OK, I'm back. [had promised difficult child 3 I'd play a game with him].
A couple more quick stories.
difficult child 1's first pediatrician was a weirdo. He at first seemed really helpful, diagnosed ADHD and even came to the school to explain what difficult child 1 needed from the teachers. Mind you, he didn't tell me anything about the social security payments we were entitled to. Also, he was niggardly with medications. He put difficult child 1 on ritalin but in very tiny amounts. He then began to take an unhealthy interest in my physical disability which at the time had been tentatively labelled Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. He told me he thought that CFS was a mental illness, I gave him some literature from leading psychiatrists which explained it was not. But eventually it got too much - he would make appointments for ME to see him, "Don't drag difficult child 1 out of school, I only need to see you," and when I casually mentioned that the date the doctor had given me would be convenient, since husband would be able to be there too, the doctor changed the appointment! I finally challenged him on this, said, "I felt very uncomfortable that you changed the appointment."
Of course I got from him whatI expected - "What a dirty mind you must have, what did you think? I am a doctor, after all!"
To which I replied, "You are my SON'S doctor, not mine. Yet you didn't wqant my son there, or my husband. What did you expect me to think?"
He finally told me, "You're an intelligent woman who has failed to achieve to your ability, and you have therefore developed this psychiatric illness as a way of legitimizing your lack of success, this is your way of opting out of life's responsibilities and trying to reduce the inevitable depression from your lack of achievement because you never felt you had what it takes. And I am concerned that your son is also being negatively affected by your own depressive illness. I didn't want your husband here because he might have taken exception to me saying this to you."
[what about ME taking exception?]
The doctor continued, "You never show emotion, You don't react. There is something wrong with a person who just won't get angry."
I said, "I choose to not get angry, my son needs your help and getting angry with you is not going to be productive. Besides, my mental health or otherwise is not the issue. I have already shown you that I have a clean bill of mental health from a psychiatrist, who also happens to be your boss in this cliinic."
doctor: "What would She know? Besides, you must REALLY be mentally ill, to be able to fool a psychiatrist."
Me: "So what would YOU know? You are a pediatrician, not a psychiatrist."
doctor: "Well, I did top my year in psychiatry at medication school."
Me: "Need I remind you, my son is your patient, not me? What do you intend to do for him?" [we were due to have new prescriptions written]
doctor: "Well, I could double his medications, or I could halve his medications, or just leve it the same. What do you think?" [OK, he's clearly trying to make me angry, so I refused to give him the satisfaction]
Me: "I'd appreciate an increase."
doctor: "Let's leave it the same, then."
I left, utterly gobsmacked by the way the bloke had spoken to me and some of the things he'd said. Then I wrote him a letter in which I said, "Dear doctor, I find it interesting that you say you topped your yer in psychiatry at medication school yet you chose to become a pediaitrician. Did you feel you didn't have what it takes to be a psychiatrist, and the resulting deprssion from failing to achieve your life's ambitions is needing to be sublimated by attacking the mothers of your patients? Let me tell you - this is NOT an easy option. My life is much mroe difficult because of my illness/disability. For me to have chosen this - illogical. According to such logic as yours, my preferred sexual position would be standing up in a hammock."
Of course, we switched pediatricians. We were also seeing a psychologist in an affiliated clinic, and apparently the pediaitrician thought my letter was very funny and he was showing to everyone he could. The psychologist refused to read it, said it was VERY unethical. It was the psychologist who gave me the name of another pediatrician. With hindsight, I wish I'd sued the first ratbag (using "ratbag" to replace previous word which got censored - let's just say I was casting aspersions on his mother's marital status).
I was glad that my letter was being shown around - the pediatrician had also accused me of having no sense of humour (I mentioned that in my letter also) and I know my letter made it clear that the only humourless idiot was the doctor.
Funny footnote - when difficult child 3 was 2 years old, he was admitted to hospital with croup. Because we chose to have him admitted as public patient (it's cheaper, and in an emergency like that, there's no point having choice of doctor if you're going to get someone you've not seen before anyway) we simply got assigned to whoever was on duty. And it was the same bloke! Fourteen years had passed so I hoped he wouldn't recognise me. I don't think he did. I didn't worry too much about his treatment of difficult child 3, I knew enough to know if the doctor was making incompetent choices. Of course, at any follow-up post-hospital appointment, things could have been sticky, so at that point I chose to take difficult child 3 to a different (our current) pediatrician.
I think the final idiotic statement has to go to the school counsellor. We'd just ocme out of a Learning Team meeting, we were stadning on the steps of the school office looking down two storeys onto the school playground. The kids were little dots, all dressed the same in school uniform. Right on the other side of the playground we could see, in the crowd, difficult child 3 - walking along the white lines of the basketball court markings on the asphalt. He was totally oblivious to the crowd of kids around him.
The school counsellor turned to me and said, "Isn't it wonderful to see how well difficult child 3 is doing? He's talking really well now, you must be so pleased that he's no longer autistic."
Excuse me? You got your qualifications in what cereal box? Autism is a lifelong condition. If difficult child 3 is talking well now, he still has a HISTORY of language delay. That HISTORY doesn't go away, it is what defines his symptoms as autism and not Asperger's.
Flamin' idiots. Ratbags. Circumcision scars on necks, every one of them.
Marg
i was once told by a 'leading' child pyschiatrist. "In my expereince there is no such thing as child with problems, only parents with problems". hmmm....
