This has been gnawing at me...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by LauraH, Apr 13, 2019.

  1. Acacia

    Acacia Active Member

    I relate very much to what you described with your son and how others have responded. My 33 year old DS is the developmental age at which he started using, which is early adolescence.

    He has his own version of how his stepdad mistreated. He has rewritten history, made things up, and denied things I've witnessed with my own eyes to the point that I begin to think I am crazy. My husband did yell and he lost control once when my son was verbally abusing me. I called the police, and I told my son that what his stepdad did was not okay. My husband has also gone out of his way to help my son financially and emotionally, and he has tolerated way more than most sane people would.

    My son keeps asking about reconnecting with his stepdad, but my husband is so traumatized by the previous threats and behavior of my son that he is unwilling to do so until he sees long sustained recovery and stable behavior. This is the consequence of my son's behavior and substance use.

    My son is doing a little better, but he is far from emotionally healthy. I try to support positive moves, but I can't make everything better.

    My session with my son and his counselor at rehab was a trainwreck. Though well-intentioned many therapists don't have enough experience and training. Only go to therapy with your son because and if it works for you. Many therapists really don't have the skills to deal with overt hostility and cater to angry men just keep them in the room. This is not good for your son or for you. I would not bring your husband into a therapy session at this point.
  2. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Just wanted to add that I had to pull away from my son emotionally, for my own well being, while he was being destructive to himself. My heart could not take it. That very innermost core of my heart felt physically hurt and in pain.

    Now that I do see him trying to rebuild his life I am slowly reconnecting with him emotionally.

    This is VERY VERY hard and not something that comes normal to any parent, let alone a step parent.

    I could have not gotten to where I am without all my therapy sessions and support from others and my faith.
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