Thank you for posting that. We have an 18 year old narcissistic daughter. I won’t go into all the details as it would take all night. But we are worn down to nothing. There is no joy in living anymore. We love her, but whatever we’ve done for her, she’s thrown back in our faces. She’s mean, verbally and emotionally abusive, the whole narcissistic ball of wax. So we’ve begun distancing ourselves emotionally from her. She still lives with us, and now that we’re not running and jumping to her demands she is ANGRY. Oh so very angry. And she’s stepped up her game. We are non drinkers, non smokers, apparently boring people. We’d no sooner delve into prostitution and drugs than we’d jump off the roof. So she’s working that angle against us now. She claims she’s doping and prostituting. Who knows if she really is or not. I see no evidence that she is. She lies constantly about everything. But I’ve had enough. Our health is failing seriously from the constant unrelenting stress. I’m 60 and my husband is almost 60. We’re drowning in this. And there is no solution. If she were a little older I’d say, fine, make her get out and learn about living in the adult world. I did at her age. But then I did not have her mental health challenges. Anyway, thanks for letting me rant. Narcissistic abuse is very isolating. Just being able so say something “out loud” on this forum was good. I love her with all my heart, but I really don’t like her at all. Her cruel ways are killing me. And, strangely enough, it appears that she expects me to enjoy that. Sigh.I thought I'd share this. Many of us deal with these types of not-quite-right adult children.
Every time you give them what they want, they demand something else. They say your job is to make them happy. They try to stimulate your guilt and shame for every sin they say you committed when they were kids.
What a nasty and unending list. If you were an average parent or better (you didn’t need to be perfect according to them), don’t accept blame and guilt. You don’t deserve to be used and abused. You don’t owe them anything anymore. Probably, your only big mistake was giving in to them too much, hoping they’d wake up one day straightened out and loving like they were when they were infants. Don’t hold your breath waiting for that miracle.
Selfish, narcissistic, manipulative bullies misinterpret your kindness and compassion as weakness and an invitation to demand more. They think they’re entitled to whatever they want. They always have reasons, excuses and justifications for being obnoxious. They claim their problems and rotten lives are all your fault. Their justifications will last forever.
I’ve never seen parents be able to purchase respect and civility from these narcissistic adult children. There’s no hope down that path. Stop meddling and enabling them. These adult children will remain predators as long as you feed them.
The only path with hope is to stop giving them anything, to demand civil behavior or to cut off contact. Don’t debate or argue about who’s right. Tell them you know they’re strong enough to make wonderful lives for themselves. Be full of joy when you protect yourself and your futurebecause, really, you are taking your life back. Now you can enjoy the rest of your life. You can surround yourself with people who respect and admire you, with people who are fun to be with.
Of course it’s hard and there are usually many complications. But if you continue to feed to them while they rip your heart out, you’ll be bled dry. Your life will shrivel up like a prune.
If your children are still kids, you have a chance to stop the patterns now. With a big smile, teach them that they won’t always get what they want, that they can’t always beat you into submission or bribe you into giving in. And that there are consequences for throwing temper tantrums. And they’re not destroyed when they don’t always get everything they want. And nothing is for free.
- Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
- Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.
Juliette,, I agree with CoriApple. This is abuse and coercion on your daughter's part. I would also contact the Department of Social Services, as there are laws to protect children, elderly, and disabled.I am new here ..First off "Hello" to all ..I recently had to have emergency mitral/aortic valve replacement surgery due to having rheumatic fever as a child. My 28yr old daughter who lives with me told my doctor that she was going to take a leave of absence 3 months from her job to take care of me when I was released from the hospital. Well I had my reservations about that and I told the nurses cause my daughter is very abusive both verbally an physically to me and I was scared how she would treat me especially with me being vulnerable. My daughter found out that I told the nurses an was making plans to go to a incare facility before I was released from the hospital an begged me daily to let her help me. So I figured OK I would give her a chance and maybe she wanted to change the way she was treating me, that this close call maybe made her see that she almost lost her mother. Finally I was able to go home from the hospital and my daughter was there to pick me up but when we got home she had moved in one of her friends! I barely had strength to even walk let alone to say too much to her over why that person was in my house. OH and I was in the hospital for 4 weeks, my house was a total mess! All that time an she didn't pick up or clean anything, I came home to a huge mess. She didn't even plan anything for dinner for me I was on my own, she told me that she an her friend were going out to dinner. I said wait what am I suppose to do and she started yelling at me that she has been stressed worrying if she was going to get the leave of absence approved from work or not ..I was left in shock. So for 3 months I basically was on my own ..Well now an then she had to drive me to my check up appointments but she complained an stressed me out all the way there it was horrible. I am so depressed only reason I am here truly is for my dog. I know that sounds silly but its the truth. My daughter is a narcissistic hateful person. I can't say anything she turns it around against me. She now says to me cause she took 3 months off for the leave of absence to help me ? she is in debt on her credit card ...and its my fault. Oh too If I didn't end up having heart surgery non of this would of happened ..again my fault ...always its my fault ..my fault ..
I understand your decision about your grandson. Hopefully your daughter will stay away. I also understand the i love her but don't like her. It definitly sounds like she needs some boundaries as far as behavior in your home.I’m so grateful I found this place and that I’m not the only parent dealing with an adult child with narcissistic behavior. I’ve had to endure years of verbal abuse from this child and she’s in her 30s now. She’s always had a tendency to direct her rage at me when things don’t go her way. At this time she is dealing with a cps case and I currently have custody of her 11 year old son as a result of her lifestyle choices. Her inability to stay out of physically abusive relationships and a suspected drug addiction and repeated trips to jail, she is now only allowed supervised visits with him. Since she is literally incapable of dealing with the fact that she can’t be in control of everything at all times, she has created chaos in my home. I allowed her to come into my home to visit him and attempted to demand things that were in direct violation of the cps order. As soon as I said no, she verbally attacked me in a rage and I truly felt she would have possibly tried to physically assault me. I told her to leave and she cussed me out all the way to the driveway. This is her typical behavior and I’m so tired of it. I love my daughter but I don’t like her at all. I am always her scapegoat. Thank you all for sharing your stories with me. It helps to know I’m not alone in dealing with these kinds of things. People who aren’t in our shoes don’t know the emotional turmoil a child can put a parent through. To love someone who can spew such ugliness is beyond comprehension but I’m sure you all understand I will not tolerate her behavior any longer and have decided to ask the other grandparents to take my grandson temporarily. It’s for the best at this point. I just want peace. Prayers for you all.