For your information my son is NOT OK

[Littleboylost]

I was at work today my second day of orientation on my new job and I get a text from Cop Mom.

“Just a heads up. I’m out of town today until late Thursday night. With my dad so no rides to school. That alway how I ensure they go. As that is the deal. All day everyday They are fine at house alone. Just want u to know the plan.”

So as steam rolled out my ears and I put this on the back burner until after work.

Yes my son is STILL AT HER HOUSE. HOW IS THIS ING OK!?

My son is not ok!

He is not ok at your house!

He is not ok at your house with no adult!

It is not ok with me...:not that you have ever cared to ask!

He is testing positive for THC and missing school while he is at your house so Don’t BS me!

He is at your house because he can smoke pot, lay around and has no responsibility and sleeps with your just turned 17 year old daughter!

This I held back.

He is 18 and we make him responsible to get up for school and get there in time.

By the way it’s less than a half mile walk!!!

This I held back.

I did say husband and I leave early in the morning for work, they can walk....less than a half mile there or there is a city bus and he has a bus pass.

She replied “I will get my sister to help out.

Well that response sure as didn’t help my PTSD and anger.

So I post here so I don’t lose my and say something or text something I will regret.

Soon rehab will come soon.

Thanks for letting me rant.

 

[Guidance seeker]

LBL - well done for showing such restraint. Rant away on here, it helps.

You know you do the right thing and try to make him responsible for himself. If she wants to give them lifts, let them smoke pot and sleep together then she’s probably just making a rod for her own back with her own daughter.

Don’t let it spoil your night. You have a tough job and you deserve enjoyment on your time off.

 

[Littleboylost]

LBL - well done for showing such restraint. Rant away on here, it helps.

You know you do the right thing and try to make him responsible for himself. If she wants to give them lifts, let them smoke pot and sleep together then she’s probably just making a rod for her own back with her own daughter.

Don’t let it spoil your night. You have a tough job and you deserve enjoyment on your time off.

Thanks GS I feel less nuts after getting this off my chest.

 

[strangeworld]

This cop mom is beyond weird. The way she dismissed your remarks about them being able to walk to school!! My sister will help? Seriously less than a half mile is nothing!

So strange that a cop would behave this way. She probably has no idea how to handle her daughter so she just doesn't fight it and gives in. Or she's just nuts. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.

This too shall pass.

 

[BusynMember]

You aren't nuts. Can't say the same for crazy cop mom. She is a real piece of work.

 

[Littleboylost]

Thanks for the support it helps.

 

[BloodiedButUnbowed]

I am so sorry you are dealing with this, LBL. Is it worth it to mention this situation to the officers of the court who are facilitating your son's entry into rehab? Maybe they can step in somehow.

Since your son is now of legal age I don't know what if anything can be done, but it may be worth it to at least inquire.

One more suggestion, maybe sending her a firm but polite text that you do not want communication from her and you will only speak to your son? After all he is an adult and you are not legally responsible for keeping a roof over his head any longer.

Another option is to simply report to her supervisor that she is harboring your 18 old son and allowing him to use drugs against your wishes.

I

 

[RN0441]

LBL

It's a double edged sword. You have some peace with him there rather than at home but having this woman involved in your relationship with your son is just over the top not okay either.

I just hope and pray he gets into rehab very soon so you can have a break and know that he's where he needs to be.

Hugs.

 

[so ready to live]

LBL-great job with restraint. I could feel the steam coming off your post. Just as we can't control our kids so we also have none over others..cop mom "gonna do what she do" right? So glad you didn't offer to be get off to school assistance, I do think you could consider only talking to your son, or just don't read her texts if it's not healthy for you. I hope letting go here made your day better. We get it. All of it.

 

[Littleboylost]

I am so sorry you are dealing with this, LBL. Is it worth it to mention this situation to the officers of the court who are facilitating your son's entry into rehab? Maybe they can step in somehow.

Since your son is now of legal age I don't know what if anything can be done, but it may be worth it to at least inquire.

One more suggestion, maybe sending her a firm but polite text that you do not want communication from her and you will only speak to your son? After all he is an adult and you are not legally responsible for keeping a roof over his head any longer.

Another option is to simply report to her supervisor that she is harboring your 18 old son and allowing him to use drugs against your wishes.

I

Hi BBU

All great suggestions. I had told cop mom that I did not want to hear her suggestions for my son as in Baiking him our of jail, dropping the charges....She is a piece of work. As my son isn18 where he dwells and what he doesn’t is his choice and reporting her to her Sr. officer would get lost in bureaucracy....no one really cares and he is testing positive for pot ....which no one is bothered about because it will be legal recreationally here in Canada soon. I could pull his bail bond for testing positive for THC ...and this would have him in prison instead of rehab.

I have told his lawyer about her interference and she encouraged me to keep all texts from in case son winds up back in court.

I would love nothing more than to think we live in a highly ethical and contientius society, but the truth is we don’t. I could repeat all I want and that would do nothing to change anything. It would make a rod for my own back and add areas to my life.

I am not happy with this situation, I can do nothing more for my son that I haven’t already done. Where he chooses to reside is his business.

If he fails to enter into rehab when his bed is available. That will be a breach of his bond and the courts will place him in jail sent nice him and he will go to prison.

It is a long drawn out waiting game. I simply resent the fact that this ridiculous woman with no scruples and morals is interfering with my son and allowing him to sleep at her house, with her just turned 17 year old daughter and enable them the way she does.

There are things I could do and again they would have a poor outcome for my son. My focus is giving him the chance to get into a long term rehab facility and complete the program.

So I bite my tongue and bide my time.

It’s incredibly frustrating and maddening.

 

[Littleboylost]

LBL-great job with restraint. I could feel the steam coming off your post. Just as we can't control our kids so we also have none over others..cop mom "gonna do what she do" right? So glad you didn't offer to be get off to school assistance, I do think you could consider only talking to your son, or just don't read her texts if it's not healthy for you. I hope letting go here made your day better. We get it. All of it.

I can’t wait for the day I can block this moron. My sons lawyer suggested I do not so I can collect evidence of her interference. His lawyer also got the visitors list from jail confirming her visit and it aligns with some very moronic texts this “Mom” sent me.

I have some communication with my son and for the most part it is positive. Ruffling Cop Moms feathers would probably have a negative effect on what little relationship I have with my son.

So for now. I vent here and bite my tongue until rehab bed is available. This should be very very soon. Fingers crossed.

 

[Littleboylost]

It is what it is. I can’t change the situation. I can’t change others. I am not reacting or speaking out. Burnt my time until his rehab bed is available.

I am so annoyed at this woman who enables her own 20 year old unemployed high school drop out of a son by paying for him to play hockey in the USA.

He daughter informs me that they moved 5 times last year. She also indicates that besides her brother she has 2 step siblings and 2 half siblings. Sound like a real stable environment.

Cop mom has been publicly reprimanded twice in her police career. One for not reporting a crime and racial issues played a role in that. The second was for asking a work colleague to show her his “scrotal piercing” in a public area at work ...and he obliged. Her defence was simply that he used his hand to cover his penis. This shows you the kind of moron we are dealing with. She works in the traffic division. My friend who is a police officer said to me, all the officers no one likes get turfed to the traffic division. Well there you have it.

It is what it is....one day at a time. Sigh.

 

[Guidance seeker]

LBL - you are doing everything right and have shown so much restraint. You have a good place here to vent about cop mom and I think it’s good for you to let off some steam.

 

[Littleboylost]

Thanks GS

It has me weary tonight. Dreary and weary.

 

[susiestar]

Sometimes the hardest thing in the world is to sit and wait and not tell idiots how absolutely stupid they are. Vent away all that you need to. We won't ever stop listening!

 

[BloodiedButUnbowed]

I am seething just reading about CopMom. We should come up with a funny nickname for her. Maybe it would help channel some of the anger.

Some of what you are going through mirrors my wife's struggle with her ex-husband's enabling of YS and DS. She often feels that she has no choice but to capitulate to her ex-husband, just to maintain the sliver of relationship she still has with YS. Ex-husband harms the boys just like CopMom is harming your son. And my wife cannot do anything about it anymore than you can.

We cannot fix, manage or control the actions of other adults - we both know this but it bears repeating sometimes.

I hope it is comforting to remember that regardless of what CopMom does, your son WILL grow up. He is a legal adult but still very young and lost in his addiction. There are many years yet to come for him. I hope he - and you - are lucky enough for one stint in rehab to turn him around.

Many hugs

 

[Littleboylost]

Thanks for all your kindness and support. It truly helps.