Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless

[Feeling Sad]

I have read that you live longer and you are more alert if you continue to work longer in your life.

Of course, there are other studies that claim that the additional stress... Ha ha ha.

Goodnight, sister. I will dream of a 'silver fox' who is rich... Just joking. Money is just money. Love is what is important.

Have a good day at work tomorrow!

 

[RN0441]

I have nothing to say except those men are HOT! LOL

 

[InsaneCdn]

He wants to donate $1,000 to help his ill brother. I will put it in by small increments.

I have wonderful sons.

My youngest son finished his 4 years of college on the Dean's List every semester. He wants to take a short break before starting his Masters

Even my ill son is a good son. He is in there still...down deep. He fought his voices to keep me safe.

Feeling Sad...
Please remember that YOU raised these sons. There is more to how kids turn out than just nurture, but nurture DOES play a significant role. YOU taught them how to be good men. You were and are a good mom.

You are also a kind and considerate poster on the boards - and the rest of us are very glad you are here with us. That counts for something, too.

 

[New Leaf]

I have nothing to say except those men are HOT! LOL

I know.....right?

Feeling, I am praying that a kind, loving, sensitive, caring, considerate, self sufficient, no baggage, handy man, silver fox come into your life and sweep you off of your feet!
Amen
Love
Leafy
Ps He will have conversations with you, too......

 

[Feeling Sad]

Leafy, thank you for the silver foxes!

My son up North came down. He has not gone for help. He took antidepressants for 3 weeks and stopped. He is a biologist. ..so he read how they change your mind and stopped. He took his leftovers at Christmas for 3 weeks and then was down here and went through withdrawal because he ran out. The local hospital would not give him more because he is not local and cannot get a refill here without a follow-up. So, no Copa, he is not getting treatment.

He came down to bring things back home because he is between places. He was very grouchy...borderline cruel. He is hurting and 'taking it out' on me.

He did say that it was a good thing that I removed my ill son from my house. He watched a movie called, My Son, My Son, What Have You Done? He said that it is told from the viewpoint of the schizophrenic son ...why he killed his mother. He said that my ill son could have killed me.

 

[Copabanana]

Hi Feeling,

I feel bad for middle son. I understand why he stopped the anti-depressant. Actually, I did too.

There is another approach now, that he can do himself, that he may be amenable to, somatic treatments. The idea is that we have naturally given ways to physically address sadness and trauma which we have had for eons. A book I just got is called Walking the Tiger, by Peter Levine. It talks about how animals process trauma and feelings related to danger, and links our own processes with theirs. I have not read the book, but I plan to.

Another book I have recently read is Thom Hartmann's Walking your blues away. He talks about the same thing, holding trauma while walking, and how it dissipates the bodily held memory. Many people now feel that PTSD and trauma cannot be cured through traditional therapeutic means, because it involves body memories.

Now that I think about it, you might be interested too. If you enter somatic therapies in Amazon search you will get a number of books that deal with such. I think I recommend the Levine book over the Hartmann one.

I will check in later, Feeling.

COPA

 

[New Leaf]

Hi Feeling. You are welcome for the silver foxes, I enjoyed looking for them, hey we all can appreciate a fine looking man...sorry hubs. Not that he isn't fine looking, he is.
Feeling I am sorry your middle son was taking stuff out on you. He most likely didn't mean to, but it still hurts. I hope he is able to find something that works for him. I have read that anti depressants are tricky medications. Copa has some good suggestions.
I hope you are doing okay Feelng. Have a restful Sunday.
Do you guys have spring break soon? We start on Wednesday. I have a ton of cleaning to do......
(((Hugs)))
Leafy

 

[Feeling Sad]

Copa, I will tell my son about the books. I will try to find a good time to do so.

Leafy, I don't have my break until the end of next week. Conferences and progress reports...fun!

I have been working on my yard. I started it a year and a half ago. When my car was pushed up on the curb and totaled by the drunk son across the street, I stopped.

My sister died 2 days later. I bought another car, but lost a thousand in cost over my other same used car.

I was subpoenaed for 2 court cases brought against him by the DA.

My ill son was given a restraining order...from me.

I just stopped. I was too sad to continue. The materials just sat there. Most of the plants were never planted and just slowly died.

My garden looked like I felt...sad and forlorn.

I started to work on it last week.

He was found guilty of drunk driving. They moved away. I found myself out there, surveying my sad past project. I even found small pieces of car window glass from my totaled car. I only had it 3 months.

The yard looks like the beach, with rounded rocks and simple grassy like plants. I put in shells, here and there, that I had found at the beach. There are gentle mounds, here and there, with a sweet white wrought iron bench. I have a crane statue and a fish with blue mosaic pieces.

I am trying to heal...rock by rock...pice of glass by piece of glass. I am repairing and building, figuratively and literally.

I find the 'beach' soothing.

 

[Copabanana]

I started to work on it last week.

Wow, feeling. This is great. I want to do so too but am so overwhelmed now by responsibilities (unmet) I cannot think straight. Today M was robbed at the new house we bought for my son to live in. Thousands of dollars of tools.

The yard looks like the beach, with rounded rocks and simple grassy like plants

Was this all done before the car crash or just in the past couple of weeks?

I love the beach, too. Except we are inland 2 hours. It is hot here in the summer and arid. Still, I have shells, but mostly we have lots of cacti. It is a strange combination--cottage garden--curvy paths--stone walls--roses--and cacti. And then tschotkes from the thrift store that I find like miniature toilets (doll size). I keep thinking I will have grandchildren someday and I want whimsical things that catch their fancy. A fantasy. A dream. Who knows? I would just love to be a grandma.

The yard looks like the beach, with rounded rocks and simple grassy like plants

I love this. There was a seminar at the University that I wanted to go to last week on dry gardens. I am very interested. There is a credit from the state I read about for taking up lawns. 2 dollars a square foot. I hate lawns now and have them front and back--actually, weeds that we mow. Not good. But at least we don't water them.

I like it when you check in, Feeling. I am glad you are working in the garden. Soon you will get your Chinese-crested. I am a patient woman--in some things.

COPA

 

[Copabanana]

You know Feeling, I grew up one half block from the Pacific Ocean in San Francisco. Right on top of the beach. Always foggy in the summer until noon or so. I love it. When I was a girl I was very active, always on a bike. I had a best girlfriend and we had a "secret garden" where we would ride our bikes--actually a large almost abandoned hall or something that had a garden like you described. It was little more than paths with planting areas but there were no fences to keep us out. If you have ever been in SF by the beach it was on the Great Highway--no longer there, they replaced it with apartments years ago. Once I went there to here the Rolling Stones I think but that must be wrong because it was small. Who knows?

Anyhow it had plantings like yours!!!!With shells. And iceplant!!Succulents grow really well by the beach. Actually, poppies too. And daisies, and fuchsias and hydrangeas. This kind of mix is actually really beachy. And we even had gladiolas growing in the sand. But if you do not actually live by the beach you may not be able to grow all of these things but we did. I just love the idea of your garden. Maybe I will do it too!!! I love the look with abalone shells laying on the ground intermixed with the plants. And stepping stones. You need stepping stones.

COPA

 

[Copabanana]

I am still thinking about beach gardens.

My grandparents (maternal) lived near us. Their yard was composed 100 percent almost entirely of slips. Pieces of plants my grandmother tore off from gardens and parks. She did ours this way, too. Anyway the only plants that were not borrowed were 2 apple trees that my grandfather planted in remembrance of Russia. He babied those poor trees that did not want to be there. But he had hope. My grandmother grew in the sand the best tasting baby potatoes I have ever tasted.

I miss them so much. I miss the gardens. And the gardening.

COPA

 

[Feeling Sad]

Your beach gardens sound wonderful. I am trying to find some peace in a horrible situation.

I am feeling very down. I feel like I my heart is aching all of the time. I hate not knowing how he is feeling or if he is worse.

It is sheer torture. Yes, I had to protect my youngest son and, I guess, myself, but it is not fair.

The system should be there to help the mentally ill, even when they lack insight, and keep them safe.

The system should also help parents who are trying to get their delusional paranoid schizophrenic adult child to get treated.

We should not just have 2 choices. ..living in danger with violence and threats or losing total contact with our child with a restraining order.

I am just hollow inside. I am trying...honestly, I am. I cannot feel good without knowing if he is safe.

I worry about others preying upon him, his voices constantly plaguing him, and his possibly harming himself.

Ten percent of schizophrenics commit suicide EACH year. They do it to finally escape their constant voices. Some follow command hallucinations. Lastly, once they receive the diagnosis that they are schizophrenic, some cannot take the news and commit suicide.

I should not have to wait around and hope that he is brought in for strange behavior or is arrested. Schizophrenic people should not be treated this way. People with Alzheimers get protected. Why not people with schizophrenia? Brain scans show that their brains are negatively impacted, specifically the frontal and parietal lobes, impairing judgment and short term memory. They can be easily taken advantage of by others.

If they are truly delusional, do they realize that they are delusional?

By definition, they would not! So why are they given free choice?

One has to be actively brandishing a knife when the police arrive to be even considered a danger. The next day, the danger is gone...as if by magic. They are no longer considered a threat to themselves or others.

If they plan to eat garbage from a dumpster, it counts as a viable plan for survival. They are then not considered gravely disabled.

The deck is stacked. Parents should not have to live at risk and be hurt or killed to try to help their child.

Conversely, a parent should not have to suffer daily without contact or knowledge of their delusional child's safety or survival.

The system is 'crazy'.

 

[Copabanana]

The system is 'crazy'.

Feeling, I am sorry you are still up, and me too. I am tired and will go to sleep now.

I am sorry you are sad and worried. I do not know what to say. A first.

Except that you are not factoring in here the possibility that he is doing better. That he has received services. That he has support.

What follows below is not what I think will happen to your son. I write it only because it is my experience.

Remember. I worked in one prison with the very seriously mental ill. They were also almost all potentially violent because it was a Level IV prison.

Except, guess what. Many of the men were quite lovely. It has been almost 9 years and I remember like yesterday. We made friendships. The man I am thinking of, I miss.

And now I am thinking of some other men at Pelican Bay near Oregon. How much I miss them. And how much of a difference I made in their lives. I am not bragging here. It is just that some people want to reach out and want to make relationship. And with that, life changes for both sides.

The thing is you do not know what is happening. You may fill in the blanks but when you do you do so with fear and dread and guilt. So you always return to this same horrible place in your heart. Because the reality is you do not know.

My son is still here with me. Sometimes he acts really, really impaired and I begin to worry he will always be that way. I am distraught when I feel like this. And he is mean to me. He tells me horrible things that hurt me like he hates himself, he will always hate himself, he hates the way he looks and he always will (handsome, he is.) He will not accept he has body dysmorphia. It is a delusion.

I do not think he is trying purposefully to hurt me but it hurts me nonetheless.

My point here is that each of us sinks down to the bottom of the sea and feels like we cannot breathe and will die from the weight of it. And if we stay there we will die.

But these are moments and then we return to the surface of our lives.

There is no other choice Feeling. You do not have another option. There is no Plan B or C. This is it for now.

But I know that the painful times however horrible are not as bad as they were, nor as frequent. But I know too, that this has a difficult underbelly, because you feel the need to suffer as long as you fear he might.

COPA

 

[Copabanana]

Feeling, I think this society misunderstands mental illness. And then there is individualism and the notion of personal freedom, not to mention confidentiality and privacy. And with that people who really are unequipped to manage themselves or their lives are left out in the cold.

My son is working with us to remodel the apartment for him to live in. I know he realizes he needs support and he is participating and conforming to much greater extent.

His attitude is 100 percent better in this way. We are grateful. But when I told him I appreciated his attitude he punished me for it for the next 24 hours by telling me how he and his life suck.

I am the target of his anger. In lieu of his birth parents. Although I acknowledge that he may have reason to be mad at me too.

COPA

 

[BusynMember]

Feeling, I echo your horror that those with schizophrenia are not protected somewhere because there IS A correlation between schizophrenia and Alzheimer's. Psychotic folks should not have rights any more than those with alzheimers. Theit ability to see reality and make choices is too impaired for them to take care of their needs. Yet they sometimes can think family is trying to kill them so they act out in what they truly believe is self defense. So home living is often impossible.

This year I joined NAMI in a small attempt to try to help my own community. Mental illness is stigmatized and misunderstood. Many average folks on the street do not understand the difference between non-psychotic depression and psychotic mania or the thinking disorder of schizophrenia. Not saying I have special powers, but I have had exposure to the differences.

Back in the day, when hospitals kept the mentally ill until they got better, I spent ten weeks in a university hospital psyche ward by choice for suicidal clinical depression. I was very sick but not psychotic. Most of the patients were in manic psychosis or psychotic schizophrenia. I was 23 and that experience gave me extreme compassion for life for anyone with schizophrenia, by far the sickest people there. Heartbreaking.

I am always sad for family members of thoses whose loved ones have mental illness, especially psychosis,in the U.S. I dont know how it is in other countries. It reaks here.

I so hope your son is taken to a HOSPITAL and put on medication that makes his psychosis fade and that he is able to keep up with his medication.

My heart breaks for you and your son.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Schizophrenic people should not be treated this way. People with Alzheimers get protected. Why not people with schizophrenia?

Unfortunately, it's mostly about money - at least, here. People with Alzheimer's usually don't live more than 10 years. By far most of them are older, and are cared for by a spouse for at least half of that. Schizophrenia strikes earlier, and lasts a lifetime.
Plus, people can relate more to the progress of Alzheimer's, where you literally "lose" your mind, a piece at a time, as compared to the psychosis of Schizophrenia.

But both SHOULD be and NEED to be given the same level of care and protection.

 

[Childofmine]

Feeling Sad, my heart hurts for you. I so agree with everything you said in your last post.

Conversely, a parent should not have to suffer daily without contact or knowledge of their delusional child's safety or survival.

The system is 'crazy'.

This is no choice. I hope and pray somehow someway we can begin to do much better with mental illness.

please know we care about you. You are not alone. We're here for you through all of this. I am so sorry for your deep and profound pain.

 

[RN0441]

Prayers that you and your son find peace. It will come. Don't give up.

 

[BusynMember]

Insane C, of course you are right. But a stable person with schizophrenia CAN live a productive life which would save the government money too. Is the U.S. and Canada the same in treating serious mental illness such as schizophrenia? Does ANY country do a better job with the psychotic mentally ill?

If not, shame on the world. Also sad for those who cant get proper help. And sadness for the many who refuse to understand that mental illness is NOT a choice.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Does ANY country do a better job with the psychotic mentally ill?

Apparently, one country does. I don't know exactly which one, its supposed to be in Europe, and I suspect, northern. There is ONE country that has no diagnosed cases of schizophrenia. None. Because the requirement for a diagnosis is six months of symptoms. And somehow, culturally, they "catch" these people really early and intervene in some way that keeps them stable and out of psychosis.