"How can I screw my life up today?"

[AppleCori]

Maybe he is embarrassed about his behavior? We can only hope.

Or perhaps he is just waiting for you to cool off and hopefully forget about the FU.

Yes, he did get his e-cig and didn't have to mow the lawn. sigh....

Sounds like what my hubby did before he finally kicked step-son out. Son would have a meltdown, hubby would get angry, but then try to pacify the situation by giving in to something (for the sake of myself and 10yo, to keep the peace) and it would start all over again later.

We can hope that your son understands that his grand are serious about not putting up with that type of behavior. Maybe he gets it? We can hope.

There is peace in knowing that you have tried, his grandparents tried, other relatives. He knows he is loved. Maybe one day (maybe soon?) he will get it.

 

[Lil]

I will never understand his tantrums. It's like he's 20 going on 2. I mean, I have a temper and I've been known and scream and shout. Hell, I even threw an iron at my ex's head once (he SO deserved it) but no one else has ever made me that crazy and I certainly don't do crazy over little things.

Jabber may disagree.

 

[Jabberwockey]

Jabber may disagree.

Yes, you have a temper and yes, sometimes you get angry at things I consider to be minor. The thing is, you don't have a complete meltdown for a half an hour or more. You might get a bit snappy for a few minutes is all.

 

[BusynMember]

agree with Jabber, if you can't afford something, you shouldn't do it...but by the same token, I know people who would buy smokes before food. Ever notice how many smokers are lower-income? Seems backwards to me.

A lot of low income people share smokes or even pick up butts off the ground. Yes, I know. Ewwwwwwww. But, of course, somebody has to buy them. I just wouldn't do it for anyone because it is to me a dangerous habit, although it doesn't make you high. I do think you have a better chance of raising a non smoker if you don't smoke. My husband did though until me and Jumper and Sonic harassed him until he quit. He had to try five times before quitting. I know it's not easy.

But quitting alcohol isn't easy either and I wouldn't by a beer for an alcoholic. I'm a big prude though. You can't go by me I will get up and leave, in a discreet way, if I see adults getting drunk. I don't think drunk is at all funny (or fun). I think it's boring and obnoxious and I've never been drunk it my life (tipsy a few times). So I guess I'm pretty much a party pooper :/ May be why I hate parties

 

[BusynMember]

will never understand his tantrums. It's like he's 20 going on 2. I mean, I have a temper and I've been known and scream and shout. Hell, I even threw an iron at my ex's head once (he SO deserved it) but no one else has ever made me that crazy and I certainly don't do crazy over little things.

Jabber may disagree.

It works, doesn't it? When he has one, doesn't he get what he wants most of the time? When it doesn't work, he won't do it anymore. That's why in my opinion it would have been so much better to NOT have given in on the e-cig. Goes beyond smoking. I thnk he'd learn better control if his tantrums were ignored completely and if they didn't give payoff.

 

[AppleCori]

My Difficult Child would pick up butts and smoke them!

I about threw up when I saw him do it!

 

[Jabberwockey]

My Difficult Child would pick up butts and smoke them!

I about threw up when I saw him do it!

Then don't ever work at a prison. After watching the yard workers picking up cigarette butts and smoking/pocketing/unwrapping for the tobacco I got into the habit of smoking all the way to the filter. I've wanted one pretty badly over the last few months but I just cant imagine becoming THAT desperate.

Oh, and SWOT. That comment about me maybe disagreeing was about Lil's temper!

 

[AppleCori]

When my daughter started exhibiting signs of mental illness, it was her temper that I noticed first. She was always sorta type A, but that quick, explosive anger was new.

May be different with your son, though, since he has always been this way. Maybe more of a learned behavior that gets him his way, as SWOT said?

 

[Lil]

It works, doesn't it? When he has one, doesn't he get what he wants most of the time?

Absolutely NOT! I never, EVER gave in to his tantrums...not once...not even when he was a little child. I have carried him out of carnivals and stores kicking and screaming. He once wanted to ride the little cars at the mall. I told him he could...IF he was good while I shopped. He threw a fit. NO cars. He wanted to buy a video instead of rent one at the store. Threw a fit. Out we went with NO videos at all. He wanted to go say bye to a friend who was going to her dad's for a week. I said, "Ask nice." He screamed. No friend...even though it was literally 1/2 hour of me holding the child while he tried to break the windows to get out if I let go. I finally shoved him under a cold shower. He was 3. Throw fits about video games. No games. Throw fits about wanting money. No money. I endured stares and whispers and people telling me they wouldn't care Children's Services if I spanked him.

WE NEVER gave in to him!

 

[Echolette]

(I had a nightmare this morning that he came with his backpack and tossed it in our car

That is very telling, isn't it.

 

[Lil]

As for ignoring him completely - You try ignoring someone who WON'T leave you alone and follows you from room to room. When he's like that he will NOT leave you alone. That's why we ended up calling the police once; he wouldn't leave the house and let us all calm down he just kept going ON and ON and ON!

The closest we ever came to "giving in" would be to - AFTER it was over and everyone was calm - discuss whatever stupid thing set him off and, if it was reasonable to do so, come to some type of compromise. But we NEVER just gave him what he was throwing a fit over.

It's not as though it's always over wanting anything specific anyway. It could be because his friends ditched him or he lost a freaking video game and there wasn't anything TO give in on.

 

[AppleCori]

We really just have to accept that everyone has their own unique personality that they are born with and there I nothing we an do about it. They must decide to work on their flaws (we all have them) before anything will change.

 

[Lil]

That's why in my opinion it would have been so much better to NOT have given in on the e-cig.

I thought I made it perfectly clear that that was our opinion too.

 

[AppleCori]

Lil--

Nothing you did made your son this way. I think we all know that.

I don't blame the uncle for getting the e-cig. As I said, hub did the same sometimes just to keep the peace. We have to experiment sometimes to figure out what works and what doesn't. Uncle was just trying to defuse the situation and hopefully everyone could move on and start fresh tomorrow.

Maybe it will work, who knows.

 

[Lil]

That is very telling, isn't it.

Yes, I suppose it is.

I just want this over. I'm tired of him calling me when something goes wrong. Heck, I'm tired of him calling me when something goes right! I just want it over! I want him to grow up already! My phone rings and my stomach flips. I see it's him and I feel ill. I should not feel that way about my only child. Part of me wants to tell him I feel that way, but I could never hurt him like that.

...and back to tears dammit. I better stop ranting and get back to work before I get really upset.

 

[Lil]

I'm sorry everyone. I've spent years with people thinking I must have never taught him not to throw tantrums and just gave in and that's why he does it. It's a sore spot with me because I've frankly never been able to understand WHY he didn't learn not to when I wasn't giving in!

So yeah. I probably overreacted there. Sorry.

 

[AppleCori]

My hubby has had to deal with feeling like he was being judged. I would imagine most people here have too.

Hubs brother, who is a lawyer, once told him 'Your son is like most of the people I deal with. He doesn't want anyone telling him what to do. We all have people telling us what to do ALL THE TIME. Laws, bosses, community standards, etc. They all regulate our behavior. He is either going to learn this, or deal with the consequences. There is nothing you can do'.

 

[AppleCori]

Just take peace in knowing that you have done all you can.

 

[Lil]

Hubs brother, who is a lawyer, once told him 'Your son is like most of the people I deal with. He doesn't want anyone telling him what to do. We all have people telling us what to do ALL THE TIME. Laws, bosses, community standards, etc. They all regulate our behavior.

That sounds like Jabber. He's said this over and over.

Sadly, he works in a prison.

 

[InsaneCdn]

So yeah. I probably overreacted there. Sorry

We understand, Lil.
It really isn't over-reacting. It's REACTING... as in, sometimes the sore spot is so big, that we don't even have time to think, we just react out of pain. been there done that.