Except us. He has yet to blame us. Which I guess is a little unusual for most of the people on this forum.
This is true with our son too. While me and his dad actually did screw up big time with him few times and made lots of smaller mistakes, he never blames us. Ask him any time and he will tell you he has great parents, who have always been there for him and an amazing kid brother.
He used to deflect lot of blame to others, everything was someone else's fault, things were unfair, everyone was out to get him and so on, but he never blamed family. Then things happened and that bravado broke down. Nowadays he blames others less and himself more. Sees, and articulates, himself as a rotten apple from good background. Damaged goods, unfit. Feels he is the one that screws everything up.
When things are better, he doesn't verbalize that much and is able to see how he could work things out, but when the worse patch hits, all that tends to come out. And I know that this is how he thinks deep down even during better times, he just has more ability to cover it then.
To be honest, I kind of wish, he would rather blame us. His raw self-hatred is heartbreaking and scary.
But as much as it sucks, where is nothing others can do to that. Help can be offered but one has to accept it and do the work themselves.
He's very, very touchy about the suggestions that there's anything "wrong" with him. He takes it very personally and when I've suggested even counseling or a psychiatrist, he's actually said, "Do you really think I'm that broken?" His very words.
This was very much our situation few years back, when Ache was 17 to 19. Admitting something was different or wrong in him was a gradual process for us. Don't know if that would had happened if Ache wouldn't had been in the situation where outside element (his then team/employer) wouldn't had coerced him to meet neurologist, psychiatrist and sport psychologist. For us the sport psychologist (whom he still sees after quite a few teams between) has been heaven sent and probably been the main factor in guiding Ache to admit his issues and also see them as something that can be worked out, most of the time at least.
Ache has matured and that is part of it, but I doubt he would be in the place he is now, if he would not had been forced to accept help.
Unfortunately most people do not have the situation where someone has such a leverage and uses it to benefit the troubled kid.
) of "fringe members" of society. While at the shelter, he was constantly berating the "crazies" who were there.
