Miserable Mom: I know all those diagnostic letters, and about the drugs that often go with them. We've been there, done that, and got lots of stories to tell. The CPS worker who came to my home after a ridiculous allegation against my husband (schools are mandated reporters, I get it. I'm a teacher and mandated reporter, too) is the one who suggested Borderline (BPD). Fortunately, we didn't have to deal with any legal BS and after my grandson attacked my husband and sent him to the ER twice, grandson actually had an elder abuse investigation against him!
My grandson is only 12 so they won't diagnose that early, but it's pretty obvious to anyone who knows what to look for. The one feature he doesn't have is the self-harming, thank heavens. He's had one trip to the ER for ideation and sending a note to a classmate. But the ER special crisis team didn't see any danger.
I started my new journey of discovery into Borderline (BPD) with Stop Walking on Eggshells. It's helping, plus he's been placed in a therapeutic day school, so he's getting dialectical behavioral therapy, and that's been helping a ton. He's resisting the school pretty hard, but I think it's going to help in the long run. It's a tough diagnosis to deal with. There are forums for it if you look around. And anything by Randi Krieger is good to look into.
We've got your back, MM. I'm sorry you needed to find us but it's a great place. I value it so much.