It never rains but it pours.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Lil, Mar 26, 2016.

  1. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    WHAT entitlement? Lol. No, seriously. My kids are far from perfect, but its hard to be entitled when you work hard for what you have or you dont have it. I think it helped my kids do better in life. Bart has a great job. And all the bells and whistles and he earned his house, his huge screen TV, his many new cars, everything. Dad IS helping his pay court costs to lawyer in custody fight, which he is on track to win, and barts kid has a fantasy land of upscale gadgets and expensive clothes, at least at barts house. I keep my opinions to myself and hope Junior does not become entitled by this. Princess paid for college and her house. Even Sonic pays for.his own stuff. Jumper is the most spoiled and we did buy her a very old car and some other things, but she is putting herself through school and is very on track to becoming a cop in a bit over a year. Because her job will be in public service, the state forgives the loan after she works a certain amount of years.

    I.have no doubt ever single parent here gave all they had out of extreme love and the hope of giving a beloved child a better chance at life. In fact im surprised that im the only one who didnt or couldnt. But we all did our very best.

    It is my experiences only, growing up in a wealthy suburb, where I saw the pitfalls of kids who had too much. And, if course, some took advantage of it too. I just personally believe that you grow up with a better work ethic and more self esteem if you do thing's: yourself. I could be wrong too. One thing I know is that it didnt cost me any love points from my kids that they had to work for what they have. Not a slacker in the bunch. Problems? Of course. But not one of them refused to work or did not work hard.

    So im glad I didn't have money to hand them I probably would have done the same. But I couldnt so the kids are a bit different. Part of not having extra money was my decision to be a stay at home mom, except for part time jobs when Dad was home. The kids liked me at home and I liked being there. They just had an old fashion upbringing. Not saying .this would work for others, but it did work for our family, although we were far from problem free. All of you know this...lol.
     
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    Last edited: Apr 26, 2016
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I think that there are kids/adults who feel entitled because they grew up with nothing and now feel that the "world" owes them to make up for what they lacked. There are other kids/adults who received lots of stuff, but recognize that it was because their parents worked hard to provide these things. I believe that it has more to do with the individual persons take on things. Just my 2 cents.
     
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  3. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Paj, sure. I agree. Totally.

    But there is a middle road.

    In our school parking lot back when the dinasaurs lived (tongue in cheek), it was ridiculous. In my suburb of doctors, lawyers and CEOS (and our govenor) there would be brand new sports cars, Cadillac and Lincoln in there. They often belonged to the kids for no other reason than the kids got a drivers license. It to me was insane. I wasn't jealous. Funky expensive toys and clothes with the labels turned me off. I'd shop at discount stores on purpose to make a statement.....at the towns version of Walmart. I didnt have to. My father made a decent living... just wasn't real rich. I always saw huge expensive items as "shallow"(my own word).

    Most of these kids did succeed. A disproportionate percentage of them did not and got into the counter culture and stole, abused drugs, and some disappeared. A few died of drugs.

    It doesn't ruin most kids, but for the ones who get into drugs and have parents willing to enable them...it's a comfortable way to do nothing. I had friends who ended up just like that. I worked. They watched TV and smoked pot or worse.

    I knew no poor kids at all so did not see that end of the spectrum. I'm thinking that the poor entitled blame the system, not their parents. But honestly I don't know first hand.
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2016
  4. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I had everything I needed and some of what I wanted. I knew that the gravy train ended when my childhood ended. If I wanted more than was provided, I knew I had to work for it. I raised my kids pretty much the same way. The older 2 worked from the day they were old enough to babysit and mow lawns. The youngest has had a no fair attitude since his early years. He saw his friends get more for doing less and resented me for not having more money. he did not grow up hearing me moan and grown about others having more than we did. Different generation than the other 2( 20 year age difference) different cultural climate and mental issues the other 2 did not have.
     
  5. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    We had this problem with our son as well. His best friend in school got a rather large allowance and our son threw this in our face a lot. What he usually forgot to mention was that this friend was getting around an $80 a week allowance for working at his parents cleaning business. And its not that he was working for an hour or two a week either. He pretty much worked a part time job from the age of 10 or so.
     
  6. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Yep. But all our son saw was that J had a big allowance and could buy his own video games, his parents had the newest systems and computers - Stuff he wanted. Never mind that they lived in a really run-down rental house with trash in the yard and 3 big dogs in the house, his friend shared a room with his brother because there wasn't enough rooms. His friend also didn't own a car until very recently, notwithstanding he's had a full-time job for years.

    We're certainly not rich and really, we aren't good with money - we tend to nickel and dime ourselves into overdrafts (Thank God for the bank we have now and overdraft credit lines). His "college" was paid for by his student loans, we paid housing and gave spending money - with a home equity loan! We had plenty of disposable income to be able to pay for his braces - medically necessary, not cosmetic. Our "frittering away" money tends to be on eating out and such, not game systems and toys.

    He was always told to save his own allowance for his games and such. He wouldn't do it...then would complain when he'd get them for a birthday or something that they were old and it wasn't fun to play as a newbie.
     
  7. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

  8. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    ???
     
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Yes, those are two really big factors - the cultural climate, and developmental/mental health challenges. Either one is a major contributing factor, and it's multiplied when both factors are involved.
     
  10. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Clones of each other. Same attitude.
     
  11. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Oh hers and ours. I lost track. lol
     
  12. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    No worries. I lose track walking from one room to another. I used to eventually remember why I went into the room. These days not so much.
     
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  13. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    Wait, what were we talking about?
     
  14. Childofmine

    Childofmine one day at a time

    I so understand your tears about his teeth. I was very upset about Difficult Child's teeth too, yellow, not clean, etc. Now, he has applied for and has been accepted into an interfaith dental program in the community where he pays on a sliding scale. He hasn't asked for any money for this. They said it takes about a year to "get someone's teeth back to where they need to be."

    I don't know why they don't brush their teeth. Maybe it's just one more thumbing their noses at the "you need tos". I have no idea. One day, Lil, he will decide he wants his teeth to be clean again. Until then, the only alternative is to hold him down and brush his teeth twice a day and I don't know about you, but we usually don't have the energy for THAT!

    It can all change. But only until THEY want it to change. Everything else is a waste of time, emotion, money and energy.
     
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