Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless

[Feeling Sad]

Hello. Sorry for my absence. I am a bit shell-shocked and I am just getting through each day.

I love your comments. Yes, we all deserve the same care and love that we so eagerly hold out for our children.

I try to separate from the mental health. Yes, they are adults. But, mental illness is genetics and environment. Did I 'model' depressed behavior? Could I have done something better or differently?

Yes, I need to model a positive life and outlook for them. I am trying to . I took classes and received all A's to be top pay. I was awarded scholarships in competitive seminars.

It still feels hollow. I am merely going through the motions. I am not happy.

I like the cowboy analogy. Yes, he doesn't want to live with mom and he said that he has friends up there. He just stopped going to his research job and did not answer their texts. They were worried about him and had a job lined up for him. He feels horrible about it.

He has been on medications for 4 weeks and went in 4 times to 'talk'. He went back to continue to receive more pills. He said that he didn't want to die...

My best friend is waiting to hear today if he r 2 year old granddaughter needs a transplant.

My issues pale by comparison.

I am trying to treat myself with kindness, understanding, and forgiveness.

Thank you all for being here. Your kind words always shore me up. I will endeavor to stay strong and enjoy the small joys in life.

My students are wonderful. I taught my students how to read music and play the recorder. They can play Anvil Chorus, In a Field Stood a Birch Tree, and O Fortuna. We played along at a Symphony for children and will perform for the school. They keep me going. You guys do, as well. Thank you.

 

[Copabanana]

He has been on medications for 4 weeks and went in 4 times to 'talk'. He went back to continue to receive more pills. He said that he didn't want to die...

This is so good, Feeling. He is turning a corner.

 

[Copabanana]

My best friend is waiting to hear today if he r 2 year old granddaughter needs a transplant.

Let us know when you hear anything. This lady does not deserve this. I know deserve means nothing, but you get my drift.

 

[Feeling Sad]

Do you really think that he is turning a corner? Thank you. I need a different perspective.

My friend has not called me, but we have plans tomorrow after school. Yes, she has been through a lot. She is a wonderful person who never complains. She is always tactful and positive. She is very strong.

She never told her husband, but when he left the hospital room, she helped her little 10 year old son cross over. She told him that she loved him, that he fought a hard battle, and that they would be okay. She gave him permission to let go. He passed away right there in her arms.

It has been 15 years. She still can't bring herself to watch his videos.

 

[Copabanana]

Do you really think that he is turning a corner?

Yes.

She never told her husband, but when he left the hospital room, she helped her little 10 year old son cross over.

This is beautiful but painful even to read all of these years later.

It helps me, Feeling, because one of the things I cannot get over is being with my mother for her last breath. It was a horror for me, not a gift.

I cannot get over the strength of your friend. She defines motherhood, really. Who among us would have this strength? I do not.

 

[Feeling Sad]

I was with my father. I helped him to cross over. I think was c almost and peaceful.

I had a thought, angel, or spirit say, "If he died now, it would be calm and peaceful". I have been highly psychic or intuitive since junior high.

I chastised myself for such a thought in my head. Two minutes later, he coded unexpectedly. It was neither calm or peaceful. Maybe...he had already crossed over. It was horrible. I still wake up gasping because I had just arrived to take home my brother when he started to gasp and coded 2 minutes later.

But, I was still glad that I was there. If he had died alone in his rental room, I would not ever had known if he had suffered for a long time. Hopefully, I afforded him some comfort. We will see our family members again. We need to live our lives while we are here.

 

[Feeling Sad]

I just heard a quote on t.v. saying that resilency is a muscle. With 'exercise' it gets stronger.

 

[Copabanana]

I taught my students how to read music and play the recorder.

will perform for the school.

wow.

 

[BusynMember]

I believe we will see them again too and that they simply cross over back to soul form...happier thsn here. Then they come back again to learn more lessons.

Its awesome that you are psychic.

 

[pigless in VA]

I just heard a quote on t.v. saying that resilency is a muscle. With 'exercise' it gets stronger

That may be, but I would like for the universe to stop throwing all these weights at me.

Keep enjoying those moments with your students, Feeling. Keep stringing those contented moments together in order to weave a new fabric of your own life. A stronger fabric where you feel confident and at peace.

 

[Feeling Sad]

Earlier, I first spoke of my father's passing which was calm and peaceful.

The premonition was with my brother, as I was picking him up to go home. His passing was very difficult to watch, but I was glad that I was there. I think that I was meant to be there.

My friend won't know the results about her granddaughter's liver until Monday. She is hanging in there. Yes, she is strong.

I saw my youngest for dinner tonight. My best friends son, who passed away at age 10 of Leukemia, was my youngest son's best friend. My youngest has worn 3 rings on a necklace every day for the last 15 years, since he was 10, in his memory. They had purchased matching sets.

Tonight he was not wearing them for the very first time. He said that he was afraid that he was going to lose them. In their place, he was wearing a copper pendant on a leather twine with the coordinates of a beach town where we always went camping together. We go every year in his memory.

 

[pigless in VA]

Candy wears her father's and her grandmother's wedding rings on a necklace. I think sometimes her friends ask her why she is wearing them and that gives her an opportunity to briefly talk about her losses.

I hope the test results on her granddaughter are favorable.

 

[Copabanana]

Feeling. Today is Monday. I believe today was the day your friend was going to hear about her new granddaughter. How are you?

 

[Feeling Sad]

I have had a bad cold all weekend. My friend texted me Tuesday that they were still waiting for the results from the radiologist for the ultra sound on her granddaughter's liver. Her liver is hard, which is not good. I do not want to bother her, but I am starting to worry more with each passing day.

I found out that my son up north started to take Propecia about 7 months ago. Like your son, Copa, he feels like he is balding.

When he started on the antidepressants, one of his breasts became sore and enlarged after one week on both medications.

When he came down to see me for Easter, he mentioned the one breast that was sore and growing. He did not tell me that he had been taking anti balding medications. Antidepressants can cause gynecomstasia. He said that he wanted to go back to the doctor to get more antidepressants, but not mention the breast because he did not want to stop taking them. I told him to be checked at a different clinic then, but to not let it go. I told him they would perhaps change his prescription to a different medication, but not have him stop taking antidepressants.

He did not tell me then about taking Propecia for balding. He told me 1 week ago. Propecia can cause breast cancer, even when it is taken for a short time or discontinued. He told me that when his breast got sore, he stopped taking Propecia. It also can cause severe depression and anxiety. This explains why he was doing so much worse, feeling anxious and quitting school and work.

I texted him last Sunday to go into see a doctor the first thing on Monday. He told me that he had an appointment this week. He finally texted me tonight. He texted, "Hi, Mom. Happy Mothers Day".

That was it. I told him thank you and that it is next week. When I asked him what the doctor said and asked how was he doing, he never texted back. I am taking that to mean that he did not go.

I hate this. If you read about Propecia, it can also cause gynecomstasia, or the male beasts to grow. But, it warns if your breasts get sore or grow, come in immediately to be checked for breast cancer.

My session with my therapist this week was my last. I am capped out. I am feeling profoundly sad. My name truly fits.

 

[Copabanana]

Hi Feeling

Our sons....what are we going to do? How could they be more foolish? I take that back. I believe he will stop the medication. He is not a fool.

Feeling. You are almost half way to being done with school, by my calculations. Almost there.

I wish you would brainstorm here about your therapy options. Or spiritual direction? Being capped out is not a bona fide reason to not seek support given everything in your lap, to my way of thinking.

I hope your friend calls soon so your worry about this, at least, can be less. I am glad you checked in, Feeling. Thank you.

 

[Copabanana]

I looked at the Propecia side effects and this is what Google says:

impotence, loss of interest in sex, or trouble having an orgasm;

• abnormal ejaculation;

• swelling in your hands or feet;

• swelling or tenderness in your breasts;

• dizziness, weakness;

• feeling like you might pass out;

• headache;

• runny nose;

Has he seen this list? Why oh why. My son says he has been going to the mixed martial arts studio but only does Kick Box because he will not take off his hood. He seems to want to stigmatize himself. I asked him if he will go swim with me and he says he will not because of his hair. When I suggested a swim cap he rolled his eyes like I am crazy. I have suggested to my son a hair transplant. Even though his balding is within the average range. Anything would be better than this.

 

[Feeling Sad]

I looked at sites, but also research done on Propecia. They list side effects do not always go away and may be permanent. But, the scariest is breast cancer, because of his current breast pain and swelling. It is probably gynecomastia.

He said that he stopped the anti balding medications one week into taking Lexapro due to his breast growth.

It makes me mad. He went in last year for antidepressants and the doctor talked him out of them. Was she the same doctor that prescribed propecia, which can cause depression, suicide, and anxiety?

My son is like me in that he jokes when he is sad. In her defense, maybe she thought that by getting some hair growth, he would be less depressed. I am sad at his academic and career loss. There are even support sites for men that have been on propecia.

 

[pigless in VA]

Can they simply shave their heads and go for the no hair look?

 

[Copabanana]

Pigless. I think my own son uses the "baldness" as a free-floating excuse. He seems committed to it.

Feeling. How are you? How is the cold? You just have a couple of weeks of school left, right?

 

[Feeling Sad]

My middle son came down for Mother's Day and my birthday. He has not seen a doctor, is still off of the anti-balding medications, but is slowly weaning himself off of the antidepressants by breaking the tablet in half.

He says that his breast does not hurt anymore, but it still has a small hard lump.

I have told him to see a doctor. I have told him that Propecia, the anti-balding medicine, is on many pharmacy lists first as causing gynecomastia, not the anti-depressant Lexapro. I told him that it can cause breastfeeding cancer. I told him that he will be right back where he was...depressed and suicidal. He gets very angry at me and I stop.

On my birthday he mentioned twice that he did not want to live.

If I push too hard, he will leave. He will leave soon regardless.

He shaves his head and is very skinny. He hardly eats anything.

Last Monday, was the year anniversary of my brother's death.

I am in automatic pilot mode.