Court in Two Hours

[SeekingStrength]

Pasajes, I am so sorry that happened in your support group. Gee. It just doesn't sound very supportive. I don't get it. Maybe because this online support group is always so supportive. I understand how somebody might feel that way, but not how she thought it was okay to make somebody in a support group feel bad.

The time my difficult child was in the most trouble, he got a terrible PD. In fact, the guy was DISBARRED a few years later. Then, he got a very good PD, in my opinion. I flew 1500 miles to visit difficult child in jail (he was about 24yo at the time), his PD and somebody else. Can't remember that guy's title, but he was the first to let me know difficult child would be incarcerated a looooong time. I couldn't believe it! I am much wiser now.

Anyway, my mom (who has always felt difficult child was mistreated by the family and has stepped in many times) paid something like $4000 to hire an attorney--somebody that difficult child said was good. I daresay difficult child got the same sentence he would have received with the good PD, and maybe even the bad PD.

If gfg32 is incarcerated again (he is in same town as last time), I might put money in his account, but that is all. I would not fly to visit him, send books from Amazon or put money in that inmate phone ripoff thing so that difficult child could call and make me feel bad.

When I first found this forum, there were times I would wonder, What if they are wrong? What if this is the worst thing I could do for difficult child?
But, I knew #1. these folks have been on the same path and #2. What husband and I had been doing for 17 years was most definitely NOT working.

I know our kids are years apart and I am rambling, but you should not be made to feel bad by anybody. (That was my main point).

 

[Calamity Jane]

Pas,
I'm sorry that woman made you feel like crap the other night. My new favorite expression is, "What other people think of me is none of my business." When I have to exercise tough love or self respect, and that rattles someone's cage, whether it's one of my kids or someone else, I just repeat that phrase. husband was pretty amazed when I said that the other night.

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

I could use all the help I can get. Our "conversations" usually end
badly. I am willing to listen to what he has to say. I am not willing to compromise my boundaries.

www.drkathleenmccoy.blogspot.com/2012/06/helping-adult-children-through-rough.html

This site helps set a tone for discussions of various kinds with our adult children. Your son is very young, but I think you might find an emotional place to stand from reading this material.

The second thing: Picture how you would like to be during this visit ~ just a general picture of how you would like to feel going in, visiting, leaving the facility, even arriving home if you like. While you are picturing the emotional tone you hope to maintain during the visit, hold something small ~ a pebble, a pretty handkerchief, an eraser, in the palm of your hand. As you hold the item in your hand during the visit, it will bring you back, remind you of your intention and represent the emotional state you intend to maintain. It will bring you out of the FOG state and back to yourself.

attacked by a woman who just could not understand how I couldleave my sick child in the clutches of the legal system.

I'm so sorry that happened, pasajes. She does not understand. Though she was participating in a support group, she has not been where you have been with this child. When this happens to me, I say a little prayer that the other person never has to come to that place where she understands why I am doing what I do.

I have been so arrogant in my time, too.

I had no idea what was coming.

********

When difficult child son was around 17 and going a bad way, the police in the city were watching him but had never caught him doing anything wrong. He got a ticket for a headlight out. The headlight was replaced, the police came to the house to see that it was replaced. But the repair ticket was never filed. difficult child son was picked up and jailed for ~ it wasn't very long. A few days. Though it would have been a simple matter for us to have stormed in and cleared that up, we left our son in jail.

We knew he was doing something bad too ~ we didn't know what, but I decided a little taste of jail might change the way he was thinking. One of his friends' mothers called, offering to pay the bail if we couldn't afford it. Embarrassing enough, right? Then, she was all over me about how I could leave him in jail.

Her son eventually wound up going to prison.

Mine did not.

To my knowledge, he has never been in jail since.

Cedar

 

[pasajes4]

I went. When I refused to allow him to come home. I thwarted his plan to make a run for it. His girlfriend moved to Odessa and she was going to come get him. I listened, I ahuhed and I left.

 

[pasajes4]

You guys are my heroes. He is young and that makes detaching difficult but better to start now.

 

[recoveringenabler]

Geez. His escape plan really does sound like the work of a young teenager..........

My heart goes out to you Pasajes, he really is pretty young still...........sending you hugs and comforting thoughts..........hang in there...........we'll circle those many wagons we have going now around you too............

 

[tryagain]

How are things now, pasajes?

Please update. Sending prayers and good thoughts to you.

 

[pasajes4]

His actual hearing is on Monday at 9:00 a.m. I am feeling it could go many different ways. He may be home Monday and I will deal with that possibility the best I can. My hope as always is that he will choose to live a positive life. If that is his plan, I will be 100% behind him.

 

[Hopingforthe best]

Pas, here is to hoping the hearing on Monday goes the way you feel is right for you and difficult child. My thoughts are with you and i hope he makes the choice.