WhyDoWeFallBruce?
Member
So, it's been a while since I was here.
I have days when I feel utterly failed as a father.
Days when I get angry at his mom for doing what she does. And then days when I am just overwhelmed by sadness.
I look at the long string of broken promises, times he has begun an education, a job, or social engagement of sort, and quit again. Often for me to find out long after.
I try to stay strong and mostly I am ok. Mostly I can commit to living a good life in spite of the situation.
He turned 20 last year and it is his life to live, not mine. I keep preaching this to myself and whoever asks.
The thing is, that I don't mind him being seriously angry at me; that would be fine. Cause it would be a reaction and something tangible.
My son just keeps ghosting me. At Christmas, (which we have held just me and him on Dec. 23rd his whole life), he stayed away without a word. On Christmas eve I got a text saying I am "sorry dad, just forgot our appointment"
Since then he has been here once, ( He had moved back to town with his mom, without telling me) and only for a couple of hours until I started asking about life, drugs, and everything else. He used to claim anxiety big time, so to me, it's only natural to ask how he is doing with that as well. He got all defensive and left.
And then he disappeared again. This was mid-January.
Everything just screams drug relapse to me.
I hope not. And I hope that one day when he has grown enough, he will get back to me and try for some kind of relationship.
Because right now there isn´t one.
I have days when I feel utterly failed as a father.
Days when I get angry at his mom for doing what she does. And then days when I am just overwhelmed by sadness.
I look at the long string of broken promises, times he has begun an education, a job, or social engagement of sort, and quit again. Often for me to find out long after.
I try to stay strong and mostly I am ok. Mostly I can commit to living a good life in spite of the situation.
He turned 20 last year and it is his life to live, not mine. I keep preaching this to myself and whoever asks.
The thing is, that I don't mind him being seriously angry at me; that would be fine. Cause it would be a reaction and something tangible.
My son just keeps ghosting me. At Christmas, (which we have held just me and him on Dec. 23rd his whole life), he stayed away without a word. On Christmas eve I got a text saying I am "sorry dad, just forgot our appointment"
Since then he has been here once, ( He had moved back to town with his mom, without telling me) and only for a couple of hours until I started asking about life, drugs, and everything else. He used to claim anxiety big time, so to me, it's only natural to ask how he is doing with that as well. He got all defensive and left.
And then he disappeared again. This was mid-January.
Everything just screams drug relapse to me.
I hope not. And I hope that one day when he has grown enough, he will get back to me and try for some kind of relationship.
Because right now there isn´t one.