Hello-I am new here. My 28 year old is in crisis due to a combination of bad decisions, alcohol/weed abuse and in all fairness some circumstances beyond his control. He has been fighting in court to get long distance visitation with his children, but failed to finish an inpatient addiction program 9 months ago. The program was 6 months in duration and he left after 10 weeks. He left at the encouragement of a girlfriend and married her 2 weeks out of Rehab. The new wife has a personality disorder and has harassed the mother of my son’s children for 2 years by text and voice mail. When court was in process, my son felt confident of his chances to win visitation because he states he has conquered his addictions, works hard at his job, has no legal problems, etc., all of it positive. The ruling came back 2 weeks later that the children cannot travel long distance to visit due to no evidence that an addiction program was completed, but the judge said that more concerning to him than the lack of completion is the evidence presented by the children’s mother proving the harassment endured from his wife. The order states that my son has to finish an addiction program and have a certificate of completion and that his wife is to have no contact with his children. The judge stated that my son must travel to the children’s state to see them unless he finishes an addiction program. I agree with all this. My son is sad and states that he had no idea that his wife’s harassment was so regular and intense. He has left his wife and planning to do an IOP addiction program so he can still work and pay child support. He called me to tell me what was going on and asked if he can crash at mine and my husbands home until the dust settles from leaving his wife. All we have to offer him is a recliner in a spare bedroom, so I called his stepfather, my husband, to tell him what is going on. Husband wasn’t thrilled, (nor me) but we said OK. My son arrived from work reeking of machine oil from his job and the smell of the cigarettes he smokes. He had 3 bags of dirty clothes. He put them all in the bedroom with the recliner and showered. He is always cordial, has never stolen from us and on the limited occasions that he’s asked to borrow small sums between paydays, has promptly repaid us. He is independent, good personality, well liked, and has a good work ethic. He loves his kids. From all indications, he drinks sporadically still but has a handle on it. No episodes of drinking more than a beer with supper these days I wish I could say he has a sobriety date so that none of this is an issue but I can’t say that. I view his situation as a crisis situation and I consider his crashing in our home to be completely temporary as in staying here less than a month. I am encouraged that he has signed up for IOP. For 3 days he came here from work, showered, watched a little tv in the recliner, shut the door and slept until time to get up for work. He was neat in the bathroom, quiet in the mornings, didn’t flop on the couch in the living room or make himself a nuisance in any way. After 1 day, my husband began giving me the cold shoulder and stopped speaking to my son. After the third day, his disgust at the machine oil smell in the spare bedroom led him to stomping around and refusing to speak to me.i discovered at that point that all the clothes my son had brought were from the piles of laundry that he and his wife had at home when he left. I try not to enable, but I confess that I washed the clothes to help freshen up the room with success. My husband refused to get over his “mad” and continued to refuse to speak, going so far as to tell me that he didn’t want my son here and when I was aghast and assured him the situation was temporary and I needed his support during this unusual circumstance, he said, “leave if you have to but I don’t want him here. It’s a disruption .” Our marriage is not strong anyway and this has been the straw that broke the camels back for me. I told my son of my husband’s feelings because I was afraid of what my husband might say that might be rude. My son is staying with a friend now. I needed this nudge to finally leave and have rented an apartment. Am I wrong to feel that to temporarily help an adult son in crisis is different from enabling?