Now that I kicked my 18 year old daughter out, where do I go from here?

[Cindy Marie]

These words you have written once again do ring home to me. I do agree that there is a little bit of good in bad too. The difficult part is sitting back and waiting for that moment to unfold if in fact it ever does. I remain optimistic but as we know this sure is a test of faith, prayers, and patience. Because we are trying to say just the right words, act or react in a specific way towards her, it is exhausting. With the support here in this forum and the advice from the domestic violence agency, we are trying to walk a straight line and use our best knowledge with what we know of this situation. With that said, my husband had told her we want her home and she of course said she wants to be home but under the expectations that she can still "date" this crazy man. What a position to be in. We did not elaborate on him as we did her-just continued saying we want you home and vague on him coming around. Here again, she has yet to come home and when she left Friday, she had texted me she wanted to be home with me as she missed me. I asked why aren't you and she said her usual--" I'll tell you tomorrow." Never happened.
She asked me about going to lunch and walking downtown to look around at shops etc.---If I wanted her to come over- I said yes. She said "goodnight momma I will see you today"-that was at 12:31 A.M. Well Saturday morning arrived at she said "Hey" at 7:32 A.M. I responded with "Hi." She asked me what I was doing- I responded and then at 8:58 she wrote "We might stop by the house." Now I not once felt in her text messages Friday evening after she left that "HE" was in the picture for our plans. I replied " I thought you said you were coming here?" She said I do not have my car. I asked Why? She wrote just like this--Breakfast I will for lunch. I asked "HUH?" she says We will go, I am coming just getting breakfast. I replied " We will go another day." Said said " Okay that is ridiculous, I'm coming!" I told her I must have misunderstood what she wrote Friday evening because apparently you had other plans- She said I never said I would not go--No way was I going to lunch and spending my morning and afternoon with this man. Never. I told her she never mentioned he was not working as he usually works Saturdays---she said "I thought I mentioned that but I probably did not." No she did not!!!! and no I was absolutely not going anywhere with him. Period. He probably called in or knew he was not working and waited until Saturday morning to rain on her parade or she found out later Friday evening and then did not want to tell me... WHO KNOWS......

I sincerely thought her text did not mean he was in our plans. Perhaps they were and she was going along until I realized he was in fact not working and with her. They went to breakfast-I knew she would not be allowed to leave him to go out with me. She insisted to come here to see me for a few. I continued telling her another day- well she showed up for a few and left. She wrote her usual--she is upset---she has a lot on her mind---and I get mad at her---I told her I just misunderstood the plans as I thought it was our morning to spend together. She said "I will hang with you..I still want to talk do not be upset with me I am just dumb ok and do not think. She would text me in the morning(Sunday morning) and see me. She had even said lunch for Sunday--well again he does not work Sunday and I knew that for sure would not happen and it did not--she never mentioned that again.

She never text me yesterday until 12:43 and said " How are u? I am gonna come by and we can spend the day together, which is today...and that she never meant to upset me with the plans.
I did not reply to that text--I did ask her if she had decided if she was going to continue living there- We would be out and could bring her few things she had put back in her room...she said No, she will get. SO does this mean yes she is going to continue to stay??--I probably should not have asked that and letting it get the best of me..I then asked her where her tray and few other things were on her dresser that she put there---remember I went into her room yesterday morning and all this had "disappeared" as she was hoping to give a tour of our home to him. I knew why but wanted to ask her----her response was "It is my perfume and she will get it and they were not home so she will come by and get her stuff and she did not know why I was all mad at her now." I said I am not mad at all!! I just noticed the top of your dresser was cleared off and I did not know what she did with it. (Keep in mind I did not ask what was on the tray---I know what was on it....I asked WHERE.) Her response was "I want to talk to u."

Did not hear again from her until 9:01 and she said she would be here this morning.
She never talks or so far it has been so little and I do not know how to get her to talk and probe her the right way. This is exhausting and I know it is probably a novel she has written.

 

[BusynMember]

You can try. There os no guarantee she will yell the truth, everything or eill listen. But she is safer in your house than she is at his. And if it were me, id yell her not to bring him into your house. She can see him, if she must, in public places. I did not let my daughter bring creepy boyfriend in our house after tje one time. I thought he could steal from us or plant drugs in our house and who knows what else and my house has always been my safe place. Yours can be your safe place too if you want it to be.

I still get chills thinking of Daughtets creepy boyfriend.

 

[Copabanana]

I do agree that there is a little bit of good in bad too. The difficult part is sitting back and waiting for that moment to unfold if in fact it ever does.

I do not have a lot of time, but I wanted to get back to you.

First, I do not think it has to involve waiting. It is about finding your own center and filling that. And letting other people (our kids) be who they are. This is why this forum exists (for me). Because this is so hard for mothers to do with their adult kids. And we need each other to do it.

I do not know how to get her to talk and probe her the right way

Because we are trying to say just the right words, act or react in a specific way towards her, it is exhausting.

Well. I started a thread yesterday about exactly this. Micro-managing. I try to micro-manage my son. You, it seems, micro-manage yourself. Believing that you through your responses, your stress, you can control the result. (Believe me, I relate and empathize.) The thing is: it will not work.

Only she controls herself.

Your job, here, is to get yourself and your life back. Right now she has colonized your mind. And you are a willing participant. Stop. Find yourself again. In you. This minute you can get your center back.

the advice from the domestic violence agency

What did they tell you?

text me

She never text me

Her response was "I want to talk to u."

I would stop with all the texting back and forth. By participating with her, you are only contributing to, creating your own misery. She is unreliable and ambivalent right now and consciously or unconsciously she is trying to make you feel the confusion and powerlessness and indecision she feels, to get the problem out of her own head. Stop playing her game. If you have to turn off or hide your phone, do it!

Look. Let me be frank here. She could stay with this guy. She could marry him. She could have children with him. This may not be over in 2 days or 2 months. Do you want to keep living like this? Can you? Does your health or energy level permit it? Does your husband's?

Is this kind of agony and alienation from yourself what you choose for you? I don't think so.

First, I would turn off my phone. Second, I would go sit outside (if warm enough) or walk downtown for a cup of coffee or tea and just sit. I would have as the express goal, to say hello to YOU. Independent of her. You will feel better. You have abdicated your center; you have done this yourself (to yourself)...to this issue with her and the (horrible) man. Be with yourself today. For 45 minutes. If there is time I would think about and write down and commit to a few specific activities this week that will nourish you and will help you reconnect to your best friend: you.

By that I mean doing specific things or being with specific people (not her or your other daughter) that center you.

Yesterday was my birthday. Most of the day was rotten, because I was obsessed with my son. I took a walk about 6:30pm. And I loved it. Every single second of it. That is what I mean. Try to live this week from this place.

Try this week to let HER do her thing. She is using you and she is playing you. I am mad at her. She needs to learn to protect YOU. Of course this will only come when she can know her own needs and protect herself. But the thing is this: you know YOUR own needs. And you know how to protect yourself. Do it. Do not engage with her in this THEATER of the absurd.

That is what I really think. I did not think it last week, but I do now. She is lost right now. She is the one who needs to find herself. You cannot do it. You can only find you.

She will be OK. (And so will you.)

 

[Cindy Marie]

You are absolutely correct. My husband and I did take about and hour or so yesterday to run some errands and stopped to grab a bite to eat through the drive thru. We pulled to the side and let the windows down and ate our little meal!! It did feel great!! Like old times and he said he loved our little date-so did I!! When she wrote for the millionth time that she wanted to talk to me yesterday at 2:00-I had a friend that had just text me that she was going to stop by with her little dog and visit. We just had our fence installed week before last and she wanted our dogs to play!! So she did stop by after my husband and I got back and we also had a nice time. We took a walk around the block and just talked about the dogs, weather and how she loved what I had done to my house so far--the decorating and new porch furniture I just got and my peaceful fountain sitting next to us.

My response to my daughter when she said she wanted to talk to me was this- " Amy(my childhood friend) is almost here(my home) to visit and that I would talk to you(my daughter) shortly. Well she responded with "OK." and I never wrote back after the day was coming to a close and approximately six hours later my daughter wrote " Well I'll be by in the morning." I went to bed and around 7:22 this morning she said she would be here soon. I merely said Ok. That was it. That was the least I had texted during this time.

So I know within me that this is not an overnight process and my time is not hers nor is it my God's time. I am truly trying(despite how much I express myself here and question myself) to let go and let my God. I know as much as I want to be in control, I can not and no matter my worries, this is something I can't expedite to end. Thank you so much again for being there for me through this forum and everyone else. I admire you and you remind me so much of my mother, who was such and inspiration to me and so proud to call her my mother. Your son is truly blessed to have you and you are in my thoughts as well and I hope we can continue finding strength from each other and this forum to start living for ourselves. Hugs to you.

 

[RN0441]

Cindy

Just read the entire thread and it just all sounds so weird to me.

I agree with Copa. You have to back off in a major way - for now.

What about doing some Googling on him and family. Do you know their names? I Google everything.

Also sometimes I like to use reverse psychology. Act like you don't care if she moves home or not. Even though you do - change it all up a bit. Call her bluff.

What do you have to lose?

 

[Copabanana]

sometimes I like to use reverse psychology. Act like you don't care if she moves home or not.

This always works for me with my son. Every.single.time.

Except for me I cannot do it strategically. I do it when I CAN NO LONGER STAND IT. When I am so sick I have to make a decision to live or not. WRONG. This kind of monitoring and self-protection has to be proactive. Withdrawing has to happen before we get sick or bereft. Honestly. The only way I can think to learn this is to build a life that emanates from me. So that it is so full, there is no room, no space to abandon myself, in favor of my child.

 

[Cindy Marie]

I totally agree-it is all so so very weird. Today is the second day I have not texted much of anything and enjoyed the outdoors. The weather is suppose to be just beautiful this week and oh am I tired of this rodeo. I will try to google to see if I can find anything. I am trying my best to back off.

 

[Cindy Marie]

I was doing my own little thing yesterday in my yard-working on a few planters and she did ask why I was not talking to her or if I was ignoring her. I was merely enjoying my moment and as far as what I meant by probing her is just that she says these one or two word liners or her usual " I want to talk to you..." and yet she never does or when she said for example.. he does not live with his real father and stepmother-the ones that live nearby us... as they will not put up with his "crap." She never elaborates on anything and of course if she did, would it be in my best interest anyways to comment?? She has told so so many lies and is continuing to get deeper and I do not think she knows where to begin.
I have not begged her to come home nor will I do so. She says she wants to, she does not live there yet she hid her few belongings on her dresser(when she thought he would see them) and did add after what she responded about it( that it is her perfume, she would get..etc...)that she really did not want to talk about it(remember I did ask her where her things went when I walked in her room). At this point, the only thing I do know for sure is that she needs help and she has to be willing to get it!!

 

[RN0441]

How very frustrating this must be for you. Especially if this is the first time things have gone off the hinges. I'm used to it. LOL

I would continue to wrap yourself up in yourself. I wish it was the time of year for planting in Chicago. That is something that I absolutely love and enjoy more than anything! That takes my mind off any worries and is so relaxing.

 

[Cindy Marie]

My children do not seem to understand the difference between love and acceptance. We love them more than anything in this world and I know they know this but they want to pull the card that love means acceptance and we do not accept their bad behavior and disrespect nor will we-hence which is exactly why they are not living here. Like most parents, we have sacrificed so much of our lives to raise them and while they have deviated from the path we had always hoped and prayed for-going to college following high school or should I say staying in college, reaching their goals, their careers etc--- we realize they are adults now and would eventually be out of our home. It is difficult to adjust to them not being here irregardless of them living wrong and caught up in the sins of the world and leaving under the conditions they did. Yes this is the first of anything like this for me and I never had issues with this daughter--just a good girl-and we have been so so very close- That is what is more so making this situation difficult---I never thought I would say I do not want to be around her or see her---because I can not virtually say anything without her getting defensive and even to talk about the beautiful days, the plants, life in general--she is quick to say I do not feel like talking---She is on her way over here as we speak and I do intend to do what I did yesterday--enjoy my beautiful yard and plants--I am going to do my best I can using reverse psychology--she does know we told her she can come back home---but again I am not going to continue asking her or begging her to do so--I do want the lines of communication open--but it is to the point that I do not want to be around her as she looks so miserable and again gets so defensive at the slightest thing. This situation is so foul and I can not imagine how "fun" this is for her. That might not be the right choice of word(s) but it has to be miserable living like this and I prefer to not be around it.

 

[Cindy Marie]

It has been almost two days since I updated. Tuesday was not so great when my daughter came over. I unleashed a little as I told her I was not her scapegoat. She is going to drop all of her classes the remaining semester. He does not know this as she said to keep that between us--as if I am going to talk to that crazy man. She apparently told him of one class she was dropping on Tuesday and Thursdays as those days she does not pull into our garage. As far as the M/with-F classes, she told me "that was between us." She has come over this week and pulls into our garage on those days. She continues to go back to his house every evening. She continues saying she will talk to me and wants to talk but never does. Yesterday I remained quite until she made one statement about me helping her figure out how to pay her car and setting her account up--her problem anyways--I told her she made her bed, now lie in it. I said you always say you are going to talk but never do--she replied there is not anything to talk about!!! Yet every time she leaves--Tuesday evening she kept writing I will talk tomorrow-but do not yell at me or argue---well I did not respond at all to this and yesterday she left and no more than she said there is nothing to talk about as she was leaving, she text me and said " she was tired of having no one to talk to and that she was annoying." I did ask her why was that?" She then replied that I was being sarcastic..I said no I am not. But I am not begging her to talk--this is ludicrous to keep saying you want to talk and yet turn around and never talk or say there is nothing to talk about.

Back to Tuesday- when I told her I was no longer going to be her scapegoat-she said I hated her and to stop making her feel bad and that I do know she loves me. I told her she does not love herself-how could she love me. I also told her I had value, I have feelings, and I was tired of being stomped on, persecuted and yelled at by her. Enough is enough.

She continues going to this idiots house. Last night she called me from work saying she was not feeling well. She did not want to tell her boss in fear of getting fired. I told her if she does not feel well, then what good would she be if she gets sick all over the place. This crazy man apparently tells her that in order to miss work or school, you have to be extremely ill-throwing up, fever, etc. We all know he must have awesome work ethics!!! Not!! But she did ask to leave early-only 30 minutes- as she called me back to tell me. She told me she felt like throwing up and that her stomach did not feel well. She is also on her monthly cycle as of Tuesday. She has had some issues with passing out before from her cycle and symptoms as she described. I could only think of her driving and her passing out...but I did not let that consume me as apparently it was not bad enough or she would have come home. I told her that "they" would take her to the doctor should she need to go. She quickly told me I was being sarcastic and that comment was not funny----it was not meant to be funny---I said no I was not as you obviously are going there and so what do you want me to do about it?? She got off the phone as soon as I said this.
I know that if we did not kick her out, she would be going to his house every night now that she has this car--she would not have an excuse but she also does not need one however, whatever hold he has on her, she obeys. She also has met him every day for lunch-Tuesday she started her monthly and I merely told her to lie down and rest before work--nothing more---but head strong- she left once again to meet him. Again, I want the lines of communication open--they are--she knows she can come home--but she is so miserable looking, defensive at the slightest things and I do not feel the same around her--- She is not herself---Oh yes...she did text that the night before---said she does not know who she is. This is all so crazy and I am continuing to keep my head up and do for me.

 

[Cindy Marie]

My daughter came over yesterday and my husband was off and asked her to spend the day with us. She said she could not as she had dinner plans at 6. He told he loved her and that he was worried. She became defensive with him and said she was going to leave. She said she wanted to be alone for a while as it seems EVERYONE is always mad. She said that everyone tells her stay to herself. We know everyone is actually "him." We do not tell her to stay to herself nor have we ever. She then wrote that no one understands her stress and that she was not happy with herself. She has not told him she in fact dropped all of her classes this semester and continues coming here on those days and then leaves when "class" would be out. Should we allow her to come this often?? And we are her safe haven for these days.. She says she only writes that she wants to talk to me just because---supposedly there is nothing to talk about--she merely writes that to be writing that. Not true we know. She asked me to meet her for lunch today as she is working. The only reason is because she is working. She is not allowed any other time.

What do you all suggest--define keeping the lines of communication open--- do we just continuously let her know she can call anytime, but limit her visits?? When she first arrived yesterday, she said very little and crawled in my bed and went to sleep for maybe an hour-when she got up, my husband had asked her if she wanted lunch-we cooked a pizza-she said yes but then turned around and said she might get something out to eat--I asked her to please let me know as I did not want the food to be left out---she got angry at that---so we virtually can not talk or say anything to her...

 

[Cindy Marie]

Well a few weeks have passed since I last wrote about my daughter. Unfortunately, nothing has improved since then. I continue to pray and keep my faith. She continued to come over on her "school days" which as we know she dropped out completely this semester, but informed me yesterday that school is out for the year. Every day since last Thursday she said she would come over but has not. I learned that this car she has was driven by this lovely man she is with on Thursday to his work to save on gas as his SUV is a gas guzzler but we know this is not the case because he left her at his house where she continues to live so she would not go anywhere. This is not the first time. When I confronted her with it, she initially denied it and said he did not get paid until the following day and did not have gas in his SUV. She continues blaming me for kicking her out, continues to write her woe is me texts--how she wishes I never kicked her out, she is unhappy, she wants to be home but then said if I wanted her here, I should not have kicked her out. Throughout the past several weeks, she throws in that she can not deal with the anger and when I asked her why she did not visit the following day-Friday-she said "you know why." She sends some pics occasionally of herself and does she ever look so miserable, which she also continues to write. So yesterday she said the reason for her unhappy texts and misery, is this car she got into. She knew she could not afford the payments without quitting school and has continued to ask me to help her with car insurance-to call other companies as well as help her with the payment that would be less than the $300 per month she is having to pay. I will never help as long as she is in this situation and his name is on the vehicle. Her first car payment was due this past Friday and she said in her words "That payment isnt due till today ok so we just paid it and it isn't withdrawing till tomorrow and he's pissed about it." I mean I'm tired of him getting pissed at me. I can't talk to him without him yelling or getting mad." " I just wish I never got the car." Then she proceeded on to say she was too young for all of this and wishes she was home with me and she is tired of this living and wanna come back as she misses me. She then said "I love you more than anything, I just hate living this life."

But yesterday I spoke with her on the phone, and she said she could not talk long as his cousins were there and I asked her why the continued texts like the comments above to me and she said it was only because of the car--her unhappiness. I then asked her what was the reason before the car-her unhappiness and she said there was none. Really?? Before this crazy man surfaced, her attitude and demeanor had diminished horribly and I could not handle the disrespect any longer. My other daughter told me once again the week before last, my daughter called her up crying about his controlling ways. I see it in her and know without a doubt and her not even saying one word-the misery shows in her eyes and face.

I have tried to put my phone aside and not respond as often to her texts and she then accuses me of ignoring her. She also writes how she wishes we could do things more often as a family but I would like to know when as she can not come over unless she tries to bring him and we do not want him here. She denies she is afraid of him but I know I am. I know he is an angry man just by looking at him. It is just heartbreaking what she is doing and putting us through.
Her sister told her that she would not be able to come home when the moment comes that he or she breaks it off. She said she was not worried about that right now...He has been following her for almost 5 years...The lies she has told and living will eventually catch up to her--but remember she said it is just the car...

 

[pigless in VA]

Cindy Marie, do you think your daughter would willingly see a therapist? When you write about her, I see a very immature girl attempting to handle some intense adult responsibilities. She appears to be basically a good kid who has chosen to put herself in a bad situation. I think she will find her way out of it, but she may need some outside help to see how bad it is. That help can't really come from you at this point.

She obviously wants a lot of contact with you. I worry about the stress that is causing you: listening to all her woes, loving her and then having her in this weird relationship. I don't think I could handle rehashing it with her. If I were in your shoes, I think I would need some emotional distance from the problem.

Maybe one way for you to regain some peace in your own life would be to talk to her at a specific time each day. That way she won't feel like you're ignoring her texts. I wouldn't be able to cope with 24/7 texts from her. That keeps you on high alert all the time. You need sanity breaks.

 

[Cindy Marie]

I do wholeheartedly agree with you. I do not know if she would be willing to see an outside therapist. She is indeed an extremely immature minded young woman. I, of course, asked her why she would have signed for an automobile with monthly payments of $300 let alone cosign with this man knowing her school was a priority. "I don't know" is her continuous response. She also makes the comment that at least he cares about her education. Well if you just started your first part time job making $8.50/hr, approximately 15 hrs per week, I certainly do not see where she has convinced herself that he cares about her education as because of this car, she quit her classes and began working approximately 30-35 hrs per week. Not to mention , no sooner that she started her job, she was scheduled primarily on weekends--25 hours approximately just for the weekend--and he told her they would not be able to see each other with her working the entire weekend---so what does she do?? She advised her manager that due to the amount of school work she had, she would not be able to work weekends, but could work approximately 15-20 hours Monday through Thursday--5-9 evenings. After the car purchase though, she could not handle school and the stress of knowing how to pay for this car, so she quit but unbeknownst to him to this day and began working mornings she would have otherwise been in class. She advised me that her paycheck was around $420 last Wednesday. She had around $1100 week before last in her account as she showed me her bank statement voluntarily but several hundred of this was from her canceled classes-refund. They apparently went to dinner Thursday evening and he told her she had to pay because he had no money until payday. He does this often she says. She said she did not want much to eat as she was not that hungry and he told her she did not need to eat but that she could buy his food. He lives at home, works full time and never has money according to her. He is praying on a weak minded, vulnerable, immature girl. When she spends her money on him, she wants me to replace it. She does not tell me why, but I know exactly and I do not "replace" her money nor will I.

I have unleashed on several occasions and told her myself my concern for her and this so called relationship and that I am in fear for her and that she will most likely have to go to a safe house if and when this so called relationship ends. That might not have been wise on my part as I am still in a position of not knowing what to say or not to say but this is a serious situation and again I am frightened of him and so is my husband. I know and see the patterns of this situation and like last Thursday when she did not show up here as she planned, I knew she did not have her car and as soon as I initially asked, she said " I do not want to argue. " She is famous for this as it is her way of avoiding the topic. She did not say anything on the phone when we spoke, but when we hung up, she admitted she would have been here if she had her car. I asked her why she did not and again she said he had no gas in his car and did not get paid until the following day. I asked her what did he do in a situation like this before this "extra" car came along. No response. She texted me later that evening and said his mother told her she needed to talk to him about leaving her with no transportation. My daughter is afraid of him though she continues to deny this and his mother, I am certain, knows exactly why he left her with no car as well and is fully aware of his anger and other problems.

She wants to naturally blame me for kicking her out. Knowing who this man was, my husband and I should probably have allowed her to stay even though she would have stayed away continuously- thus his ploy to help her get a car with his name attached-but she knows in her heart why we did. When it all unfolded before my eyes, my heart just dropped and I knew that this could no longer go on and no way was he coming into our home. The disrespect, anger, lies, and all was more than I could take in our home. She was laying out all of the time anyways against our word. He told her her curfew was too early. You are so right in the concern for the stress it has caused and still continues to cause me. It is just so unhealthy. I have never been remotely in a situation like this and it has taken a toll on me. I appreciate the kind words and yes we have always been so close and that is another text she does write to me--that she misses how close we were. I try no to say anything negative about "him," but it is very difficult at times not to do so. I see right through him and because of the situation she is in, I have asked her about the family, how she interacts etc. and she becomes irate, and says she does not want to talk about him or them. I suppose out of sight, out of mind when she is around me.

I will try to set a specific time aside to talk to her daily as I no doubt need sanity breaks.

 

[mof]

I'm praying for her, this is a scary situation. She is like a hostage and will never truly get free without help and wanting too. Certainly out of the area.

Perhaps when class is over you both could go on a girls weekend and see if distance would make her talk.

Hugs

 

[Cindy Marie]

Thank you so much. We need all the prayers we can get. It is so scary and I feel so helpless. She is being controlled and manipulated beyond what I feel she can safely get out of and it has just broken my heart.
She always wants to do things and again had recently mentioned wanting to do more family things as she sees other families coming into her work but she can not even come over on her own other than when she was pretending to be in class when she actually had already quit this semester. That was her way to "spend" time with me. I would give anything to go on a girls weekend but I don't see that happening any time soon based on the current circumstances. It tears me apart.

 

[BusynMember]

You can look up a domestic shelter in your town where she can go. They will protect her better than you could. Hopefully she would go. You could visit. He couldnt.

The car can be his problem. Her safety comes first.

 

[Cindy Marie]

Like Pigless in VA mentioned, she is a very immature girl attempting to handle intense adult responsibilities and while I know in my heart based on her texts and her demeanor, I know she is afraid of him and and knows it is a dangerous situation-- the writing is on the wall-- but she has not come forward to me and directly asked for help. Always, always get texts saying "I need your help or I just need you to help me." I'm unhappy with how I am living..but when I ask, see simply replies nothing or she doesn't want to talk about it. Never ever elaborates or says anything else..she did write this past Friday, it's hard to text. She has said in the past he looks at her messages or as she writes, so I'm guessing this is what that means. Except for yesterday, she said the reason for all of these woe is me texts is because she is stressed with the car and that car is by far the only thing stressing her.
I told her this car isn't worth her life or health. Credit can be repaired, her life may not be able to be....but with all this said and my limitations, any suggestions as to how and who I could get other than myself to help her come forward so that we may try to get a therapist because if she is afraid of him she isn't going to be willing in fear of retaliation.

 

[BusynMember]

Can you call rather than text? He may be way hing her texting.