We absolutely loathed and despised the neuropsychologist we saw. The only thing he paid attention to was his opinion which he formed before he ever even saw my child or spoke to her, much less did any testing. I shudder to think what my oldest child would have done to the man, because they would NOT have worked together in any way shape or form. But I think it was mostly because his ego was too big and his knowledge was too small, which is likely a personal failing.
We had AMAZING luck and results from a developmental pediatrician. He was amazing and had a team approach with a bunch of different types of professionals. They all saw and did testing on each child, then met as a team to discuss the results and come up with a likely diagnosis and course of treatment. Wiz didn't like all of them, refused to work with one of them (she spoke down to him, always a mistake with a child, in my opinion), and couldn't fool all of them (which he was good at). So we got really good results where the good and the bad evened out into an overall accurate picture that helped.
I think you will need a similar team approach but the mix of professionals you need will be different than what we needed. A children's hospital is the best place to find this.
Please go to the link in my signature and read about the Parent Report. I think it will be an invaluable tool as you get help for your complicated little girl. It is a report based on an outline that moms here created that tells about your child. It helps keep all the records organized and is a very powerful tool. I kept copies of certain sections in my binder to give to doctors to help them understand my child. Be sure to include a photo of your child in the front AND at the beginning of each section. It helps the docs remember which child they are reading about. I was told it was very helpful - I just photocopied my son's picture onto the front of each section because using actual photos would get expensive. I don't think I can stress how much this helped us get the care and help that each of my kids' needed, or how powerful a tool it was. There were very few questions a doctor could ask that I could not pull up an answer for in just a few seconds. This was especially helpful when medication changes were discussed - often the doctor didn't know what other medications had been trialed or how my son reacted. But I could tell them without having to rely on memory in a stressful situation.
I think the more complex our kids are, the more active we need to be in advocating for them. I often heard my oldest son, Wiz, was 'too smart' for an IEP, but then a teacher would actually have him in a class and be begging for help. It didn't matter how smart he was, he couldn't function in a classroom for a variety of reasons. Chief among them was boredom, and my boy did NOT do well when bored. He found all SORTS of things to irritate and annoy others unless he was given something interesting to do. He also had sensory issues and other challenges, all part of being an Aspie. His IQ is actually VERY high, but unless he sees the logic in something, getting him to do it is like pulling the teeth out of a very awake very unpleasant animal. NOT a fun endeavor, if you understand.
I wish we had known earlier what his challenges were. Wiz wasn't diagnosed until age 7 and that is late for starting interventions. Continue pushing for help the way you are because the earlier she gets help, the better off she will be. My youngest has sensory integration disorder and we recognized a problem much earlier. I noticed lots of little things, but mostly others noticed that he could NOT stop chewing his shirts. I don't think I bought a shirt for more than a quarter until he was in fourth grade because he chewed holes in them so fast. His teachers were really grossed out because his entire front was often dripping with saliva before lunch. We found a private Occupational Therapist (OT) because they look at total functioning, not just what will make them function in school better. We were taught to do brushing therapy and it had amazing results. When my youngest started school he couldn't handle going to school all day every day. He would overload and sit and shake for hours, or even entire weekends. It was scary because he would just shut down and stare mostly or else he would get so bad he just screamed himself hoarse because he couldn't tell us what was wrong.
We were truly lucky to work with elem schools who understood. Mostly I think his teacher understood the issues, and the attendance secretary knew how important school was to our family, so we were not keeping him home just out of laziness. Seeing him just tremble and look so blank when overloaded really upset both his teachers and the office ladies. So we got few attendance hassles. In first and second grades he missed more school than he attended. He LOVED school, and wanted to go, but would get so overloaded that he couldn't cope. I can remember being so excited in 4th grade because he only missed what amounted to 1 day a week. Now in high school, he only misses maybe 4 days a year and those are usually because he gets a minor bug.
These are my thoughts and ideas, and some of my experiences. My main piece of advice is to ALWAYS follow your instincts because you have them for a reason. The biggest mistakes I made with my kids were made because I ignored my instincts. The doctors and other 'experts' are experts in a field of study. They spend mere moments with your child, even during the most intensive testing. YOU spent months with her a part of you, and have devoted hours upon hours of your life to her since. YOU are the expert in your daughter, not the doctors.
Again, please visit the link in my signature for the Parent Report, and I hope you can figure out a way to help your little girl.