And so it goes

[New Leaf]

Thank you SS.

I am sorry you and your family are dealing with this. There has to be a better tomorrow as far as our DCs are concerned. I tell myself that allll the time.

I hope so, for all of us. But, there has to be a better tomorrow for us, regardless of what our waywards do. I tell my grands that. We have to work hard to overcome the sorrow and find our own meaning and potential.

You can't take responsibility for Tornado's poor choices. Nothing you have done or ever could do will affect her use of drugs or her choice to stop. She's all alone on that gangplank by herself.

This is true, Copa, she has made her own choices. I suppose I lamented a bit that my stepping in was to support her sobriety, not an escape. But, again that was her choice.

But in terms of responsibility, there's none. And that they violate our trust (over and over again), has not a thing in the world to do with us.

This is also true. Who knows if they start with good intentions, then temptation takes over.

There's a cost to us to every single thing we do or don't do. We might as well do what makes us feel we can live, and not slowly die.

I don’t want to spend what’s left of my life lamenting the choices of my two, or feeling guilty over what I do or don’t do. I am feeling the weight of having to measure that carefully with each challenge that arises. The cost to my grands has been heavy as they struggle to find their place. In this, I am doubly affected trying to deal with their angst and my own.

We can choose to no longer allow this, by setting ever-stricter boundaries, in order to save ourselves from ongoing pain, but I agree so totally that the only fools here are our children. That they have been reduced to predatory behavior towards the person who loves them best in the world, times 100, is on them. Completely. Totally.

I think predatory behavior describes Tornados actions perfectly. I can wrap my head around the whys of it, the addiction, but I would be lying if I write that my heart is not ever questioning.

We aren't wrong. We weren't wrong. Stopping altogether is not wrong. Showing kindness again, is not wrong.

I believe I have made mistakes, who wouldn’t under the circumstances. There are volumes written, what to do, what not to do, but in the end all, these are our hearts, our beloveds. It is a lifetime overcoming the challenges of this. My two are literally becoming zombies, fiending for meth.

I agree with the others in that you did a loving kindness to bring her items to the rehab. I think it's perfectly fine to bring items anytime one of our kids are in treatment. I think it signals that we support the decision to try to be sober. We never know when will be their first or last attempt at sobriety.

Thank you JMom, I had so hoped. But, I also know that sobriety can take many attempts.

I remember getting my hopes up when J was in rehab to just feel crushed with each new relapse. I will be thinking of you and Tornado and the grands.

Thank you JMom.
Thank you all for your support. May we all find strength to carry on.
(((Hugs)))
Leafy