Hello 2TiredMom and to All,
It has been a while since I've posted. The chaos that our addicts bring into our life is almost unbearable. I don't know how you are doing it with your son living in your home. You must be worn down. My heart goes out to you. I learned of my son's addiction while he was living on his own. I wasn't put in a position where I had to ask him to leave my home, however, I've had to tell him that he could not live with me. He lost everything and ended up in the streets. I think the hardest thing that I've ever had to do is take him a bag of clothes, that I purchased from a local church for $3.00, and take them to him while he was living in the streets. I can't describe the overwhelming sadness that I had when I met up with him, hugged him, gave him a bag of clothes so he wouldn't freeze, and watched him walk away not knowing where he was going or where he would end up. I sobbed like a baby. I wanted to take him home and make it all better. Our beautiful children have to be the ones that want to get better. We can't do it for them and we can't make them quit. We all must stop enabling. It's not helping them, it's hurting them. My son was arrested and incarcerated on 12.13.18 and the judge decided that my son wasn't going anywhere until his hearing. He wanted me to bail him out...and that was a big "NO". He spent more than two months in jail and the judge then mandated my son into long term treatment. I want all of you to know that there is HOPE. My son completed long term treatment and is now in a halfway house by his own choice. He wants to live. He wants his life back. He's happy and continues treatment and is now looking for part-time work. He's been clean now for almost five months. He's living two hours away and I'm happy about that. We both are living one day at a time. I'm grateful for my counselor and my group "Six Steps to Sanity". I've learned how to stop the enabling but also know when it's ok to help while he's in recovery. But most importantly...I HAVE TO LIVE MY LIFE. I MATTER, AND MY FAMILY MATTERS. IT'S ALSO OK TO HAVE A DRUG FREE AND ADDICT FREE ENVIRONMENT. It's so unfortunate how we become prisoners or trapped living our lives for our addicts. It's ok to distance ourselves. I continue to seek professional help so that I don't fall back into old habits. Oh wow, I could go on and on. We all could write books on what we have been through. God and Prayer have been my Strength. I will continue to pray for all of you and our addicts. Thank you so much for listening.