I had a business meeting with my 35 year old trouble daughter yesterday. We ran a few errands together and then went to a grocery store. I bought salad fixings so after the errands we could come to my home and have a nice salad. She kept insisting that we just eat in the car. She was on her phone constantly checking it or her head was in it. She has told me before how she find it very irritating when she is somewhere with someone and they constantly have their head in the phone. We ate some food in the car. She was edgy and in a hurry even after she told me she took some time out of her schedule so we could take care of a few things. Feb 1. No house payment... I know the roommate is going to move in towards the end of Feb and pay half the rent. My daughter said 'well at least you will get 1/2 the rent.' I said where is the other half? I have called the possible roommate several times but she does not return my calls, I am sure my daughter told her not to talk with me. I feel I am living in a nightmare. I can't let down my guard with her EVER. After we ran our errands I had cramps, stomach ache, head ache and felt like my soul got punched. She texted me last night and told me she loved me.. I do not believe you can actually love someone and be so cruel to them. While manic, my daughter only loves herself, and at times I have seen the boyfriend and the shocked look on his face and I know she has done him horribly. I imagine she gets some kind of power charge or some kind of sick satisfaction that she has so much power that she can damage a person. When I got my troubled mother in law, sister in law and brother in law out of our lives, our lives became a million times better. The unnessesary grief they put us through and the years of trying to come to balance with them was NOT worth it. My daughter is acting the same way with the same patterns, same ugly words. My husband is planning on going over and talking to our daughter and toxic boyfriend. I am working on the mechanics of detatching.. My daughter throws me a bone once in a while to try to keep financially tied to her but for my own sake and my mental health I need to cut all financial ties and after all financial ties are cut she is getting cut from my life. Not sure if this is forever. I cut my sister in law off for 20 years. We reconnected a couple of years ago. My husband did not want to do it and told me I was opening a bag of worms if I did. I prayed about it and did it. We are connected but it is like a business relationship. I am ok with this reconnection because we have taken care of some family business but everything with her has to stay on a very business or mechanical level. I know the saying 'nothing changes if nothing changes' and today it means something more to me. Or the saying I did not cause it, I cannot cure it and I can not control it means more to me on an ever deeper level. The steps I had to take years ago to stop my daughters awful behavior were big steps. I discussed this with a few other people that had troubled kids from my Church but none of them took the steps that I did, they were too afraid or did not have the time etc etc. The steps I took made a huge difference and here I am again having to make those very difficult decisions and steps except this time I am so pissed off at myself that I am in this situation again.... It took me many tries and many years to get rid of my toxic in laws but I have learned the quick steps. The daughter is going to be a bit different and harder but I know I can do it. I am horribly embarrassed that here I am again with something I thought was in the past, something I thought she grew out of, something I thought no one at her age would do. I have a lot of naive thinking to let go of. Years ago I was so lost as to what to do. I feel upset at myself for allowing this snake to bite me again. As I write this I realize that I am taking action to never let this happen again. Even though I get angry that I am moving so slow on this I have to think out each and every step. Detatching from my adult child is breaking my already broken heart in a trillion pieces yet I know it has to be done for the sake of my marriage, my husband, my self respect and my life journey. I feel so broken but now I will regroup my soul and find something that is filled with God's holy light to gravitate towards and bask in that love and light.