So called friend..

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by tryingtobestrong, Dec 10, 2018.

  1. Maybe not the place to post this but had to share and possibly someone may offer advice.
    My son met this friend while in treatment. He seemed really nice and seemed to always be there when my son was having difficulties out of treatment- relapse, etc.
    Well, when my son was passed out drunk, he came over and apparently got into his phone and wired himself money through one of those apps. He did it 3 separate times while my son was passed out. The next day when my son looked at his account he was confused and couldn't believe he did such a thing and said something to his friend. His friend said he didn't receive any money, etc. So my son wanted to do a 4 way conference call with the banks and his friend and his friend would not.... Another friend just had the same thing happen to them as well with this same guy... She was also drunk at the time and he took her phone.
    I am not sure what my son will do because he doesn't want to cause a problem with the so called friend.... He even suggested that he and my son become roommates....
    Unbelievable that he could be so nice and send me texts that he is with my son and helping him through some difficult times, etc.
  2. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member


    There are no friends or truthtellers amongst drug addicts. You need to learn not to trust nice words from drug addicts too.

    Its too bad but they are addicts first, friends way second.

    I am sorry. Your son needs to take all his financial stuff off his phone. He cant trust a yo ewbile he is in drug world. Half the time they are passed out and a sitting duck for a thief.

    My daughter after she quit using was confessing the truth to us (which shocked us and was so hard to hear) "Never trust a drug addict. They lie. All.The.Time."
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2018
  3. LauraH

    LauraH Active Member

    My son made several "friends" in the various rehabs he was in. Pretty much they were nothing more than party buddies who, instead of supporting each other's recovery, relapsed together. One night after my son had received a fairly substantial amount of money and bought a new but middle tier iPhone, he went to a party with some of these "friends" and had his iPhone stolen. He did not know for sure who took the phone but he had his ideas. Did that stop him from maintaining relationships with these people? Nope. One thing that I've noticed never changes with my son is he always gravitates towards the same people, with different names and faces, continually. If he doesn't meet them in rehab and sober living homes, he meets them on grinder. But he always finds them no matter where he goes and probably always will.
  4. LauraH

    LauraH Active Member

    They certainly do, about big things, little things, and everything in between. My sister-in-law's daughter works at a a sports bar and I had suggested a few times that my son contact her and see if they might be hiring. He finally told me that he had sent her a friend request which accepted, and that she said they were not hiring currently (it's the slow season in our tourist-driven city). Turns out that they were, in fact, not hiring...but it also turns out that he and my "niece-in-law" had never become friends on Facebook. I still don't understand why he felt the need to lie about that. That would fall under the category of "who really cares?" But it just reaffirmed my belief and feeling that I can't trust his word for anything unless it can be verified and confirmed.
  5. Elsi

    Elsi Active Member

    Yep. Mine too. The faces change but it’s all more of the same. S and C are both like this. And yes, they remain friends with people who lie and do them wrong, because this is just how their world operates. No big deal. Everyone (in their world) does the same. I think mine have forgotten what ‘normal’ life and friendships look like. There is no middle ground in their minds between what they are living now and what they see as a fake, plastic white-picket-fence-and-sucking-up-to-the-man existence.

    And yes, they all lie. Sometimes to get us off their backs, sometimes to feel better about themselves, sometimes to get things they want from us, sometimes just because our approval still matters to them, even if they dont want to admit it.
  6. elizabrary

    elizabrary Active Member

    Remember the old saying: How do you know when an addict's lying? They're lips are moving. Sadly it's true.
  7. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    When I asked recovered daughter why she lied about silly things and how she could stare into my eyes, get teary and lie she said "For me, I got used to never telling the truth. So a lie would pop out automatically. And for the big stuff, I couldnt tell you ... i just couldnt."

    She is sober now for years and is NOT a liar. It WAS the drugs.
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  8. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Not that you can do this for him but you can suggest that he has a password on his phone that he doesn't share with anyone. That would do the trick!
  9. DoneDad

    DoneDad Active Member

    With face recognition or thumbprint recognition if he’s passed out it would be easy to unlock the phone.
  10. Tired out

    Tired out Active Member

    He calls someone like that a friend??? So who needs enemies with friends like that???
  11. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Well-Known Member

    My son uses i got robbed in order to try and get money from me. Be cautious about this he may have spent the money on drugs and is trying to recoup his losses.