Adult daughter stole entire life savings

[witzend]

That is just heartbreaking. I know things move slowly, but I would ask for a face to face meeting with the District Attorney. Make sure that they know that you want your daughter to go to jail. My husband sat on a Grand Jury case where the situation was similar - a woman married to a cop and she was a con artist and a fraud. Don't fool yourself into thinking that your sister in law didn't know what was going on, he did. A lot of the foot dragging that you are seeing is most likely related to two things:

1) They think that you are going to back out (the bank has to treat this as any other fraud so long as you don't treat her as anything other than the criminal she is);

2) The police department doesn't want this to become public knowledge.

I assume you have an attorney, have him or her write one last letter for you to the Chief law enforcement officer of the agency your sister in law works for asking for full details as to what they are doing to your sister in law.

FWIW, in the case my husband sat on, the police department was liable for the money that the wife stole because he really can't claim ignorance of the law and his superiors knew what his financial situation was and that there was no way that he and his wife could afford the cars and trips and clothes and the house they lived in. They turned a blind eye, and they are sworn to "protect and serve", not "investigate". The money was recovered in a civil suit after the husband was prosecuted. Your sister in law should not be getting away with this anymore than your daughter should.

 

[jeanne in CA]

Geez, I wish I had found you guys a year ago.

I hadn't thought about trying to contact our local politicians regarding attorneys who might be willing to take this on. I can do that for sure. The banks have all fallen behind their "policy" of how soon a claim can be filed in order for them to do anything with it. I did not discover the identity theft until some time afterwards although I reported it immediately upon discovery. Of course, part of the reason for not discovering it sooner was that she was producing fraudulent documents indicating that the accounts were fine. She even went so far as to produce buisness cards, and close to a hundred different false banker identities with whom I was in constant communication. I felt that as long as I had everything in writing I had proof that there were qualified, caring, bank representatives working on getting my account problems resolved. She had figured out how to send emails to me that looked like emails from US Bank, Wells Fargo bank, Citibank, etc. The detective told me it was absolutely "astounding".

Although my husband has not been an active participant, at least he has not gotten in my way as I tear through every avenue possible trying to give the police every single detail I find out. The police have said multiple times that there was no way they would have been able to do it all and make sense of it all.
Each of the 23 reports I wrote and submitted is a case in and of itself. I had false documents from three major credit cards indicating that we had the zero balance we thought we did, when in reality, she had run up around $60,000 in debt and intercepted actual statements.

As I mentioned, he lost his dad to cancer during this period and subsequent to that had a major falling out with his four brothers. His dad had left a mess in terms of his estate and my husband was the only one who was looking out for his stepmother after all her years and devotion to their dad. I will check out the workshop issue and see if he might go. If not, I am sure the book on "healing ground" would be helpful. We are both very determined to get through this no matter what it takes.

"Childofmine" you spoke of your son's denial. I totally get that. Our daughter denied everything we confronted her with and swore she could prove she was telling the truth. I guess when one is a master liar and forger, one gets pretty confident. As far as enabling her, we did not in the usual sense of the word. Giving her money or loaning her money was never an issue because she never needed it and because she said she was working! Often she and I would be together and she would get calls from "work" that she needed to go in and cover someone else's shifts. It is truly remarkable. What did enable her, however, was my mental and emotional state which was so out of whack that all I could see were the problems and all I could do was work harder and harder to get them resolved. I welcomed her "help" so much and was enormously grateful. I was proud of her and touched by her "concern" for me. All of the accounts were in my name so it made it hard for my husband to help, but she could always get answers for me.

I also understand why you thought at times that it might be better if your son were dead. I had that fleeting thought for about a half second until I realized that if my daughter died, her story ended there. As long as she is alive, there is hope she will become a decent person. Do I hold out hope? Not really. That is her decision, not mine, and I can't do a thing about her choices.

Several of you speak about loving your child. I am ashamed to say, I can't actually say that. I know I absolutely adored her before I found out who she was. I was proud of who she had become, how devoted she was to her husband, her child, and her parents (especially me). I felt like finally all the things we taught her while she was growing up had taken hold and she was a beautiful person. Now, I just don't know. How does a mother love a child who has acted so callously over such an extended period of time? (at least four years!) Her actions were calculated to destroy us, yet I absolutely do not believe she hates us. Rather, I think she simply saw us as the means to her end. She has lost all her family including her parents, brother, and an entire loving cadre of aunts and uncles and cousins. Everyone is absolutely stunned and no one saw her for who she was. At this point the most loving thing she has done is not contact us and tell us lies about how she is sorry and wants to make it up to us.

"dammitjanet", you make me laugh. I had the exact same experience with my husband. He was really upset about her getting into my accounts, but when I showed him how she had drained his as well, he blew a gasket. Not funny really, but kinda is. Then he took it personally!

Several of you ask about our son-in-law and how he could not know. Here's what I know. We tried to contact him three times after we confronted her. Two texts and a phone call leaving a voice mail. We got no response. She knew of these however and is very capable of intercepting all three attempts. She is capable to telling him horrible lies about why we have dropped out of their lives so completely. After all, she had terrible parents and he just didn't know them like she did. In reality, I am sure he felt she was working and going to school as we did. We talked about it in terms of her work schedule, her hours, etc. He also did not know how much she was spending. How many husbands know what a $1500 purse looks like or whether or not it is a knockoff? How many husbands know that extensions cost $1200 at some places? My husband wouldn't know extensions from a step ladder. Also, I have figured out there were three ways she shopped. When she was alone, when no one would know what she bought. When she was with me, when I only saw that portion. And, when she and he were out together, when he only saw that portion. If one is determined, one can hide a lot of things. As for the trips, many of them were "business trips" that her company was paying for, or that she got "discounted tickets for."

"Witzend", thanks so much for your input. You may be absolutely right, but for now, I am going to give our son-in-law the benefit of the doubt as are the detectives. He is a cop in a different town so at least I don't have to worry as much about them protecting their own. Since it is a different police department in a different town, the concern for any negative media coverage would not be as great I hope. As for the DA's office, I have made it clear to them that we are absolutely not going to back out of this. If it comes to light that he is somehow involved even to the extent that he suspected and did nothing, rest assured I will drag him into this mess. I appreciate your viewpoint as gleaned from your husband's experience on the Grand Jury. Clearly, I have no frame of reference for this stuff.

Sorry this is so long, just so much to say. Thanks again.

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

Hi Jeanne, and a warm welcome.

Cedar

 

[Signorina]

I am so sorry you are going thru this. You have gotten very good suggestions. Please also contact the FBI and your local congressman.

I wish you peace in the days ahead

 

[jeanne in CA]

Once again, thank you for your warm welcomes and best wishes. These are tough days. The detective told me today that he thinks that once he gets a couple more search warrants executed and the information integrated into his report that the DA will give them the go ahead to at least bring her in for questioning and possible charges. Part of the reason everything has been so slow is because all of the documents I got directly from the institutions and gave to the police, the police now have to backtrack and get them directly from the institutions themselves in order to avoid challenges in court. I understand this especially in the case if ID theft but it literally adds months to an investigation. They also said that if the FBI were involved (because I asked about that from the beginning) that it would add about double the time.

One of the many things I struggle with that perhaps some of you may have already been through is the question of who to tell what and when. At first we told no one except two very close cousins of mine who were helping my husband and me cope with the initial devsstation. Later, as it became necessary, I told other close relatives. It became necessary because they were always asking about her and her husband and baby and for the fact that I never went back East to visit family without her. Suddenly, for them, it seemed odd that she was not around anymore and I realized that if I was not careful, she would turn me into a liar also. The irony was not lost on me. There were several reasons we did not want to tell the family, first several of my closest ones are elderly siblings of my parents and I knew they would be absolutely stunned and worried sick about us. They all had some health issues and we certainly did not want to bring them any harm. ON the other hand, I just couldn't keep up the lies about why she was no longer around so I finally broke down and explained it to them. They were every bit as devastated as I knew they would be but they were very appreciative that I told them the truth. They were also very supportive of our decision to prosecute her.

The hardest person I had to tell was my older brother who had actually loaned me $20,000 when my husband and I bought a second home in PA so that I could be close to the rest of my family after losing both my parents. My parents had left us a little bit of money, and that, combined with what I had saved after I retired from the State for unused vacation, enabled us to buy a second home there for cash. On the day of closing on the property, I ended up $20,000 short because supposedly the credit union where some of the money was had screwed up the wire they were supposed to send. I had proof of the wire request and proof that funds were in the account. The credit union promised me via letters and emails that they would get that stratightened out within a week or so. My daugher was at the closing meeting with me and I was nearly hysterical with being short of funds and not being able to close. My brother was the only one in the family who could help and he did. She let me ask him for the loan for no more than 10 days with the promise that I had the money to pay him back. Needless to say, I found out later that she had already stolen the money from the credit union, had forged the emails and statements from the credit union representatives, and allowed me to ask my brother for $20,000 that I could not repay. Over the course of the next two years, I tried to get money from our other accounts (IRAS, 401Ks, savings, etc.) and met with road blocks everywhere. My relationship with my brother deteriorated dramatically as anyone could understand. He thought I had lied to him. I was sick every day with worry on how I was going to get my money out of these different insitutions where I knew I had it. Long story short, she had stolen it all everywhere and created elaborate coverups that are still amazing the police with their complexity and elaborate nature.

Once I told my brother what had happened, my husband and I made arrangements to pay him back in payments even after we filed bankruptcy. Three months ago, we paid off everything and I had to beg him to accept interest on the loan. He finally did. Regardless of what she does with her life and what she had done to her dad and me, I can't imaging ever forgiving her for what I did to my brother.

Back to the point, we are now to the point where other friends and family are asking about her and I am not sure what to tell. For those we see seldom, I think we will just stick to the "she's fine, thanks for asking." But, even that may have to change eventually. It is not unreasonable at all that this will get some press coverage and I don't even want to think about how awful that will be. But in the meantime, we have other people that we see more often and have still not told. It feels dishonest on one hand but on the other hand, the story is so sordid and we are so humilliated and ashamed that we are not anxious to share it. Any suggestions? Again, sorry this is so long but, as I've said, a lot has happened and there is a lot to cover. Thank you all so much.

 

[BusynMember]

I am reading the book "Boundaries" by Townsend and Cloud right now and it's wonderful. Their answer would be that you owe nobody an explanation and that you should be very careful about what you choose to share with whom.

I would not tell anyone except a trusted person, friend or family, who you KNOW BY EXPERIENCE will keep it to themselves and honestly understands or cares. That may mean you share it with nobody, but it really is not anyone's business.

"I'd rather not to discuss her," would be appropriate. You don't owe anybody the story you told us. Many of us share too much and are very sorry in the end as many people do not respect what we are told and spread it far and wide and judge us and even toss it in our faces. If they get offended, oh well. It really is not something they need to know because it doesn't affect them. If you get pressure, insist firmly "I would rather not talk about her." You don't owe anyone anything. The more people you tell, the further it will spread and the more you'll have to hear about it from "understanding" people (cough) and you won't be able to grieve yourself anymore. You'll have an Army and people can like gossip. They will probably call you just to catch up on the latest between you and your daughter, and that could hurt.

 

[busywend]

I am so sorry for this betrayal. So unfair. So hurtful. HUGS!!

I have a question....was this a retirement account? Did you then have to pay taxes on it? Argh! What about on your tax return.....could you claim the loss....I know there is a part on tax return for loss from theft.....Just trying to see if there is anything that could be of benefit to you.

 

[1905]

I am so sorry for this. On this level of deceit, this was a full time job for her, stealing and conning you. I think you and your husband are lucky to still be alive. Maybe I watch too many crime shows. She took more than money, all that anguish you were in and she didn't care. If you were not living no one would know what she did, she could get more and people would feel sorry for her..

 

[Childofmine]

The only people i might warn----not tell---are those who she could possibly harm like she did you, like any close relatives. What about her husband's parents and family?

Going to a 12-step program automatically gives you a phone list of people to call and talk with who understand---because they have been through similar horrors themselves----and who pledge to keep it all confidential. The people I have met in Al-Anon over the past four years are some of the kindest, most authentic and generous people I have ever known anywhere. They get it, and they have come through the storm to the other side.

Also, getting a good therapist is a lifesaver---a paid listener!

I have a few close friends who know all about difficult child, and of course since I have found this forum, I tell all here.

Most women process out loud and that helps with our healing. I often joke that woe be to the person who passes me by twice in one day when I am stirrred up!

Your story is one of the most outrageous I have ever heard from a difficult child. I know you are at year into this so I hope and pray you have already developed some good coping mechanisms.

We are here for you! Hugs today.

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

You don't owe anybody the story you told us. Many of us share too much and are very sorry in the end as many people do not respect what we are told
and spread it far and wide and judge us and even
toss it in our faces.

The more people you tell, the further it will spread and the more you'll have to hear about it from
"understanding" people (cough) and you won't be
able to grieve yourself anymore.

They will probably call you just to catch up on the
latest between you and your daughter, and that
could hurt.

When we are struggling to understand the borders of a betrayal, we don't know yet ourselves how we feel about what has happened. For now, you are still coping with the fact of all of it, still a little in shock that it happened, that it could happen. That shocky feeling may resonate for years.

Take very good care of yourself during this time.

NO ONE HAS A RIGHT TO KNOW ANY OF IT UNTIL YOU KNOW THE EXTENT OF THE BETRAYAL YOURSELF. NO ONE HAS A RIGHT TO KNOW ANY OF IT UNTIL YOU ARE READY TO TALK ABOUT IT, AND BY THAT TIME, YOU WILL NOT NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT. THIS IS NOT CHILD'S PLAY. PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR HUSBAND.

The horror of it, the part that makes you faint and sick and that undoes you...I think that has not happened, yet.

That will come, I think, once you no longer have to focus on proving the extent of the crime.

You and husband have a right, and a responsibility to yourselves, to keep every shred of information under wraps until you have become intimately familiar with the degree of betrayal, until you have been able to sift through and understand the nuances of what has happened, yourselves.

MWM is right. There are people in this world who will use your tragedy to elevate themselves.

When I have been recently traumatized by difficult child daughter, I cannot keep it together. If I speak so much as a word about what is really going on, I lose it. I babble out the horror of it. I can't stop. It's like I am watching myself, and I wish I would just shut up, but I can't. I am never happy to have done this. It is not cathartic. It leaves me feeling abused and broken. I dislike being pitied, dislike crying in public. I feel a flash of hatred for those who, because of what I told them in the freshness of my vulnerability, have learned to hate my child, or to view her with suspicion or contempt for my sake.

I hate that.

There is a place inside where our emotions get so riled up we don't know how we feel.

Promise yourself now that, until this is over and you know for sure what happened, you will say nothing.

That you have found this site, that you can share what happened openly and in anonymity will help you to do this.

If someone is so rude as to ask, consider their willingness to rip your heart out for the sake of a juicy tidbit or two, and say: "What is it you would like to know?" (People generally have a pretty good idea about what is going on with your child, already.) I did that with my sister. Her response: "Nothing. I know, already."

See what I mean?

She wanted the bloody tidbit. Something fresher, something still festering.

And she wanted me to know she knew.

What has happened to you and to your child should not be fodder for the cheap shot artist or the gossip monger to snatch that last, bloodied scrap of whatever is left of you.

"Thank you for asking. What is it you want to know?"

Cedar

 

[jeanne in CA]

I am reading the book "Boundaries" by Townsend and Cloud right now and it's wonderful. Their answer would be that you owe nobody an explanation and that you should be very careful about what you choose to share with whom.

I would not tell anyone except a trusted person, friend or family, who you KNOW BY EXPERIENCE will keep it to themselves and honestly understands or cares. That may mean you share it with nobody, but it really is not anyone's business.

"I'd rather not to discuss her," would be appropriate. You don't owe anybody the story you told us. Many of us share too much and are very sorry in the end as many people do not respect what we are told and spread it far and wide and judge us and even toss it in our faces. If they get offended, oh well. It really is not something they need to know because it doesn't affect them. If you get pressure, insist firmly "I would rather not talk about her." You don't owe anyone anything. The more people you tell, the further it will spread and the more you'll have to hear about it from "understanding" people (cough) and you won't be able to grieve yourself anymore. You'll have an Army and people can like gossip. They will probably call you just to catch up on the latest between you and your daughter, and that could hurt.

 

[jeanne in CA]

Your responses have been so helpful and I thank you all once again. Regarding who to tell what, I definitely have a better, more concrete plan thanks to you all.

"Busywend", the tax issue was huge for us. Yes, we paid taxes on all of the money (much of it was retirement funds)she stole and have just gotten that sorted out. We had to file amendments for four years to both state and federal agencies. Got a little bit back for three years but lost thousands for the fourth year because it was out of the limit for filing amendments. That was what gave us the foundation to begin repaying my brother.

"Upallnight", this was definitely her full time job, it takes enormous time and effort to steal, cover-up, and then spend several entire days a week with me while her husband works. She always wanted to spend time with me and I was touched that she did. We took care of the baby, worked around her house, and went out to lunch like what I thought were normal mother/daughter things. Nothing normal about it. I too, have had the thoughts that we may be lucky to be alive. I struggle with not knowing how far a person like that would go to achieve her ends. She took so much more than money. Her actions have fundamentally changed who we are.

"childofmine", several months after we cut off ties with our daughter, our son-in-law's parents emailed us asking if they could call us to discuss why the break. Since we had already told our son-in-law via a telephone message and two detailed texts, we were not sure what they had been told. We discussed the situation with the detective investigating the case and he did not want us to do anything that would jeopardize the investigation. By confiding in sister in law's parents, we would have definitely done that by giving her a head's up on what was coming. I really struggled with that because they were very good people. Luckily they live in Canada so she has limited access to them.

As for getting a good therapist, I have made a couple of attempts. A couple of years ago I started seeing an excellent Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) for the simple reason that we had all these financial problems that I could not get resolved and I was truly at a point of extreme dispair. Therapy was totally new for me. He focused mostly on trying to get me to take care of myself which was fine but I didn't need meditation, I needed answers! Poor guy, he didn't have them. Once I discovered the id theft and who was responsible, our talks took a different turn. Mostly, I was just reporting the news about what I was finding out and he just sat there with his mouth open. I then switched to a psychiatrist who has extensive experience in forensic psychiatry because I wanted to know more about why this had taken place and how to handle it. He is excellent but has very limited time. Our last meeting was 6 weeks ago, because of his schedule, and I have to admit he spent most of the time with his mouth open. Everyone is just stunned at how pervasive and comprehensive her actions were. I go again next week so we will see.

"Cedar" I think you are correct, I have not hit bottom yet emotionally because I have been, and continue to be focused on uncovering every detail I can. I figure that even if the criminal justice system cannot hold her accountable for every single act, I will know and be better able to make decisions.

As always, thank you all for your wisdom and insight.

 

[Childofmine]

I feel a flash of hatred for those who, because of what I told them in the freshness of my vulnerability, have learned to hate my child, or to view her with suspicion or contempt for my sake.

Very well said, Cedar. That flash of hatred. And they don't know the good parts about our difficult children.

I have felt the same way with many people. And then I isolate myself from them, and the relationship withers, and it's all because I couldn't stop talking about it.

It's really on me.

People are going to talk about things difficult children do because they are usually way out there on the spectrum, it's a juicy story and it makes them feel better about themselves and their kids. Well, at least MY KID hasn't done....

They will hear stuff without our telling them. They will gossip behind our backs and we will have to be more cautious when we see people out, wondering what they know.

It's awful. I think it makes us more compassionate and more tolerant because we've been there. That's the silver lining here.

But we are already in enough pain aren't we? Gosh, for there to be even more because people are thoughtless and careless is simply another injury on top of injury.

 

[Childofmine]

And up until recently, my own sister, difficult child's aunt, who loves him very much, would text me and say:

"Heard anything about _____? Just curious..."

I wonder if she realizes how callous that text is, really. She couldn't even call. She couldn't even say how are you? She's "just curious..."

Every time I get a text like that from her, I ignore it, but it really hurts me inside. I have never told her how much that hurts.

People have no idea. They really don't. This whole past four years has been such a journey.

Who ever knew you could hurt so much and still be alive?

 

[jeanne in CA]

Ok, I need some coaching here. Not familiar with "difficult children", "easy child", "difficult child". Translation?

You guys have really hit on a couple of points that I struggle with. "childofmine", I am finding it hard to come up with some good points about our daughter since she is simply a liar, forger, and a thief right now and has been for a very long time. She is clearly not a good daughter. She has also betrayed her husband multiple times so I would be hard pressed to say she is a good wife. As for being a good mother, I am not sure if she is or can be at this point because can she do terrible things to the people who love her the most. I have finally decided to just not dwell on that and hope that in the future she becomes a better person.

I find myself for the first time in my life, envious of other parents who have loving children. I am sure their children are not perfect, but, in spite of everything, they love their parents and would not deliberately hurt them.

 

[recoveringenabler]

Jeanne, difficult child is what we refer to our troubled children as......"gifts from God"...........easy child is what we refer to our other, non troubled kids as, "Perfect children."

envious of other parents who have loving children

I believe that sentiment is likely common around here. It's hard not to feel that way when we have sustained so many losses along the way, and it appears many other families never have to deal with what we deal with on a daily basis.

Here on this forum, you'll get the empathy and understanding and sense of belonging that is difficult to find in the real world. That alone makes this a special and safe place for us to be.

I'm glad to hear that you have sought out professional support. I think there is a distinction to be made between reporting to a counselor what is going on in our lives and seeking out comfort and tools for us to learn to cope with these kinds of devastating events. A good counselor can provide you with a safe place to let all the feelings out. We are wounded by the actions of our kids, there is grieving, anger, resentment, disappointment and a host of other emotions. While you're out there on the case handling all the details, you may have buried a lot of that so as to cope with what's in front of you. It may be prudent for you to seek out some safe place where you can vent about how this impacts you on an emotional level so as to avoid being hit with a tsunami of feelings when you can finally take a breath and rest. Sort of like a pressure cooker, you may want to release those feelings a little at a time.

You've done an excellent job in taking care of everything that is front of you, I hope you put equal energy into your own well being by allowing support in from the places that feel safe to you.

 

[jeanne in CA]

"Recoveringenabler" Thanks so much for the translation. It made me laugh.

I have yet to really do much venting. I feel like emotion is my enemy that keeps me from action. I will keep your wise words in mind and work towards that.

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

She took so much more than money. Her actions have fundamentally changed who we are.

This is heartbreakingly true.

During the worst of it, I always wondered whether I would make it, whether I would ever be okay, again. I wondered whether I would ever be able to trust, or to believe in happiness again. Though it will take time jeanne in Ca, you will be okay. Hang on to that. Though none of us knows what that process will look like for her or how long it will take, each of us, here on the site, does know there will be resolution. We do come to grips with what happened to us and to our children. We do reclaim our selves, and we reclaim our lives.

You will survive this. You will be happy again. You will be able to trust and to be strong and centered, again. One day, this will all be something bad that happened, but it will be in the past.

I was so broken, at one point, that I wasn't sure I believed anything would ever be alright, again.

But I am better, stronger now, jeanne in Ca. And there will come a time when you can look back at everything and say that, too.

While you're out there on the case handling all the details, you may have buried a lot of that so as to
cope with what's in front of you. It may be prudent for you to seek out some safe place where you can vent about how this impacts you on an emotional
level so as to avoid being hit with a tsunami of
feelings when you can finally take a breath and rest. Sort of like a pressure cooker, you may want to
release those feelings a little at a time.

There is something Recovering calls the FOG. It is when we are in emotional overload and we get frozen in place. It helps to have a name for that feeling. It helps to remember that it will pass. It is best to acknowledge when we are in it, and to make no decisions until we are centered in ourselves, again.

I think one of the key things we learn from one another, here on the site, is how to recognize emotional overload for what it is, and how to harbor and replenish our strength.

Cedar

 

[jeanne in CA]

This is heartbreakingly true.

During the worst of it, I always wondered whether I would make it, whether I would ever be okay, again. I wondered whether I would ever be able to trust, or to believe in happiness again. Though it will take time jeanne in Ca, you will be okay. Hang on to that. Though none of us knows what that process will look like for her or how long it will take, each of us, here on the site, does know there will be resolution. We do come to grips with what happened to us and to our children. We do reclaim our selves, and we reclaim our lives.

You will survive this. You will be happy again. You will be able to trust and to be strong and centered, again. One day, this will all be something bad that happened, but it will be in the past.

I was so broken, at one point, that I wasn't sure I believed anything would ever be alright, again.

But I am better, stronger now, jeanne in Ca. And there will come a time when you can look back at everything and say that, too.



There is something Recovering calls the FOG. It is when we are in emotional overload and we get frozen in place. It helps to have a name for that feeling. It helps to remember that it will pass. It is best to acknowledge when we are in it, and to make no decisions until we are centered in ourselves, again.

I think one of the key things we learn from one another, here on the site, is how to recognize emotional overload for what it is, and how to harbor and replenish our strength.

Cedar

 

[jeanne in CA]

Cedar, thank you so much for your kind words of support. My husband and I are absolutely determined to get through this. We handle things very differently but are strong in mutual resolve and outlook. We know that some of the hardest parts are yet to come yet we have no choice. She made the choice for us. I am so glad I found this site. Thank you to everyone.