I Need my friends and input

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DammitJanet, Dec 4, 2011.

  1. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I got my sleep number with the delux topper 5 years ago and it is like new. I bought it thru QVC on a special of the day and it ws not more than 1200 including the frame. I was working then so??? of course I could afford it. But it was the best investment I have ever made, no more low back pain, no hip pain and I sleep when I am not anxious! At work we all would ask eachother... so what's your number? most of us were 35 or 40 and one had a hubby who was 70. It has a good warranty that goes on for years.

    The advantage of QVC is no interest payments. IF you can swing it.... but there are off brand names now too, even through the online shopping. I got mine no shipping and because of how it comes, it is light and you can put it all together yourself.

    I say no to the memory foam stuff too. does not last and it is so hot. mine has a memory foam topper under a layer of typical bedding that can be zipped in or out, so it does add a layer of cushy, but I tried the ones without it which are cheaper and they are just as comfortable.

    My friends who have the larger ones with dual controls for partners, they do say it is a little funny when one is up higher and one is lower due to the firmness the pick, lol, have to even up if you want any action I guess...lol
  2. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Buddy I have to tell you this message was DOUBLE DUTCH to me... Something about mattresses, right? :)
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    No, Malika.

    It's about AMERICAN mattresses!
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Do NOT go with a sleep number bed if you are overweight. All it takes to pop it is to slip and land on it heavier than normal and it is GONE. Now my parents have had one for a couple of years and love it, but neither of them is severely overweight. We have had friends from church and from our neighborhood who have had the sleep number beds die fast because someone fell on them, not from a great height but just from slipping while trying to do something (no, not THAT something . . . lol).

    Push for a bed from your pain doctor. It woudl make a HUGE difference to your back, esp with the escalation in pain that happened recently. If you feel you really need something soon, go for a cheap airbed and put two twin ones up. As for the 1yo mattress, call the co that made it. Usually the manufacturer is the one issuing the warranty, not the store, so go to them. Take all those upset, hurt, mad feelings and channel them into a productively assertive complaint by email or letter to the company. Let them know that you specifically asked for a bed that would not break in the next few years, that you told the salesperson what you needed and how you would use the bed, and he swore that the POS mattress you now have would do what you want for decades to come. Now you expect them to do what was promised - to give you a bed that would stand up to your use for decades to come. You don't CARE if what you need is more expensive than the set you have - you were PROMISED that the one you got would do what you needed and you paid for a bed that met that promise - NOT for the substandard bed you have.

    Be SURE to tell them that hundreds of your best friends and sisters are watching them like they have never been watched before and we are eagerly waiting to hear what they have done and to tell everyone that we know exactly how wonderfully this company treated you, or exactly how horribly you were treated and how they took advantage of a lady with disabilites and then left her in worse shape that she was in before she got the bed.

    Make triple super duper sure that they KNOW that you have sisters/best friends spread out all over the WORLD and we are very prepared to tell everyone we know exactly how you were treated. This will either be an awesome gift to them - the opportunity to make things right and have a LOT of women who will rememberhow wonderful they are and will look to them when we want a new mattress - or a HUGE problem for them - they will incite the ire of the very vocal women who love you and who HATE the idea that some slick salesjerk took advantage of you and of your disabled body to make a fast buck. And that fast buck in the salesjerk's commissioned pocket will cost them the price of that mattress many times over because not only will WE (your sisters and bffs) not purchase their fall apart in under a year POJunk mattress, we will make sure that our relatives and friends are warned about them as well.

    If nothing else, the mere thought of all of us not talking about them should motivate them.

    As for Tony, the others have given you good ideas. I hate to suggest this, but could he be in very early stages of alzheimers or something like that, or having mental changes due to hardening of the arteries? The paranoia about Cory stealing everything and being responsible for everything that he can't find, plus his anger and outburst at you could be signs of either of those. I have relatives who have shown similar behaviors as those problems occurred.

    One practical solution to help you and Tony both is to go and get some 2 part carbonless order pads. When he wants you to do something, or you want to tell him something or want him to do something, you write it down and give one copy to the other and keep one copy with you in your pad. Then when there is a problem, you can say "Tony, here is wehre you wrote down what you asked me to do. This is what I did - exactly what you wrote down. I am not psychic and cannot read your mind. If you don't tell me you want me to do soemthing, then you can't yell when I don't do what you want. "

    Catch him at a calm time to discuss how it will work. IT will take some getting used to. Keep those pads with you at all times and write stuff down. You will then be able to see if you are missing things that he has asked, or if there is some o ther communication problem. You can buy the pads at staples or even at walmart in the office supply stuff. They have gone a LONG way toward getting my husband to back off on acting like he never agreed to do something that I asked for him to do. Or the other way around. It also has helped show my kids that I keep track of what I have assigned as their chores and their deadlines.

    I am sorry things are so tough.
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    First off.....you know I love you, and having not lived in your house perse? It's really hard to know what goes through a mans head at all. However having lived various 'lives' as it were...? Sigh - and I read thorugh your posts and the replies here so I'm kinda up to speed on what everyone has thoughts on. It's good to post like this - food for thought; or in our case - smorgasboard of opinions.

    Having lived with Corys twin separated at birth? And after living with the Father that raised the twin? I can tell you that even years after the "boy" has left (and yes that's the preferred pet name here too, because young man, man or Dude don't usually apply to someone that has done the things that DF CONTINUALLY still finds out that Dude had done?) I get Tony's rage on that point. It's understandable from here because at least in OUR house? "The boy" left and went off and gave us a break in peace and life. Cory- didn't do that to you and Tony. He moved in, has brought stress whether directly or indirectly with his life and his life choices that DO affect you, Tony and your lives togehter, and from here? It's like the two of you NEVER get a break, or time alone, or time to breath or relax from one uber stressful situation and chaotic quagmire to the next. Now whether that is Cory, or Jamie or Billy, or Cory's children's Mothers, or former girlfriends, or children - or health issues, or home situations - or Jamies wife, their children, how they are raised (or not raised), and Billy living with you and NOT helping to keep up with things around the home when you are OBVIOUSLY disabled and could use help and SHOULD have the full support of BOTH your sons and their significant others for all the help you give them? I think if I were there, and a relative? I'd be putting my -02 cents in and telling them what I really think of how they treat you - YOU who helps everyone and by the time you do? Is so tired that you have little time for yourself or your spouse. I can SEE why he'd be uspet.

    And speaking of upset? It occurs to me that I'm not a man, I don't think like a man, and therefore could never render a thought like a man....but having had conversations with a man on why he was snappy, lashing out, and sounded similar to Tony? A few things cross my mind because they were explained to me from a mans point of view. For one - and I'm sure this was mentioned - men are pridefull. Not unlike women in so many ways - BUT - If Tony is failing in health...and he's looking at the future - a future for TWO? (you and him) What do you think he sees right now. Think of this from HIS perspective. He's older, hurt, tired, and now suffered a stroke (although I have to admit I missed that post OMG) So my thought would be - HIS thoughts are WHAT AM I GOING TO DO NOW? HOW am I going to support my family and MYSELF? How am I going to tell Janet that it's going to get a lot worse than it is right now? (shrug) and so begins the lashing out and the ugly words and the driving everyone away. Perhaps in his mind you'd all be better off WITHOUT him??? Just a thought that I don't think anyone has brought up. DF has said this often about being a broken down, crippled old man, not able to think and work like he used to - and Ain't I lucky to have him in my life? THAT thought never crossed my mind (okay except for that time about the koolaid and the Oxycodone, and the pillow???) yeah remember that? SIgh ahem....

    And what few things he DOES have that make him feel like he used to? To me don't even seem pleasurable to him anymore. You mentioned he likes to go hunting. I'm going to take a wild guess and say that for him it's not as much fun as it used to be and THAT in itself probably bothers him. Maybe it was something someone said like "Hey old man" in remarking to him being cold, or climbing slowly in a tree stand -who knows? But I do know as men age? And you TRY to compliment them on virility? It tends to backfire as much as even lifting a simple bag of dogfood on the belt at the grocery store. OMG - the bag is 50 lbs...he has a bad back and a new knee...is using a cane...and all I did was lift the stupid bag on to the belt. It was WWIII in Bi-Lo. "I CAN DO THAT YOU KNOW I'm NOT 90." and on it went even until the drive way....where I got out ofthe car, shut the door and said "Well big daddy - I'm going in - you get the dog food - all 100 lbs of it because I'm just too tired." and with that he said "Damn right I will get that dog food." and I just thought - You know last week I loaded 52,000 lbs of clothes in a hopper, baled it myself and it got loaded onto a truck to be shipped somewhere. I never went around to the front of the store and did a muscle show (posturing) for my customers, or ran out in the middle of the aisle and did a body building pose while growling.....grrrrrrrrrrr......it was a job, I had to do it, I got paid...end of story. MEN see different things differently. The other day I lifted 3 25 lb weights up and handed them to the driver of the donation truck and had NO idea what they were - they were rubber....WHO lifts rubber weights? He made a comment about how easy I lifted them - I was slightly shy about it and said - Well when you bale clothes I guess it gets you in shape??? I have no words of wisdom here for being amazed at DF getting dog food in the door and into the can. Know what I mean?? But I can see MALE pride and some fear of not knowing what or how he's going to take care of you and him - let alone the rest of whomever is living there playing a huge role here. Getting older, getting tired, thinking it should just be the two of you......and you have yet to have that in your lives. Add in the stress of daily living, aches pains......his and yours......plus not communicating and no alone time? What do you expect? To get along like always? Not going to happen.

    Someone here also said as you get older you grow into different people and someone else said that they can't imagine spending time with anyone else as they got older. I guess thats what I'd need to hear and have heard from DF. You like to read right? There is a good book that may kinda spell this out and it helped me understand people a little better. It's called Love Languages. Don't dismiss it because it's kind a a faith based book - it's really helpful in understanding WHAT says "I love you" to different people and it's interesting to find out that it isn't the same for everyone. For some it's words of admonishion, for some it's gifts, for some it's acts of different sorts......(doing things)....and there are other types too.

    I dont' have any golden answers on HERE IS WHAT YOU SHOULD DO.......I think Tony and you both are tired of being tired. I think everyone that I KNOW is tired of being on the verge of living paycheck to paycheck. Making ends meet - and when that brings the kids home - it's stressful. We have an idea in OUR minds of how our elder years are supposed to be, just like we have an idea in our minds of how our difficult child's are supposed to grow up and when that doesn't happen and we're constantly left to readjust, readjust, readjust our dreams sometimes I can see where you'd just say $(%($ it and give up....

    Cory isn't Tony's problem. Things that Cory has done over and over and over that are residual in Tony's mind are now everyones problem. Everytime he's wiped the slate clean for Cory? What did cory Do? Think about that. I don't blame DF for being down on Dude ----but like I said he's been gone over three years and STILL there are things he comes across that are those "ARGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH" moments that despite all the good things that we're hearing from the Dude camp - sends DF right.back.into -three years ago and it starts all over again - even a simple missing tool in the garage...starts it all over again like wildfire. The boy strikes again.......and now I can't do MY PROJECT because three years ago when he was here = he got into my BLAH BLAH BLAH and now my BLAH BLAH FLIPPITY BLANK BLANK so and so TOOLS are gone and YEAK YAC YACKITY YACK...#*%)($ kid.......and right before that? Dude could have called and said "hi Dad? I'm working, got a job, sending you 100 dollars." - Slate clean? BALONEY!!!!!!! So this process will take years or at least until all the undoing is undone - or until all the tools are found, or broken crud is replaced or whatever it is that DF feels was wronged - righted. I'm hopeful for the 12th of never and have found that I'm better off just ticking a lock and saying nothing during the tirades. He has a right to be angry - and I am not going to interfere in that. If he is so sure that he wants to blame him for something that is missing NOW? Well - I'm not going to defend him either - because either he'll figure THAT out on his own, find what was missing OR the boy really did take it and then it's between the two of them.

    I do know one thing......if he's not feeling well? And will NOT go to the doctor? I wouldn't give sympathy, or ego boost or anything. DF and I came to that crossroads and I don't know that you can say one or the other was a winner - But I can tell you I REFUSED to listen to his aches and pains and cries when he REFUSED to do anything about it. It got to the point where I would just say "If you feel that badly? You'd do somethign about it instead of whining." then I'd get up and leave the room. When I tell you I couldn't take it - trust me it was bad - and I did feel bad for him....VERY bad - but seriously? Nothing I could do...I can't fix him, I can't wish him well.....HE had to do something about it, HE had to make appointments to get himself looked at, HE had to call these places and go - and after I started with STOP whining....he did. Sounds callous - and is - but you have no idea the sounds that I endured for years..and the depression, and the ten years of watching him sit on a couch and waste away......NOW? He's in a better mood, feels better, is taking better care of himself and is actually moved to get things done. He even made his own eye appointment - I was shocked....gobsmacked. This is a man that does not make doctors a priority.

    For as much as how you feel about him? Meh....I think we all look at our mates once in a while and think.."WHAT am I doing here?" Whether it's temporary or lasts a few weeks.....days.....even a month or so....it's hard to say what makes us think that. During those times I just try to self-reflect and self-improve and wonder if the same is being thought about me from his standpoint it's a pretty good motivator for self-improvement once you start thinking about THEM not wanting you -whether you start shaping up to be more attractive for them , or just to make yourself feel better.....it's still a motivator.

    And if all else fails? A small compact fridge next to the sink isn't all THAT bad....you could surely have COLD cream in there. Get it....(Snort) cold cream? Oh bother.

    Hope the Sensa is working.......and you are able to see some improvement in YOUR life. It's really the only life you are in control of anyway. You can't change him, only yourself. So do what you can do, and hope for the best on the rest.

    Hugs & Love
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Star has some excellent points. The love language thing is more important than you would think. For me, I feed those I love. If I can't cook, I make sure they know how to do it, have the right equipment and ingredients to do it, and I make sure that I do what I can to provide those special treats for them. husband? sees only all the dishes and mess that I can't clean if I cook, or even when I don't I usually can't clean it up.

    husband shows how he loves us by working every job he can figure out how to work. Even if it is temp work, he does it and does it with a cheerful attitude. He may be grumpy as all crud at home, but he is smiling and cheerful to those he works with. Because he doesn't want to risk not getting the next job or whatever by being rude to someone. Took me a while to figure that out.

    So that is something to think about.

    As for the health, Star nailed that too. I learned that lesson from my mom. My father loves to be petted. (NOT that way - eeeuuuwwww!) Back scratches, head rubs, that sort of thing. I can remember MANY weekend afternoons watching a movie and messing with his hair or rubbing his head or calfs etc.... Trips driving across the country where I sat up all night with him and rubbed his right arm because it would get tense. My mom did even more of that. But when he would complain about his legs hurting and would not buy or wear good quality shoes (usually Knapp steel toes boots because he taught shop classes or science and spent his whole day on concrete floors)? No more leg/back rubs from ANY of us. NOT. ALLOWED. He could get the boots/see the doctor and do what the doctor said and get the leg rubs, or not do those things and not have them. For several years he fussed and fumed, but now it is just how it is mostly.

    So maybe you can figure out how to use "do to get" for that part of the problems?

    Whatever you do/don't do? Know that I am thinking of you and sending (((((hugs)))))
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Star, I think she returned the Sensa, it was not working well. I think anyway???? I think Tony was not exactly supporting the effort either.

    DJ, hope you did get your little plate though, really dont need to call it a little plate, I was thinking about that. I use our salad plates. Just say you are getting some nice salad plates!

    How are you doing kiddo? this thread keeps going, I believe, because we love you so much. Are you ok?
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    When things are going to heck? You (meaning any of us) should realize that the ONLY person YOU are in control of is YOU.

    If Tony is NOT being supportive of the lifestyle changes? Then too bad for Tony - Does it make it easier when someone in a house supports someone in a dieting type lifestyle change? Absolutely - but should the ALTERNATIVE to non-supportal spouses be "Well I'm just going to go back to my old, bad eating habits and show him/her?" NO. The things that we do to improve OURSELVES? Are to improve OURSELVES - NOT to improve or get approval from a spouse. When YOU (diet) and I hate that word so I say lifestyle change because if you are serious about loosing weight? YOU HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE-STYLE - not just your eating habits, and realize the weight took years to go on, it will take years to come off. A two pound loss a week is phenominal, safe and about the average.

    Here's an example of FALSE advertising.......

    You see a very large, obsese woman on a commercial for diet pills, drinks, shakes, exercise videos. You, me others can relate to her at one time or another being or having heen overweight. So then they show the same woman before and AFTER she used the product......and she stands up and says something like "With Miracle Shake I lost 30 pounds" and you see her standing next to her former clothes. She's like HALF the size and you slump back into the chair and eat more ice cream thinking - I lost 30 pounds and my clothes didn't make me loose 1/2 my size.....and now? You're depressed. You eat - you give up.

    WHAT THEY DON"T TELL YOU ??????????? Of COURSE that woman lost 30 pounds.........SHE ALSO LOST ANOTHER 110 pounds.......for a total loss of 140 lbs and THEN they took the picture to show the world. The truth in advertising? Did she loose 30 pounds? Sure did - But it's like someone took time progression pictures of her, and dropped them on the cutting room floor and they got ALL MIXED up and someone grabbed the photo of her being her start weight, and her end weight and dubbed in - her eight week weight loss sound bite - I LOST 30 POUNDS... and mixed it together - making YOU think the product is a MIRACLE. AND IT"s NOT.

    I know this because ----------I KNOW EXACTLY what a 160 pound weight loss LOOKS LIKE - and yes - I can literally stand in my former pants leg......but if I showed you my picture from the get go - adn then showed you the picture of me standing in my pants leg, and announced "I lost 30 pounds." I'm not a liar - I just didn't tell the WHOLE TRUTH. What I should have said was "I lost 160 pounds, it took over a year to do it, I was on medication and followed a strict low sugar, no eating after seven oclock period, 1500 calorie to start (first three months) diet and as I felt better I just moved more - so I lost weight. I ate breakfast, lunch and dinner, two snacks......and I was determined to get HEALTHY - (NOT THIN) ......HEALTH was my goal not stick figure and at 5'8" and 172 pounds ? I'm in a size 6-8 and I'm NOT skinny - I'm healthy. And I had very little support with a DF that ate cookies in front of me.

    I just kept saying NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS THIN will feel.....and now I say nothing tastes as good as healthy feels.

  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Star is right. I understand how DJ feels concerning Tony's attitude about the weight loss................

    husband had it too when I had to start the renal diet. Now the renal diet is a lifestyle, not an actual diet. It's expensive and very hard to make it cheaper than expensive, especially if everyone is not eating the same foods. Why? Because I'd have to buy foods I could eat which cost a LOT, then buy normal groceries for the family which tripled and quadrupled our already tight food budget. (and that was when I did it on a small scale only)

    But husband wasn't eating beans or rice. He wasn't eating this or that. By the time he got done with he wasn't eating blah blah blah.......well, if I were to just buy for the renal diet the man would've starved. Plus his I'm Not attitude threw the kids into a total ewwww I'm not either attitude.

    Now this diet is necessary for my failing kidneys to stave off dialysis as long as possible. I've been riding on that line a while now. When I started getting out of bed was exhausting. I couldn't make it through the morning without a nap and then mid afternoon I was passed out again. Not lazy, not depressed. It's an exhaustion you can't fight off....your eyes just shut and you're down for the count. like being heavily drugged. I felt sick. Restless leg was totally out of control. Headaches were all the time. Walking across the house (we lived in a tiny house then) had me panting.

    So I was furious that husband wouldn't even taste something I made. Taste is not gonna kill you, ya know? I wasn't exactly thrilled with my new menu choices either. But I wanted to feel better, so I spent the extra money (while reminding him if the whole family was eating it that it would be tons cheaper) and started my diet......and started walking the dogs.......and took my medications. I could've cared less about weight loss, although my kidney doctor wanted me down to 110 lbs. (I laughed at him) I just wanted to make it through the day without 2 naps. I wanted to lie in bed without wanting to chop my legs off, walk across the house without gasping for air.

    All the while husband teased and made snide remarks. I dropped 20 lbs in 2 weeks. That was water weight. (my lasix had been doubled too) At least 15 lbs was water weight. I'd told the doctor I was retaining a ton of water, I hold it in my belly and look preggers, he laughed and said it was just fat until I showed up 2 wks later 20 lbs lighter. phht (I've been doing this for more than 20 yrs, I know when I'm retaining water duh) Around that time.....it was killing our budget to have two separate grocery lists. I was a tad fed up with husband's non stop teasing and remarks. We went nose to nose. If he couldn't stand rice.....ok I get it he ate it nearly everyday in Vietnam and korea, guess I wouldn't care much for it either.....fine, but he could at least be willing to try what I cooked so the kids would try what I cooked and we could find recipes we could all eat and help that budget. The snide remarks stopped and the kids did try several things on the menu and like them.

    I lost 30lbs and I wasn't trying. (I wasn't complaining either) I felt TONS better. By 3 wks in I no longer needed naps, I could get across the house and feel just fine, I could clean like a speed demon. Two months in I was walking the dogs 8 miles a day and I felt as good as I did when the kids were little.

    Then I got hit by the truck and it all sort of went to hades in a handbasket. For 2 yrs I couldn't quite think straight enough to keep the diet going........and no way in hades was I walking the dogs somewhere. (I have taken like 3 walks since and that's around the block lol ) By the time I could manage the diet again husband was unemployed and there was no way on earth we could afford it on any large scale. So I've been improvising. It helps but doesn't have the impact that following it closely does.

    Now.....this past year my kidney function is so bad I look at salt and I don't just hold water.....my lungs fill up with fluid. I typically discover foods are loaded with much more salt that believed due to that. The energy level is way down again and I feel sick much of the time.

    Your decision to do your sprinkles sparked in me the I am Sooooo going full blown back on my renal diet. Silly? Ok. Not really. husband is not here to tease or comment or complain. Our food budget has dropped to nearly nothing due to his absence. (I knew he ate alot, I just had no clue he at that much omg) I'm pretty sure I can swing it with the help of coupons........and I know Travis will eat it with me so no two food budgets thing going on. easy child and I are joining the Y. She's doing it to lose weight, I'm doing it to move without panting. Again I could care less about the weight. I reach a certain weight about 155lbs and I stop, I don't gain anymore. I dunno why but I don't complain about it either. So fear of gaining more isn't it. It's I've got to get healthier if I can because this being sick all the time and not being able to think (which is about 10 times worse than ever and is also a side effect of renal failure in addition to the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)) is unbearable.

    And before anyone says anything...........I'm calling the doctor in the morning for an appointment. lol Nice thing about having assets unfrozen is that I can pay for the doctor and the medications.......and then I'm going to do the thing to get them free.

    Janet hon, you have to do this for YOU because you want to feel better, move better, and be healthier. I so hope you don't give up totally on the lifestyle change.

    Star had some really good points about older men in general too and put it way better than I could.

  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Im not giving up. I have my smaller plate and refuse to eat off anything else. Tony was giving me portions that were way too big for me and I was sending back so much food before anyway. This way he cant. Lisa, you are right too that healthy eating is expensive. We went to the store with a grocery list of stuff for some healthy meals for a week of things I found online that I hadnt been making everyday before. The things covered the bottom of the cart and Tony actually thought we might be able to go through the 20 items or less isle but I eyeballed it and said no, I think we have a few more things. It still came up to more than a hundred bucks! We cant do that ever week on food that really wasnt a hit. Only one meal was actually something that we really liked. Wild rice....almost $4 a bag. Its good, but not that good. And trying to find boneless chicken thighs is like trying to find gold in my backyard.
  11. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I don't think you eat too much at a meal at all!!

    Are you sure that some health issue and/or your medications haven't contributed to all this pertaining to your weight?

    Yes, healthy food is expensive. I fall back on some of the southern foods for less expensive- meaning fresh vegies and fruit rather than those already cut up. It's more work but healthier and less cost. The meat of course, is what gets the price up for me. And I have a hard time fighting the occasional craving for fried food.
  12. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I survive on using more fresh fruit and veggies too. V8 juices are a huge help as well, and I go for the diet and low salt kind. (it's the only diet drink I do and it tastes good) The v8 is popular coupon wise, which is nice too and stores much better than fresh.

    The two books my doctor had me run out and get are called:

    The One-Dish Vegetarian-100 recipes for quick and easy vegetarian meals by Maria Robbins (my biggest complain is they go a tad heavy on spices, but I've learned they're good even if you don't use as much which I don't)

    366 Delicious Ways to Cook Rice, Beans, and Grains by Andrea Chesman - this one is great because it tells you absolutely everything you want or need to know about them including recipes.

    These are both heart healthy, diabetic healthy, and renal healthy books. And yeah, they lean heavily toward vegetarian but I'm supposed to avoid animal protein completely (not happening) as it's harder on the kidneys than plant proteins which are still restricted for me. They give you proper portions, nutrient value and calorie count. I use them as a guideline. I can't cut out animal protein completely. I might as well cut my wrists. And I don't see the logic when once I do start dialysis I have to switch from a low protein diet to a very high protein diet. So when I'm "strictly" following the diet I'm cooking this way probably 4 days of the week as a full meal, the other 3 days I'm still watching it but will have meat. (and a person does need meat protein or you have to take all sorts of supplements)

    One of those 2 books has a recipe for sweet onions and pasta that is to literally die for. It was so good I ate it for 4 days in a row because I had to make enough for 4 people and no one else wanted to try it. It had wine and heavy cream included. I was like really? lol I am soooo hunting down that recipe and buying the ingredients for it again and making some up. I couldn't believe past and sweet onions was going to be good and filling but it certainly was! :) It was a bit expensive to make, but the wine keeps for a long time so you could make it again and again. lol

    For a long time my breakfast consisted of 2 boiled eggs and a slice of toast with either one fresh fruit or an 8 oz glass of v8 fruit jc......if I knew I'd eat lunch that was cut to 1 egg and I'd repeat it for lunch unless I had fixings for a salad or something else. Breakfast could also be oatmeal or cream o wheat, sometimes cold cereal but I had to watch the box to make sure I was getting the right portion size. This morning I had the 1 egg, toast, and v8......ok it was more brunch I slept in late.
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Thanks K...lol. I really do eat like that too. I always get the small plates at a restaurant. I so rarely do a buffet unless that is all they serve because I dont get my money's worth. I normally only go up once unless its shrimp and then possibly I might go back twice. Sometimes places have a thing where you can get regular fried shrimp on the buffet but also have a made to order grill them for you and I like doing that part too. So then I do get two plates but it would have fit on one. They just make you have two plates.

    My weakness is sugar and I will admit it. I cant get past my night time cravings. When I am in bed watching tv after I take my medications I have to have something to munch on and I cant get over it. I cant do popcorn because I dont have the teeth for it anymore. I cant do nuts. I used to love trail mix. I dont do m&m's because of the shell. Right now its marshmallows and thin butter cookies. Ice cream isnt what Im after because that is gone too quick. I would love homemade chocolate chip cookies but since Im not baking, thats out. I dont like anything with nuts anymore so tons of things are out.

    My meals have to be quick and easy and fairly inexpensive. Thats a tall order. We are used to using taters, pasta and cheese in so much our meals. Not to mention oil or fat. I bought some "healthy" margarine and no one would use it. It was a bit strange. If it stayed in the fridge it was harder than butter to scrape out of the plastic tub. It melted well on hot food but it seemed strange. And eating dinner after 7 is a normal thing for us because normally Tony doesnt even get home from work until 7 or 7:30. 8 is about the time we start eating. Of course I dont go to sleep until close to midnight either.... or later.
  14. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I wonder if those hard candy sticks that you just suck on would be better or worse- if you like them at all. Or if you tried marshmellows and berries, to get used to the sweetness of berries and minimize the marshmellows....just thinking out loud....I'm getting concerned now for you in re to diabetes.
  15. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Just a thought regarding snacking...how about snacking on dry cereal? While the calories can add up with cereal too - it's usually a healthier alternative to packaged cookies. Many cereals don't have hydrogenated oils and are made with whole grains.... the bagged store brand cereals are often budget friendly.

    When my kids were little, I would buy the "name brand" sweetened cereal they REALLY wanted and mix in (on the sly) the unsweetened, cheaper bagged version for budget and nutrition reasons. Like 1/2 Frosted Flakes and 1/2 Generic Corn Flakes, etc. We stored the cereal in plastic containers - so they had no idea. I did the same with snacks - Goldfish got mixed with oyster crackers, mini pretzels and Cheerios etc. It stretched the expensive snacks and made it a tad healthier (if not healthy). Kraft mac and cheese still gets an extra 3/4 cup of plain dry elbow mac added to the mac that comes in the package - to extend the servings without needing more of the powdered cheese and butter. Still plenty of sauce to go around.

    Shhhh....don't tell them!
  16. buddy

    buddy New Member

    sig, I do that too, I like it better.... plain rice krispies with sweetened ones, kix and p. butter puffs, etc.

    I like to make packaged rices, know, not the healthiest, but I add broccoli, or carrots or peas and I add chicken breast usually.
  17. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    There's multiple sub-threads happening, but this latest one would make a good new thread...
    How about asking for "ideas/recipes for meals that are fast, easy, healthy, AND cheap"

    I'm sure lots of us could use some budget stretchers when it comes to meals...
  18. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    I am poor......and I lost weight eating the same things I always ate.......just made the portions the size of the palm of my hand.

    Secondly? If you suspect you have problems with SUGAR cravings? You need to go BEFORE you start any diet and get an A1C test done for diabetes and pre-diabetes. Don't just have your neighbor down the road prick your finger with her glucometer and you be 122 and her say "Oh you aren't that bad." You need an A1C - fasting glucose blood draw/test. And possibly a glucose tolerance test. You like sugar? You're going to get sloppy syrupy sugar gook in spades baby. BLECH.

    I cut out pictures of women I thought were attractive and put them ON the door of my fridge and IN my fridge near the temptation foods. THEN I bagged up all the tempations foods and donated them to the Harvest Hope Food Bank.

    YOU CAN have - nearly ANYTHING you want to eat - on this diet I did - and you actually EAT MORE......than you 're used to eating - because you have to TRICK your brain into thinking it is NOT hungry so you do NOT graze or FILL UP.....it will amaze you.

    You have to have breakfast - and you need lunch and dinner. You have two snacks a day........and you STOP eating after 7:00 PM to give your pancreas time to digest and process the sugars that you DO eat and DO absorb from starches, dairy, and other things.

    I have cookies - I have brownies....I have candy.....I just follow the package lable for serving size.

    I have pasta, and milk - 1% milk but I went to 2% and eventually it tasted too sweet.

    I cut out sodas, and went to bottled water (my own wasteful evil) and I drink peach tea, and other crystal light flavored drinks - by the pitcher. No calories NO sugar-----YUM.

    I have meat, I have potatos, I have vegetables - (almost twice of what I ever ate before to fill me up) and I keep the portions palm sized.

    If you eat like I'm telling you to by 7:00 PM you will NOT MISS FOOD......and you give your body and all it's parts the time it needs to clean the fats out of your system, process the sugars, and instead of slamming them into your thighs or butt or belly it actually gives the body time to dispose of them.

    HOWEVER - You may need help - and that would be Metformin....for diabetes and prediabetes which I would guess you are. It' is an appetite supressant. So is topamax. And some of your medications MAY be the cause of your weight gain - BUT if you loose weight? SOME of those medications may be a thing of the past.

    Did I exercise? Nope........Should you? Yeap. I just felt better and since my ankles were not 14" around I could actually WALK where I wanted to go. In your case you have a bad back and bad knees - so you're going to HAVE to do something in place of that....Swimming is excellent - you're weightless, and moving. Find an indoor pool. YOU ARE WORTH THE MONEY AND THE TIME.

    At night if it gets to be too much? Drink soem water or tell yourself ONLY 9 hours till breakfast - I raised a difficult child I've lived with a man......I've done much worse in my life - I can do this for me....I can wait. Then have a BIG good breakfast.

    Oatmeal is wonderful for helping clear out your pipes - You should have FISH once a week, and as much peanut butter as you can handle on a 1500-2000 calorie a day deal. Work it in with your fruits and veggies. Watch portions - don't worry about fat free or low cal - GO FOR NOTHING OVER 10 grams of sugar or you will NEVER loose weight. Cheat and have a popsicle that is 11 grams and you're really defeating yourself. 10 grams and under - period - or it is NOT FOR ME.

    Typical meal for us -

    Porkchop (forman grill)
    broccoli steamed
    either baked potato or noodles of some kind.
    Dessert? Cup of sugar free jello or pudding or 2 cookies.

    How hard is that? How easy is that?

    Breakfast -
    Oatmeal - for the heart smart size
    2 tsp butter (did you know margerine has 90 calories a tsp in it?)
    SPLENDA BLEND for sugar. No more sugar. I now use splenda blend - you really use less it's sweet but not as sucky sweet as sweet n low.

    11AM snack - maybe an apple or some other fruit or some chips -

    noon - Lunch
    Peanut butter samich on thin bread that is low cal - it doesn't taste any different or cost any more really.......
    a bunch of grapes
    a few doritos (baked have less calories and you can have about 15)
    and a package of 100 calorie cookies.

    snack at 3 - Probably some carrot sticks or celery, chips, cookies, a grain bar, trail mix, nuts - whatever.

    Dinner - is above......

    Occasionally I may have a small bit of popcorn at night - or a little bit of some kind of chip - b ut again - PORTION control.

    This is not rocket science......and I lost 160 lbs.

    You have the willpower of a hammer Janet - you can do this.

    Get a physical first, get the A1c glucose test - find out if you are pre-diabetic....and talk to your doctor about needing help with appetite supressant and Metformin. Ask which medications you are on that don't help with weight and see if there are alternatives.

    2012 is the YEAR OF SELF......and you are on the top of the list. K?
  19. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I know a few of us have recommended a Foreman grill as being both healthy and easy. Have you seen this: http://www.amazon.com/Genius-Chef-9-in-1-Cooking-Machine/dp/B0047WHWN0
    Wanted to put out another small appliance that you might be able to put on a lower surface to make cooking easier for you. Between the two of them you could get a lot of different things cooked with less stress on your knees and without having to hover over a stove to stir and check on everything constantly.
  20. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I took topamax and really lost a lot of weight without trying.... I hadn't realized that it did that. I gave it up because I felt so tired in the morning but I admit I liked how that worked! ( it was part of my pain management program)