I'm losing my family.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Robin warnicm, Mar 7, 2018.

  1. Robin warnicm

    Robin warnicm New Member

    Were to start well i have 4 kids well adults that still live at home with me in which 2 are on disability amd the other 2 don't work...my sons are both alcoholic and takes pills they are disrespectful will not fallow any rules and when drinking they become crazy
  2. Robin warnicm

    Robin warnicm New Member

    I have 2 grandkids that were born to addiction and spent 2 months in the hospital. And there mother which is my daughter is a compulsive lier .she went as far to say her dad raped her I know this is not true she has told alot of hurtful things to people about her family ..
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Welcome Robin! I am glad you found us. It must be very hard to be going through all that. It is pretty late so it might be a few hours before others respond to your post, but I am here now if you are still online.

    Can you tell me what you mean by saying you are losing your family? Who are you losing? Where are they going? Are they just not in contact with you?

    It can be hard when things change, but often they do. Sometimes we have to accept that our loved ones do things that are unhealthy and damaging to themselves, to others, and to us. Often the only thing we can do is to learn how to detach with love. We have to learn that their problems, especially the ones with addiction, are something we did not cause, we cannot control, and we cannot cure.

    There is an article on detachment that is excellent. It might be a great place for you to start reading. You can find it here: https://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/
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  4. Acacia

    Acacia Active Member

    Robin, you will find lots of great emotional support here. My thoughts are that the only person you can control is you - and what you deserve is to be treated respectfully. Your children are adults now, whether they act like it or not. You can take one small step at a time. As Susie said, read the article on detachment. Begin to learn about boundaries and self-care. Go to any 12 step meeting, especially Codependents Anonymous. Keep posting here, whether or not you are able to bring yourself to change anything yet. It's hard but necessary work.

    All of this hurts. There are some similarities between us. I have a grandchild who was born addicted. My two older children have suffered addiction and act out against me to the point that I have no contact with one and my grandchildren and Little contact with the other.

    When you are strong enough to set boundaries, they will likely up their bad behavior, but you will find strength here to keep moving forward.
    Glad you joined us.
  5. Robin warnicm

    Robin warnicm New Member

    I don't even no were to start. I have 4 kids ages 30 28 26 25. All live at home amd only one has not caused me any problems. My 2 sons are alcoholic and when drinking they become out of control .someone is going to get hurt and killed. I want to kick them out but I'm afraid because my brother killed him self at a young age due to depression and I'm sure my kids suffer from this as well.
  6. Run to the nearest store and pick up the book boundaries. I am middle of moving or I could tell you exactly who the authors are I believe it is Townsend and cloud but I am not For sure. By the time you get to the forth chapter which is almost identical circumstances you will understand how much this book can help. This book was given to me by a therapist and it changed my life.
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  7. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Well-Known Member

    There is also a book by Melonie Beattie called co dependent no more. You have a right to be safe in your own home your children are not children they are adults and they don't have the right to treat you that way .I know you're scared about your the background of someone committing suicide but your children adults probably know that and are using that to their advantage it's time for them to leave.
  8. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Hello and welcome. Are you married or have any close significant other for support?

    Those books already mentioned are great. Also try googling Family (or Families) Anonymous and see if they have a support group in your area. Even if you end up just going to a few meetings or only going once in awhile, it might be nice to get Local Support.

    If your name is very close to your real name , see if you can remove your last name here. Or you can try to contact the owner or any moderator. Runaway Bunny is the owner and she will be happy to help you.

    Take good care of yourself. It’s not a simple expression. Eat well, get good rest and so forth. These things are very difficult and hard on us parents both physically and emotionally.
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