Hi I am new

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by CSH, Apr 4, 2019.

  1. CSH

    CSH New Member

    Thanks Pixie Dusted, I am going to get it. I am also going to look for a close al anon meeting near me and go!
    I appreciate your response and encouragement!! Thank you so much for taking the time to answer!
  2. DoneDad

    DoneDad Active Member

    You can also set a boundary on these phone calls. Tell him he can call once a day, once a week, or whatever works for you. If he calls more than that, don’t answer. Part of reclaiming our lives is realizing we matter, our needs matter, our space matters, our emotional state matters - we don’t exist solely to be at the beck and call of a dysfunctional adult child.
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  3. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    I too am glad you came here. Good support. Wise things to consider.

    S S I can be a mixed bag. I suppose for many it takes away motivation and can be extra problematic if they use monies to buy drugs. Of course, many simply can’t work at all. I suspect our daughter sadly might fall in that category.

    I did know a family with a difficult bipolar daughter. When she got older...perhaps around age 40...she had enough of difficult and very frightening life experiences. She was on S S I. She was able to get a part time job at a grocery store. They knew of her illness. She worked 15-20 hours a week. She never went over her allotted hours. You are allowed to make a small amount part time even on s s I. They even allowed her now and then to take a day off if she felt her mental health was unstable. I was very impressed. She was successful.

    Sadly, she got sick physically and died in her fifties.

    But, I was impressed and her family was relieved that for a good ten years she was stable and making it in this world on s s I working part time as well. I think her parents gave her their old car. She only drove it to work. She paid for her apartment and gas. Family members gave her clothing for birthday gifts and so forth.it was working. But it started with her deciding that she had enough of Street life.
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2019
  4. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

  5. 200Meters

    200Meters A real bustard

    Hi CSH!

    I am also new here but so far, so good.

    Good luck in your struggle.
  6. CSH

    CSH New Member

    Sadly I got the call no parent ever wants to get. My son died of a suspected overdose on Saturday. He is states away. We are bringing him home. The services will be Monday. I am feeling so much guilt and sadness. Also some fear that this might have been intentional, although there does not appear there is any evidence that it was. He had left the rehab on Friday after about a month clean. He called and asked for money to get back there but we said no and told him he could find his own way back if they would allow it. That was that and the next phone call we got was from a detective. Even though this call was one I had expected for so long it is still so hard. I appreciate you all and wish nothing but the best for you and yours. I was so happy to find an understanding ear, advice and good wishes here on this board. You are all wonderful and this is a good place.
  7. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. No matter what they put us through we still love them. This is not your fault. They make their own choices and we can't control that. Prayers to you .
  8. 200Meters

    200Meters A real bustard

    Allow me to echo Triedntrue.

    The apocryphal Book of Ben Sira[ch] (or Ecclesiasticus, as it's also called) says (22:11-12)

    How can we make glad weeping for the dead? How can weeping be glad? But then it tells us: "...for he is at rest."

    I pray that your son is at rest & finds the peace that (from your description of him) seemed to elude him here.
  9. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    I'm so sorry this happened.
  10. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    I am very sorry, CSH.
  11. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    So sorry for your loss but it is God's will. He is in a better place now.
  12. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I am very sorry.
  13. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss.
  14. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    No words just prayers
  15. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    Arms around you CSH. I am so very sorry and I will be praying for you and yours. I hope your son finally has the peace that eluded him in life.
  16. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I am so very sorry for your loss. I know it can be hard but please do not harbor any guilt over this. It's very sad and tragic but in no way are you responsible. I pray that he is at peace now. ((HUGS))
  17. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so so sorry for your loss. May your son rest in peace now. You did not do anything wrong, this is NOT YOUR FAULT. You did everything possible for your son, as we all do here, there is nothing for you to feel guilt about.
    Please be kind, compassionate and loving to yourself now as you grieve......sending you love and hugs.
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  18. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    So very sorry. Please take extra good care of yourself and family. This will be a sorrowful process as you grieve. It will take much time. I agree with the others, your son is at peace. There is some comfort with that knowledge.
  19. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    It has been awhile since I have been here, I wanted to tell you that I am so sorry for your loss.
    It is such a difficult road we all travel.
    We have no control over the choices of our adult children. It is a grief like no other while they are on this earth continuing to struggle with their lifestyles. I pray that you find peace and know within your heart that this is not your doing. We all love our children and want the best for them, but they have to want it for themselves.
    Please take good care of yourself.
    My heart goes out to yours.
    New Leaf
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