When your adult child steals from you...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Bean, Sep 11, 2010.

  1. kazzyc

    kazzyc New Member

    I didn't realize that I had become a member of this website 8 years ago. It kind of puts it into perspective how long my now adult son of 21 has been playing me like a puppet. Putting me on a guilt trip as so many of yours are. I can't thank all of you enough for giving me the courage and the strength to push forward.

    I am at the point where I am ready to choose the rest of my family over him.

    It would be interesting to hear from any of you who are further down that road than I am at the moment. Have you come across any obstacles along the way and how has the navigation around it been.
  2. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hi KC welcome back..... Sorry for your need to be here. This is a really old thread, it may be why others haven't responded......you may want to start a new thread.....
    I look at it this way. I am not choosing my kids over one another, just choosing where I focus. My two have disrespected me, stole my valuables and my time, lied to me. I still love them, but will no longer put my energy there.
    After years of being played, and used, it was enough.
    Then there is the reality of all of the focus being on the chaos and drama, trying to stop the train wreck while the other kids were doing well, and not getting the attention they deserved.

    Obstacles were mostly me being able to wrap my head and heart around finding a completely different pattern of response. It is hard too, when the choices lead to homelessness, or in my case, my two went no contact. That actually gave me some breathing time.

    I hope you stay with us and keep posting. This site has helped me very much. I will look for your thread, if you decide to start one.
    You are not alone.
  3. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I think it would help if you posted your own thread. This is an old one. Peoplea not see you.

    Welcome back
  4. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Wanda, this is a very old thread and it may take a while to get other people on here. I will see if I can get a mod to help you move it, or you can start a new thread.

    Stealing rips your heart out. I know how much it hurts. And now, apparently, you also are dealing with estrangement from your grandchildren. I can't help with that heartache. I know that there are others here who are grandmothers who may have some words of comfort for you or suggestions.

    But if nothing else, I can tell you that you are not alone.
  5. Shane Blackstock

    Shane Blackstock New Member

    I just found this thread and am trying to deal with a son like this. Noticing that this was dated 2010..Did your daughter ever get out of this phase? My son stole some very valuable stuff from me while I was taking care of my dad, his grandpa, on his death bed. Things that also had a lot of sentimental value and never can be replaced. It is so heart breaking.
  6. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Its probably best to start a thread of your own. This is a very old post and the poster is long gone. But we can give you feedback on your own post if you click on top on new post and share your story.
  7. KT72

    KT72 New Member

    I'm glad I'm not the only one with children that do this. I gave my adult children my house do you live in because they had nowhere else to go and my daughter had my granddaughter I was only charging them $250 for rent they neglected to pay the electric bill for 4 months and she told me that she couldn't pay anymore cause they were already paying $250. Needless to stay there he found a four bedroom house that they are now paying $1150 for rent when they moved out they took everything with them the last thing I remember my daughter doing was kissing me on the cheek telling me she love me and she left my house. They had taken everything of value out of my house and when I confronted them they stated they didn't take anything that was not theirs but they commanded their things that they had left behind with threatening emails. What are you to do as a parent when this happens. I was homeless so they could have a home I gave them everything and yet this is how they treat me not to mention they left me so financially broke I now have to file bankruptcy. Does anybody have any advice?
  8. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Hi. I am sorry.

    To get a better response you may want to post this as a new topic. This is a long and old thread and the original poster is no longer here. People may not see your new post tacked on the end.

    Hon, all you can do is learn from your lesson. Once you get situated again, NEVER allow daughter or granddaughter ( if she is old enough to steal) into your place again. Not even to visit. See them in neutral territory...a park or coffee house.

    I suspect DAUGHTER has always been difficult and maybe uses drugs or is just a con artist. Either way, she needs to take care of bad situations herself. You never should have left your own home and hope you know this now. Giving our wayward adult kids our very hearts does not (sadly) make them love us more and often makes them think we are weak and able to be abused. Love and extreme sacrifice on our part doesnt help them and hurts us. Please dont.

    If you can, press charges wirh the police. If you cant, report this as elder abuse. Your daughter should not get a free ride for this. I would distance from her. She is not safe. Whatever her problem is, you can not save her. She has to do it.

    I hope you start a new thread so that you can get more responses. Be good to yourself. It is time to put yourself first, to rebuilt, to have peace in your life, even if your daughter chooses chaos, drugs, men who hit her etc. She is not that cute little girl anymore. She is a grown woman and needs to be seen as such.

    Hugs and love!!
  9. Hurting Hoosier

    Hurting Hoosier New Member

    Currently, my adult daughter and 5 year old granddaughter lives with me. My daughter has been oppositional defiant Borderline (BPD) since around age 12. I often wish I had all the money I have sent out or had stolen from me over the years; I could retire in style. Unfortunately, I am in no position to live alone. In the past year, I had a below knee amputation and a mastectomy. My daughter is an RN, but doesn't think there is anything really wrong with me. {Silly me) She is hateful, disrespectful, a user, and a mental abuser. Needless to say, I am treated as the live-in nanny. I am unable to drive and am just getting use to wearing and walking with a prosthetic leg and walker. My daughter has fits of rage and destroys property. My granddaughter watches all this and asks me why her mommy doesn't like her nana. I'm at wit's end and see no way out. Any suggestios for this tired and hurting Hoosier.
  10. Call Social services and report Elder Abuse. Maybe they can find you a place to live.