tryingtobestrong
Active Member
Just wondering if rehab helped with you loved one? If so, how long did they attend? Was it inpatient or outpatient.
Did rehab help your loved one
- Thread starter tryingtobestrong
- Start date
my son did a 30day inpatient rehab not once but twice. He did not work the program after being released. He did not go to meetings or get a sponsor. I feel like if he had of followed the program it might have worked. But if he wasn’t ready to stop using it wouldn’t have mattered. He continued using until he landed in prison. I do know a couple people that did 6 month rehab inpatient an continue to work the program, and have done well. It is definitely up to the individual to make it work.
RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Our son has been in many inpatient and outpatient rehabs.
I seriously could not believe that he was still not turned around. It was baffling. He wasn't ready I guess but we were! We did not want him around us if he was not going to stay sober. He tried but never got very far and it was heartbreaking.
Long, long and very hard road but he is now in a long term faith based program and we are seeing big changes. This, obviously, was the missing link for him. I do hope he is able to continue this after he graduates the program. But either way, we know we have stood by him and kept redirecting him to the right path.
Every story is different. It doesn't seem like many of them "get it" for a long time unfortunately.
I seriously could not believe that he was still not turned around. It was baffling. He wasn't ready I guess but we were! We did not want him around us if he was not going to stay sober. He tried but never got very far and it was heartbreaking.
Long, long and very hard road but he is now in a long term faith based program and we are seeing big changes. This, obviously, was the missing link for him. I do hope he is able to continue this after he graduates the program. But either way, we know we have stood by him and kept redirecting him to the right path.
Every story is different. It doesn't seem like many of them "get it" for a long time unfortunately.
EarthIsHard
Member
Our son attended a handful of rehabs starting with a very expensive 30 day rehab that we are still paying for years later, a 5 month court ordered, out in the outskirts of the city rehab, 90 day rehabs, then a 90 day in another county followed by 5 months of sober living. The last was the most successful until it wasn't and he left. He has been to outpatient too though for him that was the least effective because he has little to no control. The good thing I can say is that it gave him some time away from the insanity of being under the influence all of the time. Also, he does have the information and skills they teach there and knows there is a place he can go when he decides he's tired of it all.
Albatross
Well-Known Member
I have heard from several sources that a minimum 1-year residential program is the most effective.
My son's first rehab was a residential 6-month program, nice facility with meditation room, koi pond, etc. First 3 months inpatient, second 3 months expected to work full-time. Son quit at 3 months.
Second rehab was a residential open-ended program, Victorian house close to the beach and other residents my son's age. Son quit at 3 months.
This rehab is a year-long program, sparse facility in a very shady part of town, costs paid 100% by the residents. Son is doing very well at 9 months.
Would agree with RN about the faith-based side of rehab. It made all the difference for my son. I think it isn't so much what the program teaches about God as it is about them accepting they're NOT God.
My son's first rehab was a residential 6-month program, nice facility with meditation room, koi pond, etc. First 3 months inpatient, second 3 months expected to work full-time. Son quit at 3 months.
Second rehab was a residential open-ended program, Victorian house close to the beach and other residents my son's age. Son quit at 3 months.
This rehab is a year-long program, sparse facility in a very shady part of town, costs paid 100% by the residents. Son is doing very well at 9 months.
Would agree with RN about the faith-based side of rehab. It made all the difference for my son. I think it isn't so much what the program teaches about God as it is about them accepting they're NOT God.
My daughter went to 5 residential rehab centers that lasted anywhere from 30 days to three months. I do believe that she gained something each time although she relapsed the first four times.
She found the last rehab on her own and was only there two weeks before the insurance company refused to pay for her to stay any longer. I was upset at the time but my daughter laughed and said she had been to inpatient rehab so many times she could lead the therapy groups. She went to a place that they recommended that was a sober living/IOP program. She stayed there for a year working her way through different levels of independence until she eventually transitioned out to her own apartment. She just celebrated her 2-year sobriety date.
I think the difference with the last program is that she wanted to get sober and they gave her the support and accountability that she needed to do that. I don't regret the earlier rehabs, though, because they did give her valuable tools.
~Kathy
She found the last rehab on her own and was only there two weeks before the insurance company refused to pay for her to stay any longer. I was upset at the time but my daughter laughed and said she had been to inpatient rehab so many times she could lead the therapy groups. She went to a place that they recommended that was a sober living/IOP program. She stayed there for a year working her way through different levels of independence until she eventually transitioned out to her own apartment. She just celebrated her 2-year sobriety date.
I think the difference with the last program is that she wanted to get sober and they gave her the support and accountability that she needed to do that. I don't regret the earlier rehabs, though, because they did give her valuable tools.
~Kathy
My daughter disparaged 12-step programs for years. Ironically, she finally got sober when she totally embraced the program and became very involved in her HA (heroin anonymous) home group. I truly believe that finding a sponsor that she clicked with and developing a support group through HA is what made the difference this time.
I should add that she also has a therapist so I think it is a combination of wanting to get sober, finding a support group through HA, and therapy that finally made it happen.
~Kathy
I should add that she also has a therapist so I think it is a combination of wanting to get sober, finding a support group through HA, and therapy that finally made it happen.
~Kathy
RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
The housing director at a program my son was at in Florida got sober on his very own when he was 23. He said he literally "saw the light". He just knew that he no longer wanted to live that lifestyle, wasn't raised that way, and was tired of being alienated from his family. He said that I reminded him a lot of his own mother. Loving but very strong boundaries.
He was a wonderful young man and was in his masters program when I met him while he worked at the recovery center. He never spent one minute in rehab. His story is amazing and I know it's rare but to me it speaks volumes.
I don't regret any of my son's rehabs either because it did give him time to clear his head and gave me peace because I knew he was safe (from himself). As Kathy said, I do feel strongly that he learned something at each program also. The seed is planted and sowed each time (as the director told me).
It just reinforced that when they are ready they will do it. It's just hard for us as loving parents to wait it out and we hope they live to get to that point. That is the sad reality.
He was a wonderful young man and was in his masters program when I met him while he worked at the recovery center. He never spent one minute in rehab. His story is amazing and I know it's rare but to me it speaks volumes.
I don't regret any of my son's rehabs either because it did give him time to clear his head and gave me peace because I knew he was safe (from himself). As Kathy said, I do feel strongly that he learned something at each program also. The seed is planted and sowed each time (as the director told me).
It just reinforced that when they are ready they will do it. It's just hard for us as loving parents to wait it out and we hope they live to get to that point. That is the sad reality.
DadInProgress
Member
I have very strong opinions about this and don’t want to offend anyone.
My opinion, stay away from rehabs and places where addicts congregate.
My opinion, stay away from rehabs and places where addicts congregate.
DadInProgress
Member
My original comment was too broad.
It is just very hit and miss. And like most mental health, still a lot of subjective theory.
I have watched 16-22 year olds, not fully developed mentally, who clearly are self-medicating a mental health issue be broken down by addiction counselors. They have their therapeutic medication taken away because they are an “addict” ... This builds shame, guilt, mistrust of doctors and leaves them without options...which is the perfect recipe to go back to using whatever provided some sort of relief. .... Then these individuals become 30 year old, 60 year addicts.
It is heart breaking.
Again, I really hope I didn’t offend anyone.
It is just very hit and miss. And like most mental health, still a lot of subjective theory.
I have watched 16-22 year olds, not fully developed mentally, who clearly are self-medicating a mental health issue be broken down by addiction counselors. They have their therapeutic medication taken away because they are an “addict” ... This builds shame, guilt, mistrust of doctors and leaves them without options...which is the perfect recipe to go back to using whatever provided some sort of relief. .... Then these individuals become 30 year old, 60 year addicts.
It is heart breaking.
Again, I really hope I didn’t offend anyone.
Toomanytears
Active Member
I am sitting here tonight 1100+ miles from my adult son who has been attending an IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) for 3 months after committing a crime trying to get his life in order.
Within the first 2 weeks, the house manager was bartering with clients for money ( you buy me cigarettes etc..you can stay out past curfew). Then my son bought a lock for his door and his ID and money was stolen. Police had to be called. He then had an opportunity to leave the sober house to stay with an attorney friend but could still remain in the program. Perfect! Not. Attorney friend (also a recovering addict) relapsed. Son tested positive for morphine but doesn’t know how it got in his system. Son leaves his residence to stay with a trusted employee of attorney. Through all of this, the IOP sent our son to a Dr. to help him with his anxiety, addiction. Talking on the phone with him this past week, he has been hallucinating, seeing & hearing things and paranoia beyond limits. As I type this, my husband and I have been trying to reach the head of his IOP Program for 24 hrs.
No return calls. Set him up in hotel while he walked the streets last night with his luggage looking for a “ safe place”. The cocktail of big time medications he’s on is insane. Suboxone, Xanax, seroquel, propolol, Gabapentin & Vyvanse. These combos are deadly and ALL prescribed. His friend is with him while he’s sleeping today (first sleep in days) and we will be getting him a flight home hopefully in the next 24 hrs.
What court and attorney will believe his story? Will they truly understand that he will need to be detoxed? His ex-wife will call BS and the courts won’t want to hear it.
I’m not quite sure how much more we can take.
Within the first 2 weeks, the house manager was bartering with clients for money ( you buy me cigarettes etc..you can stay out past curfew). Then my son bought a lock for his door and his ID and money was stolen. Police had to be called. He then had an opportunity to leave the sober house to stay with an attorney friend but could still remain in the program. Perfect! Not. Attorney friend (also a recovering addict) relapsed. Son tested positive for morphine but doesn’t know how it got in his system. Son leaves his residence to stay with a trusted employee of attorney. Through all of this, the IOP sent our son to a Dr. to help him with his anxiety, addiction. Talking on the phone with him this past week, he has been hallucinating, seeing & hearing things and paranoia beyond limits. As I type this, my husband and I have been trying to reach the head of his IOP Program for 24 hrs.
No return calls. Set him up in hotel while he walked the streets last night with his luggage looking for a “ safe place”. The cocktail of big time medications he’s on is insane. Suboxone, Xanax, seroquel, propolol, Gabapentin & Vyvanse. These combos are deadly and ALL prescribed. His friend is with him while he’s sleeping today (first sleep in days) and we will be getting him a flight home hopefully in the next 24 hrs.
What court and attorney will believe his story? Will they truly understand that he will need to be detoxed? His ex-wife will call BS and the courts won’t want to hear it.
I’m not quite sure how much more we can take.
DadInProgress
Member
Don’t mention or try to justify his behavior.
The sober living house was unfit and run by individuals who encouraged illicit activity. His failed drug test could have been a fluke. It obviously isn’t a well run facility.
He was robbed, causing additional distress.
The IOP does not respond; negligence.
IOP provided the doctor who wrote the absurd combo of rxs; it’s no wonder he is hallucinating; negligence, mitigates his actions.
You put him in a hotel for his protection.
I would think a reasonable court would grant him another opportunity.
The sober living house was unfit and run by individuals who encouraged illicit activity. His failed drug test could have been a fluke. It obviously isn’t a well run facility.
He was robbed, causing additional distress.
The IOP does not respond; negligence.
IOP provided the doctor who wrote the absurd combo of rxs; it’s no wonder he is hallucinating; negligence, mitigates his actions.
You put him in a hotel for his protection.
I would think a reasonable court would grant him another opportunity.
Triedntrue
Well-Known Member
My experience is courts don't care. Get a good attorney. I am bitter because of what happened to my son even though i realize underlying events were his fault. You can look back to see what happened and is still happening.
Toomanytears
Active Member
SmittyBoy... Thank you for your reply. You were able to put my thoughts into words.
We are hoping to contact his attorney plus her superior and have a confidential conference re: the best way to handle this for the courts.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Several inpatient rehabs, short term, no change. Outpatient rehab, past few months, no real change. Some change over the years due to slight maturation.
My son left a sober living a month or so ago. He told me the house leader used meth every now and again. This same guy, late 60's, told me, when your son gets his own apt who is to know if he uses marijuana? So. I am inclined to believe he was using.
Those are scary stories; too many tears.
My son left a sober living a month or so ago. He told me the house leader used meth every now and again. This same guy, late 60's, told me, when your son gets his own apt who is to know if he uses marijuana? So. I am inclined to believe he was using.
Those are scary stories; too many tears.
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DadInProgress
Member
Good luck, can you check him into a local psychiatric hospital when he gets home? It would look good and ensure he is safe most importantly. Have someone reassess those medications if he is taking them all.
Xanax, Suboxone and Seroquel...thats respiratory depression and death waiting to happen. It sort of makes sense for opiate detox, but not all at once. And if he is bipolar(seroquel), an amphetamine has the potential to induce mania.
Truly, anyone under the mix of all those drugs isn’t going to be of sound mind.
I really feel for him. It must have been a terrifying experience.
On the other hand(gotta play both sides), you may want to sit him down and ensure he is telling the truth before you go to bat for him.
Xanax, Suboxone and Seroquel...thats respiratory depression and death waiting to happen. It sort of makes sense for opiate detox, but not all at once. And if he is bipolar(seroquel), an amphetamine has the potential to induce mania.
Truly, anyone under the mix of all those drugs isn’t going to be of sound mind.
I really feel for him. It must have been a terrifying experience.
On the other hand(gotta play both sides), you may want to sit him down and ensure he is telling the truth before you go to bat for him.
DadInProgress
Member
Copa nailed it. You stop when you are ready to stop or you find something healthy that scratches that itch.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Seroquel, which my son took under the wrong diagnosis. of bipolar, is a very sedating (emphasis very) and an antipsychotic. It doesn't activate you .It is often used for sleep. I didn't like it for my son.
Smittyboy, I am sorry that your experiences have been so bad.
Just like anything else . . . there are good and bad rehabs and good and bad sober houses. This was particularly true in south Florida where there are many sober living facilities that have been closed due to fraud. My daughter was in several of those during her four years in Florida.
However, I don't think it is fair to dismiss all rehabs and sober living places. I believe the last sober living program my daughter was in is the reason she just celebrated 2 years of sobriety. It is an excellent program. That said, there were many who had to leave because they were caught using.
Also, my daughter is on medications for mental health issues and none of the five rehabs/sober living programs she went to refused to let her take her medications. There are some rehabs that are anti-medications so you have to check the philosophy before you send your loved one there.
It has been said here many times that the addict/alcoholic has to want to change or it doesn't matter where they go. What good rehabs/sober living programs provide is the support and accountability to achieve sobriety.
It is important to do due diligence when researching programs for your loved one.
~Kathy
Just like anything else . . . there are good and bad rehabs and good and bad sober houses. This was particularly true in south Florida where there are many sober living facilities that have been closed due to fraud. My daughter was in several of those during her four years in Florida.
However, I don't think it is fair to dismiss all rehabs and sober living places. I believe the last sober living program my daughter was in is the reason she just celebrated 2 years of sobriety. It is an excellent program. That said, there were many who had to leave because they were caught using.
Also, my daughter is on medications for mental health issues and none of the five rehabs/sober living programs she went to refused to let her take her medications. There are some rehabs that are anti-medications so you have to check the philosophy before you send your loved one there.
It has been said here many times that the addict/alcoholic has to want to change or it doesn't matter where they go. What good rehabs/sober living programs provide is the support and accountability to achieve sobriety.
It is important to do due diligence when researching programs for your loved one.
~Kathy
