my 28 yr old son sends me messages saying he is just gonna freeze to death[/QUOTE...
Can you clarify? You infer he has/has been drug dependent. What is your concern, specifically?
If it were me I would call the crisis line at mental health or the police, actually, I would call both. I would tell them that your son is making suicidal statements, is depressed, and you believe his life is at stake. Tell them you fear that he is intentionally trying to freeze to death in his home. People do freeze to death in unheated houses. This can be viewed as a suicidal statement. Somebody trained will evaluate him to see if he is suicidal or gravely disabled. He may require hospitalization. He definitely requires treatment. Even if drugs are involved (especially) his statements need to be responded to with action.
If these are only manipulative statements, to get you to do what he wants, he will learn that you will not respond to manipulation. Instead, you will advocate that he gets the services he the statements he is making bring forth. Take him seriously, and let him deal with the consequences.
I think it boils down to him not wanting to be alone right now. He's obviously depressed because his wife left. I can understand why the home he shared with her is painful for him to live in now that they are no longer together
I do too. That is why I think there needs to be evaluation and intervention by somebody who is a trained professional.
Meanwhile, you would have done something to help yourself, too.
If he needs support by family, is there a way that you could spend time with him
away from the house, your house or his house. For XMAS, perhaps, you might consider paying the light bill, this one time if your funds permit. You might have with you a list of phone numbers and addresses of agencies, 12 step groups and perhaps a religious organization, if he is so inclined. If he is financially stressed, perhaps you can go with him to request financial assistance/subsidy at your local electric/gas company. There should be such a subsidy available. I forgot if he is working, if he holds a job, and whether he is going.
I was depressed once, when I owned a house, and no real savings. Eventually I had to go to work. But some people lose everything. You as his mother might want to consider another option, if it is determined that he cannot function right now.
If he is seriously impaired, right now, by mental illness, or a combination of substance use and mental illness. you might want to, under certain circumstance, help him protect his house, his asset. I do not know what that would look like, as I do not know his circumstances or your own. But I believe that there might be some circumstances I might support a loved one, to save themselves, if they were impaired by mental illness, and unable to protect themselves.
Some posters may say this is enabling, but this is your own call to make. Nobody has a right to decide what is correct in your situation, for you, except you. You live with you and you live with the consequences. Nobody else does. Except your child.
I suggest that you get help too. This is stressful for a mother. County Mental Health or community clinics are options.
Take care.