My heart is breaking ... have to call police

[Childofmine]

Oh Terry, I so understand. I think sometimes people forget how raw we are, how tender our very skin is...it's so hard to be a punching bag and do the best we can and still feel like it's never enough and we don't know which way to turn.

If you think about it, there will be, on just about any post, a range of responses. From strident (I'll call it that) to very gentle. This is reflective of where people are in their own process, their own situation and their own journey.

This isn't really even about you or me or any other person. The response is about them, and often, we/they/us are talking to ourselves. We are telling the poster what we are telling ourselves about our own situation.

It helps us to write it down to someone else. It reinforces our own steps and process.

I know that may not help, when you are bleeding and raw from it all, but that is what I have come to believe, after time on this board.

After much thought, I will no longer be posting here. It has been years and years and years ... and ...
since so many people here have given so many conflicting viewpoints, and made judgmental statements when this is supposed to be a support board, it is no longer worth my time or heartstrings to come here.
I have given this a lot of thought. Usually, when this happens, I just disappear for a few weeks.
But why should I have to do that?
I will establish relationships with a few of you outside of here when I feel up to it.

Can you take a break, and then come back, if it's good for you to do so? You are setting a boundary here, and it's important for us to respect each other's boundaries.

Tools need to be helpful. If they aren't, don't use them anymore. Things to change, and people change, and circumstances change, and sometimes we are just so tired.

We need a break.

But then we might need to come back.

The door is always open to you. We are here for you. All of us imperfect people, having good days and bad days, up and down, strident and gentle...I do believe 99% of us have the best of intentions.

We may get astray at times, but we want to be loving and supportive and helpful because we have been there too.

We respect your right to do what is best for you, but please know we care about you and your family and your son.

Warm hugs and love to you today.

 

[A dad]

By the way most people that watch this do not comment because they are guest do not have a account. I do not know why but it is what it is.

 

[AppleCori]

Terry,

I am so sorry.

I want to extend my sincere apologies for anything I have said to cause you pain (and I am certain that I probably have).

I hope you don't leave us.

Please, take a break, then consider returning.

I remember my first ever post. I was jumped on with both feet by someone who projected their situation onto me. It was quite a shock, and totally unwarranted. I didn't post much for a while.

I also have been too harsh with others.

I am taking this as a reminder to do unto others. We need to give grace more often and judge less. At least, I do.

I would like to keep in touch with you, whether you return to this site or not. I think of you and your family, and cousin P.

For the record, I was going to join the Christmas card exchange. It was on my list of 'posts to respond to' this morning. I have just been busy with life, so much going on, between my older girl's wedding, other daughter's house hunting, my grandmother's deteriorating health, my youngest daughter's schooling and activities, etc. Many times I get on this site, determined to spend time responding to old friends and new ones, but get busy with other things, and the time just flies by, and I haven't even gotten to most of them.

I am hoping that you will see this, and at least, know that I do support you.

Your Friend,
Apple

 

[SuZir]

Terry,

I'm sorry to see you go, if you decide to do so. However I understand very well. And I'm very sorry if I have in any way made you feel patronized or browbeaten. I admit being guilty on reading 6your threads and only seldomly feeling like I would have anything worthy to contribute and so mostly stayed quiet.

One on the greatest things on this board when I found this (quite the few years before I registered) was the diversity of both situations and how to handle them. Unfortunately we have lost much of that for the idea of 'one right way' and if you decide to leave, we will lose one big part more. But still, it certainly is not your responsibility to stay and try to keep this place more diverse. When things are hard enough at home front, one doesn't need a cyberspace to be a battlefield too.

You and yours will stay in my thoughts.

 

[Calamity Jane]

We dropped the ball on you, Terry, we sure did. Everything you said in your recent comment is totally justified, and amazingly restrained, I might add.

I think were I in your place, I'd do the same. Warm hugs to you, I hope you won't be gone from here forever. Do what you need to take care of you.

 

[DoneDad]

I remember in the darkest days of Difficult Child madness I would read the posts on here and get the feeling I wasn't alone. I didn't and don't post much on other people's threads but just reading along has been a source of strength. I'm not judging anybody and I'm not reading just for entertainment and there a probably a lot like me who don't know what to say but are finding help just by reading

I wish you the best and hope you do what is right for you.

 

[Tired Mom]

Hi Terry - I just wanted to add I am someone who has just been reading along. I my myself am not doing so well in the detaching and don't always feel that I have the best advice to give so I don't think I have ever posted on your thread. I read the posts because some of the advice resonates with me. I also think reading what other people have gone through helps me prep for what the future may hold with my son. I wish the best for you and your son. Your son is very young and I can understand that some of the advice seemed harsh. I know when we bringing my son back rehab there were posts to not bring him back but we did. I don't know if it was the correct choice but I wasn't completely done with giving my son another chance. The day may come when I am done but I am not there yet.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Also, I noticed that there are hundreds of hits on some of my posts, but comparatively few posts. I feel like this is a voyeuristic adventure and I do not need people reading just to find out what happens this week.

Terry,

Which ever way you decide to go, you have my support. There are no easy answers for some of our kids. It's part of why most of the details of my story do not appear on the board. I get my support from just being here, knowing that the stories around me make more sense than the "normal" people in my world.

As for the high hits without posts... there are a LOT of people who lurk here, who are actually "one of us", but don't have the courage to post - not even at the level I do. So they read, and get help. How do we know? Because every once in a while, somebody joins, and one of their early posts says something like... I've been lurking here for years, and finally have the courage to post.

Some of the hits are from search engines, building their indexes, to help others find us.

And not every one on this board has something to contribute to every thread - but I'm sure a lot of us, like me, read pretty much everything that comes up.

My suggestion? Keep your profile active. You don't need to post, you don't even need to read. But it means you will still have access to those of us who you want to stay in contact with, by private conversation. I'm certainly hoping I'm one of the ones you keep in touch with...

Hope to see you around one way or the other.

Take care, Terry.