SeaGenieTx
Active Member
Well said Kalahou!
Son is out of the house
- Thread starter TerryJ2
- Start date
svengandhi
Well-Known Member
Please don't be upset with me, but I didn't see this addressed in any of the other responses and I'm kind of surprised.
Not to be political, but if you think he really has a gun, maybe the police should be told so that they can take it away from him? If he's unstable and accidentally hurts his baby, you or someone else, could you live with that? I know gun issues are different in Florida than in NY, where I live, but I don't think that someone who is actively using drugs or alcohol, not taking prescribed medications and acting angry, should have a gun. on the other hand, if you think he was just posturing and doesn't really have a firearm, then your response was prefect.
By the way, I am not an anti-gun nut. Although I don't shoot myself, for vision reasons, H belongs the the NRA and all of my sons engage in rifle shooting, etc. The oldest is a trained instructor for firearms safety.
Not to be political, but if you think he really has a gun, maybe the police should be told so that they can take it away from him? If he's unstable and accidentally hurts his baby, you or someone else, could you live with that? I know gun issues are different in Florida than in NY, where I live, but I don't think that someone who is actively using drugs or alcohol, not taking prescribed medications and acting angry, should have a gun. on the other hand, if you think he was just posturing and doesn't really have a firearm, then your response was prefect.
By the way, I am not an anti-gun nut. Although I don't shoot myself, for vision reasons, H belongs the the NRA and all of my sons engage in rifle shooting, etc. The oldest is a trained instructor for firearms safety.
LittleDudesMom
Well-Known Member
Terry,
I'm glad you came here and let us know where things were in your corner. I've thought about you a number of times. I'm sorry that you are hurting and that you and your husband were held to the corner and forced to make a choice about your son. It's evident that he is not detached, and perhaps even feels as if he's teaching you a lesson...
As another poster said, now are the times when you need folks who have been there - you know you can always come here for support. Not everyone will agree with your choices - the ones you've made in the past and the ones you will make in the future - but you know that you will find many who understand your struggles andy many who share your pain.
Many hugs to you,
Sharon
I'm glad you came here and let us know where things were in your corner. I've thought about you a number of times. I'm sorry that you are hurting and that you and your husband were held to the corner and forced to make a choice about your son. It's evident that he is not detached, and perhaps even feels as if he's teaching you a lesson...
As another poster said, now are the times when you need folks who have been there - you know you can always come here for support. Not everyone will agree with your choices - the ones you've made in the past and the ones you will make in the future - but you know that you will find many who understand your struggles andy many who share your pain.
Many hugs to you,
Sharon
Quicksand
Active Member
I feel so so bad for you. I know exactly what you are feeling. I wish I could take that feeling away. We try and try and nothing helps. In my case, we just make it worse. Your post made me cry. You aren't alone. I'm so sorry.He just called back and gave me a long speech about how angry he is, how detached from the family, and how much better he is doing without us. I told him that is a good thing, and what kids are supposed to do--go out on their own.
Just not in this manner. And that in a few yrs he'll feel differently.
He said no, he won't.
I know better. (First of all, he called back from a cell phone. He wants no contact but he calls me twice in one day.)
He also said that he carries a gun for safety. I asked him if he'd taken lessons and he said no. I told him he needed lessons, and to keep it away from his daughter.
Nothing I can do about it.
We wished one another Merry Christmas and that was it.
So, I'm sitting here crying, but it is what it is.
Going North and others who wanted this to happen, just thought I'd give you an update.
I wish I had the energy to check out all of your notes but this is all I can handle right now.
If he ever contacts us again when he's "straight," I'll come back to the board. But I suspect that will be several yrs from now and most of you will have left the board.
Take care.
DazedandConfused
Well-Known Member
Hi Terry,
Been a long time since our days back in General. You always stood out to me because our Difficult Child boys were about the same age and my Difficult Child son would say and do some of the same crazy stuff as your Difficult Child. The struggles you went through for this boy along with the enormous efforts and help to do your best that he would become a self-sufficient and law-abiding adult. With all that, today this is where it stands. I'm so sorry. If it's any consolation, he's still very young and it's far from over. At this point, it's ALL up to him. Please, try and stand back and let him figure it out. Seek comfort in those things you find pleasurable.
I have to share that I caught my breath when you wrote that Difficult Child claimed you didn't wish him happy birthday because it was the day BEFORE his birthday. O.M.G...Totally something MY Difficult Child son would say. He also refuses to take any medication. I always said he would have to leave if he did that. Just one more empty threat on my part as he is still living at home, but is about to earn a certificate from a technical school. Of course, I feel disappointed somewhat. I wanted college. He doesn't drive yet, so this limits his employment options. He blames me because I don't trust him with the car.
I visit here often, but don't post a lot because I returned to school to get my masters. Please return and let us know how your doing. You do cross my mind.
Dazed
Been a long time since our days back in General. You always stood out to me because our Difficult Child boys were about the same age and my Difficult Child son would say and do some of the same crazy stuff as your Difficult Child. The struggles you went through for this boy along with the enormous efforts and help to do your best that he would become a self-sufficient and law-abiding adult. With all that, today this is where it stands. I'm so sorry. If it's any consolation, he's still very young and it's far from over. At this point, it's ALL up to him. Please, try and stand back and let him figure it out. Seek comfort in those things you find pleasurable.
I have to share that I caught my breath when you wrote that Difficult Child claimed you didn't wish him happy birthday because it was the day BEFORE his birthday. O.M.G...Totally something MY Difficult Child son would say. He also refuses to take any medication. I always said he would have to leave if he did that. Just one more empty threat on my part as he is still living at home, but is about to earn a certificate from a technical school. Of course, I feel disappointed somewhat. I wanted college. He doesn't drive yet, so this limits his employment options. He blames me because I don't trust him with the car.
I visit here often, but don't post a lot because I returned to school to get my masters. Please return and let us know how your doing. You do cross my mind.
Dazed
jugey
Active Member
Hi Terry
I don't post here often but lurk and take some comfort in not being alone in this craziness. Your story has been resonating with me from the beginning. It feels like my future story. So many similarities. I was so sorry when you decided to take a break, but completely understood why. I thought some of this last comments were so harsh and judgemental. You tried so hard to save him. You said it all, did it all and he sabotaged all your efforts. I'm so sorry it's come to this! Sending you a wish for peace and love and lots of it!
I don't post here often but lurk and take some comfort in not being alone in this craziness. Your story has been resonating with me from the beginning. It feels like my future story. So many similarities. I was so sorry when you decided to take a break, but completely understood why. I thought some of this last comments were so harsh and judgemental. You tried so hard to save him. You said it all, did it all and he sabotaged all your efforts. I'm so sorry it's come to this! Sending you a wish for peace and love and lots of it!
TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
After hearing about Angela's death, I am not only deeply saddened, but strangely thankful that she posted of her journey here, because it clarified some of the things that I had done with my son.
No two cases are alike, but she did, in her own way, teach me to be more vocal about my son's issues, particularly with the police and teachers. It makes a difference.
Also, my son never went to juvie. We went through the court process and probation, and it helped immensely at the time.
Now, however, he seems to think he is invincible and invisible.
Meanwhile, he signed himself out of HS and is supposedly finishing up his GED at a local community college. There is a partnership there that is paid for by tax dollars and donations.
I'm sure that his girlfriend, H, helped him get this far.
He is still living in the bad neighborhood.
I have seen him 4X since he was kicked out.
The last time, I got him a haircut in his own neighborhood. And I bought bus passes. Of course, he and his roommate asked for money to pay rent and I said no.
I am in touch with his ex girlfriend and the baby and we have them over for dinner ever couple of wks. They are losing touch, partly due to lack of transportation, and partly due to the wishes of H, the girlfriend.
No two cases are alike, but she did, in her own way, teach me to be more vocal about my son's issues, particularly with the police and teachers. It makes a difference.
Also, my son never went to juvie. We went through the court process and probation, and it helped immensely at the time.
Now, however, he seems to think he is invincible and invisible.
Meanwhile, he signed himself out of HS and is supposedly finishing up his GED at a local community college. There is a partnership there that is paid for by tax dollars and donations.
I'm sure that his girlfriend, H, helped him get this far.
He is still living in the bad neighborhood.
I have seen him 4X since he was kicked out.
The last time, I got him a haircut in his own neighborhood. And I bought bus passes. Of course, he and his roommate asked for money to pay rent and I said no.
I am in touch with his ex girlfriend and the baby and we have them over for dinner ever couple of wks. They are losing touch, partly due to lack of transportation, and partly due to the wishes of H, the girlfriend.
Childofmine
one day at a time
Terry so glad to hear from you. How are you doing? Are you better, having some distance but still being able to see him periodically? I hope that is better for you---I know it was for me.
We're here for you whenever you need us. Warm hugs this morning.
We're here for you whenever you need us. Warm hugs this morning.
TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
Difficult Child got a job! He'll be working at Sonic (fast food) a couple of miles from where he lives. I think he can take the bus. He starts next week.
He texted me for his eye drops, Xalatan, for glaucoma. Wow, maybe he's going to start taking care of himself. I brought over 3 containers of drops that had been in our house, and some clothes. He had clearly been high and looked sick. But he was thankful. I noticed a lanyard and name tag around his neck for the local community college. Aha, proof. So I went to a mtng and then I bought and dropped off more bus passes for school. Two mo's worth.
I am hoping that at some point, he asks for his lithium. I doubt that it will be anytime soon, but maybe the magical girlfriend will talk him into it. He'll have to find another psychiatrist because he's 19 and pretty much aged out from the former dr, plus, he neglected to show up for a cpl appts.
He texted me for his eye drops, Xalatan, for glaucoma. Wow, maybe he's going to start taking care of himself. I brought over 3 containers of drops that had been in our house, and some clothes. He had clearly been high and looked sick. But he was thankful. I noticed a lanyard and name tag around his neck for the local community college. Aha, proof. So I went to a mtng and then I bought and dropped off more bus passes for school. Two mo's worth.
I am hoping that at some point, he asks for his lithium. I doubt that it will be anytime soon, but maybe the magical girlfriend will talk him into it. He'll have to find another psychiatrist because he's 19 and pretty much aged out from the former dr, plus, he neglected to show up for a cpl appts.
Terry that is some good news! I wish him well on his new job
Childofmine
one day at a time
Great news, Terry! Progress, not perfection. We just never know when the change may come. Creating space for that to happen is such an effort, and you are doing that! I'm so glad. I pray it all continues and he makes his way forward, inch by inch. And you do, too.
Warm hugs.
Warm hugs.
