"How can I screw my life up today?"

[BusynMember]

But it was the broken e-cig, that I PAID FOR, that really set him off.

B-b-but...he NEEDS his nicotine!!!!!!!

Maybe he was rude because he needs a cigarette and Jabber's parents most likely won't buy him cigarettes.

And, yes, how dare his 70 year old grandfather ask him to help mow the lawn. It's nothing less than abuse

 

[AppleCori]

It is very wise of you not to quickly or easily forgive the 'FU'.

It always gets easier the second time around. And the third.

I remember the one and only time my stepson was overtly rude to me. Though he often yelled at and cursed at his dad, he knew he couldn't get away with disrespect toward me. But once, during an argument with his dad over not cleaning the mess he left, he called me a sl+t. It was the day his dad kicked him out (the first time).
I still think about that sometimes. It hurts.

 

[Lil]

But once, during an argument with his dad over not cleaning the mess he left, he called me a sl+t. It was the day his dad kicked him out (the first time).

Closest he ever came before was asking me why I was being such a b-word. If I had been standing closer, I'd have knocked his block off.

There is one word he's used to describe a woman he was mad at that he knows to never use in my presence again. You all can probably guess what 4-letter word he used.

He's always sworn like a trucker...but not AT me. My phone is on silent and in my purse. It's going to stay there a while longer.

 

[AppleCori]

Lil--

You might consider letting Dad talk to his son first and letting him know that he is never to disrespect his wife again.

My mom married a man (step-dad) with several Difficult Child kids and the best thing he ever did in that marriage was to never let those boys be disrespectful to my mom. They did a lot of things (much worse than your son ever thought about) but they knew there was a line they couldn't cross.

My hubby did the same for me and it was much appreciated.

I know your son is not your step-son, but its the same principle.

And I would bet Jabber will have a few things to say to Difficult Child.

 

[Lil]

Trouble with turning my phone off is I miss calls from people I probably should speak with. His grandmother called me today. She left a voice mail. Apparently he went into full tantrum mode. She said, "It was a difficult morning." She's so sweet. But fact is, he kind of scared her and she said if it happens again, they'll put him out. GOOD! His uncle came by and they all four had a talk.

Unfortunately, his uncle thought it would be a good idea to get him a new e-cig, because nicotine fits will just make his mood worse. They should not have done that, but it's done. He won that round I guess.

She talked like she truly believes he wants a job. I'm sure he does...but he doesn't really want to WORK, if you know what I mean.

I feel badly for not picking up when she called. I would have told her how sorry I am that she's got him. I would never, ever, have asked them to take him in.

 

[BusynMember]

Wow. I wonder what he said to his uncle that convinced him to buy him an e-cig. Maybe I'm just a diehard, but over my dead body would I buy anything for my kids, adults or not, with nicotine in them..

It was not good that he won that round, however you didn't do it a nd it's not on you. We'll see if Difficult Child gets a job now.

 

[Lil]

Well Jabber called his mom. She said he scared her in my voice mail. Jabber asked if she was afraid for herself or for him. Apparently both. Grandma called the uncle, her son, who came over. They all had a talk. Difficult Child has been told...if he does it again, loses control like that, they will call the police to remove him from their home.

I pray he doesn't. But we'll see.

His grandfather and uncle were the ones buying the e-cig. Grandma was against it. She thought he needed to learn to get a hold of himself. She was right. He's been told for years and years and years that he has to control his temper and if he can't to take a walk and calm down. We called the police once because he refused to leave the house. We just wanted him out for a half hour or so to calm down.

So...anyway, they saw it as "it'll keep him calm". No. He had some cigarettes and his grandmother even offered to buy a pack of cigarettes. This wasn't a man with a nicotine fit. It was a child throwing a temper-tantrum.

Unfortunately, he got his way.

To make matters worse, he probably broke it himself when he was having his earlier morning tantrum.

 

[dstc_99]

He's always sworn like a trucker...but not AT me.

This is a lesson mine has had to learn. I don't mind the cussing but I don't tolerate it towards me.

You might consider letting Dad talk to his son first and letting him know that he is never to disrespect his wife again.

I agree.

 

[dstc_99]

So...anyway, they saw it as "it'll keep him calm". No.

I hate this! My parents and brother do stuff like this all the time. Drives me bonkers.

 

[Jabberwockey]

And, yes, how dare his 70 year old grandfather ask him to help mow the lawn. It's nothing less than abuse

Yeah, he is actually 77. How dare he expect our son to help out instead of just letting him eat and live there for free!!

You might consider letting Dad talk to his son first and letting him know that he is never to disrespect his wife again.

IF he calls tonight I will be the one talking to him. There will be no passing the phone so he can talk to mom. And he will have limited time. At this point I'm a bit concerned about him staying at my parents house. I cant imagine what I'd do if he worked one of them up into a heart attack. And he will be SOOOOO apologetic for a while, but as time goes by he will revert back to form. At first a reminder will help but not for long.

 

[Jabberwockey]

I hate this! My parents and brother do stuff like this all the time. Drives me bonkers.

Odd thing is, my dad is the disciplinarian but he is also the enabler of the two. But it wont last long. My family feels that they have to try to help but they will quickly stop doing things like this. There is no problem with helping a family member in need but freeloading wont be tolerated for very long.

 

[Jabberwockey]

No Copa, its their house. Thats why I dont understand why he wanted me or Lil to talk to my parents. The fact of the matter is that if he does it again, my mom WILL call the police and have him removed. If they get too nervous they will call me or my brother or any one of the brother in laws...hell, every single one of my sisters could easily take him in a fight! I'm a bit concerned, not worried. If I was worried I'd tell them so.

 

[Lil]

I agree. He's been a pain in the , rude, loud, but the most violent he's been has been throwing his phone or punching a wall. He has, once, gone toe-to-toe with me, when I smacked him on the back of the head for slamming his door. I simply, quietly, said, "Don't. You. DARE." He backed off. He scuffled with Jabber, but both times was because Jabber was trying to physically restrain him or make him leave the house. He puffed up once and did the, "Let's Go!" thing to Jabber. Puleeze! He weighs 130 lbs and NONE of it is muscle. Jabber's right when he says that any one of his sisters could take him. (I wouldn't have a go at any one of them - those women could kick my butt good.) Maybe the youngest...because she's just really sweet, but her husband is 6'8" and a slim fella.

So yeah. We don't believe he'd physically hurt his grandparents. Stress them out? Yeah. But not hurt.

Jabber's made it clear that WE don't expect or want them to put up with his nonsense.

I hope this was him trying to see what he can get away with and being told that the police will be called to remove him next time was enough to stop it from happening again.

 

[Jabberwockey]

Maybe I'm just a diehard, but over my dead body would I buy anything for my kids, adults or not, with nicotine in them..

I can't say I've never purchased cigarettes for him but its been a while. I'm very much about supporting your own bad habits. Been a smoker off and on for almost 30 years and for the life of me can't understand how or why someone who is unemployed, or for that matter under employed, would continue to chose to purchase an item they CLEARLY cant afford?!?!?!?! Just don't get it.

 

[Echolette]

There is a locus on our dna that is related to cigarette addiction, or nicotine addiction. It is very near to the locus for schizophrenia, which is near that of other spectrum mental illnesses. It may well be that they travel together to a great extent...in other words, people with messed up brain syndrome (I made that up, but I believe in it) may be predisposed by their DNA to smoke.

 

[Jabberwockey]

I still don't get it. Seriously, if Lil or I were to lose our job the FIRST thing we would do would be to trim the fat from our budget. Cable tv? Gone. Internet? Gone. Cell phones? Gone. Eating out? Gone. Just doesn't seem that difficult to figure out to me. Then again, that IS the reason I quit trying to figure out inmates as well.

 

[Lil]

There is a locus on our dna that is related to cigarette addiction, or nicotine addiction. It is very near to the locus for schizophrenia, which is near that of other spectrum mental illnesses. It may well be that they travel together to a great extent...in other words, people with messed up brain syndrome (I made that up, but I believe in it) may be predisposed by their DNA to smoke.

Or maybe he just grew up in a house with parents who smoked. We quit a long time, but started again. His biodad was a smoker too. His loser friends smoke. Put that with a genetic predisposition to addiction...

He made a remark yesterday in mid-rant about having "beaten a drug addiction all by himself, with no help at all". First time he's ever said anything at all about drugs. My response was, "Well, you didn't have to. THAT was something we were always willing to help you with." I never really figured out where that fit into the conversation, except I was telling him he was right, I didn't understand what it was like to be him, because I did what my parents wanted me to, whether I liked it or not.

I agree with Jabber, if you can't afford something, you shouldn't do it...but by the same token, I know people who would buy smokes before food. Ever notice how many smokers are lower-income? Seems backwards to me.

 

[Jabberwockey]

Or maybe he just grew up in a house with parents who smoked.

That wasn't really directed at him. Just thinking about all the people I've known over the years who would buy cigarettes first and then pay the bills that they could afford after that.

 

[AppleCori]

Is all quiet on the Difficult Child front since the melt-down?

Maybe he is internalizing some lessons about humility?

 

[Lil]

Eh...so far so good.

I did speak with my mother in law last night, she called about a family reunion we're going to this weekend. Toward the end of the call, I asked if she'd had a better day. She said all was fine that day. I didn't want to talk much and have him hear, so told her we'd talk more when he wasn't around. She said if he doesn't have a job by Saturday they'll be bringing him with to the family reunion. (I had a nightmare this morning that he came with his backpack and tossed it in our car. That got me out of bed better than my alarm clock!) Anyway, today he's supposed to go do housework for his aunt who had rotator cuff surgery. So I suppose things calmed down.

After all, he got his e-cig and didn't mow the lawn...so why would he not be calm?

He hasn't contacted me since I ignored his "I'm sorry" text.

Good.