When your past as a child, follows you as a mother, as a person.

[Feeling Sad]

My dear Copa. You have your hands full.

Just try to breathe and get through the next two days.

It is like a domino affect. This causes that...which then causes that... I can hear your utter turmoil and anguish in your words.

I feel that you need, for your health, not to go too far into the future. Your son's fear may be triggering his 'theories' and also having more time on his hands to 'research'.

You are allowing something that you have little...actually no control over to negatively impact your health. Do things for you right now. Don't let your negative thoughts take your mind hostage.

One day at a time. I can very easily whip my brain into a frenzy. I do still, but it does not last quite as long nor is it as frequent. Working has literally forced me, actually 'derailed', my constant worry. I can't. I no longer have time except nights and weekends.

I am starting to realize that our lives are so short. You have told me many times that I should not worry and that my fears are probably not true. The truth in life is usually in the grey zone, not black or white.

People in construction, I have heard, have to honor their workers that have worked for them the longest. I do not feel that it is your son's lack of drive or initiative. He might be feeling stressed because he is not working. He might be feeling down on himself.

I have found that the best thing to do is not try to sway someone in their false beliefs. Just say that you do not 'see' it that way and change the subject. Period.

He is scared and is feeling badly. You are scared and feeling badly.

Take it one step at a time. Maybe he could find another job. The main thing right now is to keep the lines of communication open and do not discuss inflammatory topics.

You both will get through this. You will both face Wednesday and deal with it together. You need each other. Just be a calm influence for him. Let him know that he can handle his situations in life. Let him know that you trust in him.

I want you to continue to get out a little every day. That is for Copa and nobody else. Just Copa. You deserve to be happy, feel good, have fun, and watch 'the movement on the streets'.

 

[Feeling Sad]

Checking in on you Copa. How are you doing?

Baby steps. One more day is almost finished.

I hope that you did something for yourself. You need to nurture yourself. Positive thoughts and prayers being sent out to you.

 

[Copabanana]

Hi Feeling,

I did nothing for myself fun or diverting but did work today with papers in the house. More because M was mad at me for being on the computer too much, and not doing hardly anything to advance our situation, and I did not want to make it worse.

I did feel better being productive.

I also called M's sister who is back in town. I asked her if I could check in with her everyday to be accountable and for support. She said yes. That is a step.

I also asked M to wake me up before he leaves--early--so I can get an early start.

M son called twice today. I set the limit each time about his craziness. The Dad-Brazilian is giving him a ride into the City close to where the University is and he will arrive at the appointment a couple of hours early. He will go to the library and read while he waits. That is reassuring that he has a ride. I am hopeful.

Thank you for asking, Feeling.

How are you, Feeling?

COPA

 

[Feeling Sad]

That is excellent that you are being productive and want to get up early. You are also asking for support. Good for you!

That sounds very hopeful about your son having a ride, plus being 2 hours early.

Two good things. My prayers are still with you. Both you and your son will face this together...that will give you both strength.

He is being proactive going IN...you are being proactive going OUT! Yeah!

Howl! (Fellow sister warrior, Leafy, requested to replace 'roar' until Haloween, but truthfully, I keep thinking of...Stellllaaaa!).

 

[Copabanana]

I keep thinking of...Stellllaaaa!

Me too. That is my cat's name. She needs her second dental surgery. The first one cost me $1500. The one next week $1200. She is in every way the perfect kitty for me. Except for her teeth.

COPA

 

[New Leaf]

After reading the cliff notes on "Streetcar Named Desire" and the hubs reaction, Stanley is a brute of a man. Beautiful to look at but, UCK!

I now hear this as RUNNN STELLA RUNNNNNNN!

Howl

I hope all turns out well for your son, Copa.

Feeling how are you?

 

[Feeling Sad]

Leafy..how are you?

Copa, how did it go today?

 

[New Leaf]

Hi Feeling I am ok thank you. I am sorry you are down. I will reply to your post soon. Remember to breathe. You have had a hard two weeks on top of a hard forever.

 

[Copabanana]

Hi Feeling, New Leaf, Cedar, and all

I am OK. It was a tough day but I am relaxing now. I will outline it, last goes first:

I. Son called. Said went to doctor. Said doctor said his viral load was fairly low, like 17,000. No medication at this time.

I made the mistake of mentioning that he might want to look at Wikipedia on Jewish Genetics. He asserted last week that Ashkenazi and Sephardic Jews are genetically different, with the latter being part of a global cabal and descended from the mating of reptiles and martians (Obama and the Bush family, too, to my son have this connection.)

Like an idiot I told him he might want to look at the genetic research which shows that he is quite mistaken. He hung up on me.

I called back and said this: When we speak please do not hang up on me. Anywhere you want you can behave in your face aggressively except with me or around me. Do not again speaking to me bring up anything to do with Jews and your conspiracy theories. I do not want to hear about them in general.

II. M said I needed to go to the other house. When there for 15 minutes he harangued me about picking a paint color. He wanted me to pick a color today. He, too, spoke aggressively. I walked out.

I went to Home Depot. Bought the primer he wanted, took paint samples to the house and decided on a color.

I get home and look on the computer: Benjamin Moore about 3 days ago chose it as color of the year. It is called Simply White.

I will use it throughout the house except for in the bath and kitchen where I will pick additional colors, as both rooms have color in either the tile or hardware. I will paint the window panes Benjamin Moore, Onyx, which I will try tomorrow (except for bath and kitchen). I may paint some of the doors black, too. I am not sure.

M is getting a very cold shoulder, but I am not being rude.

III M's sister called in the morning and wanted to come over. She is still feeling badly. I suggested I go there and we talk and make a plan, but I would call her first. My intention was to go today, but after M threw his stunt, I focused on the paint. I will call her tomorrow morning, make amends, and see if I can go over.

Sorry to go on and on. At least I am not talking about meat which I did on another thread. I guess I felt pissy because nobody wanted my tri tip recipe.

Thank you for asking about me.

M is right next to me. I could care less if I am clicking with the computer.

COPA

 

[Copabanana]

PS My son had said last week that the old woman at the AIPAC convention looked like Grandma and that woman (not my mother) had no nose. That to my son means she is descended from reptiles and martians.

Invoking my beautiful mother to support his racist loony rant is going to far.

COPA

 

[Feeling Sad]

I can see clearly why that would be very upsetting referring to your mother in that manner.

Everyone is sensitive right now.

The main thing is that your son DID go and it was overall good results...right? Low numbers and no need for medication's right now.

Go to bed and get some rest. You have been through the ringer.

Take care, dear friend. Keep up the good work. I am proud of you. You went out today in spite of everything...for you Copa.

Say, "Hi" to Steelllaaa, your cat.

Do you have a dog named Marlon? Just asking...

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

Stanley is a brute of a man. Beautiful to look at but, UCK!

Nooooooooooo!

Cedar

 

[New Leaf]

Hi Feeling, New Leaf, Cedar, and all

I am OK. It was a tough day but I am relaxing now. I will outline it, last goes first:

I. Son called. Said went to doctor. Said doctor said his viral load was fairly low, like 17,000. No medication at this time.

I made the mistake of mentioning that he might want to look at Wikipedia on Jewish Genetics. He asserted last week that Ashkenazi and Sephardic Jews are genetically different, with the latter being part of a global cabal and descended from the mating of reptiles and martians (Obama and the Bush family, too, to my son have this connection.)

Like an idiot I told him he might want to look at the genetic research which shows that he is quite mistaken. He hung up on me.

I called back and said this: When we speak please do not hang up on me. Anywhere you want you can behave in your face aggressively except with me or around me. Do not again speaking to me bring up anything to do with Jews and your conspiracy theories. I do not want to hear about them in general.

II. M said I needed to go to the other house. When there for 15 minutes he harangued me about picking me a paint color. He wanted me to pick a color today. He, too, spoke aggressively. I walked out.

I went to Home Depot. Bought the primer he wanted, took paint samples to the house and decided on a color.

I get home and look on the computer: Benjamin Moore about 3 days ago chose it as color of the year. It is called Simply White.

I will use it throughout the house except for in the bath and kitchen where I will pick additional colors, as both rooms have color in either the tile or hardware. I will paint the window panes Benjamin Moore, Onyx, which I will try tomorrow (except for bath and kitchen). I may paint some of the doors black, too. I am not sure.

M is getting a very cold shoulder, but I am not being rude.

III M's sister called in the morning and wanted to come over. She is still feeling badly. I suggested I go there and we talk and make a plan, but I would call her first. My intention was to go today, but after M threw his stunt, I focused on the paint. I will call her tomorrow morning, make amends, and see if I can go over.

Sorry to go on and on. At least I am not talking about meat which I did on another thread. I guess I felt pissy because nobody wanted my tri tip recipe.

Thank you for asking about me.

M is right next to me. I could care less if I am clicking with the computer.

COPA

SIGH!
Oh Copa it is the full moon. We had a couple of crazy days at school. Everyone is out of sorts.

I would love your tri tip recipe but I cannot afford tri tips!
Leafy