Christmas dilemma....

[Nancy]

I'm glad you found a solution you can feel good about. These holidays will be difficult and different for many of us. Together we can help each other through them. I am trying to come up with different ways of celebrating this year too, different but still pleasant for everyone.

Nancy

 

[lovemysons]

PG...(((((hugs and Happy late Birthday)))))

I am so sorry you hurt so badly at the idea of hurting your difficult child...but I do get it. I was there too for many many years. I felt like it was my job to save my son's at ALL costs.
Like they were drowning and I had to swim as far as I could go and save them...regardless of the fact that they had no fear for themselves. I think they came to expect me to save them.
Problem is...and the relief is...that you can't.

My oldest difficult child got involved with Meth. It nearly killed him...and me.
He stole from us, he stole from my husbands employer (10k dollars worth of computer equipment) he sold his car, and, sadly enough from what I have been told...he even sold himself for this drug.

I helped him turn himself into police after he stole the computer equipment and I picked up on the side of the road...with one shoe on.
He spent a year and a half in State Prison Rehab.
During that year he did receive counceling and I visited him regularly. husband would not visit him...and it just killed me that husband and I were NOT on the same page. I screamed in my closet desperately praying for oldest difficult child to just LIVE....to just care enough about his own life to survive. I was in horrible horrible pain over him.
A year into his incarceration I lost my mind. Literally had a psychotic breakdown. Complete with visual hallucinations, auditory hallucinations, and even smelled a "furnace" smell that I thought was hell. My husband was on his way to take me to the hospital when I saw a shovel in the back of his truck. In my psychotic state I thought he was taking me to the edge of town to bury me. I jumped out of the truck and he called 911. When they police arrived I tried to grab a gun from an officer and shoot myself.

I said all this to say...that you MUST put yourself, husband and easy child first. I nearly lost everything, including my own sanity. I have to take medication for the rest of my life...they say if I ever "go over the edge again" it will be harder to bring me back next time. Living my life in a mental hospital is not where I need to be. It is with my hardworking incredible husband....who is the most driven man I have ever known. It is with my easy child...who I love with all my heart. She will be a child psychologist or sports psychologist when she gets through with college...Paid for with her bowling scholarship. She is a beautiful wonderful young lady who richly deserves her mamma in one piece.

Today...My oldest difficult child is sober. He goes to church a couple of times a week. He is expecting his second child after recently marrying his much older girlfriend. He no longer uses. He doesn't use me or Meth.

There is only so much we can do for a drug using difficult child. They must find their own way. If you have ever shown your difficult child the doors of AA or a drug Rehab or a hospital or medications, etc. Then you have done your part to "save" her. You have shown her where the HELP is. That is all you can do now.

I am trying hard to express how serious it is for you to take care of you, husband and easy child.
I don't often get real emotional these days because of the medicine I am on. It takes alot of my intensity away. But, I feel very very serious about your reactions of the heart. You are not at fault PG. And you cannot "love" her Meth addiction away.
No matter what you do for her it will all be for naught until she is ready to get the help she needs.

Please please take care of number one and husband and easy child first.
We cannot save these addicts. We can learn to love them in a healthy way...and that is all.

I sure want a happy ending for your family...as I do for mine.
I have my young difficult child left to deal with at this point. But I do know one thing for sure today and that is that my own sanity and well-being must come first. Yours too PG.

With love and care,
LMS

 

[PatriotsGirl]

You are all the best. Seriously. I don't know how I would keep my sanity if it wasn't for this place to land...

Lovemysons - thank you so much for sharing your story with me - that meant a LOT to me!

I feel a lot better today. difficult child still hasn't bothered to contact me and I am practicing letting go. Obviously, this is what she wants. So, I am not going to stress about her plans. She has been posting on Facebook so I know she is fine.

husband says he does feel differently about Christmas and says she can come over and spend some time with us if she can be respectful and go back to her place after.

husband offered a different option for TD. He wants to go to the casino for the day and let me have a Thanksgiving here with the kids. I don't want that. He is a major source of my happiness and he is the one I want to be with the most. My plan is to volunteer serving at the church and then come home and spend the rest of the day with my boys. If difficult child should call or want to see me, she can come volunteer with me and then I will bring her home.

Christmas night we usually go to the movies. difficult child can come have dinner with us and then go to the movie before we bring her home. I know for a fact we cannot spend an entire day with her or it will be disaster. The movie theater is a great option - no talking...

So, it feels good to have a plan. Though, I am still so not in the holiday spirit this year.........