What do you say when people ask?

Mixed up Mom

New Member
As I recently posted, my son is now homeless. He is living in a tent. Occasionally he talks to people I know too and they are just appalled that he is on the street. Now I am approached by some as being some sort of terrible mother. I did take my son a coat, some sweat pants, and two sweatshirts. He is just too abusive to let him live with me anymore. How do other parents respond to such questions?
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
"I would rather not discuss it."

That's what I say. In our town where we have a business, we were asked all the time.

If somebody is a rare "gem" who continues "But I saw..."

"I am not discussing g it. So how was your vacation?"
 

Nomad

Well-Known Member
Fir me, it varies a bit on the person.
Many people, I would try to avoid saying anything altogether.
Someone I know well and I know to be a good person…I might say a tiny bit more like they are struggling a bit now, but we don’t wish to discuss it.
A very select, rare …close friend…I might tell a bit more and ask fir confidentiality and prayer.
Other than a therapist and others like in a support group…I think certain things like homelessness or addiction are best kept kept quiet. It could be used as gossip. Or if indeed someone cares, it could burden them.
These are just tremendously sensitive and private matters.
 

Blighty

Member
When people know something about my 'problem' it really annoys me when they go on about their own kids successes. I don't mix in those circles when I could be asked 'how are they'. It's isolating but easier that way.
 

JayPee

Sending good vibes...
Not everyone needs or is at privilege to know your situation. Why should they? I only used to disclose to people close to me that would understand all I did for my sons and didn't "judge" me. Those who haven't walked in our shoes cannot fully comprehend all that we have gone through and they will inevidably look down on us.

Say, if you must. He's doing the best that he can right now and leave it at that.
 

in a daze

Well-Known Member
As I recently posted, my son is now homeless. He is living in a tent. Occasionally he talks to people I know too and they are just appalled that he is on the street. Now I am approached by some as being some sort of terrible mother. I did take my son a coat, some sweat pants, and two sweatshirts. He is just too abusive to let him live with me anymore. How do other parents respond to such questions?

“He’s between jobs”.

They usually get the hint and don’t press on.
 

Nomad

Well-Known Member
This thread has been repeated a few times over the years.

In one, I discussed this horrible feeling I got when a close friend of many years said she got “enjoyment” hearing me talk about our difficult child. It made her feel better about her own problems.

Boy did that rub me the wrong way. I mean deeply. I let it go…but never forgot.

Interestingly, she did and said some other VERY strange things to me that showed no empathy whatsoever and likely jealousy. So there were more strange snd hurtful comments that came later. Whoknew? I thought it was just a one time thing. People can misspeak. But…repeatedly?

We are no longer friends.
 

tommi

New Member
I have learned the hard way, tell no body no one take it to the grave, when people say how are you, what that means is, hello I do not want to really know so say hi and keep walking. If you don't want everyone in your town to know, TELL nobody. Sad but true some people want things to go bad for others.
 

Aching Heart

New Member
Only my close family and my very closest friends (and my past therapists) know why I have disassociated from my youngest daughter. I do not discuss it with anyone else, for fear of being judged I suppose. People who have not seen how she hurt me and my husband cannot possibly understand unless they have been through it too.
 

Mixed up Mom

New Member
Only my close family and my very closest friends (and my past therapists) know why I have disassociated from my youngest daughter. I do not discuss it with anyone else, for fear of being judged I suppose. People who have not seen how she hurt me and my husband cannot possibly understand unless they have been through it too.
I haven't even told family members and friends. You are so right. No one knows what we've been through.
 

Mixed up Mom

New Member
I have learned the hard way, tell no body no one take it to the grave, when people say how are you, what that means is, hello I do not want to really know so say hi and keep walking. If you don't want everyone in your town to know, TELL nobody. Sad but true some people want things to go bad for others.
I have told no one. They would not understand.
 

Mixed up Mom

New Member
Not everyone needs or is at privilege to know your situation. Why should they? I only used to disclose to people close to me that would understand all I did for my sons and didn't "judge" me. Those who haven't walked in our shoes cannot fully comprehend all that we have gone through and they will inevidably look down on us.

Say, if you must. He's doing the best that he can right now and leave it at that
Not everyone needs or is at privilege to know your situation. Why should they? I only used to disclose to people close to me that would understand all I did for my sons and didn't "judge" me. Those who haven't walked in our shoes cannot fully comprehend all that we have gone through and they will inevidably look down on us.

Say, if you must. He's doing the best that he can right now and leave it at that.
They would think I was horrible. They don't understand what we've been through.
 
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