Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
- Thread starter Feeling Sad
- Start date
Feeling Sad
Well-Known Member
Thank you! I missed you guys!
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
You know, Feeling, my main dog breed is a boxer. But they have fur. But I know them so well.
I will use them as an example. Boxers are so intuitive, they require not much care at all. Just food and water. And cleaning up their poop, which a kid on the block could do. But there are working breeds, like Poodles (and Labs and Boxers) which can be lower maintenance and are hypo-allergenic. By low maintenance I mean they are responsible and intuitive. After a time, they accommodate to you.
I always used to say that our first boxer, Jack, who we got when my son was a toddler, was more responsible than I was with my son. *Until he snapped at my son and bit him just a little bit. I hope nobody calls CPS on me. But his patience was sorely tried.
A poodle is hypo-allergenic. A labrodoodle, the cross between a lab and poodle might be hypo-allergenic. I will look. I love labs and standard poodles.
I will look and see whether Chinese Crested are good watch dogs. Maybe you need a team. A watch dog and a defender. A chinese crested and a Labradoodle.
I think having the company and the alert are protective.
I am so glad you are here, Feeling.
COPA
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Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Well, it may be a Chinese Crested for Feeling because (and this is a direct quote) they "make a keen watch dog."
COPA
COPA
Feeling Sad
Well-Known Member
I do not need a pet...you are my 'watch dogs'! Always watching out for me. Thank you! You have greatly cheered me up!
@Feeling Sad A dog doesn't really "fend off intruders", but a loyal companion will let you know that there are intruders. It's another alarm system, if you will.
Maybe it's time for you to consider a move as well? To something where you are attached to others, more levels of security - adult living condo, maybe? or even a townhouse? Moving is a huge deal, extremely stressful. And not cheap, either. But it might be something to keep in mind if you find it difficult to relax and be "normal" in an empty house.
Maybe it's time for you to consider a move as well? To something where you are attached to others, more levels of security - adult living condo, maybe? or even a townhouse? Moving is a huge deal, extremely stressful. And not cheap, either. But it might be something to keep in mind if you find it difficult to relax and be "normal" in an empty house.
New Leaf
Well-Known Member
Our school went through this last year, it is a tough situation.
I am glad he is getting help, Feeling, good for him.
Oh and you were sick before this too. You have been whammied. Too much stress.
What a relief.
So was it the flu? It has been going around our school.
Sounds like you have been super busy, I hope you will have some relaxing time on break.
Awwww, the baby has grown up Feeling.
You will get through it Feeling, you always have.
It is so very good to hear from you. I am glad you are on the mend. How frightening for you, sister!
Do take care.
(((HUGS)))
leafy
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Good Evening, Feeling Sad
While you may not check in I want to say hi. Have a tranquil and restful evening and weekend. I am glad you are back with us. You are a night own and I will be going to bed soon. Feel safe.
COPA
While you may not check in I want to say hi. Have a tranquil and restful evening and weekend. I am glad you are back with us. You are a night own and I will be going to bed soon. Feel safe.
COPA
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Feeling,
What about renting a room to a college student? Or even two? Or a foreign student who is here in a university ESL program. The latter pays really, really well. And it is short term. I am not sure where you live but I think you live where there a lot of colleges. Some may cater to short-term foreign students.
COPA
What about renting a room to a college student? Or even two? Or a foreign student who is here in a university ESL program. The latter pays really, really well. And it is short term. I am not sure where you live but I think you live where there a lot of colleges. Some may cater to short-term foreign students.
COPA
New Leaf
Well-Known Member
My friend does this and she really enjoys it. She is making friends from all over the world, plus, they pay room and board.
Feeling Sad
Well-Known Member
I have thought about this. But, the house has a lot of delayed maintenance and damage...holes in the walls and floors, stains on walls, ceilings, rugs, chunks of wood stabbed out of cupboards and wood counters, smashed light fixtures, kicked in doors, etc, etc, etc....
The jail cell is open, but I still feel like I am in prison. Almost my entire life...since I was 11, I have had my possessions damaged. I have learned not to show any interest or favoritism towards my most cherished possessions...or they were the first to be smashed by my sister, my first husband, or my son.
I was a hostage in my own house. If I threw away some old scraps of onion or garlic, my ill son would throw away a cherished object of mine without my knowledge. It is like that game at Showers when they bring out the loaded tray and you have one minute to memorize it.
It is a sick game of ,"What's missing?" But, he would never admit to taking it and besides...it was already thrown in the trash and taken to the dump.
I know that I am 'free', but I do not feel free. I used to try to clean up the hot sauce all over my walls, couches, antiques, ceilings, etc. But, he would quickly squirt it all over again, laughing all the while.
I was mentally and repeatedly beaten down. I do not know where to start. There is so much damage. Yes, it is my house, but for so long, he forcibly took it from me.
He even divided my English country style yard in half. I came home to find boulders, bricks, statues, tables, urns, etc. all dumped on one half of the yard. He completely disassembled a cute small white potting shed and smashed it because it was on his 'half'.
I am just too tired with reports and behavior issues at school to deal with it now.
I had severe vertigo. They are not sure why. I still need an official diabetes screening and a thorough M.R.I. with and without contrast. But, the CAT scan showed no tumors and my blood sugar was normal.
I just have to work on my PTSD daily, so that it does not last lifelong. But, my fears are very valid and both recent and ongoing. That makes it more difficult to heal or move on.
My hyperviligence saved my life more than once. It is not easy to discard. Besides, I have been told repeatedly to always be aware of my surroundings.
I do not feel that I will ever feel happy again. Yes, very small quick bleeps...but not down to my bones contentment. My heart is out there somewhere with my ill son, hurting along with him.
I would like to have a relationship one day, but I do not trust myself to choose wisely. I read once that if you expect a whole loaf, you will find a 'whole loaf'. But, if you feel that you only deserve 'crumbs', you will accept crumbs. That is me. I accept crumbs. Stale discarded crumbs that nobody else wants with issues... Better yet, 'crumbs' who think that they are top quality fresh 'loaves' and that I am 'crumbs' for tolerating them.
I am strangely hungry now...
The jail cell is open, but I still feel like I am in prison. Almost my entire life...since I was 11, I have had my possessions damaged. I have learned not to show any interest or favoritism towards my most cherished possessions...or they were the first to be smashed by my sister, my first husband, or my son.
I was a hostage in my own house. If I threw away some old scraps of onion or garlic, my ill son would throw away a cherished object of mine without my knowledge. It is like that game at Showers when they bring out the loaded tray and you have one minute to memorize it.
It is a sick game of ,"What's missing?" But, he would never admit to taking it and besides...it was already thrown in the trash and taken to the dump.
I know that I am 'free', but I do not feel free. I used to try to clean up the hot sauce all over my walls, couches, antiques, ceilings, etc. But, he would quickly squirt it all over again, laughing all the while.
I was mentally and repeatedly beaten down. I do not know where to start. There is so much damage. Yes, it is my house, but for so long, he forcibly took it from me.
He even divided my English country style yard in half. I came home to find boulders, bricks, statues, tables, urns, etc. all dumped on one half of the yard. He completely disassembled a cute small white potting shed and smashed it because it was on his 'half'.
I am just too tired with reports and behavior issues at school to deal with it now.
I had severe vertigo. They are not sure why. I still need an official diabetes screening and a thorough M.R.I. with and without contrast. But, the CAT scan showed no tumors and my blood sugar was normal.
I just have to work on my PTSD daily, so that it does not last lifelong. But, my fears are very valid and both recent and ongoing. That makes it more difficult to heal or move on.
My hyperviligence saved my life more than once. It is not easy to discard. Besides, I have been told repeatedly to always be aware of my surroundings.
I do not feel that I will ever feel happy again. Yes, very small quick bleeps...but not down to my bones contentment. My heart is out there somewhere with my ill son, hurting along with him.
I would like to have a relationship one day, but I do not trust myself to choose wisely. I read once that if you expect a whole loaf, you will find a 'whole loaf'. But, if you feel that you only deserve 'crumbs', you will accept crumbs. That is me. I accept crumbs. Stale discarded crumbs that nobody else wants with issues... Better yet, 'crumbs' who think that they are top quality fresh 'loaves' and that I am 'crumbs' for tolerating them.
I am strangely hungry now...
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
http://www.glendale.edu/index.aspx?page=1732
This is a link that shows ESL programs in the Greater Los Angeles Area which I am guessing you might be close to.
I will now read your post.
COPA
This is a link that shows ESL programs in the Greater Los Angeles Area which I am guessing you might be close to.
I will now read your post.
COPA
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Hi Feeling,
I do not know where to start and I took my Benadryl and am on my last legs. I will return tomorrow.
First, life can change. It has. People can change. You are. I do not think you are the person you were when you entered your earlier relationships.
But the first thing that needs to happen is thinking that there is hope. You are afraid. Rightfully so. But there needs to be at least the openness to the idea that you are a trustworthy person. That you can trust yourself, to evaluate a person, and to decide if and when you are not safe and your needs are not being met.
I believe you can. I would trust you. You need to be open to the idea, that you can decide if you are safe or not. So many years living unsafe has robbed you of the confidence that you can evaluate and decide, to stay or leave a relationship. But now is not the time. You have more immediate things to focus upon. But life is helping you get there. Your son is helping. By leaving. You will stand up. I know you will.
You are cynical right now about yourself. I do not know why. It might be fear. It might be because you do not deserve more. If your son is suffering. But it is something to consider. And confront if you want to. When you want to.
Everybody available at our age is a reject. Think about it. Not that you are. But everybody else is.
It sounds like you feel too weary right now to confront the repairs in the house. I surely understand that. I have been working on my house almost 7 years. It is endless because I am afraid to finish and get on with my life, too.
But you do not have to be alone in the house afraid, if you do not want to.
For example, there may be refugees that need a place to stay. For lower rent, they do not care if there is deferred maintenance. You could go through Catholic Charities or Jewish Family Services. I am Jewish. You know that. There are many refugees that come from Russia. I would do that. They would be screened by the social service agency. They would be in the process of learning English through the agency. Also, in the San Fernando Valley where my Mom lived there were many, many Armenians. Especially where she lived in Valley Village. The Russian Orthodox Church or Eastern Orthodox Church would know of their social services agency who helps these newly arriving refuges.
These are just ideas to get you started. Maybe the preference is that they stay with people of their own ethnicity. But I do not think so. It would be an advantage to live with an English Speaking person. To learn the language and culture.
Let me say again. I know how tired you are. Having new people in the house would be a little bit of trouble. But you would be safe. You would feel safe. And a whole new world would open up to you.
I will not nag you about it, but I think it is a good idea. Because the people would have real stories. Life stories. I think you are a people person, Feeling.
Now I am really tired. I will check in here tomorrow.
The Vertigo may be a blessing in disguise. That is what I think. Because in one fell swoop you started taking care of your diet, and getting more exercise and catching up on your medical tests and treatment. And now you are facing squarely that your life depends on your dealing with your stress and state of mind. You must get happier, Feeling. This is a choice point.
A Chinese Crested would help. Remember that face, Feeling?
Sleep tight.
COPA
PS I had vertigo once. I think. I had labyrintitus. I think it was an infection in the inner ear. I could not walk down the hall to the bathroom, almost. I could not drive. Or work. It was horrible. It lasted about 2 weeks. It was very demoralizing. I was afraid it would last forever.
.
I do not know where to start and I took my Benadryl and am on my last legs. I will return tomorrow.
First, life can change. It has. People can change. You are. I do not think you are the person you were when you entered your earlier relationships.
But the first thing that needs to happen is thinking that there is hope. You are afraid. Rightfully so. But there needs to be at least the openness to the idea that you are a trustworthy person. That you can trust yourself, to evaluate a person, and to decide if and when you are not safe and your needs are not being met.
I believe you can. I would trust you. You need to be open to the idea, that you can decide if you are safe or not. So many years living unsafe has robbed you of the confidence that you can evaluate and decide, to stay or leave a relationship. But now is not the time. You have more immediate things to focus upon. But life is helping you get there. Your son is helping. By leaving. You will stand up. I know you will.
You are cynical right now about yourself. I do not know why. It might be fear. It might be because you do not deserve more. If your son is suffering. But it is something to consider. And confront if you want to. When you want to.
Everybody available at our age is a reject. Think about it. Not that you are. But everybody else is.
It sounds like you feel too weary right now to confront the repairs in the house. I surely understand that. I have been working on my house almost 7 years. It is endless because I am afraid to finish and get on with my life, too.
But you do not have to be alone in the house afraid, if you do not want to.
For example, there may be refugees that need a place to stay. For lower rent, they do not care if there is deferred maintenance. You could go through Catholic Charities or Jewish Family Services. I am Jewish. You know that. There are many refugees that come from Russia. I would do that. They would be screened by the social service agency. They would be in the process of learning English through the agency. Also, in the San Fernando Valley where my Mom lived there were many, many Armenians. Especially where she lived in Valley Village. The Russian Orthodox Church or Eastern Orthodox Church would know of their social services agency who helps these newly arriving refuges.
These are just ideas to get you started. Maybe the preference is that they stay with people of their own ethnicity. But I do not think so. It would be an advantage to live with an English Speaking person. To learn the language and culture.
Let me say again. I know how tired you are. Having new people in the house would be a little bit of trouble. But you would be safe. You would feel safe. And a whole new world would open up to you.
I will not nag you about it, but I think it is a good idea. Because the people would have real stories. Life stories. I think you are a people person, Feeling.
Now I am really tired. I will check in here tomorrow.
The Vertigo may be a blessing in disguise. That is what I think. Because in one fell swoop you started taking care of your diet, and getting more exercise and catching up on your medical tests and treatment. And now you are facing squarely that your life depends on your dealing with your stress and state of mind. You must get happier, Feeling. This is a choice point.
A Chinese Crested would help. Remember that face, Feeling?
Sleep tight.
COPA
PS I had vertigo once. I think. I had labyrintitus. I think it was an infection in the inner ear. I could not walk down the hall to the bathroom, almost. I could not drive. Or work. It was horrible. It lasted about 2 weeks. It was very demoralizing. I was afraid it would last forever.
.
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BusynMember
Well-Known Member
I am not 100% sure while you are afraid to live alone. I wouldn't like living alone in a house that is separate from other houses...too much can happen. And I am a nervous person. But you do have a security system.
If you are afraid that you'll fall or get sick and need help, you may consider one of those "I'm falling and I can't get up" necklaces with panic button. I have one now since I just had a bad car accident and I'm alone during the day. I am not going to keep it, but I would maybe if I lived alone and had health problems. Trust me, THEY WORK. I pushed the button by accident and got an immediate response from a worker whom I told...don't send anyone. It was an accidental push.
I am so sorry about all you are going through. It is so tragic to have to be afraid of an offspring. I hope you can come to peace with your life and start doing great things for YOU and focus on your loved ones who are able to love you back.
Hugs for your heart and hoping you can work your way to peace and serenity. I have done it for most of the time in my life, but it took many steps to achieve, including a GREAT husband. He's not perfect, but he is my soulmate. I have one child we adopted at age six. I believe now that it is too late to adopt a child that old. He has left the family. I loved him dearly, but am able to bask in the love of my other four awesome adult children. Not that none have had problems. But we always loved one another. Don't be afraid to try love again. Just don't commit yourself quickly and don't ignore red flags, such as "I have been married three times already, but they were all b****." Or alcoholism and drug abuse. Or hints of violence. You too can be happy. I was such a mess in my 20's and even 30's and I'm gone full circle. You can do it too.
I wish you the best and keep posting. We are a ll holding your hand in cyber space.
If you are afraid that you'll fall or get sick and need help, you may consider one of those "I'm falling and I can't get up" necklaces with panic button. I have one now since I just had a bad car accident and I'm alone during the day. I am not going to keep it, but I would maybe if I lived alone and had health problems. Trust me, THEY WORK. I pushed the button by accident and got an immediate response from a worker whom I told...don't send anyone. It was an accidental push.
I am so sorry about all you are going through. It is so tragic to have to be afraid of an offspring. I hope you can come to peace with your life and start doing great things for YOU and focus on your loved ones who are able to love you back.
Hugs for your heart and hoping you can work your way to peace and serenity. I have done it for most of the time in my life, but it took many steps to achieve, including a GREAT husband. He's not perfect, but he is my soulmate. I have one child we adopted at age six. I believe now that it is too late to adopt a child that old. He has left the family. I loved him dearly, but am able to bask in the love of my other four awesome adult children. Not that none have had problems. But we always loved one another. Don't be afraid to try love again. Just don't commit yourself quickly and don't ignore red flags, such as "I have been married three times already, but they were all b****." Or alcoholism and drug abuse. Or hints of violence. You too can be happy. I was such a mess in my 20's and even 30's and I'm gone full circle. You can do it too.
I wish you the best and keep posting. We are a ll holding your hand in cyber space.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
This is an interesting statement by Serenity. At first I wanted to chime in, "because Feeling is afraid of her son who has paranoid schizophrenia." But it is so much more than this, is it not?
There is the residue of fear from your sister. And how your parents dealt with it and your own needs, which seem to have not been seen. And your other sister. And the marriages. The abuse by your first husband and indifference of the second. There are the years of abuse by your eldest son. Yes. He was ill. But he abused you. What he did to your beautiful garden. Your home. You are abused, Feeling. Not to mention your brother.
And it seems that you may fear that there is something in you that may call for it. Or if not that, responsible for enduring it. Which are forms of self-blame of which I am quite familiar with. Because I do it.
And now with constant fearfulness, the possibility that some of your fear and dread, is coming from inside of you, from the past, what you have endured, and become a part of you. Over above the possibility that your son could hurt you. It is hard to tease out what it is. Which is which. What can be left behind and what cannot.
So, I see now the complexity in Serenity's question.
I am interested in this today because I am dealing with my own confusion about my own experience and where to go from here. I cannot even begin to untangle it.
M was an alcoholic. He does not drink now. He has not had alcohol for 4 years. Except that which I put in cake. But he asked me to stop. He was drinking some when I met him. He stopped in the relationship with me. He also had 19 years sober when he was married and raising his children. He began to drink very young. His father always drank. And was abusive. (And still is.)
My sister is married to a man who was a drug addict, now recovering. He was sober before she met him. I have posted about M trying to scare me physically (I was not scared. I was mad). It happened the last time fairly recently. Maybe 2 months.
And as far as not committing quickly, we fell into commitment by circumstances. He still has a wife from who he separated 12 years ago, and has not seen since then.
I did not follow any of Serenity's advice. And lamented it. And have not.
The way I look at this is somewhat confused, too. I believe we choose people with whom we can workout our pasts. Where there is the hope we can work out the hurts of the past and get what we needed, and lacked. I also believe that we are limited in who we choose by our own sense of ourselves as damaged or undeserving. At least I was.
I guess I am saying the same thing as is Serenity: That people do change. And they can change together.
Sometimes it is hard to know what is right or wrong. You know that saying. The proof of the pudding is in the eating. Sometimes what should be, is only worked out over time. It is not "in" one person or another. It can be created. It may not exist at the beginning of a relationship. The potential of it.
There may be another person who is afraid like you. And you are stronger than he. Or there could be a person out there, who needs to care for somebody. Who may have failed before, but wants to try again.
There are many failed, scared people Feeling. Who want to become whole and to recover. And do. You are not alone.
COPA
PS I thought I put my best line in here but I do not see it. Maybe it is in another post. If it is I will use it again. At a certain age everybody who is available is a reject. Messed up. That is a good reason to hope. We are all in the same boat.
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Feeling Sad
Well-Known Member
Hi, guys. Rough week. I still have a bit of vertigo some mornings. The doctor gave me valium. Valium, no coffee, writing reports, and teaching is a bad combination. I am exhausted all of the time.
My most difficult student repeatedly stomped on the yard supervisor's feet 2 days ago. He is violent towards adults and children. He sees a therapist at school. The mother is in complete denial and is going to the district.
Today, during recess, he hit a student in the neck hard. He has tried to trip me 4 times. The last time he almost was successful. He had the substitute pinned in the corner. He blocks my way to the computer. I have had to ignore his behavior for up to 2 hours or evacuate. My other students are fantastic. I have made detailed reports each day.
I am just very tired. I have had years of having violence at school and then came home more... Now, there Is no violence, but the threat of death. I do not know if that is worse or better. I think that it is worse. I fear that my OWN son will kill me. Yet, I still miss him down to the very core of my being. Now, when I think I see his shadow, I have both joy and intense fear entertwined together. It is truly crazy-making.
I think that I am afraid that I will choose another sociopath as a partner or that I have nothing left to give. I have total burnout.
My youngest son, who works in Cisco and technology, bought me a wall pad that can turn on lights throughout the house by touching it, or taking the controller in my purse to turn on the lights when I am away.
He thinks of everything. He doesn't want me to come home to a dark house.
I have never told him...but I am still petrified of being alone. My nightmares have started again. In my latest, I did not know if I should run and hug my son, or run off and call 911. I still do not know what I would do...or be able to do. My animal instinct of survival would probably kick in.
The part that makes me ache everyday is that I will probably never see him again. His worst paranoid fears were realized when the cops pushed his door open and grabbed him out of his room in his boxers. He was fearful of the nosy neighbors. They all saw him escorted out of the tract by 5 police cars. He has called me only 2 times in the last 10 years.
I will never see him or hear from him again. My heart aches.
Yes, I did the right thing. My youngest son and I were not hurt or killed.
But, my heart still aches.
Thank you for all of your words of support. Your are friends in the truest sense. God's peace.
My most difficult student repeatedly stomped on the yard supervisor's feet 2 days ago. He is violent towards adults and children. He sees a therapist at school. The mother is in complete denial and is going to the district.
Today, during recess, he hit a student in the neck hard. He has tried to trip me 4 times. The last time he almost was successful. He had the substitute pinned in the corner. He blocks my way to the computer. I have had to ignore his behavior for up to 2 hours or evacuate. My other students are fantastic. I have made detailed reports each day.
I am just very tired. I have had years of having violence at school and then came home more... Now, there Is no violence, but the threat of death. I do not know if that is worse or better. I think that it is worse. I fear that my OWN son will kill me. Yet, I still miss him down to the very core of my being. Now, when I think I see his shadow, I have both joy and intense fear entertwined together. It is truly crazy-making.
I think that I am afraid that I will choose another sociopath as a partner or that I have nothing left to give. I have total burnout.
My youngest son, who works in Cisco and technology, bought me a wall pad that can turn on lights throughout the house by touching it, or taking the controller in my purse to turn on the lights when I am away.
He thinks of everything. He doesn't want me to come home to a dark house.
I have never told him...but I am still petrified of being alone. My nightmares have started again. In my latest, I did not know if I should run and hug my son, or run off and call 911. I still do not know what I would do...or be able to do. My animal instinct of survival would probably kick in.
The part that makes me ache everyday is that I will probably never see him again. His worst paranoid fears were realized when the cops pushed his door open and grabbed him out of his room in his boxers. He was fearful of the nosy neighbors. They all saw him escorted out of the tract by 5 police cars. He has called me only 2 times in the last 10 years.
I will never see him or hear from him again. My heart aches.
Yes, I did the right thing. My youngest son and I were not hurt or killed.
But, my heart still aches.
Thank you for all of your words of support. Your are friends in the truest sense. God's peace.
New Leaf
Well-Known Member
Hi Feeling, yay we are on break, how long do you have? I am doing some very heavy soul searching, it is hard, but I will be okay.
You have had a rough road at work, too. This can be very exhausting.
I hope, dear sister, you are able to have some valuable, restful, "me" time over the holidays.
Me and you, breathing.
Please. God, help me and sister Feeling breathe and have peace, Amen.
(((HUGS)))
leafy
You have had a rough road at work, too. This can be very exhausting.
I hope, dear sister, you are able to have some valuable, restful, "me" time over the holidays.
Me and you, breathing.
Please. God, help me and sister Feeling breathe and have peace, Amen.
(((HUGS)))
leafy
Feeling Sad
Well-Known Member
Thank you, Leafy! You are always there for me.
Yes, we both need rest. I am exhausted. I have to return on the 4th for an inservice...kids on the 5th.
I always love your videos. Do you truly realize how fortunate you are to live on the islands...you are hlessed.
I have been going through a very rough patch...barely holding on. I am very down, with little hope. My youngest got us a tree, but he will be leaving soon...
I want my 'lost' time back...when I was in turmoil and chaos with my ill son. I want that time back! I want to have a 'normal' life with my youngest...now it is too late! I blew it. I cannot get it back.
Schizophrenia destroys everything in its wake. I want that normal Rockwell ...sitting around the dinner table life.
I feel sad. It is too late now...
Yes, we both need rest. I am exhausted. I have to return on the 4th for an inservice...kids on the 5th.
I always love your videos. Do you truly realize how fortunate you are to live on the islands...you are hlessed.
I have been going through a very rough patch...barely holding on. I am very down, with little hope. My youngest got us a tree, but he will be leaving soon...
I want my 'lost' time back...when I was in turmoil and chaos with my ill son. I want that time back! I want to have a 'normal' life with my youngest...now it is too late! I blew it. I cannot get it back.
Schizophrenia destroys everything in its wake. I want that normal Rockwell ...sitting around the dinner table life.
I feel sad. It is too late now...
New Leaf
Well-Known Member
FEELING! It is never too late, you have life in you.....
I felt the same way, but we are making headway with my well children. Making more time with them.......
Give a big hug to your younger son, tell him you love him.
I love that he got a tree for your house, such a sweet, sweet boy......
We cannot have that time back, Feeling, there is no re-run.
But, we have now, we have a future......
We are going to be okay Feeling.
To heck with Norman Rockwell,
we will create our own painting of peace.....
leafy
