the ball is in his court??


On the road unwanted to travel
Had a lot of personal stressors at the time of holiday party and was trying to help daughter in law who was eight months pregnant. New grandson came last week!!!! :)

Sooo, I changed my mind re holiday party and instead had a small dinner party with a few friends and my adult children (not Difficult Child) and ordered most of the food...chicken, vegetables etc. I made salad and mashed potatoes. I bought fancy gelatos in nine flavors and had all the fixings and that went well.

Boundaries definitely help with our Difficult Child. But they are often a struggle to implement. We must be steadfast. Knowing how vital they are for improvement helps.

Oh wow congratulations GM!! How wonderful for you.


On the road unwanted to travel
Hi there Copa;

So gals to hear from you. Our heats become so raw, I feel the fear and anxiety in your post and it resonates with my heart. Our sons and their situations, we are so observant and sensitive to their evey decision and move or lack there of.

I am pleased to hear your son has remained in sober living.

What is it about reading your declutteing book hat causes you anxiety? I had a year of purging things from my life small and big. I must say it was hard to start but once I got rolling it was easier and easier. The vast majority of items I got rid of I don’t even miss. My husband is the collector or dare I say hoarder in our crew. I lived with a mother who was a sever hoarder. It makes me anxious when there is too much clutter about.

My husband accuses me of getting rid of too much stuff. Point in case, I got rid of a foot bath, we never used it. I swear to the heavens above we never used it. He was very upset that it had gone and declared that he indeed used it. I felt bad so I bought him another one. Found a great deal on one so not too costly to replace. Two years later ....the darn thing isn’t out of the box. Sigh.

Glad to hear from you!


Well-Known Member
We just moved. After a garage sale, we gave an inordinate amount of stuff to Goodwill.i mean a lot! It was freeing. Comforting to have an uncluttered Garage and closets.
A few decisions were difficult. When I came across a difficult decision, I would say a little pray over the item that it would go to a family that needed it much more than myself and it would help them in some wonderful way ... ie help them get a job, relieve pain, bring them great joy etc.


Well-Known Member

Glad to hear your son is in rehab!

I do periodic decluttering. It IS hard, but it is so freeing!

It is so much easier to keep the house clean when there are fewer things to keep clean and pick up.

Start out with just one room or area. Maybe just one drawer or cabinet. One without a lot of sentimental things in it.

If you try to do too much at once, it can be overwhelming.

My hubby loves it when we get rid of stuff. He is not really attached to anything much (except his fishing equipment).

We spent a couple of afternoons cleaning the basement in December, and I love the way it looks. We got about 80% done, and are planning to finish up next weekend, unless something comes up.

Anytime something was really hard for me to get rid of, hubby just put it into a box and put it on a shelf. I have several boxes that I will go through in a few months to see if I really want to keep the stuff or not. This is more for the sentimental items, not things I have no attachment to.

We took a truckload to Goodwill and a truckload to the dump! Why oh why was I hanging on to trash? Old painting supplies, building supplies, old luggage, went through camping stuff, everything went. When hubby got rid of “his” stuff, it was easier to go through mine.

Usually, when something is hard, it’s because it hits us close to “home”.

That’s what happened for me.

The basement was something I have been dreading for a long time.

However, it wasn’t as hard as i had made it out to be in my mind, and I am glad I did it. I don’t miss anything.



Well-Known Member
Took a while for me to catch up on this thread, I'm sorry about that. But Copa, it sounds like your son is doing well! I know that it must be so very hard to see him looking haggard, but you must concentrate on his sobriety and his self-reliance. Isn't that what we really want for our sons? To be able to successfully "adult" without us? We won't be here forever. Big Hugs and hang in there.

@NewLeaf - I totally forgot that we have people in Hawaii and I missed your post! I remember that day saying to Jabber, "Can you imagine how horrific that would be? What would we do?" Being in the Midwest, we're fairly surrounded by our own missile's a prime target. We try not to think about it. But I'm so sorry you had to live through that. How terrible for you.

Don't we have another Hawaii resident on the boards?