Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless

[New Leaf]

My son's car is still out front. It appears very normal, but I am fearing nightfall. Fear is very new to ne. For over 50 years, I was brave, all be it 'numb', but still...brave.

Expecting positive vibes....

Positive vibes to you Feeling-I hope you are okay!

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

Please check in Feeling, and tell us how the night was. I hope you slept well.

Cedar

 

[Copabanana]

Feeling, why be brave? Could you go to a hotel? Do you have a dog? Let him or her be brave. Get a dog, perhaps.

I remember years ago I met somebody. She was then, perhaps, 60. A very proper matron. She believed that a young lover came to her in the house to accost her sexually. She was very afraid. She was frustrated that her family, nobody, believed her. I knew that challenging her delusion would bring both of us grief. I thought and I thought.

Why don't you get a dog?

At first she seemed somewhat stunned. As If I were the one who had lost touch with reality. She looked at me. Why, yes!! Why didn't I think of that, she said. She had found a solution. No longer were the reality or unreality of the secret lover, the issue. The dog would protect her from her secret lover.

COPA

 

[New Leaf]

Feeling, are we starting our walking today or tomorrow? Good morning or afternoon, depending upon where you all are. Welcome Mom and New Leaf.

I did not clarify my expectations. I will speak for myself. I am committing for a week, that I will get my commitments done this week. And you? New Leaf, you cannot de-clutter your house in a week, I think. How much can you do next week? Welcome.


COPA

Thank you Copa. No I cannot declutter in one week although I would love to be able to.
Wednesday I fly out to see my dear Mom, who I haven't seen due to our physical distance for 2 and a half years. Actually I was supposed to go a year and 1/2 ago but my husband fell deathly ill for the second time and I cancelled my trip. Hubby recovered thankfully.
I lost my father three years ago after a six year long battle with various illness. Mom was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer just two months after Dad's passing, poor love. She was doing well considering a Dr. gave her 6 months. We have passed the three year mark. Recently she had a bit of coughing up blood. Mercifully, we will be there to help her through a procedure the Dr. ordered. I am thankful to be able to hold Mom close to me after all this time and look forward to moments spent with her.

Sorry to heap this story on you, I guess I am decluttering my heart and mind as well.

When I come home, after recovering from jet lag (6 hour difference) I will tackle my space. I am a Pinterest fanatic and have a few hundred ideas. Ok, that may be clutter too.

Hope you are feeling better today and you went on your walk.
(((Hugs)))

 

[Copabanana]

New Leaf, thank you for thinking of me.

I am sorry to hear of your mother's illness. Where does she live? Do you have sisters and brothers who live close to her?

I will walk today. Thank you. I posted another Viktor Frankl quotes thread.

COPA

 

[New Leaf]

New Leaf, thank you for thinking of me.

I am sorry to hear of your mother's illness. Where does she live? Do you have sisters and brothers who live close to her?

I will walk today. Thank you. I posted another Viktor Frankl quotes thread.

COPA

Thank you Copa. Mom is in New Hampshire. My sister and brother are near by. Lil sis has been attending all Moms appointments, stayed with her through chemo, bless her heart. She is able to come up (6 hour drive) to support Mom.
This trip will be a reunion for us. My two grateful adult children are coming, as well as son and granddaughter. We are an entourage! It will be a joyful and hard trip. I look forward to being with family and catching up.
It will be a welcome break from the drama go round. Just hoping my two "ingrates" do not try to take advantage of their Dad and try to move back in.
Then again I need to brace myself for whatever the outcome of Moms procedure. It is tough living far away from family. Breaking the bank on this trip, but it will be worth it to hug my Mom and support her.
I will look at your quotes thread. Glad to know you are feeling a bit better today.
One day at a time.
My Dad was a " thinker" and a voracious reader. He loved Greek philosophy. He enjoyed quotes from Epictetus that are similar to your Frankl quotes.

 

[Feeling Sad]

Hi, all.

I am sorry to hear about your mother's health, New Leaf. Yes, it is worth every penny to see your mom. Enjoy yourself. I am sure that your mom will feel better to have you near. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

Copa, I love your story. Are you trying to tell me to get a secret young lover? Just joking. I have had dogs, but can't have them inside due to allergies. A hotel would cost me too much.

I felt pretty good last night...doped up on cold medications. No murder or ghost shows for me. I woke up in the middle of the night. I bolted up in bed and screamed. I thought I saw a dark figure standing beside the bed. I screamed like in the movie"Psycho". I never ever did this my whole life until after I heard my ill son argue with his voices about killing me. I guess my subconscious is doing worst than I thought. Still bubbling up from being numb for 50 years. Fun!

Cedar, thank you for asking about my night. My youngest son is having a great time on his trip. It is all worth it! He needs to have fun and be a young adult. He is in his element being in techie land up in Silicone Valley.

Maybe I will sleep with more lights on... I feel dumb being so scared. I have never been this way before. I am realizing that I do not have a lot of control over it. I have been told that I have gone through a very high level of danger for a long time. I wasn't really scared until now. I guess my PTSD is getting better, I hope, because I am not suppressing my fears. I guess I still am though. My mind tries to, but my body won't let me.

Maybe I need a young secret lover who is a psychologist...just joking, Copa!

Take care ladies.

 

[Feeling Sad]

New Leaf, what a wonderful 'nudge' for Copa! I just saw it. Fantastic!

Copa, I hope that you are feeling a bit better today. Do something just for you today. You have been through so much. Day by day.

I am taking my class on a field trip tomorrow to a farm. I'll be walking and picking plants in the hot sun all day. That should more than make up for not walking tonight.. 3 nights? Right?

Maybe we should declutter and donate our things to our favorite charity. We will feel doubly good. I like to donate to Battered Woman.

Last year I donated a stuffed Mickey Mouse to charity that belonged to my ill son. I saved 50% of their stuffed animals. A month later, I saw it in an antique store. A woman was buying it for $40! It was just from the 80's.

I am decluttering and organizing things by color. That way I can change out a tableau quickly. I get tired if I keep things the same way too long. I used to love to merchandise when I sold antiques. My whole house is antiques.

Happy decluttering...

 

[Copabanana]

I have had dogs, but can't have them inside due to allergies.

What about a Standard Poodle, Feeling? They are supposed to be good for people with allergies. I think the Labradoodles, standard Poodles crossed with Labradors are good too. I will now check. I have always wanted a Standard Poodle and would like a Labradoodle even more.

I am very sorry you were afraid. I have been taking Benadryl at night to sleep: 2 tablets. M says I sleep like a "tronco," I think that means a tree trunk.

I am so happy for your son. He needs this. Good for him. I am now checking on dog breeds.

You are making jokes now, Feeling. That is a good thing.

COPA

 

[Copabanana]

Hypoallergic Dog Breeds for Allergy Sufferers

• Bedlington Terrier
  The gentle, loveable Bedlington Terrier is known for its curly, wooly coat that resembles a lamb. The breed doesn't need intense exercise -- regular playtime and daily walks will do.
• Bichon Frise
  The Bichon Frise is a naturally gentle, happy, playful dog that loves activity. The Bichon's hair continually grows and doesn't shed, so regular grooming is important to prevent mats.
• Chinese Crested
  The Chinese Crested is an alert, playful dog that thrives on human companionship. They are small and do well in families with gentle children. Cresteds shed little to no hair.
• Coton de Tulear
  The Coton de Tulear is a small, hardy dog that is happy, eager to please, and loyal. The breed gets along well with other dogs and children. Their long coat requires daily grooming.
• Irish Water Spaniel
  This strong, intelligent breed is the clown of the spaniel family. Irish Water Spaniels are active and energetic, needing daily exercise. Their water-repellant double coat requires brushing every few weeks.
• Kerry Blue Terrier
  The Kerry Blue Terrier is energetic and fun-loving. The breed enjoys being part of an active family that can provide daily exercise. Their coats need regular brushing and trimming.
• Maltese
  Though small, the Maltese is known for being brave, playful, and fearless. They have long, silky white hair that needs to be brushed daily to prevent mats.
• Poodle
  The Poodle comes in three size varieties -- Standard, Miniature, and Toy. The breed is exceptionally smart and active, needing daily exercise. Their trademark coat requires regular professional grooming.
• Portuguese Water Dog
  An athletic breed, the Portuguese Water Dog needs vigorous daily exercise and would do best with a very active family. PWDs are intelligent, loyal workers. Their waterproof coat requires regular maintenance.
• Miniature Schnauzer
  The Miniature Schnauzer has a natural protective nature that makes it a great watchdog. The breed is smart and cheerful, and adapts well to different living environments. Their double coat requires clipping.
• Standard Schnauzer
  The Standard Schnauzer is a sociable, affectionate breed that has a fondness for kids. They are athletic dogs that need daily exercise. Their beard and leg hair should be brushed often to prevent mats.
• Giant Schnauzer
  The Giant Schnauzer is intelligent and can be territorial, naturally feeling protective of its family. The breed needs a lot of exercise and loves having a job to do. They require regular grooming.
• Soft Coated Wheaten Terrier
  This happy dog is active and needs plenty of exercise daily. The breed adapts well to city, country, or suburban living, and does well with children. They have a silky, soft coat that needs regular grooming to prevent mats.
• Xoloitzcuintli
  The Xoloitzcuintli comes in three sizes -- toy, miniature, and standard. They also come in two varieties -- hairless and coated. The hairless has a smooth, tough, protective skin and the coated has a short, flat coat. They're calm, tranquil, and attentive, and can also be aloof. They have moderate exercise and grooming needs.
• American Hairless Terrier
  The American Hairless Terrier is a lively, friendly, and intelligent companion. The breed does well with children and is also good for city dwellers due to their minimal exercise needs -- regular walks and indoor playtime will do. They also need regular bathing and nail trimming.
• Lagotto Romagnolo
  The Lagotto Romagnolo is a happy dog with tons of energy, needing plenty of activity. They are affectionate and devoted to their owners. Their thick curly coat is similar to that of a Poodle. They require trimming and regular brushing to prevent mats.
• Spanish Water Dog
  The Spanish Water Dog is a lively, hardworking dog with natural protective instincts. They are a high energy breed that does best with an active family. They require little grooming for their curly, wooly coat. No brushing is needed, but at least once a year they should be shaved down.
• Afghan Hound
  Afghan Hounds are known for being aloof and dignified. They require regular exercise and grooming. They should be bathed and brushed twice a week.
• Peruvian Inca Orchid (Hairless)
  The Peruvian Inca Orchid can be hairless or coated -- the hairless variety does well with allergy sufferers. They also come in three different sizes small, medium, and large. The breed is loyal and protective of its family. They also have a great deal of energy, needing regular activity. They have minimal grooming needs.

I vote for Chinese Crested. They are tiny, tiny and wonderful. One for you and one for me. They are hairless. With tufts of human like hair on their heads. I have met some.

I hope you have a better night Feeling. I hope you are not so scared tonight.

COPA

 

[Freedom08]

Can I just pop in and say I've learned so much from this post. You are all so strong you give me hope [emoji173]️

 

[Feeling Sad]

Copa, when you say that you are going to research something, you don't mess around! Thank you.

I take 2 benadryl at night already. It helps.

I do not like waking up and thinking I am seeing something. I do not have control over it. I am normally very brave...

Thank you, Lila. Yes, this site is a great boon of valuable and thoughtful information. With sharing our trials and tribulations, we are learning and feeling stronger...most importantly, in the reassuring fact that we are not alone. We garner strength from each other.

We are all helping each other. Our culture sadly attaches stigmas to disabilities, drug addiction, alcoholism, and mental illness. Here, we can freely speak our mind without judgement.

 

[Copabanana]

We are all helping each other. Our culture sadly attaches stigmas to disabilities, drug addiction, alcoholism, and mental illness. Here, we can freely speak our mind without judgement.

Of course I like reading your wise words...but I want to know if you looked a pictures of Chinese Cresteds!!!!!!!

 

[Copabanana]

organizing things by color. That way I can change out a tableau quickly. I get tired if I keep things the same way too long. I used to love to merchandise when I sold antiques. My whole house is antiques.

Wow. What a good idea. To organize by color. I love that idea.

I am doing that with clothes, now. I just learned about a way to dress called column of color. It is when the same color is down the center of the outfit or on the outside. If you change colors, it has to be in thirds, not halves.

For example, a light grey sweater dress, grey tights and shoes, and a red sweater. That would be the column down the middle.

The column on the outside would be: a cream cardigan sweater, a yellow paisley blouse tucked into a creamy oatmeal tweed skirt. The yellow blouse would be the top third, the creamy cardigan (preferably cashmere, for me) and oatmeal tweed skirt would be the outside column. Nude shoes and hose.

What style of antiques from what countries and eras? I love antiques, too, but have no room now. When my Mother died I got her furniture. All excellent reproductions from the 1960's. Henredon. Baker. Not my taste, but good, good furniture. Integrated with our junk store stuff it looks really nice. Way less formal than it looked in her house.

I tried to attach pictures of chinese crested but could not figure out how. Just for me google chinese crested with their tongues out. How can you resist? I mean, I think it is just the thing. Try petfinder.org or is it com? I am not sure.

M would never, ever allow another animal. He is a somewhat reformed authoritarian. I would not even attempt to try.

I am better today. I started feeling a little bit better because I bought the kindle Viktor Frankl book. And I posted some more quotes today.

I realized there is the possibility of choice. Even for me.

I did not walk. Sorry. But we did go to do errands. Walmart, Lowes, etc. I chat with the sales clerks at the cash register. Just that bouyed my mood. I love to just chat with strangers. About nothing in particular.

Thank you,

COPA

 

[Feeling Sad]

No, not yet. I was helping my friend study for a child abuse/ child neglect test.

I then started operation all lights on. All systems go.

I texted my other son, the middle one up north at college.

I now, am starting to feel bad about myself. I feel bad because I am afraid of my ill son, who is out there, afraid. I do not want to be afraid of my own son. I am not wrong to be fearful, I just do not like the reality of the situation. My poor son...is out there someplace, alone and afraid.

I am afraid of him, and he is afraid of everyone else. Sad. We are both hurting. We cannot help each other.

What a mixed-up, sad situation. No blame, just sad...

 

[Feeling Sad]

Now I really feel dumb, Copa.

I loved your post. You sound like you have cute clothes.

Yes, your errands count as walking and 'therapy'. Talking to people buoyed your spirit.

If you can buoy your spirit, then I certainly can.

So, my farm visit counts as 5 nights walking...right? If I talk to docents, and feel better...extra credit, right?

I am fine now. Your post helped, as always.

Thank you, Copa.

 

[Copabanana]

I now, am starting to feel bad about myself. I feel bad because I am afraid of my ill son, who is out there, afraid. I do not want to be afraid of my own son. I am not wrong to be fearful, I just do not like the reality of the situation.

Feeling, I think these feelings are a normal part of dealing with a situation that is really outside the range of normal human experience. Like a PTSD-invoking experience. Viktor Frankly talks about it in his book. People are nuts if they do not react like this to a horrible situation.

How could you not feel despair? How could you not feel guilt, when some idiot woman on the internet is beseeching you to google "Chinese Crested with their tongues out?" And you miss your son.

But the situation is what it is. There was no other way. You tried and tried. You could not go on the same way. You took this course when there was no other left to you. When you could not keep going the way you were. Had you been able to, you would have. You could not.

The reality of things is horrible. For you, for me. I think Cedar would tell us to feel the feelings, because they are true. But at the same time, take care of yourself. Keep walking.

What can you do now? Why not watch that Masterpeace Theater that I loved so much. xxx Abbey, I think. I loved that show. Lots of episodes.

COPA

 

[Copabanana]

Feeling, why do you sound dumb? I am the dumb one. I am now perseverating about Chinese Crested Hairless when there is no chance for me at all.

Feeling, those clothes are in my imagination. I am trying to lose weight. When I stayed in bed 2 years I gained a lot of weight. In all, 65 + pounds. I had started gaining weight when I stopped dancing all the time and went back to work.

I was 128. Well that was a few years ago. I ended up 195. I am only down to 177. I am only losing a pound or two or three a month. It is hard. I wanted to get back down to 130 but the nutritionist thinks that is not healthy at my age, and says 139 is the lowest for my height: 5'6''

What I am doing is buying really nice sweaters, ponchos, purses, fedora hats, shoes and tunics, etc. and accessories. (I look for bargains at Sierra Trading Post). Those things can be used at lower weights.

And I am buying cheaper clothes online at Walmart and Lands End, using the principles of the column dressing. I am selective. And you really cannot tell they are cheap clothes at all. With much of it, there is no difference what so ever.

I am preparing for us to go on a trip. We will go cross country to live in the NYC Metro area, for the winter, to see if we can tolerate it. We will keep our house here. That is we will go when I truly get out of bed.

It helps to talk about down to earth things.

Thank you, Feeling.

The farm sounds fun. I loved those field trips when I was a kid. I used to take my son to the zoo farm every weekend when he was a very little boy without fail. Sometimes Sat and Sun. My grandmother took me, when I was little. To the same zoo.

 

[Feeling Sad]

I love American antiques, Victorian, from 1850's through 1900. I love Eastlake and Renaissance Revival. I also collect antique books, girandoles, antique prints, jewelry, china, alabaster busts, pediments, and daguerroetypes. I also love antique portraits.

I discovered when my mom passed away, how organized her closet was. She was bed-bound for 7 years. She could not walk into that room. When I sorted her closet, I was amazed how each article of clothing was sorted exactly by color and hue. Her purses, shoes, shorts, blazers. It was beautiful. It was even more bittersweet by the fact that she did not dress for going out for many years. She never opened her closest for 7 years. I bought her clothes, but clothes that were comfortable for the bed. She went out once and awhile with me, but her medications and being bed-bound caused her to gain a lot of weight. I bought her comfortable clothes. She went in a wheel chair.

I feel sorry for my mom now. I understand what she went through with my schizophrenic sister. She was trying the best that she could. I bet that her heart was breaking too.

There I go again. Being sad. I think I am going to listen to some sixties music on t.v. That will cheer me up. The house is too quiet and spooky.

I have friends at work that coordinate their clothing to their rings, bracelets, pendants, handbags, and scarves. I think it would be nice to put my accessories by color. Less time spent in the morning. Still no air at my class, so just Capris and tee shirts for me.

Maybe if I go to sleep with happy thoughts, I won't wake up scared.

Most of my shirts are floral...separate category or filed by dominate color? Do men ever think this way?

 

[Feeling Sad]

The crazy woman on the Internet beseeching me to look at Chinese Crested Hairless with their tongues sticking out made me laugh...so hard I cried. Thank you, Copa.

I was 190 at 5'4"". I went on the 'depression diet'. I am down to 145. I do not recommend it to anyone....

Instead of looking better, I look tired. I feel that I look sad, but no one notices. I guess that I am good at acting.

Your cross country trip sounds great! It is good to have something to look forward to. Yes, your clothing sounds darling.

Thank you for buoying my spirits. That is the word for the day, 'buoyed' or rather...Chinese Crested???