Ethical Dilemma

[witzend]

It might be a good idea for you to write down you goals and concerns, so that if you find yourself sidetracked by emotions (you probably will) you can get back to what you want to accomplish. I know it will be hard, but try to remember that no one can make the other party do anything they are unwilling to do, and you don't actually owe your parents an explanation for what your limits regarding your brother are. You're not them, they're not you. The goal is for you all to get on the same page as to what you each are willing and able to do - not to convince the other one to do it your way.

 

[XerSib]

OK, drum roll ...

Tomorrow me and my folks talk.

I am presently scraping this thread, putting together my outline and materials (it's a bit weird - putting together a file on my own bro!).

 

[GoingNorth]

Well, he can easily be tested for Fragile X. It's a simple blood test. If he does have Fragile X, then you've got an "in" for getting him on SSI as Fragile X is known to have psychosocial effects, including a sort of autism-like behavior and immaturity.

That said, you have NO requirement to take on bro's care. In fact, you aren't doing him any favors by doing so.

In my family, we had two cousins who lived with their mother (my aunt) until she died in her eighties.

One died shortly afterwards of a heart attack. The other has gone on to actually get married, but his wife plays much of the mother role with him. He really isn't fully capable of living on his own, though he did hold down a job until the latest recession.

 

[XerSib]

OK, here's the update.

Got lots of good info without prying. You'll see DXs were updated in my signature. No Fragile X. Aspie confirmed. Not only in my bro but my dad as well. You'll see I added Aspie-lite to myself.

This is a major relief.

Plans have progressed immensely since Christmas, I think that my folks had a "come to Jesus" moment. They are now working hard on a proactive placement (not in a group home, I might add).

And now that I know Asperger's runs in the family and that my own long suspected Aspie light diagnosis is probably true, I have a number of things to suggest to my bro. In fact he's already employing some of the suggestions this afternoon.

The denial phase seems to be over and now things appear to be moving forward.

 

[Suz]

I'm not sure this could have had better results! I'm really proud of you and them. It sounds like a productive meeting with some good future possibilities. Bravo!

Suz

 

[DDD]

Ditto, Suz.
I'm happy for you AND if you learn anything new about appropriate placement options...please share. DDD

 

[Hound dog]

I am so glad for you and your parents. Being able to talk about such things and toss around ideas is such a wonderful productive thing. Makes a huge difference.