I bought my kid a tent today, he's homeless.

[JMom]

Update eleventeeth!

Yes, I realize eleven-teenth isn't a real number. So, Joshman landed himself a pretty darn good job. He was sober and needing a ride to his work, which is about 45 minutes from our house. I took him every morning and picked him up in the afternoons. I was still working, so we pretty much lived in the car. One afternoon, as I was waiting in the car for him, I went in to see if I could use the ladies room. When I came out of the restroom, I heard some arguing. I asked the receptionist if everything was ok. She said you should listen. So I did. I naturally nosy anyway. The men were arguing saying things like "No, no no, no way in hell"; It doesn't matter, he's the fastest worker" and so on. Then one of the men in the huddle whistled and yelled "Young"....and from across the room strolled Joshman. Josh said something that made them all laugh and ran off to my car.

I thought, that's odd, they know his street name from when he was homeless. It's not a part of his life he volunteered to people. I'm not sure what happened next, so I returned to my car. When Josh came out, he said "guess what mom, they just made me a lead-man. I said what's a lead-man. He said it's when you get your own truck and you have a helper. You have your own area of responsibility." Wait, um, Josh, you don't have a driver's license because of your DUI circa 2016. He said yeah, that's why my managers are in there arguing. They are trying to figure it out. the word YOUNG took on a whole new meaning. He was the youngest lead man to ever have worked in this company. Josh showed up at work with a friend the next day at work. He told his managers that they could hire her as his helper and driver. They did it. They are paying a woman $10/hour to drive his take-home truck. You can't make this stuff up.

Ok, so we have had some ups and downs from that time until now. The usual, coming home after smoking weed, having friends over too often but nothing dramatic. He has since taken up drinking as of late. This is new. This is not good. I talked with him two weeks ago and told him to slow down. He's 23 but still an addict. I sat down with him last night and told him I wasn't going to watch him destroy himself. He said he traded one addiction for another. He said he's an alcoholic. I asked him what he planned on doing about it and he said he doesn't know yet. He said it feels hollow and burning in his chest until he drinks something. He said it's like a little person inside that pesters, that constantly begs to be fed. When I asked why he switched from weed to alcohol he said, that he has smoked so much weed that he doesn't feel it anymore and that it is an expensive habit. So here we are. He was currently drinking at the time of said conversation, but not drunk.

He knows I want to talk more tonight. I think this is the hard part where I have to tell him, I am getting off the train. We all know where this is going. We all know he doesn't have a place to live. He's been paying us $200-$300/week since he's been here to pay us back. We got his teeth fixed for $4,000 and are putting the rest on his DUI. He's within $1,000 of paying it off. I talked to my husband last night and asked how he would feel about saving the money for a month and giving it back to him so he can get his own place. He has made great strides and things can go either way now.

I feel like he's in a good place financially, I just don't want to cut him off at the knees, as we are at the finish line. I am optimistic that he will not return to street living and street drugs, he is in a way different frame of mind. I don't want to over react about his drinking because he drinks after work from around 5-8 then he's in bed and up/out of the house by 5 a.m. for work. It's on the weekends that I see the heavier drinking. From the outside looking in-it's not too far gone. I think he can pull it together. I know in my heart if I allow him to get drunk in our home, it's tolerating it, if not enabling.

I've come a long way from rescuing, so I have to have a very hard conversation tonight. What I've learned more than anything is to let people have natural consequences for their actions. He's going to have to do that somewhere else.

What are your thoughts on the timeline of this? I am too close to it to see it clearly.



Jmom

 

[JMom]

JMom please give us an update on your son!

Please see update :0)

 

[BusynMember]

Great about the job.

Bad about alcoholism. I think that like many of us you are in denial regarding his drinking though.
I would.not pay off his DUI. He drinks a lot. You really want him driving to kill himself or someone else or go to jail? If it were me I would not help him drive and of the two drugs would have preferred weed. Although I hate weed. I feel alcohol is more dangerous especially on the road and with aggression. And he drinks several hours every day. He is able to work so he is functioning but he is an alcoholic. He feels different if he doesny drink. Red flag.

If they are still an addict in my opinion we cant forget that. Even though he is doing well at work. Apples and oranges. He TOLD you he is an alcoholic. I wouldnt reward a new addiction.

Believe him. Dont help him drive. Hope he is motivated to quit before he needs rehab to quit. Legal or not, alcohol is a hazard to the body, mind and perception if you are addicted. This is not his finish line. He is still tackling addiction.

Love and llight and crossing fingers.

 

[Copabanana]

I don't know that this has to happen. If he makes a choice to stop the train:

I am getting off the train. We all know where this is going. We all know he doesn't have a place to live.

I think you are ambivalent about what to do.

What I've learned more than anything is to let people have natural consequences for their actions.

What strides son has made. It is hard to know what to do when there is real objective change, and flourishing, due to your ongoing support...but the issues continue...because this is real life.​

As you write this post I hear the contradiction in your voice, on the one hand, fear of what could be, on the other hand, hope. Actually, I see you as having three different points of view: One is that the drinking could be manageable as he is doing it, after work and weekends. The other that is that the drinking is so self-destructive that he must leave your house. If that happens there is the hope that he has changed so that there is no longer great risk of the worst thing happening. But there is the recognition that he is an active addict, and he is potentially destroying himself. (Welcome to my world.)

Each of these, to me, represent different points of view:

I am optimistic that he will not return to street living and street drugs, he is in a way different frame of mind. I don't want to over react about his drinking because he drinks after work from around 5-8 then he's in bed and up/out of the house by 5 a.m. for work. It's on the weekends that I see the heavier drinking.

He has made great strides and things can go either way now.

I am optimistic that he will not return to street living and street drugs, he is in a way different frame of mind.

​

So what to do? What is our role now? What is support and what is enabling? I struggle with all of this.

sat down with him last night and told him I wasn't going to watch him destroy himself. He said he traded one addiction for another. He said he's an alcoholic.

You and I have the same issue, our own role. Do we protect and guide them so that the worst does not happen? Or do we set limits on our space, to protect our own integrity and ultimately theirs? The question of what is support and what is enabling for me is a hard one. I hear your fear that he could not deal responsibly with his addiction if he is away from you, and is not doing so, close. But at this point you are caught up in it, and the question has become yours. How will you deal with his addiction as it has come home to you?

In reading your posts it seems like he is a pleasure to have at home. Why not offer the choice to him?

I am channeling you here:

The drinking is the elephant in MY living room now. And I cannot avoid seeing it and confronting it. I cannot watch you worsen in your dependence, with my own consent, in my home, where I have responsibility and control. Your drinking has reached levels where you feel you do not have control anymore. That is a problem. If you keep doing it here, it becomes my problem. We are already here. What are you going to do?

I don't know if I would say this *but it is implied: To stay here I need for you to make a choice: either enter treatment and stop drinking here in my home, or decide to get your own place.

Are you open to giving him the choice in what to do?

​

 

[BusynMember]

Copa you are not contemplating putting an alcoholic in a car. Its different. Your son J is a danger to no one.

This one is if he drives.

in my opinion we have to consider, as responsible, caring adults, not just our children but everyone else too. I get that we love our kids but this is about whether our child is safe to other peoples beloveds. If this guy drinks for several hours and drives, he is a dangerous driver. He already has one DUI. Killing himself or somebody else wont help anyone. And hoping he can control his liquor doesnt mean he can. I personally would never pay off his DUI or let him use my cars. He is who should NOT be on the road. He needs to get sober first whether he is doing better job wise or not. Safety issue.

I know I wouldnt want him driving around MY kids.

I know this sounds harsh but how is it in any way untrue?

 

[Copabanana]

Copa you are not contemplating putting an alcoholic in a car. Its different

Hello SWOT. I don't hold a view different than your own. I did not comment upon the car or driving, but I will now.

First, my understanding is that he has an assistant that drives the take home truck from work to his residence, and the assistant drives the truck while at work. That sounds to me like a novel way to handle the situation.

This mother did not ask us about paying his DUI. The parents have made that decision and she is not rethinking it. That is why I did not address my comments about it.

I believe my comments are consistent with this mom drawing a line about any destructive or dangerous behavior by her son in her home. In no way do I endorse driving or helping another adult drive who has a drug or alcohol problem. There is the awareness here that if she forces him out, he does not have an apartment, but he could find one. Who knows how this would affect and or undermine the job which seems to be giving son both structure and an impetus to grow and change for the positive.

I believe that son showed growth by fessing up to how destructive is his drinking and his lack of any control. Many people would not have participated in this conversation in an open and honest way. I do not believe that this mother's only choice is to kick him out. She was worked with him and he has responded every step of the way. How is this different?

Nobody is supporting this young person to drive.

Discussion between M and I has come up about supporting my own son to drive. We even bought another truck with the idea that we help him. What happened? My son KNOWS he cannot drive. While the hypothetical idea of having a vehicle and driving interested him, he showed no motivation to actually move towards this idea, by getting his drivers license back or any other thing. And at the end of the day, we realized that we could not help him do something that could be a dangerous proposition for any other person. As long as my son is impulsive, rash and anxious, he should never be near a car.

 

[BusynMember]

I am most concerned about her paying his DUI and being on the road with all his drinking. I cant even get past that. My daughters workwmate recenrly lost her also too often drunk fiance to a drunk accident. I care derply about kerping the non sober off the roads. Cant help it.

I will let other people like you deal with the other stuff

I was mostly addressing Js mom. I believe he drinks too much and that, she did tell us she was paying off his DUI therefore felt it was okay to address this serious issue. We have been there and did not again pay for Daughter to drive again. So we have faced this issue.

I think that issue is most important so I talked about it. And stand by it. If he fessed up to drinking but wont go to rehab he is still a potential drunk on the road and should not be there. He didnt ask for help quitting which still would not have mattered UNTIL he quit! No more drunk driving deaths please!

Your J in my opinion did tje right thing. He is admirable in many ways and would probably be horrified if he ever hurt anyone for any reason.

Hope you are doing well Copa!!!

 

[Copabanana]

pating his DUI and being on the road with all his drinking. I cant even get past that.

As far as I am aware, paying the fines for a DUI do not affect the capacity to legally drive which are a stand alone offense. But getting an attorney to try to avoid consequences for a DUI would be another thing entirely. We do not know the circumstances here.

This mom, I think, is a cop, or something close. She knows the consequences of drinking and driving. I don't think we can presume from what the mom wrote that she supports his returning to the road if he is drinking or drugging. I presumed from the post that she may have helped him with the DUI fees so as to not to get incarcerated. If she did, I do not judge her. She evaluated the situation and she chose.

I do not fault her for wanting to help her son avoid the very worst consequences of his behavior, as he is very young. That is a far different thing than enabling him to potentially harm others. This mother in my view knows the difference, and is struggling to do the very best she can, and is trying to do even better.

 

[BusynMember]

Cop or not of course paying off a DUI helps your kid drive. I dont bend on this issue. My kids know kids killed by drunk drivers. Four were killed on prom night while the drunk man was barely hurt.

The only circumstances for me are if your kid has been sober for a long time. I made my point. I mean it. And wont waver. This is one issue I think our justice system is way too lenient about. In Wisconsin people with 9 DUIs still somehow drive. The liquor industry has lots of influence.

I will talk to a parents conscience about this then the parent will do what he or she wants anyways. Thats why so many accidents involve alcohol ... 50 percent.

I said my mind. Copa I need to stay true to myself as do you. My kids drive. I worry about drunk drivers on the road for all of us who are sober when we drive. The belief is in my bones.

Sometimes we think about only our kids and not the kids and grandmas and new mothers older mothers and fathers and babies and nice teens and not so nice teens and pets who could be killed if our kid drives drunk and has a crash. We need to remember that this is not affecting just our kid who may be doing a bit better in some areas but still is a danger on the road. My daughter worked. But she used drugs and drank. Good bye car keys.

Ok, I think everyone knows how I feel now and will back off.

 

[Copabanana]

I can only speak to my own state because I am unaware of law in other states. In my state there are multiple consequences of a DUI. One of them is a fine. Another one can be incarceration. Another can be a suspended license for a long period of time. There are other indirect consequences: inability to be accepted into college; restrictions to working, etc. Judges set consequences. Mothers do not. Paying the fine does not take away the other consequences. The point here is that we all think differently about these things.

That said. I don't know what I would do. But in this case on this the horse is out of the barn. Maybe this discussion between us will help this mom clarify what she is thinking at this point. All of this is germane to what she is dealing with now.

I will not say if this mother made the right decision or not. We all of us are trying to finesse impossible situations where we are trying to steer a course where our own child is not forever damaged by stupid, immature or illegal behavior, and at the same time act responsibly. Not one parent wants others to be hurt. We are responsible to protect society at large from our children. (And many times we are legally responsible, too. Whether or not we face it.)

We cannot abide their behavior that hurts or could potentially hurt others. It is a juggling act. And not one of us has skill at this when we enter this horrible game. That your child or my child chose to confront their destructive behavior because you or I acted in a certain way, does not speak to that same path working in every situation. Each situation is different. Each child is different. Each parent is different.

Nobody wants anybody to drive drunk. Not this mother, not me, not you.

Just as you will not condone, I will not condemn. We are in agreement about the particulars. It is a stylistic difference.

I believe we have beaten this horse to death. This mother has many options. She will choose.

 

[BusynMember]

Just one thing about my daighter. She did not decide not to drive. We locked the keys and that was that.

Yes, we all have choices. I rarely condemn....on this issue I do if it leads to a user on the road. But I am but one peon. We all do different things for different reasons. This is a fact.

Love to you tonight, my friend. Your input is always so appreciated

 

[Tired out]

In my state paying off a fine won't get a license back. There are other steps that are involved.

JMom, I think since he is living with you I would tell him. "You have told me you have a drinking problem. For us to continue to help you we HAVE to address this problem. You have come a very long way and I don't want you to throw it all away" I know how proud you were that they made you team lead. Please don't put that in jeopardy. Can you tell me what is leading you down the drinking path?" Is he willing to talk to a therapist? Go to AA? Is he feeling undeserving of what he has accomplished and shooting himself int he foot (so to speak)? It sure seems you have all conquered a lot and am hoping you can overcome this too.

Good luck!

 

[LauraH]

On a similar note to yours, I have been wondering what to do for my own son this Christmas. He doesn't have a car and is often broke so can't even come up with the money for bus fare. I think someone on this forum suggested I put Uber credits on his app, and I think I will either do that or buy him a 31 day bus pass. I will definitely not give him cash because he would likely fritter it away on lord knows what and the have nothing to show for it.

I think your tent gift was an excellent idea. You're helping him, but helping him where he is. You're adding a little comfort to the life he's chosen rather than bailing him out of it. Prayers for you and your son and your family during the holiday season and always.

PS I don't know about your area, or even my own, but when my sister lived in Northern Virginia and there was a freeze warning, her church would ride around in minivans looking for homeless people and offer them rides back to the church where an emergency shelter was in place. Hopefully there is something like that where you are to help your son get off the streets for a few nights. God bless.

 

[Tanya M]

Hi JMom,

You have been very generous to allow your son to live with you. I'm glad to hear he's doing well with his job and that he's been paying you back.
As for where you go next, that is up to you. You can only do what you can live with.
From what you have shared I think you have a good understanding that there is a fine line between helping and enabling. Where you are right now is right on the line. For myself, I would not have paid for the DUI. I understand your son is paying you back but when you paid it for him, you diverted him from the natural consequences. What's done is done - you did what you felt was best at the time and you did it out of love and that's okay.

Your son is only 23 and could turn this around but he has to want it for himself. I think your son would benefit from counseling or at the very least attending AA meetings. It's wonderful that he was able to share with you that he knows he's an alcoholic and also that he recognizes why he's drinking - to fill that burning sensation - that hole within himself. It can take years for an alcoholic to come to that understanding.
Right now your son is "functioning" in that he's going to work everyday but that can so easily change. Calling in sick for being hung over or God forbid, he drinks on the job are things that can cause him to lose his job.

You are at a crossroads with your son. Here is my suggestion for what you may want to do.
Tighten up the boundaries by which you allow him to live under your roof. This way you are giving him the opportunity to turn it around. I would tell him that under no circumstances is he allowed to drink in your home. Be honest and tell him that you cannot enable behavior that is harmful to him. I would also tell him that he needs to attend AA meetings or go to counseling and if he cannot abide by and have respect for you, your husband and your home, that he will need to find other living arrangements. Give him a reasonable time limit and stick with it.
Be prepared for him to respond telling you that "he's got it under control" that he goes to work every day and only drinks in the evenings and that his drinking is not affecting his work. I would reply with, I understand that's what you think but you have admitted to me that you are an alcoholic and you drink to fill the hollow burning sensation you feel. Until you address why you feel that hollow burning sensation and figure out another way to cope with it, nothing will improve for you. Offer to attend some AA meetings with him. Tell him that he does not have to talk but to just listen.

I hope he will see what a great chance he has before him.

 

[RN0441]

Jmom

You were one of the people that inspired me on how to handle my son years ago. I was so impressed by how you handled him at that time, buying him a tent and all. I even told my husband your story.
Then you disappeared. I have looked for you many times over the past few years but never did see you.

I agree with a few of the other posters. I know you do not want your son to be a "functioning alcoholic". There are many of them out there and I know that you want more for him. I think him telling you what he did was a cry for help.

Not that you can SAVE him from himself. No one can do that for another person. Wish we could!! Then we wouldn't need this forum or any other kind of help for that matter.

All you can do is love him and guide him in the right direction. Other posters have given you great suggestions and I have nothing to add to that.

It's so easy to tell others how to handle things but hard for us to do it ourselves because we think our situation is different or we are different; both which are true. But when it comes to addiction there are only a few things that really are effective. It sounds like you have your son's ear which in itself is very special.

 

[JMom]

I don't know that this has to happen. If he makes a choice to stop the train:I think you are ambivalent about what to do.
What strides son has made. It is hard to know what to do when there is real objective change, and flourishing, due to your ongoing support...but the issues continue...because this is real life.​

As you write this post I hear the contradiction in your voice, on the one hand, fear of what could be, on the other hand, hope. Actually, I see you as having three different points of view: One is that the drinking could be manageable as he is doing it, after work and weekends. The other that is that the drinking is so self-destructive that he must leave your house. If that happens there is the hope that he has changed so that there is no longer great risk of the worst thing happening. But there is the recognition that he is an active addict, and he is potentially destroying himself. (Welcome to my world.)

Each of these, to me, represent different points of view:

​

So what to do? What is our role now? What is support and what is enabling? I struggle with all of this.
You and I have the same issue, our own role. Do we protect and guide them so that the worst does not happen? Or do we set limits on our space, to protect our own integrity and ultimately theirs? The question of what is support and what is enabling for me is a hard one. I hear your fear that he could not deal responsibly with his addiction if he is away from you, and is not doing so, close. But at this point you are caught up in it, and the question has become yours. How will you deal with his addiction as it has come home to you?

In reading your posts it seems like he is a pleasure to have at home. Why not offer the choice to him?

I am channeling you here:

The drinking is the elephant in MY living room now. And I cannot avoid seeing it and confronting it. I cannot watch you worsen in your dependence, with my own consent, in my home, whe

I don't know that this has to happen. If he makes a choice to stop the train:I think you are ambivalent about what to do.
What strides son has made. It is hard to know what to do when there is real objective change, and flourishing, due to your ongoing support...but the issues continue...because this is real life.​

As you write this post I hear the contradiction in your voice, on the one hand, fear of what could be, on the other hand, hope. Actually, I see you as having three different points of view: One is that the drinking could be manageable as he is doing it, after work and weekends. The other that is that the drinking is so self-destructive that he must leave your house. If that happens there is the hope that he has changed so that there is no longer great risk of the worst thing happening. But there is the recognition that he is an active addict, and he is potentially destroying himself. (Welcome to my world.)

Each of these, to me, represent different points of view:

​

So what to do? What is our role now? What is support and what is enabling? I struggle with all of this.
You and I have the same issue, our own role. Do we protect and guide them so that the worst does not happen? Or do we set limits on our space, to protect our own integrity and ultimately theirs? The question of what is support and what is enabling for me is a hard one. I hear your fear that he could not deal responsibly with his addiction if he is away from you, and is not doing so, close. But at this point you are caught up in it, and the question has become yours. How will you deal with his addiction as it has come home to you?

In reading your posts it seems like he is a pleasure to have at home. Why not offer the choice to him?

I am channeling you here:

The drinking is the elephant in MY living room now. And I cannot avoid seeing it and confronting it. I cannot watch you worsen in your dependence, with my own consent, in my home, where I have responsibility and control. Your drinking has reached levels where you feel you do not have control anymore. That is a problem. If you keep doing it here, it becomes my problem. We are already here. What are you going to do?

I don't know if I would say this *but it is implied: To stay here I need for you to make a choice: either enter treatment and stop drinking here in my home, or decide to get your own place.

Are you open to giving him the choice in what to do?

​

re I have responsibility and control. Your drinking has reached levels where you feel you do not have control anymore. That is a problem. If you keep doing it here, it becomes my problem. We are already here. What are you going to do?

I don't know if I would say this *but it is implied: To stay here I need for you to make a choice: either enter treatment and stop drinking here in my home, or decide to get your own place.

Are you open to giving him the choice in what to do?

​

Hi Copa, Thank you for your response. I LOVE the way you stated it, in making HIM make the choice. Like I said, I am too close to see it, and it is a very simple choice.

To be clear to all, He is paying off the DUI with his money and has been before he came home. Part goes to his dental, which, he has paid back $4,000, so the remainder is going towards his DUI. In other words, he is paying off his DUI with or without me. Whether or not he drives is out of my control, as he can do that without the DUI being paid off. I don't want you guys to think my goal is to get him into a vehicle. He very well knows the risks of drinking and driving and his addictions. The LAST thing I want is him to drive EVER while he is using any substance. I know the consequences.

 

[JMom]

Copa you are not contemplating putting an alcoholic in a car. Its different. Your son J is a danger to no one.

This one is if he drives.

in my opinion we have to consider, as responsible, caring adults, not just our children but everyone else too. I get that we love our kids but this is about whether our child is safe to other peoples beloveds. If this guy drinks for several hours and drives, he is a dangerous driver. He already has one DUI. Killing himself or somebody else wont help anyone. And hoping he can control his liquor doesnt mean he can. I personally would never pay off his DUI or let him use my cars. He is who should NOT be on the road. He needs to get sober first whether he is doing better job wise or not. Safety issue.

I know I wouldnt want him driving around MY kids.

I know this sounds harsh but how is it in any way untrue?

SOT, not harsh at all. He does not drive our vehicles. He has a take home truck from work that a sober, hired driver picks him up and drops him off. I guess I somehow implied that I let him drink and drive from our home. That has not happened. I don't want him driving period. Not around your cjildren or anyone elses.

 

[JMom]

Thank you all for your responses. It has helped me see the situation as a clear choice I have to offer. I liked the idea of go somewhere else or stay and start the recovery process. Thanks for everyone's perspective, even the advocacy for survivors and potential victims of DUI. When J got the DUI, I was devastated. I knew how dangerous it was and feared for everyone's safety.

One thing I didn't make clear was the terms of his DUI. I don't want to sound defensive, please don't take it that way, I just want you all to know this has been his accomplishment not mine.

(He earned the DUI when he was 19 but never paid it, as he was out drugging and ended up homeless). He just recently got sober a year ago and decided to work on getting his driver's license to receive a promotion at work and turn his life back around. When all this was happening, he was also paying back fines for misdemeanor crimes he had committed prior to his days in the tent. He has to date- paid approximately $8,000 in fines and spent 60 days in jail.
Once he can drive for himself, he gets another promotion.

He spent mandatory time in jail and received a $4,000 fine and he got a pan handling ticket a year later and it added $800, there were additional $200-$500 fines added for non-criminal related issues from 19-21 years of age.
In Texas when you have an unpaid DUI, any trouble you have with the law adds fines, late payments add fines, etc. When it is paid off, he has to go to alcohol awareness classes-which he said (at the time of our talk) that he thinks he should do now. He had been putting that off.

Now understand this drinking just started, it is new, caught me by surprise after all the work he has put forth. The time line of this has been about 2 weeks. I was so scared of starting this process over again, the detachment, the sadness, the tough love. I hate it. I just hate it. I came here for comfort and straight talk; once again, you have all delivered.

J has paid all of this money DIRECTLY to the court, not to me. I am not helping him pay it off. When he first came home, I showed him a budget since he had never had money on a consistent basis from a job.

In the beginning, he gave me cash every week because he didn't have an ID, a driver's license, a bank account, clothing, Etc...He was cashing his checks at work and bringing it to me. Newly sober, he wanted his teeth fixed (because he had meth mouth), buy a few articles of clothing and chip away at restoring all that he had destroyed. We offered to get his teeth fixed if he stayed sober, stayed within his budget and all things stayed above board. The dental work was $4,000. He just recently paid that off.

He still doesn't have a bank account but uses an old account I have-he pays the DUI himself; he will just have more to put on it. I see him having it paid off in 6-8 weeks.

What I have learned from all of you was to continue to love him, but to rip off the band-aid and get it over with. Not sure where his driver will park his truck if he leaves here, but if he makes the choice to continue to drink then I suppose that's his problem.

Thank you all for being kind and sensitive, I needed a safe spot to land.

 

[TerryJ2]

Hi, JMom. I could have been in your place. In fact, my son was homeless for three days but found an apartment where he slept on the floor with four other kids! And they smoked so much weed, it was called the smoke room. People are resilient in their own ways.
Hugs.

 

[JMom]

Dear J's Mom. Please keep us in the loop. We care about you and your child. Personally, I would love to know how he responds to this next volley. He sounds like a great guy. And you, of course, a great Mom.

Thanks Copa, he's out of town for the weekend, so I will keep you updated. :0)