What is he doing?
- Thread starter Lil
- Start date
Jabberwockey
Well-Known Member
Wow. Pasa, is this the 34 year old? That's just really childish.
Lil
Well-Known Member
I feel for him...as I feel for ours. I think they really do feel that no one wants to help them...that they are alone. If only they understood it is their own behavior that makes this happen. Breaks my heart.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
I think they do at least partly know it's their faults. Again, I have worked in a homeless shelter and did get a chance to talk to some of the homeless when they felt like opening up, which was not often. But it was usually the same thing and some were very young, like our young adult children.
"Yeah, well, my family all got sick of me, then my friends wouldn't put up with me and now I'm alone. I know it's my fault." To us, they rarely made excuses and never spoke about their horrible families. They plain out told us that they were homeless because they screwed up everyplace that tried to help them.
Sometimes I think they talk differently to us because they know we love them so much. Saying "you're a horrible mother. You don't care if I'm homeless" hits our hearts hard. But they may say other things to strangers, which would mean that they do know.. At least on some level
"Yeah, well, my family all got sick of me, then my friends wouldn't put up with me and now I'm alone. I know it's my fault." To us, they rarely made excuses and never spoke about their horrible families. They plain out told us that they were homeless because they screwed up everyplace that tried to help them.
Sometimes I think they talk differently to us because they know we love them so much. Saying "you're a horrible mother. You don't care if I'm homeless" hits our hearts hard. But they may say other things to strangers, which would mean that they do know.. At least on some level
Childofmine
one day at a time
Lil it is a big plus that he has gotten a job and has gotten one so quickly. FWIW, my Difficult Child was still posting stupid things about alcohol even this year. It lets you know where they are in their heads, which I know is very discouraging but what I am starting to see is the blend of ridiculous and positive we all are. Sometimes I have been known to cave in and post something political...which I tell myself over and over is a big no no. Lol.
Anyway, there is progress here. You just never know if this time will be the time that things start to improve.
Hang in there. He is under roof again! Yay!
Anyway, there is progress here. You just never know if this time will be the time that things start to improve.
Hang in there. He is under roof again! Yay!
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
I don't know where my head was at, but w hen you said "he posted a picture in uniform" I was thinking he joined the military and was thinking, "Huh? When did THAT happen?"
Just wanted to share that
Good for Difficult Child for getting a job!!!
Just wanted to share that
Good for Difficult Child for getting a job!!!
@pasajes4 Ouch!! The text your son sent sounds so similar to many of my interactions with my son. I love your response "get to the point"
@Lil I'm glad he found a job.
My son too is good at making friends then losing them when his true nature comes out. He never owns any responsibility, it's always because the other person is just stupid. You would think after being "rejected" so many times that he would start to get it.
@Lil I'm glad he found a job.
My son too is good at making friends then losing them when his true nature comes out. He never owns any responsibility, it's always because the other person is just stupid. You would think after being "rejected" so many times that he would start to get it.
AppleCori
Well-Known Member
SWOT--
Thank you for your words. I think it was a relief for us to know that many of our kids, at least, come to realize that they are to blame for their circumstances. And that maybe it is more that they are trying to talk us into blaming ourselves for their problems, thereby taking the responsibility away from themselves.
Lil & Jabber--
Yeah! for Difficult Child getting a job! (I at first thought military too!)
This was such a wonderful thing for his aunt to do for him--whether it ultimately works out or not. We all want to know that we have done everything we could--within reason--to help our very young DCs. If he blows this and is on the street, he has no one to blame but himself.
And hopefully, if that happens, he will be telling SWOT that he realizes that he has no one to blame but himself.
But I'm really hopeful that he will pull this off!
Thank you for your words. I think it was a relief for us to know that many of our kids, at least, come to realize that they are to blame for their circumstances. And that maybe it is more that they are trying to talk us into blaming ourselves for their problems, thereby taking the responsibility away from themselves.
Lil & Jabber--
Yeah! for Difficult Child getting a job! (I at first thought military too!)
This was such a wonderful thing for his aunt to do for him--whether it ultimately works out or not. We all want to know that we have done everything we could--within reason--to help our very young DCs. If he blows this and is on the street, he has no one to blame but himself.
And hopefully, if that happens, he will be telling SWOT that he realizes that he has no one to blame but himself.
But I'm really hopeful that he will pull this off!
Lil
Well-Known Member
Well, the girl got a job too. Just heard from sis in law. Now...she's planning on asking them to give her 75% to 80% of their checks for rent, utilities and food. To me, that's not ridiculous...although it is pretty high...she'd end up taking about $1600 per month. She says rent runs about $700 a month, so the other $900 for utilities/internet/tv, food, etc. Seems a bit pricey to me, but they have to learn to save.
I think from what I've heard, the girlfriend will be fine. My son? Who knows?
I think from what I've heard, the girlfriend will be fine. My son? Who knows?
Jabberwockey
Well-Known Member
Should mention along with this, she does plan to give it back to them, at least part of it.
Childofmine
one day at a time
I wouldn't worry so much about the amount right now. Strong boundaries are good especially from those other than parents and it will either work or it won't. The amount is irrelevant.
You never know when people will decide to turn around. Be glad he is getting another chance.
You never know when people will decide to turn around. Be glad he is getting another chance.
Jabberwockey
Well-Known Member
We aren't upset with my sister about this. Just wondering if he will explode when she actually proposes it to him.
Lil
Well-Known Member
So...long, long conversation with Jabber's sis. She sat them down and made them list what they needed for cigarettes (just him), eating out, etc., in a two week period. Then she advised that she planned on them giving her 80% of their paychecks, which leaves them more than enough. She will then hold the money until they leave at which time she will return it to them, thus getting them used to paying bills while actually saving money for deposits, rent, etc. The girl was fine. Son gave attitude until she forced him to choose...either her way or homelessness. She actually wrote those two things down and made him point to his choice before she'd let him get up from the table.
Of course, worse was that she intends for him to repay his girlfriend for the $400 she paid for hotel, etc. for him. He doesn't seem to mind the repaying, but minds the fact that she wants him to repay it in a lump sum. Either way, it's being done mostly to win some favor with her father, who sis is also in touch with.
He's already complaining about his back hurting. She's the wrong one to complain to, as she's had two back surgeries and still works. She told him, "Oh I understand, mine hurt too today. I sucked it up and went about my day." She told them, if they have brains they'll stay 6 months and leave with a good amount of money. None of us actually foresee that happening.
She understands now what we dealt with...he is sooooo stubborn. He knows everything. He wants immediate gratification and does not care about the future.
Which is very bad.
She also thinks the girlfriend is pregnant.
Of course, worse was that she intends for him to repay his girlfriend for the $400 she paid for hotel, etc. for him. He doesn't seem to mind the repaying, but minds the fact that she wants him to repay it in a lump sum. Either way, it's being done mostly to win some favor with her father, who sis is also in touch with.
He's already complaining about his back hurting. She's the wrong one to complain to, as she's had two back surgeries and still works. She told him, "Oh I understand, mine hurt too today. I sucked it up and went about my day." She told them, if they have brains they'll stay 6 months and leave with a good amount of money. None of us actually foresee that happening.
She understands now what we dealt with...he is sooooo stubborn. He knows everything. He wants immediate gratification and does not care about the future.
Which is very bad.
She also thinks the girlfriend is pregnant.
AppleCori
Well-Known Member
Oh Lil,
I hope so much that the girlfriend is not pregnant!
Would the aunt take her to get checked for pregnancy and on birth control SOON if she is not?
Sounds like the girlfriend is a nice but naïve and has gotten herself into a very grown-up situation that she is not prepared for.
The aunt sounds like a really great person. Your son is lucky to have someone like her. I hope he steps up.
Apple
I hope so much that the girlfriend is not pregnant!
Would the aunt take her to get checked for pregnancy and on birth control SOON if she is not?
Sounds like the girlfriend is a nice but naïve and has gotten herself into a very grown-up situation that she is not prepared for.
The aunt sounds like a really great person. Your son is lucky to have someone like her. I hope he steps up.
Apple
