What's happening to me in detachment...

[Childofmine]

Update about difficult child: Sunday I got a FB message from him. That was all I needed. I was able to relax and let go. I had been pretty anxious Saturday and Sunday about his safety.

Saturday I got some mail for him about food stamps. I posted a FB message to him that I had the mail and did he want me to bring it to the day shelter.

Sunday he said yes and I didn't respond. Monday he said don't worry about bringing it today because of the icy roads and the shelter is closing early.

This morning after my weight lifting class I went there at 7 a.m. He was there, and we went to my car and sat there for about 10 minutes talking. He looked good and sounded good. I said little but listened. He said he is staying at different places every night. Last night because it was so cold they had a coldest nights program and he was able to stay inside and sleep. He said one night he went and sat in the ER waiting room and sat up all night. He didn't know if he would get kicked out or not if he fell asleep.

He said once he gets his food stamps he can apply for a very basic cell phone and then he is going to try to sell his car. I said nothing.

He is looking for a job and is going to a restaurant today to see if they will hire him.

He sees his probation officer tomorrow, who said he has some info about a place to stay and jobs.

All of that is exactly what is necessary. He is figuring it out, one day at a time. I did good! I didn't correct, interrupt or ask a bunch of questions.

I did ask one thing---can you try the SArmy again at some point to stay there, like 30 days (that is their usual rule---you fail a drug test or get turned away and you have to wait 30 days to reapply). He said I don't know because I don't know why I was turned down in the first place. I don't believe that. My friend, the SA director, said that he failed a drug test and then he told the people there that he got the drugs in jail. That was the first few days he was out.

So, if that is true (and I am sure that it is) then he is still not being honest. Being completely honest will be a good sign, if he ever does get honest. That gave me a pang that he lied about it. I said, well have you asked them? He said no.

He is not likely to really get honest until he works a program and to my knowledge, that is not happening.

But...I know it's not about what I think and what I would do and what I want. It is about him doing things his way on his own timeline. And it's about me staying out of the way so he can.

All in all, it was a good experience and I was able to stay detached and separate (pretty well) from it all as I sat there. After a few minutes I said, well, I need to go. It was good to see you. I love you very much. You can do whatever you decide to do (difficult child), there has never been any doubt about that.

He said he loved me too.

We are on a new path here and I think it is the right path. Please continue to pray for us and know that you all give me the strength to continue on this new way.

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

Your responses to your son (and to yourself, Child ~ you are nurturing yourself through some pretty heavy changes, too) were healthy, realistic, caring, and beautifully appropriate. I was so encouraged to learn that your son is taking responsibility for himself. That is his first step toward making changes in his life. With no one to blame, no one to coddle or pretend with him that the world is unfair, he has a chance in this world now, Child.

You are doing well. Try not to be too hard on yourself when you begin second-guessing your actions. What has been tried in the past has not worked. Difficult as it has been to follow this new way of being, you did it and your son is stronger for it.

I feel quite hopeful for your son, Child.

:O)

Cedar

Weight lifting, huh? I love that. Love it.

 

[recoveringenabler]

Wow, COM, you did a great job! In our world here in As the difficult child turns, if it were a test, you would have received an A. You used all your tools and responded differently and so did he. I believe these wins deserve our attention, deserve a bit of a ATTAGIRL!!

I will continue to pray for you and your difficult child as we all walk arm in arm into this next chapter..........enjoy your day COM, allow that peaceful feeling of knowing you did the best you could and that the love remains intact............

 

[Echolette]

Wow, Child, that whole thing gave me a lump in my throat...there was a beauty to that new relationship that is really wonderful to behold. You let him take some wobbly baby steps on his own. That is how I see it...he is learning to walk again, and, like a good an loving parent, you are giving him the space to do it.

I am so happy for you, proud, impressed, and yes, a little sad because I'm feeling that you are a little sad too...but you are strong now! I hope I can channel some of that when I see my difficult child on Friday...I'm already slipping..I wanted to have lunch at a place I like to go and haven't been for a while...he first said yes then that he would call in late to work (DONT CALL IN LATE TO WORK!!!) and now we are having breakfast somewhere else, on a work day...that interferes with my ability to get started well, get the dogs washed, etc...so I may take a page from your book and tell him that won't work after all...because I am starting to feel annoyed, and I'm wondering why I am buying him breakfast at all...your conversation in the car seems more appropriate.

But this one isn't about me! Its about you..the amazing way you are finding a new way to be connected to your son, detached and loving.

 

[Childofmine]

Thanks Echo, I always like to read what you write.

I am really doing okay. I am very grateful today that I am super-busy at work. I have so much work going on I can't see straight (good for a small business owner who is responsible for killing it, dragging it home and doing something with it, lol).

Plus I'm in grad school taking one class at a time so I will be 100 years old by the time I get my Master's...this semester's class is the hardest of the curriculum.

God is good that way. He gives me so much daily responsibility I can't (well I guess I COULD, but I'm not) focus on difficult child too much.

I love what you wrote about your son. We think we have fixed in our mind what we have agreed to with them, and then it starts going sideways somehow and we're left....thinking....what?

My son said he can't get a phone on the weekends---he would have to borrow one to make a call as the day shelter is closed Sat and Sun. So I said you can call me Friday. I kind of left the door open about getting together for lunch on Saturday. My instincts are telling me that's too much, too fast.

So I am thinking of taking the call on Friday and having a supportive conversation (well, that's MY plan anyway, we'll see how it goes) and then saying I can't meet on Saturday.

My experience/instincts/whatever it is---are saying caution, caution, caution---I am seeing yellow lights flashing....go slow. I am doing better. He is doing better. Let's not rock the boat, I say to myself. Let's just keep on doing what we are doing.

That's the newer me...not the mommy me. The mommy me says he has few/no services on the weekend and it would be helpful to him for me to buy him lunch. But...it's not my responsibility to figure out his lunch.

So...you see...sigh...Echo...it's just a one day at a time thing. We'll see what happens on Friday.

And it's good to write your story in the middle of my story---that is how I work things out...writing to other people as well, and layering their story with mine. Somehow that leads me to a newer story and a healthier story, I think.

Yes, it is a little sad to see him like this. I can't go there, though, Echo. I don't want to get lost in sad again, even though I will if I need to, at least for a while. I felt sad Sunday...ill-equipped to keep on without a break. I had to lie down with a bag of M&Ms, my kindle and read and take a nap. That's my go-to prescription to feel better fast---usually after an hour of sleep I can get up and do it all again.

Have a good day today Echo!

 

[Childofmine]

I wanted to give you all another update about difficult child. As you know, he got out of jail February 14 and has been living on the street since that time. I saw him last Tuesday morning. I took him some mail to the day shelter in town where he goes for breakfast and lunch (at least as far as I know he does/can). We sat in the car for 10 minutes and had a fairly good conversation. He was to see his PO the next day, who had some job ideas and place to stay ideas. He also said he was going to try to get a job at a restaurant that was hiring here. He said he would call me Friday.

I still haven't heard from or about him since then.

I got a food stamps card in the mail (at least it felt like that, didn't open it, but that was what he was expecting) Thursday. I FB messaged him and said I would bring it to the shelter Friday morning. I did, he wasn't there but I left it with a staff member.

I am coming to the conclusion that I am going to have to live further into the "not knowing" realm than I realized. This time, unlike last week when I posted basically the same scenario, I am doing better with it.

I can go to that anxious place, i.e., where is he, is he okay, is he dead, is he lying in a crack house, and then play the movie of the police walking up to my front door to give me the bad news that he is dead. I have done that several times. I try to divert myself when I do that, because A. He could just as easily be working at a job than the above. and B. What is the point of "awfulizing" when I have no idea about anything regarding him?

I believe this is a new level of Acceptance. And that is what I am to do. To continue to learn to Accept. Accept that this is what it is. This may go on for a long time.

I am stepping up my Al-Anon meetings. I went this morning and it was truly wonderful. The topic turned out to be Acceptance and living in silence and not saying anything even when we really want to, and as importantly, not doing anything based on our feelings and our thoughts.

I know intellectually that the only path here, right now, is this path. Connecting what I know to my heart is harder, but I am doing pretty well doing it.

SO and I went on a long walk yesterday. It was beautiful here. He listened to music some and it was like I was alone with my thoughts. I found myself wondering where and how difficult child is, and feeling sad about it. But I kept walking.

It does me or him no good for me to stop my own life.

Wow. Who ever knew? I appreciate so much the posts that everybody posts on this site. I learn something from every one of them. And that makes my recovery better.

 

[BusynMember]

I think you did great.

There are no guarantees in the future for adults who are into drugs. None. That's why "one day at a time" is the mantra of many of us. Even the mentally ill young adults are just as iffy. Stability is not something we moms can count on when our adult kids have instabilities. So each good day is precious.

When I talk to 36, who is probably the most unstable person I have ever met, I never know if we will finish our conversation or if I will have to hang up due to him cussing, using words about female parts, insulting me, yelling, etc. or if he will hang up because he thinks I am saying something "stupid" (a word I hate). If a new crisis pops up tomorrow with his life, I may have constant suicide threats on my hands, which is obviously scary. I believe he could try to commit suicide when under stress if he feels it is hopeless and what can I do? It is rarely your normal child/parent conversation with 36. Every day I also have to decide how much I will talk to him. He often still wants me to make decisions for him and when I either won't or can't, he will swear and hang up. Its' like dealing with a dangerous toddler who could do himself harm. And perhaps under REALLY bad situations he could harm another. It may be silly, but I still remember how he used to hurt other kids when he was younger just because they beat him in a game or said something he didn't like. I remember how abnormal the amount of porn in his room and computer was after he left home and we finally broke into the room that he kept locked 100% of the time. I think about certain things that haunt me and I wonder just how sick he is. There are things about him I can't even share with all of you. And he does drink a lot and take prescription Xanax too much....I don't want to know too much about that since I have no control over it.

So while we are in different places, dealing with different adult children, both who have different problems, we are still almost off balance with them. They can fill us with hope one day, then shoot us down the next. Since I have been at this longer than you, I have a better ability to just let it go and give it over to God. In my world, there is a God who watches over all of us. I call him a Higher Power and he could be a "she" but that higher power has to watch my child because I can't. Since you seem t o feel also that God is there, maybe you can picture him walking with your son, his arm around him.

Although you are newer here, you are one the wisest posters I've come across in my own journey. Your words have actually helped me and I hope I can help you back. I have the greatest respect for your ability to see things straight and to deal with them in a realistic way.

Disclaimer: Anything I say is just my opinion and if you like it, take it, if you don't, disregard it. We being our own experiences and opinions to this sharing table, but we don't force others to think like we do.

 

[Albatross]

It does me or him no good for me to stop my own life.

I love this so much. I think I should have it tattooed on the inside of my arm so I can refer to it many times during the day.

 

[Albatross]

This path of acceptance that you are on, that all of us are stepping onto and are at different points in our journey...thanks to you and the other trailblazers around here for sharing so eloquently. There are a lot of courageous and generous people on this board.

 

[Childofmine]

But I'll say this to you now....over time, as it turns out that he is indeed not dead, you will be able to tolerate longer and longer stretches.

Your words are right, Echo. I am doing okay, even though it's been longer this time than it was last time. I do check FB periodically during the day to see if he is online. I did call the jail Saturday to see if he was there. SO and I talked about his appointment with his PO Wednesday. I thought maybe he tested positive then and was arrested. Or, he made it through that and then went out and used and has been using since that time. But I have to stop those thoughts because what is the point?

Just seeing evidence that he is alive would be enough right now. It's amazing how the box gets smaller and smaller and smaller.

And I can see that living with not knowing is my next step, perhaps. I need to move toward okay with not knowing anything.

This calls to mind something my mother said when I was separated from my husband (now ex) and we were going through the preparations for divorce, which lasted about 18 months. She said this: Well, (my name), you know he depended on you so much, that is why he is so angry right now that you want a divorce.

I remember not realizing that and how surprised I was. I always knew I was the strong one in the relationship but I had not connected the dots about the depth of his anger (really punitive things he said and did for a long long time) and his dependence on me.

When we pull out the supports from another person, there will be a powerful backlash. People on this site talk about it a lot. Silence can be a backlash too. Or not. Maybe he is just doing what he does, whatever that is.

I want my silence toward my difficult child to be filled with love, compassion, patience and support. That is what I want to fill myself with not anger, sadness, judgment and fear.

ry to let him live his life, as you would a easy child.

Yes! I talked with easy child yesterday and we talked about the way I think of him when I don't hear from him for a few days (not worried at all!) and the way I think about difficult child. Of course, they live very different lives. easy child and his fiancee live together. He teaches high school math and she is finishing pharmacy school in May. They are busy people! They live about five hours away from here.

Contrast with difficult child is right here, but lives on the street, a much more dangerous life. The good part is that we live in a mid-size city, where there are fewer services for the homeless, but crime is not a huge problem, even though we have our gangs, etc.

We talked about the fact that we can't keep anybody safe, regardless of their lifestyle. It's just a fact.

My oldest sister is 60. My mom used to tell a story about how when my sister was an infant, my mom walked by her room and peeked in during naptime....and she wasn't certain she was breathing. This was before CPR. And she thought...if she is dead...there is nothing I can do about it. And I will deal with it so much better after I take a nap.

What a great story. What a courageous woman to tell you that story. Lots of people would not get it and think how in the world can she walk by the room, lie down, take a nap and THEN get the truth? Your mother was taking care of herself. If the baby was already gone, what was she going to do at that point? I love it.

Thanks again for all of the great words, stories and support on this thread. I like having a chronicle of my journey since February 14. Onward!

 

[Echolette]

I am coming to the conclusion that I am going to have to live further into the "not knowing" realm than I realized.

It is all like peeling away the layers of an onion, isn't it? You get on part done and surprise! there is another. This has been a long struggle for me. I used to have a three day clock...if I didn't hear from him for three days I would fly into a panic and try to hunt him down. He knew that, and honestly was pretty sweet (if he was stable) about checking in with me one way or another every three days. Then I drifted from needing the check in, and the time frame grew from three to four or five days...facebook evidence that he was alive, anyone else spotting him, those were all good enough. Now...I don't know. I think I might be OK for a couple of weeks at at time. I also realized that even when I know I don't know...what he tells me is filtered, and sometimes so filtered it is an out and out lie...so what do I know? It is only the mirage of knowing.

You are OK today. You are so strong now, so alert in your commitment to self awareness and self care. We can only get stronger and more resilient as we practice these new ways of being.

I am glad you are my partner in this.

Echo

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

I found myself wondering where and how difficult child is, and feeling sad
about it. But I kept walking.

"But I kept walking."

This is beautiful imagery of how to see ourselves through this process, COM.

It helps me too to remember that nothing else has worked. Doing what we've done in the past got us where we are, now. I am holding faith with myself and a future in which I will not have to live guarded and hard-hearted. I wish, for all our sakes, that I had followed this path sooner.

I am going to follow it now with all my heart.

Joy in my own life, in my own time, right now, is where I want to be, next. Remaining present, acting and letting go, has blown light and air into my relationships. As I am growing in strength and confidence within, I am shooting the bad relationships to smithereens almost casually. It's been an interesting thing, to be in the heart of myself looking out, instead of trying to be better than I am, more than I am ~ that feeling of dancing so fast for nothing that matters.

I spend so much time watching the sun come up. I love it.

:O)

Cedar

 

[Echolette]

It helps me too to remember that nothing else has worked.

That is the thing, isn't it?

 

[SeekingStrength]

I want my silence toward my difficult child to be filled with love, compassion, patience and support. That is what I want to fill myself with not anger, sadness, judgment and fear.

COM,
I am glad you are posting about your journey as you move ONWARD! And, i see the evidence of what you wrote above. That is exactly what I want my silence to be.

Hope you have a wonderful day.

 

[Childofmine]

Another thing I am learning is to do some new things in my own life. Several reasons: it keeps me busy (always good), it is something new to be excited about, and it creates new and positive conversations.

I'm doing the 40x40 blog I mentioned earlier. It is scary---committing to blogging every day and more, doing the WORK so I can end up getting rid of 1600 items from my house.

I started on my closet yesterday! Lordy, mercy! That will be a three or four day thing---as I have two more closets upstairs with clothes, shoes, etc.

And I am finding that (like recovery), I can't do it all at once. I have to go through it multiple times and each time I am more ready to part with something that even a few hours or days ago I was hanging onto.

Isn't that a great metaphor for our own journeys???

Also it's fun, I am really starting to feel "lighter" (although has nothing to do with weight, lol), and it's a positive focus.

Like BITS' kitchen and her chickens.

I think being able (have the energy, focus, etc.) to start something new is another phase of the journey. A couple of years ago or even months ago I wouldn't have had the energy or foresight or whatever to do this. It was all I could do to get through the day and I had to take a nap every single day to do that.

But I am at a different point now. What a journey!

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

Here is an interesting thing about what is happening on my detachment journey. For those who aren't aware of it, my mother was physically, verbally, emotionally abusive and continues to be so to this day. Coming out from her belief about who I was has taken all of my life so far. When I decided to try detaching, to try honesty with my kids...I found myself displaying that same, almost emotionless kind of honesty with my sister. My brother. My husband. and finally, last night...with my mother.

It was easy.

I feel clean, right, and clear.

She called. husband answered. She interrupted husband's trying to be polite to someone he really doesn't like at all to ask whether I was here. I was upstairs, came down, and took the call. husband told me later that my mother had been rude. I called her back and confronted her with that.

This is such a triumph for me.

She got all in a huff and said she did not have time for this s****. Then, she hung up on me. It occurred to me immediately that a person who had not been rude to husband on purpose would have 1) been surprised to learn he had taken whatever it was she said that way and 2) would have asked to talk to husband to apologize right then.

It is surprisingly, wonderfully, happily enlightening to finally see my mother for who and how she is. The hanging up part, the rageful, contemptuous response part are nothing new. My response to it is something very new.

Freedom is good.

Detachment from the emotional components of our reactions to others ROCKS.

:O)

Cedar

Then? Like little kids, we called husband's Italian mom and told on my mother.

Ha! You can imagine.

 

[Echolette]

Then, she hung up on me. It occurred to me immediately that a person who had not been rude to husband on purpose would have 1) been surprised to learn he had taken whatever it was she said that way and 2) would have asked to talk to husband to apologize right then.

Great observation, and so true! and so hard to see when blinded by our own childhood selves, and by our own history. Great job, Cedar! The gift from difficult children....becoming free of all the people who who allowed to oppress us.

I like that you called husband's mom in the end.

Its funny how the oppressors fall apart when we confront them:

he got all in a huff and said she did not have time for this s****. Then, she hung up on me.

Yeah. She was relying on your blindness. YOu called her on it and she had to get out of there fast.

I like that you defended husband.

You go, girl.

Echo

 

[nlj]

You are inspiring to me COM.
It's helping me so much to read your posts.
They make me cry and feel empowered at the same time.
Thanks

 

[recoveringenabler]

And I can see that living with not knowing is my next step, perhaps. I need to move toward okay with not knowing anything.

That reminded me of a moment last summer where my daughter's roommate called me at 1:30 AM angry as all get out that my daughter had borrowed her car at 4 and wasn't home yet. She had tried calling and no answer. She told me to tell my daughter that she was calling the police. I listened. I got off the phone. I fell back asleep. I had already been in this movie and it just didn't impact me. The next morning, the roommate called at 10 AM now worried that something bad happened. I said, "she probably fell asleep somewhere. There is nothing you can do." SO and I went to a street fair in another town, had lunch, walked around and except for about 15 minutes of talking about my daughter, I didn't think about her at all. We returned home at 6 and there was a message from her. The car broke down, she didn't have any money, her phone didn't work, she fell asleep, you know, the usual. But, I just went about my day. That was a turning point. And it keeps getting more and more like that.

Another thing I am learning is to do some new things in my own life.

Along with massive amounts of self care, one thing that SO and I started doing last year was to make a point of getting out of town at least once a week. We started taking drives to the ocean, to the mountains, to the city, long drives, just the two of us. I so looked forward to those days of sanity and fun. We would get about an hour away and I could actually feel the angst ebbing, the connection to home would release and I would feel freer. We still do it and it is wonderful. One day like that made the rest of the week bearable when I was in the middle of the worst of it. A change of location means a lot. We also hike a lot, which helps on all kinds of levels. Finding ways to have fun made a huge difference.

Detachment from the emotional components of our reactions to others ROCKS.

Your post made me smile from ear to ear Cedar. YOU ROCK!!!

 

[Childofmine]

A change of location means a lot.

Both a nap and a trip have been my top two go-to self-care treatments for several years.

Working out of my home, I can get pretty stir-crazy and way too much inside my own head some days. I used to feel like a sitting duck for my son when he was in town. I was here, and he knew how to get here, and he would just show up. I felt so exposed and so vulnerable because before I laid down my boundaries like I did a few weeks ago, I couldn't protect myself emotionally from him.

I am grateful that he is respecting my boundaries....or is it, RE, that I'm not giving him what he wants so he has no need of me now? Who knows what his motives are? I don't really need to know or spend any time on that.

Just getting away---whether it's for a nap for an hour---or for a day, like you do, RE, is like a strong tonic. It does make things bearable. There are so many "little" and big things we can do for our own self-care. Once we are tired of crying and sitting and staring and hiding under the covers---completely spent from the assault of this---we can being to think about self-care and just starting on that road pays such dividends that we want to do it more and more. We CAN survive this, RE. I don't know how we are doing it sometimes, but we ARE. By the grace of God, I believe.

SO and I went to a street fair in another town, had lunch, walked around and except for about 15 minutes of talking about my daughter, I didn't think about her at all.

Yes. Isn't it amazing how much we have changed? We, who in the past, would have huddled in the house, waiting, then driving the streets, calling friends, sitting by the phone, pacing, crying, raging with our pain and our fear and our deep grief? We can now go to a street fair. There are many who won't and can't understand that. Because they have not lived under constant assault for such a long time, like we on this board have. The way I see it---we have two choices---we can continue and we will crumple under the weight and the pain and the pressure. We will be so shell-shocked. We will be like the walking dead as we enable and enable and enable, hoping and praying and giving, believing that our deep, profound love for our adult children will conquer all...because doesn't love conquer all?

I think we all know that love is never enough. Many of us have learned that in our primary spousal relationships. We have been shown that it takes more than just love---although love is essential and perhaps the most important ingredient---but it also takes trust, respect, compromise, kindness and so many other qualities.

If love was enough, it would have already happened, this miracle we are all still hoping for. Because we have surely loved enough.

Or...we can look for a new way, RE. We can decide that while we almost cannot bear the pain of what is happening with our precious adult children, we can. This pain, that never seems to stop, takes us to the very edge of life itself. As many have posted on this board, they didn't want to live, for a time. If our children cannot have a life, then we don't want one either.

Years ago, when my sister was dying, I did that. I was 28 years old, and had been married for five years. We hadn't had children yet. We both were working professionals and lived in the same city as my sister and my parents and my adult siblings. All of a sudden (it seemed), I could barely function. I would go to work and then come home and lie on the bed and cry and cry and cry. I was despondent.

I thought it was my marriage and so we went for counseling. After an hour, the counselor said he wanted to see us separately for a while, me first. At our first session, he told me I was experiencing anticipatory grief. I guess it was crystal clear to him what was going on, but it sure wasn't to me. I had never even heard of anticipatory grief. I didn't know what he was talking about.

But I kept going to the appointments with him. Much of the time, I would just sit there and cry for the hour, as I remember it now. I remember telling him that I didn't want to live in a world without her. I couldn't imagine losing her.

Finally, one day something he said broke through to me. He said, Are there other people in your life that you love and care about like you do Susan? I said, of course. He said, well, what about living for them? For some reason, I heard that. It was like a thunderbolt. And that was a turning point for me.

He also cautioned me that when she did die, I might actually recover from my grief faster than others and not to be surprised by that. And he was right. Of course, I was distraught when she died.

As the oldest of four, I helped take care of her a lot. While I am sure my feelings for her were very different from my parents', there were very strong connections. In fact, I hadn't even felt a desire or need for my own children, because I believe much of my nurturing and caretaking instincts and needs were being satisfied in my relationship with her.

Thinking back now, that experience...so fundamental for me...has helped me with my son. It helps me see one of the reasons I knew how to caretake so well. I did it all my life. I knew how to do that. But I couldn't save my sister with my profound love. I had to ultimately let her go and live my own life.

I did survive my sister's death and I have had a good and very happy life. I am very grateful for all of the blessings I have been given.

But I still didn't stop the caretaking. I knew how to do that.

But now, RE, today, I am learning how to be something more than a caretaker. When people grow up, like my son has, he has to stand on his own. It's not right for him not to do that, no matter what that looks like or how different it is from what i imagined for him.

It goes against the natural order, like the stories of the cat and her kittens, and the bird and the baby birds. It is not what God intended, and as long as we do that, we are completely out of sync in our own lives and also crippling those we love so much, a profound crippling.

Thanks so much for your words and your wisdom, RE. You and Cedar and BITS and Echo and MWM and so many others on this site help me so much. You are all leading me to new places that I need to go, gently and bluntly and metaphorically, in so many ways so I can see it from so many different viewpoints and side. It's like a prism that I have to keep looking at, seeing new things as I go.

Blessings to you today! Have a great day.