I think the piece missing here, is the destruction addiction causes to the entire family.
I can also think of more than a few people I know, who
have come out of the hospital addicted to pain medications.
"The opposite of addiction is connection."
Okay.
So, where is the disconnect?
I think there would be so many determining factors in each individual.
However I also felt a bit like it was saying somehow my home contributed to my sons drug use. In that point I felt the choice was his. We have been loving parents.
I felt a bit the same. Then I realized the focus was how addiction is handled. It is a short talk that covers one aspect of a very complicated topic.
A different way to view response to addiction.
It doesn't account for addicts within extremely close and loving families. It doesn't explain, or take away from the turmoil a family goes through with an addicted loved one. It doesn't answer the question of how one deals with a
using addict within the home. It doesn't touch on continued drug use, while family members try desperately to stay connected and to "help" their loved ones.
In our case, my two seem more connected to friends who share the same viewpoint on drug use.
They disconnected from family. Family became a means for predation, in order to continue the drug lifestyle.
The speaker stated that he would tell his addicted loved ones, no matter what their choice or state of mind, that he would love them, that they were not alone.
With my twos drug use, they were impossible to be with, there was a level of disrespect that could not be tolerated. I do not want to be around them when they are high.
I do love my two, but, I cannot have them in my home. I hate (and I do not use that word often, or lightly) what drug use has done to them and our relationship. But, I am working on achieving radical acceptance, where their choices do not
prevent me from living a full life. I am no longer focused so much on what they are doing. I don't try to meddle, or talk to them about rehab. They know. It only angers them to try to have that conversation.
Some amount of disconnecting is
self preservation for me.
Knowing that addicted, using loved ones in the home is a destructive situation to all involved, taking steps to remedy that (which sometimes means homelessness), while working on loving detachment so we all don't go down with the ship of drug use.
What are ways to stay connected, without going down the slippery slope of enabling?
All, in all it takes a whole lot of work for those with addicted loved ones to regain sense of self and find ways to live full lives. Recovery from the devastation of addiction is a hard journey. Parents and families are working on recovery, as the addict continues to self destruct. In my case, it has taken a lot of time and effort to try to find balance. To get back on my feet. Emotionally. Detaching by not allowing my two to live in my home was one thing, then there was the whole piece of walking through the grieving of it all.
Being here on CD, posting, relating to others stories has helped me so much.
Understanding the mechanics of addiction helps too.
When he went back to university this fall, and it wasn't what he thought it would be and fell into a depression, dropped out, and the drug use increased again.
I think it is hard too, because drugs are so prevalent at universities. So, which came first, the chicken or the egg?
We have all decided he would be happier in his own place. I think we would be happier too. Plans are for him to get a full time job and move out. Hoping it happens sooner than later.
I think it is a good decision. I hope that he is able to get a job and stand on his feet, Colleen.
I am wondering if the disconnect can be the pressures this life puts on all of us. We have modern conveniences, but they do come at a heavy price.
We live in a cookie cutter world, where x achievement needs to be fulfilled in x amount of time.
For some, I think it can be overwhelming.
We have lost touch with our elements.
Our State received a federal "Race to the Top" grant. Academic plans have changed several times in in a two year span. Our kids are learning to live the "rat race". I remember kindergarten being more like preschool. Kindergarten is like second grade was for me, kids are expected to know so much. I have watched programs on what this does to children who do not have the necessary brain development at this age.
They have
gobs of homework. A lot of the kids in my school are dropped off at 6:30 am and don't go home until 5:30 pm.
There are disconnects everywhere in this day and age, as we become more socially connected through devices.
Needless to say, I am glad to have connected here with everyone, lol.
I think the disconnect for addicts has a lot more to it than what we might interpret.
As I watched the video, I tried to take out my personal bias, and truthfully, it wasn't easy. You can see that by my comments.
I do realize the speaker was trying to point out that what has been a standard for 100 years is not effective.
But there are also success stories from recovering addicts who have gone through rehab, 12 step programs, etc. There are testimonials from addicts attributing detachment to the only way that they sought change, that if family continued to engage, there was no need for it.
Thank you Pigless for the very interesting share.
leafy