Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
- Thread starter Feeling Sad
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Feeling Sad
Well-Known Member
No, they can't see past the titanium plate. If the tumor was growing back, it would be in that area. I will take it as good news, even though it is a bit unsettling. It was lit up like a Christmas tree light by the contrast and looked large. The doctor is being honest and we just have to watch it. I asked him if it could be scar tissue and he said that it could be.
The radiology report cited the area in question at great length, but ended saying that it was 'normal' healing after a craniotomy.
They never know for sure until it changes. It just appeared suspect to my doctor and he did appear concerned. He kept looking at different slides.
After my reading, I told him what had happened with my schizophrenic son. I had talked about him over the last 8 years. He was surprised by the fact that he did not qualify for a psychiatric evaluation. He was saddened by the way the police handled it and that my son is now homeless.
He asked what was keeping him from coming back home and I told him the restraining order. My paranoid son's worst nightmare was realized with 5 police at the house. He will never come back. I will never see him again. It is sheer torture to both miss and fear my son. I have both flashbacks and fond memories of his younger years.
The previous weekend, while I was waiting for my report on the mri, I called to get the balance on the small joint account shared with my ill son that I put a small amount in each month. He was down to just $22. It was Saturday night and the banks were closed. I cannot transfer online because he has an unknown password set up.
I know that he took $2,000, but I do not know if it was spent on his car or something else. I pictured him out there for 3 days with just $22 and worried.
On the phone, it does not give the location. He has stayed about a half hour away for the whole time. I cannot tell you why, but it comforts me knowing that he is not far. Even though I had a therapist actually say that he was like a shark with blood in the water just circling to get me. Really.
Anyway, I noticed a new name given of a liquor mart and I googled it. It is in Fresno which is many hours to the North of me. I was heart-broken.
I put money in on Monday during my lunch break and asked them to print out the last month's statement. Yes, he was in Fresno. The very last entry, though, showed that he was back just a few towns away.
I have no idea why he went there. Maybe with the extra money he decided to take a trip. He stayed 1 night in a motel and had his hair cut, both firsts for him since he left.
It is horrible not knowing what he us up to or how he is feeling. My doctor, seeing my off the charts stress told me that I need to somehow cut him out of my life. I asked him, "How do I do that?"
The radiology report cited the area in question at great length, but ended saying that it was 'normal' healing after a craniotomy.
They never know for sure until it changes. It just appeared suspect to my doctor and he did appear concerned. He kept looking at different slides.
After my reading, I told him what had happened with my schizophrenic son. I had talked about him over the last 8 years. He was surprised by the fact that he did not qualify for a psychiatric evaluation. He was saddened by the way the police handled it and that my son is now homeless.
He asked what was keeping him from coming back home and I told him the restraining order. My paranoid son's worst nightmare was realized with 5 police at the house. He will never come back. I will never see him again. It is sheer torture to both miss and fear my son. I have both flashbacks and fond memories of his younger years.
The previous weekend, while I was waiting for my report on the mri, I called to get the balance on the small joint account shared with my ill son that I put a small amount in each month. He was down to just $22. It was Saturday night and the banks were closed. I cannot transfer online because he has an unknown password set up.
I know that he took $2,000, but I do not know if it was spent on his car or something else. I pictured him out there for 3 days with just $22 and worried.
On the phone, it does not give the location. He has stayed about a half hour away for the whole time. I cannot tell you why, but it comforts me knowing that he is not far. Even though I had a therapist actually say that he was like a shark with blood in the water just circling to get me. Really.
Anyway, I noticed a new name given of a liquor mart and I googled it. It is in Fresno which is many hours to the North of me. I was heart-broken.
I put money in on Monday during my lunch break and asked them to print out the last month's statement. Yes, he was in Fresno. The very last entry, though, showed that he was back just a few towns away.
I have no idea why he went there. Maybe with the extra money he decided to take a trip. He stayed 1 night in a motel and had his hair cut, both firsts for him since he left.
It is horrible not knowing what he us up to or how he is feeling. My doctor, seeing my off the charts stress told me that I need to somehow cut him out of my life. I asked him, "How do I do that?"
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Copabanana
Well-Known Member
You do not know this Feeling. You fear it but do not know this is what will happen.
This is so disgusting that a therapist would say this. What an incompetent. A sadistic incompetent.
I find this so encouraging, Feeling. However we perceive it, he is making a life and living a life, as he can. That he sought out a barbershop, and entered it, and sat there and let somebody stand close to him with a razor and clippers is a marvel to me.
That he communicated to the motel owner in a more or less normal manner, and was able to stay in a dwelling over which he had no control--around other people, who he did not know.
Either his car is working sufficient for him to climb the mountains of the grapevine, twice--or at the very least he took the Greyhound or Amtrak, to visit somewhere about which he had curiosity. All of this--amazing.
I would not be surprised if he is on medication. Something is going on with him.
I just got scared--what if somebody stole the card? But if somebody stole the card--there would be a bunch of charges all at once to use up all of the money. This is not the case.
Feeling. Your son is OK. Now we need to take care of you. And me too.
Feeling Sad
Well-Known Member
Hi, Copa! Yes, I worry about his card being stolen. He has lost it 3 times according to records. I know that he is using the card by the purchases. If there were new places listed, I would be concerned. He spends $1 or $2 at fast food places. Someone else would spend more and go to a 'sit down' restaurant.
Thank you. I guess it is good. That would be wonderful if he was on medications. He spent $125 at Walmart and then the next day spent $25 and $35. I have no idea what he is buying. He went to a car supplies store up there...so he drove. He used to tell me that it made him feel good to work on his car.
In recent months he went to Lowe's several times. What do they have that he would need in his car?
Maybe he is staying someplace with SSI. I do not think that he would qualify yet. He has to have a diagnosis, which he could have now. I think if he does, he just told them that he is depressed. He is very bright, so he can be articulate. He has always kept it together in public, outside of jumping from the car twice and spitting in my face in the car... You have to prove that, even with medications, you are unable to work. Maybe he is in a sober living house, although I don't see him living with others. It would be great if he was living in a home.
A positive point is that he returned to his beach town about a half hour away. Is that where he lives or perhaps sees a doctor or a shelter counselor? He has always liked that town. Maybe he missed the 'routine' of the town.
I do not know. I hate not knowing.
The bank records show that he took $2,000 out and put it in another account. He then spent all but $42 in the account. There was no bank activity for almost 3 weeks until he returned and withdrew $20. He could have gone other places. He could have been in a mental hospital.
He probably was just living off of the $2,000. I am glad that he got his hair cut and stayed in a motel for one night. He used to always cut his own hair.
Copa, I will try to look at it in a positive way. If I knew that I would be able to see him before I die, I could relax. But, that is impossible.
My son up North will not seek help, weighs 112 pounds, does not want to live, and has slept in his car since February while going to school and working 2 jobs, one of which is an internship. I hate seeing him get worse. I wish that I had never told him about the restraining order, but I had to let him know. I hate not being able to help him.
I hate not knowing how my ill son is doing. I am very grateful for knowing that he is alive and where he is going through the bank activity.
My youngest son graduated college, got a good job in town, and will pursue his Masters. I do not worry about him, or rather, I worry the 'normal' amount...like a 'normal' parent would...
Thank you. I guess it is good. That would be wonderful if he was on medications. He spent $125 at Walmart and then the next day spent $25 and $35. I have no idea what he is buying. He went to a car supplies store up there...so he drove. He used to tell me that it made him feel good to work on his car.
In recent months he went to Lowe's several times. What do they have that he would need in his car?
Maybe he is staying someplace with SSI. I do not think that he would qualify yet. He has to have a diagnosis, which he could have now. I think if he does, he just told them that he is depressed. He is very bright, so he can be articulate. He has always kept it together in public, outside of jumping from the car twice and spitting in my face in the car... You have to prove that, even with medications, you are unable to work. Maybe he is in a sober living house, although I don't see him living with others. It would be great if he was living in a home.
A positive point is that he returned to his beach town about a half hour away. Is that where he lives or perhaps sees a doctor or a shelter counselor? He has always liked that town. Maybe he missed the 'routine' of the town.
I do not know. I hate not knowing.
The bank records show that he took $2,000 out and put it in another account. He then spent all but $42 in the account. There was no bank activity for almost 3 weeks until he returned and withdrew $20. He could have gone other places. He could have been in a mental hospital.
He probably was just living off of the $2,000. I am glad that he got his hair cut and stayed in a motel for one night. He used to always cut his own hair.
Copa, I will try to look at it in a positive way. If I knew that I would be able to see him before I die, I could relax. But, that is impossible.
My son up North will not seek help, weighs 112 pounds, does not want to live, and has slept in his car since February while going to school and working 2 jobs, one of which is an internship. I hate seeing him get worse. I wish that I had never told him about the restraining order, but I had to let him know. I hate not being able to help him.
I hate not knowing how my ill son is doing. I am very grateful for knowing that he is alive and where he is going through the bank activity.
My youngest son graduated college, got a good job in town, and will pursue his Masters. I do not worry about him, or rather, I worry the 'normal' amount...like a 'normal' parent would...
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mof
Momdidntsignupforthis
feeling sad. I do hope you journal..such words feelings and truth with mental illness. Your story could touch so many....our son is slowly trying to reenter society outside of constant drug related activities then living in sober houses..where they focus on your past drug use.
medications are good...but you know they are tricky and take awhile. It's good he got a haircut, he thought of himself. Lowe's does sell tools he may have needed...materials, would he build something?
My heart goes out to you...your sons..and those we love who suffer from mental illness..that cannot be spoken of enough. Hugs
medications are good...but you know they are tricky and take awhile. It's good he got a haircut, he thought of himself. Lowe's does sell tools he may have needed...materials, would he build something?
My heart goes out to you...your sons..and those we love who suffer from mental illness..that cannot be spoken of enough. Hugs
Feeling Sad
Well-Known Member
MOF, actually a reporter from the Washington Post contacted me awhile back through a private conversation, which goes to my email. I know that the rules of this site are that people are to remain anonymous.
He wanted to do a story on me and what I am going through. I used another private email to tell him that I could not break my confidentiality, for this site or for myself.
I work in a small school district as a teacher. If they were to find out that I have a violent schizophrenic son who was threatening my life, I could be in trouble. They would obviously be very concerned about the safety of the children at my school, and rightfully so.
Secondly, my paranoid son, who feels that people are after him, could Google his name and have a news story about him pop up.
Thirdly, my town is small. The three police officers that first night refused to even come into my house. There was a possible disciplinary action against them. They subsequently lied and told their commanding officer that they had offered, but that I had turned them down. I do not want to mess with the police. I am very afraid of repercussions.
He commended me for my bravery for contacting him. I told him that I am not 'brave' and that I could not let him do a story on me with the actual names. He wrote that he wanted to do a project on the issue of how schizophrenia is currently being dealt with in our society. He wanted to know if I then knew someone who could share their experiences with him for a story.
I got him in contact with NAMI. In fact, their headquarters are in Washington. I also told him about the Treatment Advocacy Center.
Yes, I was torn, because things need to change and I want to stop the stigma associated with schizophrenia. But, I thought of how my son would react. I also need my job...
I hope that you don't feel like I threw away a chance to get this important story out. I would not compromise my son, my job, or this site.
He wanted to do a story on me and what I am going through. I used another private email to tell him that I could not break my confidentiality, for this site or for myself.
I work in a small school district as a teacher. If they were to find out that I have a violent schizophrenic son who was threatening my life, I could be in trouble. They would obviously be very concerned about the safety of the children at my school, and rightfully so.
Secondly, my paranoid son, who feels that people are after him, could Google his name and have a news story about him pop up.
Thirdly, my town is small. The three police officers that first night refused to even come into my house. There was a possible disciplinary action against them. They subsequently lied and told their commanding officer that they had offered, but that I had turned them down. I do not want to mess with the police. I am very afraid of repercussions.
He commended me for my bravery for contacting him. I told him that I am not 'brave' and that I could not let him do a story on me with the actual names. He wrote that he wanted to do a project on the issue of how schizophrenia is currently being dealt with in our society. He wanted to know if I then knew someone who could share their experiences with him for a story.
I got him in contact with NAMI. In fact, their headquarters are in Washington. I also told him about the Treatment Advocacy Center.
Yes, I was torn, because things need to change and I want to stop the stigma associated with schizophrenia. But, I thought of how my son would react. I also need my job...
I hope that you don't feel like I threw away a chance to get this important story out. I would not compromise my son, my job, or this site.
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mof
Momdidntsignupforthis
Feeling sad,
Of course I don't. Maybe one day your story can be told. I lived in Difficult Child for 18 yrs...but now live in a much smaller city. We do what we have to do for the best.
I would love to speak out a out addiction...but I can't handle the pain and shame at this time....it's not our time.
I believe I t old you...my gma was an undiagnosed schizophrenic...she attempted to poison my mother and my self when I was young. Luckily, she was caught.
She lived in isolation...and self medicated with alcohol. I would tell you that I know that they are not punished by God....they are ill. I won't go into how I know this...but know, they will have peace.
Much love and support to you, hugs
Of course I don't. Maybe one day your story can be told. I lived in Difficult Child for 18 yrs...but now live in a much smaller city. We do what we have to do for the best.
I would love to speak out a out addiction...but I can't handle the pain and shame at this time....it's not our time.
I believe I t old you...my gma was an undiagnosed schizophrenic...she attempted to poison my mother and my self when I was young. Luckily, she was caught.
She lived in isolation...and self medicated with alcohol. I would tell you that I know that they are not punished by God....they are ill. I won't go into how I know this...but know, they will have peace.
Much love and support to you, hugs
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Feeling. What a story about the newspaper writer. It scares me though that people are reading our personal accounts for reasons other than support. Of course I knew that this was so. But there is knowing and knowing.
I think you did the right thing to refuse. There is too much risk. Most of all for your son, and your other two sons.
That said. I am concerned too about your middle son. What I know from personal experience are two important things: homelessness in some paradoxical way can help them find their bottom; and they do survive, actually quite well.
I am worried about my own son too. About his physical health. M says I am negative. I think I am just scared.
About your oldest son, can you see that there are real and tangible reasons for hope. He is functioning, Feeling. He is doing normal things. It is a year, or more, and he is OK. Honestly. I do not think he could be so mobile unless he had some kind of support.
Think about what you are saying: you are contemplating that he might be on SSI. For this to be so he would have had to coordinate doctors visits, and case manager visits with social security. To even contemplate this is so, requires imagining him entering public buildings and conversing, multiple times. I am not saying he did or did not do that--what I am saying is--you with your own words are contemplating he may have done this.
See what I mean? This is major. This is waaaay better than he was in your house. The bottom line is waaay better than it was when he was at home.
The worry now is 2nd son. But what can you do? Not a bit except try to take care of yourself and keep in touch with him, on his terms. There is no indication from what you have written that he is becoming schizophrenic. Depressed yes. Over his head yes. Schizophrenic? Possible. But just because it happened to both of your sisters, does not mean it will happen to second son.
Like M says. Sometimes the worst thing does not happen.
I think you did the right thing to refuse. There is too much risk. Most of all for your son, and your other two sons.
That said. I am concerned too about your middle son. What I know from personal experience are two important things: homelessness in some paradoxical way can help them find their bottom; and they do survive, actually quite well.
I am worried about my own son too. About his physical health. M says I am negative. I think I am just scared.
About your oldest son, can you see that there are real and tangible reasons for hope. He is functioning, Feeling. He is doing normal things. It is a year, or more, and he is OK. Honestly. I do not think he could be so mobile unless he had some kind of support.
Think about what you are saying: you are contemplating that he might be on SSI. For this to be so he would have had to coordinate doctors visits, and case manager visits with social security. To even contemplate this is so, requires imagining him entering public buildings and conversing, multiple times. I am not saying he did or did not do that--what I am saying is--you with your own words are contemplating he may have done this.
See what I mean? This is major. This is waaaay better than he was in your house. The bottom line is waaay better than it was when he was at home.
The worry now is 2nd son. But what can you do? Not a bit except try to take care of yourself and keep in touch with him, on his terms. There is no indication from what you have written that he is becoming schizophrenic. Depressed yes. Over his head yes. Schizophrenic? Possible. But just because it happened to both of your sisters, does not mean it will happen to second son.
Like M says. Sometimes the worst thing does not happen.
Feeling Sad
Well-Known Member
Copa, I think that a lot of guests read our stories to help them face similar issues. Sadly, millions of parents are going through similar struggles. It is sad, but it is true.
This site is helping others. That is how I found this site. If you Google about filing a restraining order against a violent schizophrenic son who threatened his mother...you get me at this site.
I makes me sad to know that so many people go through this. Yet, it makes me feel glad that we can help others...
This site is helping others. That is how I found this site. If you Google about filing a restraining order against a violent schizophrenic son who threatened his mother...you get me at this site.
I makes me sad to know that so many people go through this. Yet, it makes me feel glad that we can help others...
savior no more
Active Member
This reminds me of the time my friend the child psychiatrist, who has seen my son's life up close, told me the last time he got in trouble, "I would support you in just being done with him." I thought to myself , "Well I didn't really need permission to walk away and even if you think that is right and good not sure I would or could." To me this is just such an easy black or white way to deal with the extreme pain of these situations. Whatever a person chooses, I honor as their best choice but couldn't begin to know what each parent's path should be. Most responses are truly just a person's personal belief and quick response as to how they see it.
savior no more
Active Member
I find this very sad that the place where you have given your life and your heart would offer no support and that this would be seen as a threat. Our society has a long, long way to go. This just brought back so much shame I felt the many times when dealing with my son's mental illness with the school officials.
Feeling Sad
Well-Known Member
Yes, stigma is wrong and very present. Yes, something needs to be done about it.
A had a therapist ask me if my ill son knew where I taught. It was/is a viable threat.
We also do many lock down drills in the district every year to practice. He probably would never do anything and there is a much larger threat of suicide with a person who is schizophrenic. But, it could happen. My number one job is not teaching, it is the safety of my students. Would you want you child in a classroom where the teacher's son threatened to kill her and held a jagged bottle to her throat? They could not fire me, but they could 'manufacture' a reason for dismissal.
Years ago, I shared with a principal the fact that I got into special education because I have a sister who is schizophrenic. Never mind the fact that I never mentioned my ill son or other ill sister. She told me to never mention it again to anyone. I think that the fear is that people will then feel that I, myself, will become schizophrenic. I would then be perceived differently from that day forth.
It is just like my craniotomy. I cannot tell parents. They might start to perceive me as a bit off or mentally altered...which is not true. Or that the tumor will come back and I will die and upset their child.
Our society is not ready, sadly, for coming all at once out of the mental illness 'closet' of sorts.
Yes, it feels bad to hide the truth, but I need a career. I am not independently wealthy. Parents put their cherished children in my care for hours each day.
I think that it needs to be done in baby steps, like trying out new foods. Understanding comes slowly. It is a process. But, yes, prejudice and ignorance about mental illness continues to exist. There is no quick and easy answer.
A had a therapist ask me if my ill son knew where I taught. It was/is a viable threat.
We also do many lock down drills in the district every year to practice. He probably would never do anything and there is a much larger threat of suicide with a person who is schizophrenic. But, it could happen. My number one job is not teaching, it is the safety of my students. Would you want you child in a classroom where the teacher's son threatened to kill her and held a jagged bottle to her throat? They could not fire me, but they could 'manufacture' a reason for dismissal.
Years ago, I shared with a principal the fact that I got into special education because I have a sister who is schizophrenic. Never mind the fact that I never mentioned my ill son or other ill sister. She told me to never mention it again to anyone. I think that the fear is that people will then feel that I, myself, will become schizophrenic. I would then be perceived differently from that day forth.
It is just like my craniotomy. I cannot tell parents. They might start to perceive me as a bit off or mentally altered...which is not true. Or that the tumor will come back and I will die and upset their child.
Our society is not ready, sadly, for coming all at once out of the mental illness 'closet' of sorts.
Yes, it feels bad to hide the truth, but I need a career. I am not independently wealthy. Parents put their cherished children in my care for hours each day.
I think that it needs to be done in baby steps, like trying out new foods. Understanding comes slowly. It is a process. But, yes, prejudice and ignorance about mental illness continues to exist. There is no quick and easy answer.
Feeling Sad
Well-Known Member
My son up North texted me last weekend that he was going to try to sleep in the laundry room at the dorms because his back hurt sleeping in his car.
I asked him tonight how his back was and he said that it did not hurt anymore.
He then told me that he is not in his car anymore...he is sleeping on the ground.
He says that he doesn't know why he doesn't want a room. He thinks medications are 'bad' for you. He does not want to talk, or rather 'text' about it.
I always think that it can't get worse...but it always does...
I feel like the biggest failure as a mom. Yes, I can 'hear' you thinking that it is not my fault, but I still feel that way. Lousy. Just lousy.
I won't be able to sleep tonight. I have a bed, while TWO of my sons do not.
I asked him tonight how his back was and he said that it did not hurt anymore.
He then told me that he is not in his car anymore...he is sleeping on the ground.
He says that he doesn't know why he doesn't want a room. He thinks medications are 'bad' for you. He does not want to talk, or rather 'text' about it.
I always think that it can't get worse...but it always does...
I feel like the biggest failure as a mom. Yes, I can 'hear' you thinking that it is not my fault, but I still feel that way. Lousy. Just lousy.
I won't be able to sleep tonight. I have a bed, while TWO of my sons do not.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Feeling Sad, he does have a bed. He just chooses to sleep on the ground.
This may make you feel a bit better. I have a bad back and like to sleep on the floor sometimes...it is more comfortable. Soft mattresses are not necessarily supportive enough.
on another note, I sm always amazed that our kids think psychiatric medications are not good for thrm, yet often they smoke daily pot, drink too moch or use hard drugs like meth and heroin. They dont think about their heslth when it comes to breaking laws that can get them thrown into jail or take drugs that can kill them. But they wont try an antidepressant.
I dont get it.
This may make you feel a bit better. I have a bad back and like to sleep on the floor sometimes...it is more comfortable. Soft mattresses are not necessarily supportive enough.
on another note, I sm always amazed that our kids think psychiatric medications are not good for thrm, yet often they smoke daily pot, drink too moch or use hard drugs like meth and heroin. They dont think about their heslth when it comes to breaking laws that can get them thrown into jail or take drugs that can kill them. But they wont try an antidepressant.
I dont get it.
Feeling Sad
Well-Known Member
SWOT, he does NOT have a bed. He has his car. I am trying to get him to rent a room. His back has been hurting because he has been sleeping in his car since February. He sometimes sleeps in the Iab at school. He texted me about maybe trying to sleep in the laundry at the dorms... It seems that he is preferring sleeping on the streets to renting a room. He does not want to deal with people. When you live with someone, people can have set expectations or quirky personalities. When I ask why he doesn't want to rent a room he says, "I don't know." Yes, he should try antidepressants. He took one once for a few weeks and didn't like the way it made him feel. Plus, he is a biologist. He says that they permanently change your brain...
Thank you, Sadgranny for your thoughts. I am finding it increasingly difficult to be strong...
Thank you, Sadgranny for your thoughts. I am finding it increasingly difficult to be strong...
savior no more
Active Member
I just hope these narrow-minded ignorant people never develop dementia one day.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
I just hate that she said this. I am ashamed that a mental health professional would say such a thing. I know she is your close friend but what she said was judgmental, superior and hurtful. That is what I really think.
This is why I fear so much going to mental health professionals. Really.
You know, I am thinking now about the election and the so called "dog whistles" trying to undermine one of the candidates based upon gender. Volatility. Unbalanced. Unstable. I am not making a political statement here. I am saying that it is dangerous in our society, it seems, to be human.
Because humans have gender. They have genes. They have heredity and histories. They have medical conditions.
Feeling. I do not judge you. And I do not judge them. Neither the parents or the school personnel. But I do not believe you would be so hurtful and short-sighted even if it were your sons. Nor would I.
I had to keep secret from my sister that my son had been found to have Hep B (acquired at birth) and that his birth parents had Aids Related Complex--because I knew she would never allow him near her children. I do not forgive this within a family. I understand it but I do not forgive it.
My attitude is: in a family we die together, if we die at all. Better that than letting fear kills us off, separately.
