Little Update

[pasajes4]

You must resist the temptation to offer cab rides or anything else. Intermittent reinforcement, even if it is not accepted, is interpreted to mean that it is ok to continue to ask or hint for things. This prolongs the dependence on you for whatever. He does not call Jabber, because he is conditioned to expect a NO. He is not sure about you.

 

[Copabanana]

He does not call Jabber

When my son wants something and is thinking out loud about how to achieve his desired end, he will say: M (my SO) is mad at me. And thereby rule him out as a target.

On the face of it, it does not make sense. Because M has more patience and is less hostile and withholding than am I. He is more generous.

But M will not give in to manipulation or emotional blackmail. I will. Therefore, I am always the target.

 

[Lil]

He does not call Jabber, because he is conditioned to expect a NO.

Well, actually Jabber works in a prison and so calling him is problematic at best. But yes, he is used to a no.

And I already offered the cab ride...and to pay the copayment on the insurance over the phone if they won't just bill it. So...yeah.

He texted me that he can't get in until next Monday. I said...Ok. Nothing. I asked, "Are you wanting me to do something?" He said he was looking for a bus to take him there. I said, "Ok." Silence. What I wanted to say was, "WHY are you telling me this?" He hasn't asked for anything.

Weirdness.

 

[BusynMember]

Lil, your son is a real puzzle. Not a bad kid. Not mean or horrible. Not normally a criminal. Not a huge drug user. I hope he finds his way and, in the meantime,you use your coping skills to get some peace and enjoy the weekend with your wonderful husband.

Hey, maybe he wants YOU to offer???

I wish I could help more. I really do.

 

[Copabanana]

"Are you wanting me to do something?" He said he was looking for a bus to take him there. I said, "Ok." Silence. What I wanted to say was, "WHY are you telling me this?" He hasn't asked for anything.

Personally, I still think he wants you to ask him to come home. Like this:

Hey, maybe he wants YOU to offer???

I think they think we yearn for them. That we are incomplete without their presence. He is looking for you to weaken.

 

[Jabberwockey]

Personally, I still think he wants you to ask him to come home.

Copa, this can't be it as he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that if he were to come to this house I would have him arrested. I have no choice in the matter. I cannot risk my career of 23 years on the possibility that they wont find out. He knows this.

 

[Lil]

But I did tell him when he's ready to face the music, I will go with him and support him.

Still I do agree...he wants me to offer something...money, or something else.

 

[pasajes4]

It is never wrong to give emotionsl support when a grown up is doing the hard wotk of getting their life on track. It is only a bad thing if we are doing thr work for them, and the only thing thry are doing is showing up with theit hand out.

 

[SeekingStrength]

I think they think we yearn for them. That we are incomplete without their presence. He is looking for you to weaken.

Not sure if this is true for all DChildren, but it is true for mine. He once emailed, Every (his birthday), you will think of me and feel badly for what you are doing.

but, oh....

Of course, we think of him on his birthday, as we do 365 days a year, but we don't weep for our choices as he hopes.

It would be funny....if it were not so sad.