Son has left program

Helpless29

Active Member
My son has packed up & leaving Teen Challenge this morning, I have had contact with his mentor who tried convincing him to stay but my son was adamant he did not want to stay anymore. My son said he is going to a rehab in Daytona , I don’t even know how he heard of this place but I did pay for the greyhound ticket . I only talked to my son once yesterday to try to convince him to stay but he said no , he just went on saying very hurtful & hateful things to me , saying I’m just someone who gave birth to him, that I mean nothing to him , asking where I was when he was eating out of garbage cans when he was in Chicago , he just went on & on with very cruel words. I just told him I love him & let him go , I could not take the abuse . I don’t know what got into him ,when he left he was so hopeful, told me he loved me , yesterday he was full hate towards me . I’m at a loss that he is in another state alone with no family or friends. I’m heartbroken he only lasted 2 weeks at this program & decided to give up and now will be in a city he does not know . I pray this other rehab takes him in , I don’t even know if they will take his insurance, he has no money to pay for it , he is not thinking clearly.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
My son said he is going to a rehab in Daytona
,From my time here on this site I have learned that this is a place with lots of higher-end, for profit drug treatment places. I think RN's son was here for awhile. If not here, somewhere in Florida.

At least in Florida the climate for now will be more amenable. (That is not meant to be sarcastic.) So many of our kids right now are homeless and facing wet, cold and harsh weather. My son included.

Helpless. As I see it, you've got to try to let go for a time and let him find his own solutions. Also, I would hope for you that you no longer tolerate his abusive behavior towards you. This is the time to turn into your own life, and towards your own resources.

I think that drug abuse is this way. The drug holds the power until the individual decides to put at the center of his life, something else. Nobody can do anything, except to bring the horse to water, so to speak. As parents we can't make them drink.

I am in a similar place as you. I lose touch with myself, my strengths, my value, when I am suffering about my son. I just want to die. Not like killing myself, but like extinguishing myself, my consciousness, what I feel. I find it absolutely unbearable, too.

Love, Copa
 
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RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Helpless

I am so sorry to hear this and my heart hurts for you because I know how much you worry about him.

Obviously don't take anything he says personally because when they are using drugs their brain is not right and being sober for 2 weeks does nothing to help them really.

My son also wanted to leave at 2 weeks but they talked him into staying and he knew we would not help him/be in his life if he did NOT complete the program and that we meant business - so he stayed and said he was glad he did. My son was a horrible person at that time and I loved him because he was my son but I literally hated him too. I'm not afraid to say that.

I will pray for you and your son but honestly I would not help him at all if he isn't working towards sobriety. I know that is very hard because we had to do it also but if we had not done it he would still be stuck where he was. I understand you can only do what your heart will bear.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
I am very sorry. This was his choice on a drug affected brain, but it is very common for addicts to go into rehabs and then leave them. Until he wants to get clean.....

RNs son and RN are exceptional. Her brave son cared about his family and wanted their love and support (RN, if I am wrong do correct me). In his case he cared enough about their opinion of him to stay in the program and get clean. Kudos to him and the whole family.

I am in the Nar Anon program (for people who love an addict). They are all over the board (the addicts,) in where their addictions are. There is no way to predict what will be.

Most who have been in NA a few years, like my husband and me) have decided that helping doesn't help. Our loved ones are mostly on their own. Many are homeless, some in cold weather, but they refuse to get help or follow our rules for coming home....although many do short stints at home then leave or get thrown out again. Nar Amon is actually about us, not the addict, and how we can take our lives back. Like we do when we share on this forum, everyone there has a chance to share, if they choose, and we all listen without interrupting. After we are finished we can respond but we are not to judge or tell others what they SHOULD do. We are all in Recovery too from this disease that is a family disease. We find our own way. For me, the 12 Steps and God are my best helpers. There are tons of tools though such as "One day at a time, one hour at a time, sometimes one minute at a time!" What you can't do for your entire life you can often manage for one day or one hour. Easy does it! For each bad thought "How important is it?" If you can't do something right now because we are too frazzled we say "Do the next right thing" even if it is only walking the dog or doing the dishes or calling a friend.

We.Are.Important!!!

I am sorry that your son did not stay. Maybe you can let him do what he will do...he is going to anyways. We have.no control. This saddens me, but I know I can't control Kay.

One thing I learned is that the reason why addicted loved ones often drop out of programs or sleep on park benches rather than shelters is because they rather use their drug of choice than be comfortable. That means they are not in the right mindset to quit. And what can we do? Nothing. Worrying doesn't help them at all. As a worrier, I know.

I hope you can take a walk, read a good book, see your daughter....do things you love to do. Your son is on his own journey making his own decisions. You can choose to try to be happy. In Nar Anon we also tell each other to "fake it till you make it!" You would be amazed at how well this can work. Science has proven that smiling makes you happier for real!!! I tried it and it works 😁

Hugs and love.
 

lovemysons

Well-Known Member
Helpless…I am sorry your son is not thinking clearly right now. I used to say the loudest sound my son heard was drugs calling his name. I tried everything in this world to save/help/love/let go…and yet nothing I did worked. I don’t have any foundational answers anymore but I do want you to know how much I care about you and your son. I pray your son will wake up one day soon and realize that drugs give him nothing…it was drugs that lead him to eat out of garbage cans, not your love. Don’t let him blame you for things that are not true. Stay strong.
love
LMS
 

LauraH

Well-Known Member
Helpless…I am sorry your son is not thinking clearly right now. I used to say the loudest sound my son heard was drugs calling his name. I tried everything in this world to save/help/love/let go…and yet nothing I did worked. I don’t have any foundational answers anymore but I do want you to know how much I care about you and your son. I pray your son will wake up one day soon and realize that drugs give him nothing…it was drugs that lead him to eat out of garbage cans, not your love. Don’t let him blame you for things that are not true. Stay strong.
love
 
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