He’s blown what I think is his last chance. My son moved 6 hours away with a friend who really wanted to help him. This friend is the real deal, doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t drink, etc. Told my son if he broke the rules (no drugs) then he’d have to leave. They’ve only been there a couple months. My son found a job at a restaurant. Just got an email from the friend saying he found drug paraphernalia and marijuana in my son’s dresser. He did an at-home drug test and my son tested positive for marijuana and cocaine. What’s really crazy is that he denied doing drugs and was coming up with every excuse imaginable.
His friend told him he has one week to leave, unless he admits he has issues and seeks help. I’m not holding my breath that my son will do that. I wasn’t surprised or shocked by this news. I’m deeply saddened for my son, but he’s 24 and has chosen this path. He’s now 6 hours away from everyone he knows. I have no idea where he’ll go and I really don’t care anymore. I’m so tired of my days being ruined by news of him. I truly hope he ends up in jail someday. Maybe he’ll get help and at least he’ll have a roof over his head and food. Am I a bad person for thinking that? I’m just sick and tired of it all. Think I’ll take the dogs for a walk to clear my head.
Hello mtdenise, welcome to this sight, it truly is a soft place to land, there are others who will share experiences with you that will help guide and strengthen your way. I am sorry for your troubles. I wish I had found this place years ago!
Our family has been down this road for a long time. We are wiped out emotionally. It is an impossible situation as long as our adult children are using drugs. We learned that the hard way, by giving in and allowing chance after chance. I believe blind love was our weakest link in the chain of events. We did not see the writing on the wall. We held on to hope and thought each time we opened the door that our daughters would make their way out of their mess by allowing them a place in our home. The end result was always ugly. What would start out with promises, ended with a downward spiral. Our home became a battlefield of incidences.
We finally realized that our oldest difficult child had joined the dregs of society to support her using, was a habitual liar, a thief, and had lost her conscience. We were targeted. It was ugly. We are not trained to deal with addiction. Our middle difficult child chose a similar path with an abusive, controlling boyfriend and three children in tow. UGH!
You have made a solid decision by not allowing your son to live at home.
You are not a bad person, you have stood your ground and firmly stated by word and action that this is not acceptable in your home. This takes courage and a healthy self concept. BRAVO!
It was your sons choice to go and live six hours away. He had this chance to get clean with a friend who was willing to help.
The problem is, anywhere our adult children go, if they chooses to use, they will find like-minded people.
My daughter has chosen this path, to estrange herself from her blood. Users have become her family, it is a place of comfort for her, no judgement, no rules.
Our children are adults and have a responsibility to choose their way, to write their own stories. I pray for them, that they will open their eyes. At this point, my daughter despises a "normal" life. WE are the strange ones, bending to societal rules. Users have a code, and do take care of each other in their own way. It is what it is. It is sad and energy depleting.
I understand your wishes that he go to jail, at least he will have to be clean?
Hold on to the thought of being sick and tired of it, but do not let it overcome you. You have no control over the choices of your son, but you do have control over your reaction, you do have some control over your life.
I wish I had kept up with my journaling through these years. Then, maybe I would have changed my response earlier on, held some ground through a visual written accounting of it all. It is so easy for our difficult children to put their history behind them and continue in destructive ways. I do not think they see the hurt they have caused. Most encounters with my daughters are highlighted with blame. Drugs rule the head and heart.
Denial is a big one too. "That's not my pipe. Just because I hang out with people who use doesn't mean I do. I ONLY smoke pot. People who use drugs are not all bad." the list goes on.
I wish you strength and comfort.
It has helped me to pray for my children. I must remove the blinders of "parental" love, stop viewing them as the babies I raised. For now, that means I do not even have contact.
With one child, by her choice, the other, by my own. This does not mean I do not love them, do not hope for them. I do.
Someone once said, "They have wings you know,
and their wings work."
This site has helped a lot, reading and posting is helping me deal. Others experiences and thoughtful comments have helped direct my choices.
You are not alone. Big hugs to you and your family.
