Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless

[New Leaf]

Thank you, New Leaf. We are all strong...for ourselves and our children. You, too have helped many others on this site, me included.

New Leaf...feel free to sign on the dotted line...

Okay your on, I will take better care of my health. I will declutter my house and my mind. I will break down the walls I built to protect my heart and tap in to my emotions to express myself through my art.

ok ok I will get that pap smear-ugh.

 

[Feeling Sad]

Great! Anyone else....???

 

[MOMOFBOYSFOREVER]

I am new to this site. I have a son who is 35 and has paranoid schizophrenia. He lived in his car for a year 10 years ago in a different state because I had gone into his room when he was not home due to flooding. After a year, he returned home. He told me later that " a man kept following him" up there. I got an apartment for him, but he did not charge his phone and would not let us in the gated complex. He did not go to schoo, see friends,l or work. After 4 months he came back home to live.
I have been trying in vain to get him to see a doctor for the last 9 years. I have 2 sisters with schizophrenia and am a special education teacher. I feel guilty because of my DNA, as well as, not being able to help my son while I am able to help others.
He has become increasingly more violent by threatening to kill me and destroying a lot of things. My youngest son is 23 and keeps a knife by his bed for safety. My ill son stabbed my kitchen cabinets and threw objects with such force that they would go through the vinyl flooring to the cement.
The game changer came when he had destroyed the 3rd computer. I became tighter with money and refused to go out with him until he got help. After 10 days of being firm, I said no again to going out to get fast food. He then said that he would have to break something. He started drooling, which he does when he is really psychotic. My youngest son came around the corner and gave me a look as if inquiring, "What is wrong?" I smiled and waved him off because I did not want him to get hurt. He was just leaving. I went around the corner to watch t.v. to try to diffuse the situation. He then started singing, "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead". He talks to voices in his room and does not know that I can hear him through the walls. After a while of his talking to his voices I heard him say, "I don't want to kill her. She's my mother". Then he said,"Uh uh. I understand."
Three rounds of this and I ran out to my car. My son had complied with his voices in the past and my sister did when I was little. I asked for a crisis trained officer but was told that I will get who is nearest. The 3 officers had no empathy and refused to even go into the house. They said that legally they could not do anything because he had not threatened me to my face. I said that he has in the past many times. In fact I had called them 2 years ago when he had threatened to cut my face up. At that time they just told me to evict him. I begged them to help me because he had threatened to kill me several times if I call the police and he saw us out the window. They told me to get a restraining order the next day.
My youngest son and I spent 6 days in a hotel while I went to court for an emergency restraining order. I spoke with numerous agencies to try and get an involuntary trreatment in place. I was scared of my son, but also scared for my son.
While the plan was in action, I was kept down the street. My youngest son let a behavioral health worker in while 5 officers secretly took positions. The worker tried to talk to my son through his door for about 5 minutes and there was no response. Then the police grabbed him and pulled him out. He made up a lie about talking out loud when he writes and that he was only joking about killing me. Although he has not worked, gone to school, or seen friends in 9 years, they said that he was acting okay and did not qualify for hospitalization. They served him with the restraining order that had a move out order and then escorted him out of the neighborhood in his car.
I have been told by several therapists that it was a very dangerous situation and to change the locks and put in an alarm system. I am very nervous and have had nightmares. I cannot tell you how it feels to be afraid of your own son. I have read that paranoid schizophrenics who kill usually kill the mother and it is often while the mother is trying to get her son into treatment.
My heart is breaking. My son is now homeless, ill, and scared. He will not go to a shelter because he is afraid of people. I do not know where he is. I can't sleep and cry all the time. Crazy as it sounds, I drove around twice trying to find him. I know that I had to keep my 23 year old son safe, but I am going crazy with fear of my other son being hurt or killing himself. He can't come home because of the restraining order. I have been told that if I am lucky he will be arrested or brought in due to strange behavior. I need help...

I UNDERSTAND 100%

 

[Feeling Sad]

Greetings, Mom Of Boys! Are you going through something similar? Posting really does help. This site is wonderful. We all are here to help. A parent's road is so difficult...

Hugs, this morning. I am listening...

 

[Copabanana]

Feeling, are we starting our walking today or tomorrow? Good morning or afternoon, depending upon where you all are. Welcome Mom and New Leaf.

I did not clarify my expectations. I will speak for myself. I am committing for a week, that I will get my commitments done this week. And you? New Leaf, you cannot de-clutter your house in a week, I think. How much can you do next week? Welcome.

I have so much I need to do in the house. My sister in law was helping me and she is with her new grandson in Washington for almost two weeks.

I had promised her that while she was gone I would look at all of my shoes and decide which ones I will donate. Then I would put the keepers in wire storage baskets.

I also promised her that with the china/special tableware cabinets I will separate my mother's from my own and put each in their own cabinet, freeing up space (hopefully, for linens) in one of the cabinets.

I will organize also the laundry room this week. That is ambitious because my pantry is in there.

Feeling, I do not think you have time to do chores this week.

I was paralyzed without my sister in law's help. M was so discouraged. He will feel better if he sees me do something.

Thank you all.

COPA

 

[Feeling Sad]

Hi. Last night, I came down with a cold. I want to deal clutter my house as well, but it is a BIG project. I live in hot Southern California. I have no air in my house or my classroom. I tooled around town in my car with air today! I have my mom and dad's things and I used to sell antiques while teaching. My sons say the house is haunted... full of antiques.

I am going to walk everyday, or else I cheat. I will make the appointments on Monday. It may take a few weeks for the MRI appointment. I hate going. They can never find a good vein for my IV for the contrast. 45 minutes in tube, then out, then dye injected, then back into tube for 45 minutes. I will drink lots of water. It helps. I also keep my eyes closed. They just graduated me to be checked every 2 years...but I am very late. Pre diabetes is greatly affected by stress and cortisol, as well as, lack of sleep. This site has helped me be less stressed. 'Therapy' is open 24/7! Thank you.

Copa, I looked up the American Liver Foundation...support groups, online groups, and helpline. I have found support groups to be very helpful.

Thank you for being there for me.

 

[Copabanana]

Thank you for being there for me.

You are welcome, Feeling.

When I looked at the Liver Foundation, I remembered that we were told by the Hepatologist about those groups and my son refused to go. At the time I vowed that I would go in his stead. Alas, the City is a 4 hour train ride away, and then back. It is not feasible to go.

But M and I have been planning to go to stay across country in a big metropolitan area where there are many support groups. It is more impetus to work towards this goal.

Feeling, I am grateful to you, too. This way, I am not alone even when I am alone. My SO is a very good man, but he does not understand my grief, like you do. I mean, he understands, but when he tells me to choose or to decide to get better, he does not understand what it feels like to feel as if you are leaving your child. I feel like he is criticizing me. I do not feel like you are.

I am struggling to understand that I am showing my child the way to a new place, not leaving him behind. I am going first, in the hope that he will follow. That is new for me to even have the concept. Thank you, Feeling.

I may even walk today. It will be fun with my little dog, Romy, a Yorkshire Terrier. While he has escaped the house to go on walks by himself, he has never gone with me. He is a very sweet boy. I will enjoy being with him. Every 100 yards or so I will pick him up and give him a kiss.

Then I will go walk with Dolly who loves to walk but because she is a powerful Boxer, she is a challenge for me to handle. But she is a very good girl.

I forgot to commit to doing my neck exercises. I have not done them for two weeks, and they are essential. I will do them now. Thank you.

COPA

 

[Feeling Sad]

Copa, they have a helpline to talk to a live person. Some of the groups were online. Yes, in person is good, but this site is online and is fantastic. Also, I have called helplines many times to get advice and to hear a calming voice.

Enjoy your neck exercises....and your cute dogs!

Mom Of Boys Forever and New Leaf, I hope that you are having a good day. Do something for yourself!

 

[Copabanana]

Yes, in person is good, but this site is online and is fantastic.

Feeling, did you find a forum like here? I will look and maybe call a social worker. That, I did see as an option. Imagine, I did not utilize this resource for 7 years, since we first got the diagnosis. But first I will do my next exercises and then go for a walk with the little dog.

COPA

 

[Feeling Sad]

Copa, I found a few online forums:
exchanges.webmd.com/hepatitis
www.mdjunction.com/cirrhosis and/caregivers and/hepatitis
hcvsupport.org
liver families
liver hope
liver transplant and hepatitis c online support
hepatitis central.com
http://forums.delphiforums.com

Good luck. I will count this as one proactive deed... or as extra credit!

 

[Copabanana]

Thank you with all my heart, Feeling. I have not gone for a walk (I am telling myself my week starts tomorrow. But I did start organizing my shoes. And I will do my neck exercises now. Thank you, Feeling. It is a new day.

COPA

 

[Feeling Sad]

Liver families is at
http://liverfamilies.net

Hepatitis central at
m.delphiforums.com/hepatitiscen/start

Web md moderated by Web md. Few replies. Not true discussions.

 

[Feeling Sad]

American Liver Foundation at
www.inspire.com/groups

 

[Copabanana]

My goodness. I am going to need 3 more lifetimes to connect with all of these people. Thank you, Feeling. I will do one a day as part of my week's commitments.

COPA

 

[Copabanana]

Feeling, I started a new thread. My son called to tell me they kicked him out of the Liver Clinic practice because he missed too many appointments. I am devastated.

I did do a post at the Liver Foundation forum, asking for support. To do so I had to wade through the posts from suffering people waiting for transplants and others, so sick. I am almost hating my son right now.

 

[Feeling Sad]

I just read your new thread. I wrote a response. I am so sorry.

I realized after finding those support sites and posting them for you that they could be very difficult for you to read. I meant well. I am so sorry. There were some posts that seemed helpful or hopeful, but yes, others were not. I was just eager to help you. I am so sorry to have caused you more pain.

Please, read my post on your new thread. I was typing there while you typed here...kindred spirits.

I was just trying to help.

 

[Feeling Sad]

You wrote earlier, "It is apparent he does not want help or fears it".

Do you think he fears it? He could be sabotaging it because he is fearful. Or, he is afraid of a perceived event?

Either way, please speak to a social worker. They may have ideas. The clinic needs to know what is going on. Yes, he is an adult. But, he is also a mentally ill adult.

Yes, do not talk to him. He needs to know that you cannot fix his mistakes. But again, does be have true free will? Talk to a social worker for you. They can often make home visits and talk with your son.

My prayers are with you.

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

I am almost hating my son right now.

When I feel that way Copa, I have learned that what I resent is my feeling of powerlessness. I am proud that you acknowledged the feelings. That is huge, Copa. If you take just the smallest peek beneath them, you will see the pain you are protecting yourself from. It is okay to be scared, Copa.

Radical Acceptance helped me.

Then, I could choose Steady State. Affection. This is your little boy, grown up and coping in the best way he knows.

Just like you are too, Copa.

What does he need from his mother? More than anything, he needs you to believe he will come through this. He needs to know you love him. He needs to know there are boundaries behind which you both can be safe.

You are doing all those good things, Copa.

This is another hard thing.

You have done hard things ~ maybe, harder things than this, before.

Copa. You can say, "I don't know. I love you so much. I wish I knew how to do this better. I love you. I don't know how to do this. But I do know we will come through it."

You are coming through this well, Copa. I feel very proud for you. You are not flinching from what is true, today. That takes major courage. Just to see what is takes major courage.

Every one of us is dealing with something he or she cannot cope with. We have not been singled out. We are not weak. We just don't know, right now, what to do about what is happening.

What we don't get to do is pretend it is not happening.

What a crummy position to find ourselves in.

But, here we are. Here our children are, too.

"Let me win. If I cannot win, let me be brave."

The Kennedy who heads Special Olympics said that.

Cedar

 

[Feeling Sad]

I am starting to feel afraid. My son left at 5 this morning to fly up to Silicone Valley to do a power point with 3 other team members at Google. He will be gone for a week.

I was never really scared before, but now I am. I am attributing this to the fact that I am trying to not numb out and directly face my dangerous situation. That is all fine and good...but now, I think that I wish that I could still numb out!

I am all alone. I have a bad cold. Bring doped up on cold medications might work to my advantage. If I get a fever and start seeing things....it won't.

Here is my highly-stylized game plan. To go to bed with the T.V. on and every single light in the house turned on. Yes, you can clearly see that I spent hours on devising an extremely intricate plan.

Knowing that others out there in cyber land know that I am alone, gives me strength. Yes, send your positive vibes my way.

My son's car is still out front. It appears very normal, but I am fearing nightfall. Fear is very new to ne. For over 50 years, I was brave, all be it 'numb', but still...brave.

Expecting positive vibes....

 

[New Leaf]

Thank you with all my heart, Feeling. I have not gone for a walk (I am telling myself my week starts tomorrow. But I did start organizing my shoes. And I will do my neck exercises now. Thank you, Feeling. It is a new day.

COPA

My dear Copa, a gentle nudge.
I know yesterday was excruciatingly rough.
Try to get up and go for your walk today.
Fresh air and exercise will do you good.