T
toughlovin
Guest
Hi all,
Well I just read some family info from the rehab my son is at.... For some reason I did not get all the info from email but my husband did... and he just shared it with me last night. I wish I had gotten it sooner.
Anyway there were some tidbits I thought others of you might find helpful. I certainly did.
So one of the questions it addresses, which many of us have, is what is the difference between "helping" and "enabling". It said to ask yourself two questions. 1) Are you solving a problem for your loved one? If you are solving the problem then you are not helping. Addiction shuts down parts of the brain and if you are solving the problem then you are reinforcing the addiction!! However if it is helping them build up areas of functioning then it is helpful. So for example paying a bill for them is probably enabling... helping pay for vocational school might be helping. Of course it is all a fine line.
2) Who did your loved one go to before they came to you? It says that addicts have two sources of supports... the substance and you. Part of recovery is expanding their social support system and it points out there is plenty of supports out there in AA groups etc. So if they are only coming to you then they are not expanding their support system.
The other thing it talked about was how often to talk to your loved one while in treatment. I have not talked to my difficult child since he went in 3 weeks ago and that has kind of been bothering me... but yet my gut says that I need to hold back. In a way this reinforced that. It said again by limiting contact it forces them to develop their own problem solving skills and support systems. And also they try to limit too much external stimulation while in the early phases of treatment.
Anyway I found all this helpful and so thought I would share.
TL
Well I just read some family info from the rehab my son is at.... For some reason I did not get all the info from email but my husband did... and he just shared it with me last night. I wish I had gotten it sooner.
Anyway there were some tidbits I thought others of you might find helpful. I certainly did.
So one of the questions it addresses, which many of us have, is what is the difference between "helping" and "enabling". It said to ask yourself two questions. 1) Are you solving a problem for your loved one? If you are solving the problem then you are not helping. Addiction shuts down parts of the brain and if you are solving the problem then you are reinforcing the addiction!! However if it is helping them build up areas of functioning then it is helpful. So for example paying a bill for them is probably enabling... helping pay for vocational school might be helping. Of course it is all a fine line.
2) Who did your loved one go to before they came to you? It says that addicts have two sources of supports... the substance and you. Part of recovery is expanding their social support system and it points out there is plenty of supports out there in AA groups etc. So if they are only coming to you then they are not expanding their support system.
The other thing it talked about was how often to talk to your loved one while in treatment. I have not talked to my difficult child since he went in 3 weeks ago and that has kind of been bothering me... but yet my gut says that I need to hold back. In a way this reinforced that. It said again by limiting contact it forces them to develop their own problem solving skills and support systems. And also they try to limit too much external stimulation while in the early phases of treatment.
Anyway I found all this helpful and so thought I would share.
TL