From bad to worse...much, much worse.

[PatriotsGirl]

I understand so well the endless circular thinking and worrying about them. It is exhausting and fruitless Lil.

I hope you can do some kind things for yourself today and turn a bit of the focus back on you.

You deserve some good things right now.

It is what it is and it will be what it will be.

Hugs.

I was thinking the same exact thing...too much worry and it will get no one anywhere...

 

[Lil]

Wish I could, but first I have to deal with him. I have to go with him to job corps to sign the papers and stuff. So a bit if time before I can do something for myself.

Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app

 

[Tanya M]

Then again, he managed to live at the shelter for a few months. It can't be worse than that. Maybe, unlike college where there were a bunch of kids blowing off classes and living on loans or their parents, this is a place where you go when you are serious about trying to better yourself?

I think guarded optimism is a good emotion to have at this point. Hopeful tempered with being realistic.
Hopefully he will embrace it and it will help give his self esteem a boost. One thing that will be good is he won't have easy access to pot so without that altering his state of mine he will be thinking clearer.
I'm optimistically guarded with you.

 

[Lil]

I'm sitting in the presentation now. My worry is he's set on Chicago. They only have the program there ... Very urban ... Or Kentucky...very rural. He has no interest in the country. So urban it is. He's been warned right off, he'll be in the 1% - very much an extreme minority. I don't know how he'll handle that. He's so white he glows. And not terribly tolerant. We'll see.

Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app

 

[Lil]

And yes, I'm being way too "Mom". He's 20. He'll succeed or fail on his own. I wish the guy hadn't had me sit in.

Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app

 

[Copabanana]

Of course, I am afraid he'll have a melt-down and get kicked out.

When my son was in Job Corps, they one time took him and dropped him off at County Mental Health for a 5150 evaluation...danger to self or others....unclear which they suspected....After he was cleared by the psychiatrist they let him come right back to the program.

 

[Lil]

Well, after a good long time, he's all signed up. They said he could leave anywhere from 2 to 6 weeks from now. I don't know how I feel. He seems pretty okay with it...even maybe a little excited. Nervous about the fact that they'll fly him there. He's never flown and is afraid of heights, but he took a deep breath and said, "Well, I've never done it before. It'll be a new experience." I consider this a good thing. (I was old enough to drink when I flew for the first time, which was good. Poor kid - he doesn't have that option.) He kept saying he loved Chicago, which is kind of funny, because I'm sitting here looking at a photo of us in the Sears tower and he was about 10. ( He came up to my chin. What a cutie he was.) But he seems to remember it. They apparently do a lot of sight-seeing and stuff, museums and such, all paid for, and he was excited about that. So, if he takes advantage of the leisure time, tries to get along with everyone, actually wants to learn...

I couldn't help thinking the "recruiter" as being kind of like the one on Private Benjamin, telling her how wonderful the Army was and the rude awakening she got. I hope that the guy wasn't overselling it.

Cautiously optimistic. Yeah...I'll try for that.

 

[Lil]

He's staying with "that couple" still. I guess they let him since his mean old parents won't let him come back. He won't go to the apartment because of the bugs. I can't say I blame him that much. I freaking hate roaches!

 

[Childofmine]

This is huge! Celebrate it. Lean into it. This is a big change, and could be very good.

My husband (who has worked with a lot of parents and their dcs) always says this: Just change one thing. Just changing one thing can set in motion a domino effect of change.

This is one thing changed. Let's hope and pray for the best here.

 

[Nomad]

I missed some things, but rest assured, there are other family sizes, other than three. Two is great! One is even ok. You can be your own best friend! But, if you have even one special someone in your life, you are very fortunate and blessed.

 

[Tanya M]

I couldn't help thinking the "recruiter" as being kind of like the one on Private Benjamin, telling her how wonderful the Army was and the rude awakening she got.

While it was a rude awakening, remember how it turned out, she became a much stronger more self assured person.

 

[Lil]

While it was a rude awakening, remember how it turned out, she became a much stronger more self assured person.

Yeah...but the army doesn't just let you quit! LOL

Ah well, we'll see. I am just really worried about him suddenly being a minority.

How white and entitled I sound. Maybe even racist. I swear I'm not...not in the least! But I don't pretend to be color blind...there are cultural differences that he has no real clue about, being raised in a middle-class household in a predominately white, mid western town. I'm sure not going to pretend that I have a clue, but I do have black friends...they'd agree with me. In fact, I mentioned this to one of my friends today and she laughed and laughed at the thought of my lily-white son living in inner-city Chicago. He's in for serious culture shock. I was a bit concerned that the recruiter guy said, "You may not have a problem with other races...that doesn't mean other people might not have a problem with your race!" He was so adamant about that, that it has me worried.

But today was a pretty good day...He did his orientation for his new job, and gets paid for that time. He'll have more of that in the next day or two and then starts working and will be paid weekly...so he'll get some money soon. I did tell him not to tell his job about Job Corps until he has to give notice...and not to give them more than 2 weeks, for fear of them firing him when he needs the money. He said that they told him that no matter how long he works there, he could be eligible for a transfer anywhere there is a store of that brand. He even said, "So, if I work here a few weeks and say, move to Chicago, I could transfer to a store there?" and was told yes, if there was an opening. Of course, I pointed out that Job Corps may not allow you to have a job, but that he was even thinking of working and going to school at the same time? That's something.

 

[Tanya M]

All in all it will be a good experience for him. He will learn about himself as well as others. Does he know what line of training he will be getting?
It's crazy how things work out. A month ago could you have imagined that he would be doing this? It's good that you coached him about how and when to give notice at his job.

 

[Copabanana]

there are cultural differences that he has no real clue about...

Hi Lil
Prepare yourself. Your son's difference from the typical Job Corps candidate may initially cause him some distress. But this does not mean Job Corps is a mistake.

My son went when he was 18. He did have a hard time socially. And he had gone for a time to inner city schools, and lived abroad in diverse situations. I think he was perceived as advantaged, vulnerable and coddled. All true.

My son at that time did not have the social skills and smarts to defend himself. Nor did he have the stamina. Now I worry that he is too aggressive. Too street smart. Perhaps even a bully. He still lacks the stamina, I fear.

But even if it may be hard at first, I still think it may be the right thing for your son. But then, I am the Mother that wished for prison for her son, so that he would be taught to take responsibility.

Our sons are troubled youth, and that is what Job Corps is for. Kind of like a gentle boot camp, with social services.

And to understand in the most basic way what life is like for many if not most people is not a bad thing. After all, the hope is that these guys turn into men.

If I had a way to send my son back to Job Corps I would do it.

 

[Lil]

He's going for vocational training in computer service tech., basically building and repairing computers. There are only two campuses that have that course, Chicago and Kentucky. That's why he's going to Chicago...he is not a country boy and the Kentucky campus is VERY rural...as in acres of woodlands and nothing to do. Give him a museum or a mall and a pizza joint any day. He is NOT outdoorsy.

I have spent way too much time looking up this place on line tonight. I've decided that it's like looking up symptoms on Web MD. If I keep it up, I'll be sure he's going to die. So I'm going to stop that. I've gotten two major points out of it though - 1) He needs to be serious, keep to himself and avoid drama, and 2) He shouldn't leave campus at night...bad neighborhood!

On the up side, after being homeless, living with a cockroach infestation, and eating at the Salvation Army, he's probably going to be a lot less picky about the food. He always said college dorm food sucked...I suspect he'll be a lot less picky about the food in the cafeteria.

 

[Jabberwockey]

I have spent way too much time looking up this place on line tonight. I've decided that it's like looking up symptoms on Web MD. If I keep it up, I'll be sure he's going to die.

For the record, I will shut off internet access tonight if you start that up again!

 

[Childofmine]

Lil work to unhook from this. You have made so much progress. Remember this is something different, a chance and a change. Yes there is uncertainty. As you know our dcs are covered with uncertainty. Lean into this. Breathe. Relax. Turn it over a hundred times if you have to. He will do whatever he does. He is moving to the next place on his journey. I see this as very positive. You can be sure of one thing---it will not be perfect so go ahead and acknowledge that. It's okay. Keep the focus on you and jabber. Warm hugs.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

I know I am an adult and I only go there on business sometimes, but goodness, I LOVE Chicago...

This will be growth for him no matter what. What a life experience! MUCH better than the way he has been living. This could be what finally makes him grow up. And if he falls on his face? LET HIM. That makes us grow as people. Always remember that God has a plan for each of us...it just may not look the way we would like it to. I mean it took my daughter cycling down again and going to jail to bring us both to God and heal our family...and now? Man alive. I can't even begin to explain the changes in our lives - all for the good!!

 

[Lil]

Oh, I'm better today.

You know, I could have done this at his age. He has to look at it as an adventure. And yes, Chicago is a cool city! So...he keeps his head down, concentrates on his work. He said yesterday, he doesn't plan on being there too long...he was ONE semester from his certification in computer tech when he left high school (he graduated - stopped going because he had enough credits) and so he should be able to get his A+ certification fairly quickly.

He'll be fed and sheltered while he learns and he came right out and said yesterday, that this isn't like college where he could just skip class and lay around his dorm room all day - that the structure and discipline will be a good thing.

Could have knocked me over with a feather.

And who knows, he may love the big city! Jabber doesn't like big cities at all. I do though. I seriously considered transferring to Kansas City before I met Jabber. Maybe the kid is like me that way. He's never lived in one before, but there's a first time for everything.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

One of the things my daughter has learned being in recovery is that she THRIVES on structure. She loves having that schedule every day and she said it really helps. I think all our kids are like that...

That is funny - I love the city and my husband hates it. I would be ALL for getting a condo in the middle of downtown but not my hubby. He loves it out here where we are in the country...