day. Is this in his best interests? Of course not. They are inflexible and don't want him at school.

If you are afraid of the school district (they don't do what is best for him, do they?) I'd homeschool. That's a good option.

Good luck.

 

[kim75062]

in an unrelated to behavior note. Yesterday waiting for the doctor we where outside the building because I got there early. He wanted to sit by a big tree in the grass and look for bugs. He is a boy...he was inspecting a grasshopper looking bug on the tree. Anyway he found a few ants and was collecting them because he wanted to start an ant farm I guess. Before I realized he even found the ants he started yelling "they went turbo" (from wreck it Ralph). He learned very quickly that the ants from up north and the ants down in the south are NOT the same. Now he has a swollen thumb from a fire ant bite.

 

[BusynMember]

Lol. Typical boy stuff. And girl stuff too. I wouldn't worry about it.

Does your son often repeat things he hears on TV? Mine would repeat whole episodes verbatim...lol. Did your son ever have a speech delay or echo words?

 

[kim75062]

im not worried about it, it should be gone by tomorrow. But now they are going to have a harder time trying to get him to write today. I'm surprised they haven't called me yet. Probably because of the email I sent them and they know I'm not happy with them. But avoidance will solve nothing. Maybe there trying to figure out what to say to me and what excuse they can come up with.

I did just see your previous post. No I am not afraid of or intimidated by the school district at all. The district employees are not the problem. Its all at the school level. The staff there just doesn't seem to get it. I see no sense in being hostile and argumentative with them because it will not help the matter any. And calling the district to "tattle tale" on the school for not having common sense is getting to be ridiculous. I am only fighting this fight because he wants to go to school. Keeping him home would be the easiest solution for the both of us. But because he had made such great improvements in the last week that tells me he is trying really hard to be successful and I don't want to take that away from him. At this point I have started looking at new home school curriculum and for groups in the area. But I did also call and left a message for a charter school that's a public charter school (tuition free!) to see if they think they are better equipped to handle him or are at least willing to try.

 

[mof]

If you really want him in public school it is your right. It is the law for the school to provide for him or PAY for him to be placed elsewhere..even a private situation.

It's a fight..I've seen it done. It starts with the school board...squeaky wheels do get attention.

My point before is, if you had to work full-time, they would HAVE TO deal with him.. but most of all...help him succeed. You have done everything to help make that happen.

You are his greatest advocate..always!
God Bless

 

[BusynMember]

I did not call to tattle on the school. I called in tears out of desperation because nobody in the district would help my son. Nobody. Just excuses and bs ing. I was frantic when I called. For my child.

It had nothing to do with anger or revenge. My son needed me to get him into a school that could help him and I did. Jeez...I would never have called just to make trouble. I did it 100% to help my kid. AND it worked. by the way, our school board, some who were my friends, we're unhelpful in this school district. So was the Superintendent of the district. They are, after all, just people, mostly with "normal" kids and they didnt understand my son either.

I am sorry you honestly misunderstood why I did this. Tattle tale? I am dumbfounded you took it that way (sigh). Sorry. I was trying to advise you how to get changes for your son, not how to tattle.

Homeschooling fine is a fine option. I would have continued doing this if my son had not been transferred to the school that finally helped him. His first school had no resources or Special Education teachers. That never would have worked, but my non autistic daughter did very well at that school. My kids went to different schools.

 

[mof]

It's the only way to go. Parents are the strongest advocates a kid has....and it's sad how many who have parents who don't help.

 

[Malika]

I don't think kim75062 was referring to you, SWOT - I think she was referring to herself and what she is having to do at the moment.

It does get to be exhausting this constant warrior fighting against "the system". For five years or so I have been fantasising about a school where my son is understood, accepted and welcomed. And helped. Still working on finding it... meanwhile we home-school, so-called - a lousy solution for an ADHD child who needs structure, routine and other people...

 

[kim75062]

I did not call to tattle on the school. I called in tears out of desperation because nobody in the district would help my son. Nobody. Just excuses and bs ing. I was frantic when I called. For my child.

It had nothing to do with anger or revenge. My son needed me to get him into a school that could help him and I did. Jeez...I would never have called just to make trouble. I did it 100% to help my kid. AND it worked. by the way, our school board, some who were my friends, we're unhelpful in this school district. So was the Superintendent of the district. They are, after all, just people, mostly with "normal" kids and they didnt understand my son either.

I am sorry you honestly misunderstood why I did this. Tattle tale? I am dumbfounded you took it that way (sigh). Sorry. I was trying to advise you how to get changes for your son, not how to tattle.

Homeschooling fine is a fine option. I would have continued doing this if my son had not been transferred to the school that finally helped him. His first school had no resources or Special Education teachers. That never would have worked, but my non autistic daughter did very well at that school. My kids went to different schools.

No i did not mean that is what you where doing. you where being pushed from every direction with no help insight from anyone on the schools side. That's what I feel like I am doing by having to call the district for the smallest problems that have simple solutions because the school just doesn't get it. It seems you had an ever more uphill battle then I am currently facing. So far the district has been helpful and they seem to actually want to help my son. I hope it doesn't get to that point where I am having to fight the district to. I guess time will tell soon enough.

 

[kim75062]

I don't think kim75062 was referring to you, SWOT - I think she was referring to herself and what she is having to do at the moment.

It does get to be exhausting this constant warrior fighting against "the system". For five years or so I have been fantasising about a school where my son is understood, accepted and welcomed. And helped. Still working on finding it... meanwhile we home-school, so-called - a lousy solution for an ADHD child who needs structure, routine and other people...

If you find one Im willing to relocate!

 

[kim75062]

If you really want him in public school it is your right. It is the law for the school to provide for him or PAY for him to be placed elsewhere..even a private situation.

It's a fight..I've seen it done. It starts with the school board...squeaky wheels do get attention.

My point before is, if you had to work full-time, they would HAVE TO deal with him.. but most of all...help him succeed. You have done everything to help make that happen.

You are his greatest advocate..always!
God Bless

I actually was just hired for a very nice job that paid VERY well. The hours would of been 10pm-6am. So i would only be gone while he slept and could sleep myself in between school phone calls and after school hours if I need to when the hubby got home. Unfortunately I could not make it to orientation (2 hours!) twice because of the school calling me for ridiculous reasons (wont get off a bean bag and wont leave the classroom for lunch) and the last day that was an option was yesterday at noon. the same day and time as the psy appointment which was way more important. The thought of the paychecks that I wont be getting still stings a little when I think about it but obviously it was not meant to be.

 

[BusynMember]

I hope so, Malika. I fought hard myself, cried a lot, felt lost. My son was stagnating academically and nobody seemed to care but my hus band and me. It was actually another mom who told me to call The Dept. Of Public Education. Her daughter had cerebral palsy and they had no place else to put her than in a class for behavioral problems...it was nuts. She had a mild case and could learn and was a very sweet girl, but she needed help a regular teacher couldn't give her.

My friend, at wits end, called The Dept. Of Public Education. A month later she was in a regular vlassroom with a para, something her school district had refused until forced. This shielded her from getting bullied too because the little girl had a speech impediment and walked oddly and was very small. She made friends once the bullying stopped and did good in school. Last I heard she was married.

If we choose to put our differently wired kids in school, we must fight (good word, Malika) to get an appropriate placement. If we don't want to fight or live somewhere that has no such appropriate settings, I love the newer homeschool options...all the cirriculums and now the free public schools online. You no longer have to be a teacher to administer the cirriculum.

Malika, do you have any options for your son like this?

 

[BusynMember]

Kim, you are generously giving up the paycheck for your son. Your son will so appreciate your love when he is older. I do think he will learn to cope and calm down. He just needs to get the right interventions.

Kudos to you as a wonderful mother.

 

[Malika]

kim, it is awful that you have been prevented from taking this job. I HATE this culture of schools ringing up parents to come and collect a child. It is a peculiarly American and British thing - they don't do it (or only exceptionally) in France, for example.

 

[kim75062]

Did anyone here try musical instruments with their kids? I have been thinking and googling a lot for his fine motor skills issues. I have a clarinet, very nice Yamaha keyboard, violin and guitar in the house. I can play none of these. His oldest sister can play all but the clarinet (failed attempt at band by older ADHD daughter, she cant play it either) and would be willing to teach him if I asked her to. My other idea was guitar hero because he likes video games and I can play that guitar lol

 

[mof]

There is a lot to say about music therapy...art also. There a programs, it is a great way for children to. Verbalize through music, art...I worked in a school where there were 60 different languages were spoke. Many children had parents that were illiterAte in their own language....in these classes all children were equal and able to achieve success.