It never rains but it pours.

Roxona

Active Member
Wow! All I can say is someone upstairs is testing him to see how strong he can be and how patient! Talk about kicking a man when he's down....sheesh!!!

I took a few days off of the computer to prep for our family Easter dinner, so I'm just catching up.

1. Arby's - My son worked for them. If your son's location is anything like the hell my son went through while working for them...good riddance. It might be that he needs a change. J just walked out on his job (different employer) a little over a month ago. He was making over minimum wage full-time, but the place was chaos and the manager was a pansy. J was being harassed by two hateful wildebeests on a daily basis. He hated working there and finally reached his limit and walked out when he got written up for defending himself. It took him about a month but he found a new job working at a fast food place at a Love's truck stop and...he loves it! It's a great crew, and he's making better money than the last place. He's happy and upbeat now. Maybe a change of pace will work for your son too.

2. GoFundMe - Actually, I don't think it's a horrible idea. He's only asking for $500, and there may be things ruined by the fire that need to be replaced. Plus, now he's...

3. Homeless - My heart actually aches for him. He's had such bad luck. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that if my own son was having it this bad, I'd let him come home, or pay for a motel for a couple of weeks if going home really wasn't a sane idea. I wouldn't let the freeloader stay with me though. My son has a bad habit of bringing home strays, and after the last two, we told him never again. J still lives with us. However, when he quit his last job, I told him he needed to submit three applications a day and provide proof. He has to reimburse me for his car payment, insurance and gas, so no reasonable job search = no car!

This is just my 2 cent...your mileage may vary. :)
 

ForeverSpring

Well-Known Member
Rox, no job is a piece of cake. If one is unskilled, the person can only apply to things like fast food where you wont be treated with much respect by anyone.

When my daughter started her good life from her methodone life, she had no money, no car and was living in the basement in a brand new state with her evangelical conservative christian brother who is so strict that most christians, in his mind, are not really REAL chrisians. Tou smoke a cigarette in his house or even cuss and you are out the door.

Daughter had to follow all of his tyranical demands or be homeless as he was the only one willing to take her in but she could not breech any rules. She did not want to be honeless so she quit all drugs, even cigarettes, and met his demand to work even though she had no car.

In the cold Chicago weather she walked over a mile to and from a Subway. She did not complain, even though brother could have given her a ride. He wanted her to work hard for once. No favors.

It is no fun to be a sandwich artist at Subway but she did such a good job, she was eventually promoted to store manager. She didnt like it,,,hours stunk and managering is stressful. She did it then, after her life had been changed by her own effort, she got a loan and went back to college. She attained her dream of being a minorly renowned pastry chef and got to go to Austria with her class. The school hired her and even let her teach two pastry classes.

Her and clean boyfriend bought a house. They are great parents to my adorable but challenging granddaughter now. Drugs are about twelve years in the past.

My point is, if you are uneducated, you start out with dirt jobs. This is reality. If you dont keep those jobs and do your best, you will always have dirt jobs. When you drop out of high school, or even refuse to go to further education after high school, most doors shut in your face so you use these lowly jobs to better yourself....or you never better yourself.

Arbys is probably no treat, although I have an acquaintance who loves the same job. But I feel failure to launch kids are lucky fast food will hire them and should not quit just because manager may seem mean. He may be, he may not be. This is true of any biss you get.

I know my daughter was proud of her meager pay checks from Subway. Subway started her climb out of the meth gutter.

I am severly learning disabled and can not do many jobs, even easy ones. in my opinion, which none of you have to agree with, if you are impaired by disability or lack of education, be proud of your job and dont quit until you have a better job, even if you clean toilets. It beats the 'jobs" of freeloading or bring homeless.

Take what you like here, if anything, and leave the rest and have a great night.
 
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Lil

Well-Known Member
It wasn't that Arby's was too hard or they were bad to him. He said his back hurt and he was sick of always closing every night and he thought one of the managers was a jerk and he didn't like that he worked hard and felt like other people got away with not. That last one is a common complaint of his. In my son's mind he is always right and everyone else is wrong and if he does anything wrong, he'll get caught even though the rest of the world does the same thing. :( I don't know what really prompted it...and he may have actually have gotten fired and is lying about it. You can never really tell with him.
 

Roxona

Active Member
SWOT, I appreciate your words and know what you mean. It sounds like you've had an exceedingly rough life and have a lot a battle wounds from fighting so hard. You have earned a certain appreciation and knowledge from life that a lot of people who have had it easier may not fully comprehend. It also sounds like your daughter had it rough too, and I commend you both for pulling out of horrible situations and finding a better way.

That said, I didn't mean people shouldn't work hard or work the dirt jobs because that's all they can get. I also didn't mean that people shouldn't have to struggle through the hard times. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

My point was that no one needs to put up with being abused at their job, and sometimes we need our guardian angel to help us through the really difficult times.
 

New Leaf

Well-Known Member
My point was that no one needs to put up with being abused at their job, and sometimes we need our guardian angel to help us through the really difficult times.
I worked at McDonalds when I was 16. It was a horrible experience. The manager had her favorites and picked on others. The faves got all of the good hours. I remember getting screamed at because I didn't get customers fries fast enough, there weren't any fries cooked....hellllooo. Then, I always got the short end of the stick, if the night cleaners didn't show up....I had to stay and scrub everything down. I was a good worker, had a good work ethic. The manager did not like me, and I suffered for it. I ended up quitting. It was a really bad experience.
I agree, abuse is uncalled for in any job. Fast food places are notorious for this.
leafy
 

ForeverSpring

Well-Known Member
Oh, rox. I agree. Trust me.

But with d cs, of which I have had, sometimes they are just making excuses. For anything. They know that if they say they are being abused our mother heart will swell for them. And also many d cs are too sensitive. The working world is not nice or fun and we are not guaranteed being treated the way we hope.

I hadba ryle for myself that, if I wasnt fired first, id get another job before id quit one. in my opinion that was helpful. I just told myself that I was making money and would find a replacement job soon.

If you have the qualifications to get a better job, by all keans quit. I really didnt. If I quit, it meant no money and no family would foot my bill. I survived. I did not want to be unemployed.

Have a good day!!
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Last summer my Difficult Child got a job at a pizza place. I was happy. It was close and he could walk. Their pizza was delicious and we ordered it all the time.

Found out the owners mother just had it in for my son. She literally told him one time if he didn't get out of there she'd beat the FU*K out of him. He started using again during this time. I seriously partly blame her for it. I didn't find out how she talked to him/treated him until after he became sober (that time).

Also he was upset because no one there washed their hands or wore gloves. There was no hand-washing station in the kitchen. No soap in the bathroom. Hello. He was told to dig cooked pasta out of the sink drain to use, etc. I really wish I could go on Yelp anonymously and report the lack of hygiene in that place.
 

Lil

Well-Known Member
My point was that no one needs to put up with being abused at their job,

He wasn't. Not at Arbys. Now Taco Bell was a different story. He quit that one for a good reason.

They're out of money. After tonight, out of a place to stay. Jabber and I are not seeing eye to eye on this one.
 

Roxona

Active Member
I'm sorry, Lil. I know this is so hard on both you and Jabber. I hope you guys can come up with a good solution for both of you. (((Hugs)))
 

AppleCori

Well-Known Member
Lil and Jabber,

Just saw this.

I think disagreements over adult kids are so tough. We have had a few, hubby and I, and we rarely disagree about anything.

When we do, it is usually about the adult kids and how much, if any, help to give. Blended families add to the complications.

I also also have a step brother that I feel some obligation to.

Generally, we find a compromise, in which no one gets everything they want but we both get something. I usually get the lions share when dealing with my blood and he gets more of his way when it's his side we are dealing with.

The most important thing is that the marriage stays strong and no one feels that they are being taken advantage of, or not listened to.

Apple
 

Lil

Well-Known Member
The real problem is there just isn't anything available to rent. I've checked the newspaper and Craig's List myself. If there was, he'd still have a problem in that they have no jobs and no money for rent or deposits. I assume he'll get back his deposit - what little he paid of it, maybe $100 or $150 - but that won't do anything. He said his landlord is trying to find a place that will not charge 1st months rent...but even then...no deposit. And there's the electric...he has a bad electric bill, so what's he to do about that?

And yes, he quit or got fired and either way it's his fault. And the electric / credit problem is all his fault. And having no money left over from his last paycheck (which he should have been saving for his April rent) is all his fault.

But dammit - if he hadn't had this fire he'd at least have had a roof over his head and a landlord who was willing to work with him and he said he had a few job possibilities, but those fell by the wayside. I would have had no problem saying, "Talk to your landlord yourself. Not my problem." or "Sorry you're power is cut off. I warned you I wouldn't help again. You quit your job - your problem."

But this is different!

Jabber and I are fine...and I know he's not necessarily wrong...I just don't know how to live with myself if I just do nothing at all.
 
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InsaneCdn

Well-Known Member
Tenants rights - isn't the landlord required to provide alternate space if the property is "uninhabitable" due to reasons not in the renter's control? (here, they have to provide at least a month somewhere at the same rental cost as the tenant was paying)
 

AppleCori

Well-Known Member
Yes, I know how you feel.

It's not always just about right and wrong, are plenty of gray areas.

And you have to be able to live with your decisions.

This strikes a cord with me, too, right now.

Ian considering helping my daughter with something that hubby mAy not be so thrilled about.

On the bright side, my brother was able to get a temporary job with the car we paid for, and has talked about starting to repay us, so sometimes it can work out.
 

Lil

Well-Known Member
Tenants rights - isn't the landlord required to provide alternate space if the property is "uninhabitable" due to reasons not in the renter's control? (here, they have to provide at least a month somewhere at the same rental cost as the tenant was paying)

You know, I'm not up on Landlord Tenant law. But I guess I better get that way. :( If they have no apartments, they have no apartments. I don't know what happens otherwise.
 

PonyGirl65

Active Member
I have looked for apartments, roommates, etc on Craigs List for my difficult child in the past, so please don't take this question in the wrong light: But Lil, WHY are YOU doing the research? Can your son not do this for himself? Again, please know that I am asking this question with a helpful tone, NOT a judgmental one! Is this something your son is unable to do? I believe public libraries would provide internet access....if that's a sticking point.

I get it, I so absolutely hear you when you say "if only his building hadn't had the fire" then all his other bad choices wouldn't matter so much. Honey, the fact is, his building DID have a fire. And he DID make all those other bad choices. YOU didn't. This tough love stuff is so hard!! They don't call it "tough love" for nothing!

The fact is, things happen, and sometimes unintended consequences come back to bite us in the butt. It's a life lesson. So so hard for your mother's heart, I know! (((Hugs)))
 

Lil

Well-Known Member
I have looked for apartments, roommates, etc on Craigs List for my difficult child in the past, so please don't take this question in the wrong light: But Lil, WHY are YOU doing the research?

It's not really research - and I wasn't doing it for him - I was doing it for me. He told me his landlord was having problems finding any other place for them to go and I thought I'd look myself. I haven't even told him any of this and really, I wanted to see if he was telling me the truth.

And in fact, I did just do something I absolutely should NOT have done and completely meddled...I called his landlord. Again, if I'm going to discuss helping him with Jabber (sorry honey, but not like you don't know I'm not letting it drop) I need to understand what the situation really is.

There is no other place for them to go at the moment. They can't go back to the building...the city has said that since there's been a fire, they must not only make the repairs, but bring the building up to the current building code - which will cost thousands more than the insurance will pay. In fact, they have to do a bunch of exterior work because it's in a flood plain! Which has NOTHING to do with fire damage! So they can't repair it. It will eventually be torn down.

They have another building that they had a fire in last month that is being repaired and they said they could maybe get him in there - but it's a good 4 weeks away from ready. :(

It's all very terrible.

Oh! And to add insult to injury, they'll lose the roommates food stamps this Friday too. A new law in our state will kick several thousand people off assistance and he's in that group.
:sigh:
 

Lil

Well-Known Member
I so absolutely hear you when you say "if only his building hadn't had the fire" then all his other bad choices wouldn't matter so much.

It's not that they wouldn't matter - it's that he'd not be homeless...it wouldn't be what it is. Does that make sense?
 

InsaneCdn

Well-Known Member
the city has said that since there's been a fire, they must not only make the repairs, but bring the building up to the current building code
OK, so the city bureaucracy is a bunch of jerks. Unfortunately... it's not unusual. But it doesn't have to be THAT extreme. Really. For example, the whole flood-plain thing - the city authorized the permit for them to build there in the first place. Some things need to be grandfathered in. Updating wiring to current code - is also extreme. Updating to a certain standard, absolutely. But there needs to be some consideration of supply of apartments!

SO I kind of get the anger at the combination of events. It wasn't THEIR fire - if it was, no sympathy. It's not their fault the city is being (self-censored) you know whats. It's not their fault there aren't affordable vacancies in this city. I just really get riled when a challenged person gets whacked with idiodic stupidity.

(even though they generate more than enough of that themselves)
 

PonyGirl65

Active Member
Yes, it makes perfect sense. (I Still don't have the quote deal down yet) ;-) And now I see, you are doing the research kinda for yourself, so you can kinda double-check the facts as you get them from your son. Again, Perfect sense!

I hope you & Jabber are able to find a good compromise/solution.
 
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