Terry, I am so sorry that you are in the midst of a maelstrom. What you are dealing with is very very hard. Your hard work, your plans, your good steps for yourself and your family----that still happened. It is still happening. You wanted and dreamed for all good things. You still do. Nothing they can do will take that away from you and your husband. I know things don't turn out like we hoped. I am divorced from my two sons' father---something I never wanted to happen. My younger son has been in jail many times, has been homeless many times, has a felony record. He is 25 with little education to speak of. He makes $8.75 an hour and works 60 hours a week and lives in a studio apartment where mold is growing. His girlfriend is 20, has a history of mental illness, stabbed him last summer, stabbed herself a few weeks ago, doesn't take her medication. But that is them. And we are us. We are not them, and our lives are not their lives. That is a hard lesson to learn about our adult children. It is separating ourselves from them. For a long long time, I almost thought I WAS my son. We were joined. What happened to him happened to me. But that's not true. We are still who we were, and we did the very best we could. We can't control other people. That isn't our failing---It is our realization. I know how crushing it is. Believe me, I have lived with unrelenting grief, with making desperate attempts---FOR YEARS AND YEARS---to make right was was so very wrong, to get my family back on the road to the great life I HAD PLANNED for them all. Doesn't work. Didn't work. Will never work. My best plans for other people don't work. Terry, when you can, if you can, stop, take a deep breath, and work to start letting go. We can't know their journey, and the road they must take in their own lives. Without a doubt, it won't be what we wanted or what we hoped for. Last month, my son's girlfriend had a miscarriage. She was 11 weeks pregnant. I knew about it for almost eight weeks, and I didn't do anything. Believe me, in the past I would have done EVERYTHING in my power to make happen what I thought was best. And I am not saying at all what you should and shouldn't do. But there is tremendous relief, and deep peace, and serenity---in time, as we learn to let go, to step back, and to let things happen as they will. You and I are right at the same age, Terry, and we deserve a great life ourselves. We can have it, if we will learn to let go, a journey that also takes time. Warm hugs to you, and please know we are here for you.